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have a dog trained to eat big dicks, you'll be safe but intruders beware
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:23 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 02:01 |
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Dave Concepcion posted:'yup bayby, the legends are all true, certified bad frogger, this probation right here - that's from a "piled high" back in 2014, see that ban? that's from when I went in with a "melt the cheese" with no regard for my own safety' woah dude okay holy gently caress please dont kill me
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:23 |
Applewhite posted:String piano wire across your door so that when intruders try to step through they get sliced up like a hard-boiled egg. Only enter and exit your home through the basement crawlspace. what if your home is the basement crawlspace?
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:23 |
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When the dog sees a big dick, he tries to eat it.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:23 |
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Sow your lawn with dragons' teeth and overnight an army of full grown warriors will spring up from the ground, armed d ready to defend your home.Dave Concepcion posted:what if your home is the basement crawlspace? Keep a bucket of live scorpions at hand at all times. Rig it to tip over if someone enters while you're asleep or away.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:26 |
using mismatched windows and lowe's vinyl siding, construct a house so hideous no one will want to enter
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:26 |
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Applewhite posted:String piano wire across your door so that when intruders try to step through they get sliced up like a hard-boiled egg. Only enter and exit your home through the basement crawlspace. lifehack: if you buy vitamin d pills you never need to leave the basement
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:27 |
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army of imposing looking statues which seemingly have hair but they're harvest man clusters
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:35 |
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live in a cardboard box in the woods and you home is safe except from stray dogs and other hobos
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:38 |
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Buy a few of the Super Aegis II automated sentry guns for your property. It's the same gun that guards the Korean DMZ. It can recognize a human silhouette and even issue commands to surrender.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:39 |
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get one of those robot cops that they have in south africa
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:41 |
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Hire an AEGIS cruiser to be on standby 24/7. If you discover an intruder in your home, call in a Tomahawk missile strike on his location.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:47 |
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Become so fat that your blubber blocks all the doors and windows to your home. Install a hatch in the ceiling above your head so you can still receive food an animes. The hatch can only be opened from the inside and it's bulletproof.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 12:49 |
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Instead of a house - live somewhere that doesn't exist.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 13:13 |
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Lifehack: realize that material possessions only distract you from your Buddha nature, abandon house and anime's. Namaste.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 13:16 |
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Keep a Beholder in your foyer, OP.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:16 |
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You can fend off any enemy with poop on a stick.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:19 |
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tie a string to your front door and the string is also tied to the trigger of a loaded shotgun thats pointed at the door then only ever go through the back this works for burglars as well as cops
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:21 |
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Get a dog
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:45 |
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https://youtu.be/WkjkWN_aPcM Get a flamethrower
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:46 |
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Fill your house with bowls of candy corn, circus peanuts and butterscotch hard candy. Just have that poo poo everywhere.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:48 |
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Star Wars kid sure has grown up, abit more serious weaponry as well... abit blunt however. Just like him.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:49 |
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Windows are the weakest and easiest points of entry in any home. Remove them entirely for extra security.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:51 |
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Just invite Manlove to your house so the Atomic Energy Commission will warn the surrounding area of imminent meltdown and prevent people from coming to your house
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:56 |
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Live inside a porcupine. Ain't nobody gonna gently caress with one of them.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 14:57 |
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The best defense is a good offense. Tonight, once darkness falls, break into your neighbors house. Kill them and live there. Visit your possessions in your old house daily to ensure they are safe.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:11 |
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Intruders are often looking for your drugs or money. In anticipation of this give all your drugs and money to me for safekeeping.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:13 |
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Applewhite posted:Live inside a porcupine. Ain't nobody gonna gently caress with one of them. Il porcupino nil sodomy est Living inside a porcupine or hedgehog also has the dubious benefits of attracting autistic Sonic fans
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:21 |
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Applewhite posted:Live inside a porcupine. Ain't nobody gonna gently caress with one of them. very carefully
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:25 |
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Vibrate your entire house on a different dimensional frequency than the rest of the world. It will become intangible to the inhabitants of this plane. You will still have to worry about home invasions from Gibbering Horrors, though.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:32 |
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Draw the sign of Sekth above your door. Sekth is the patron deity of thieves and plunderers. They will not violate a space under his protection.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:49 |
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Summon an ancient horror to guard your doorways, but make sure you lay a circle of salt around your bed and workspace first
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:52 |
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Get one of those statues with the laser eye from Legend of Zelda.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:53 |
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JB50 posted:
Wrong! Massachusetts...
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 15:56 |
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Booblord Zagats posted:Just invite Manlove to your house so the Atomic Energy Commission will warn the surrounding area of imminent meltdown and prevent people from coming to your house
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 16:00 |
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fly an american flag in front of your home. that way intruders will know you are a true patriot and move on to the next house. you will be safe from everyone except terrorists and hippies
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 16:01 |
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Fly a no-poo poo Nazi flag from your house. Everyone will hate you, but most people probably won't gently caress with you.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 16:03 |
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Get a latex suit and smear the outside with poop. Give the intruder a big stinky hug.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 16:06 |
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Get a latex suit and smear the outside with poop. Give the intruder a big stinky hug. Strange. That's what I do to guests.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 16:09 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 02:01 |
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Close all the curtains and wrap yourself in a nice comfy blankey.
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# ? Feb 12, 2016 16:09 |