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Valentine's day is coming up, and because we're all socially defunct losers who will die alone we're going to have to live out our romantic fantasies through romantic fiction. To do this we're all going to have to chip in ideas to create the greatest romance novel ever written A few guidelines to get started: The protagonist must be an average middle aged woman who has lost all interest in her life/relationship The love interest/s must be larger than life muscular males In the event of more than one love interest, each love interest must be defined by a singular personality trait (the smart one, the sporty one etc.) There can be sex, but only if it's implied and not explicit One of the male characters has to turn out to be gay On that note I invite you all to get writing your ideas for the next big thing in the romance market.
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Feb 13, 2016 18:56
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PEPSI for TV-GAME
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 17:31 |
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As the OP rises from the bed he whispers sexily while fondling his abs "Mom, where's my protein shake?"
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Feb 13, 2016 19:06
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Can we please make the protagonist a 320lb lady? I feel like my body type is severely under-represented in romance novels and it suggests that People Of Size are not desirable which is systematic oppression. The male love interest has to be taller than 5'9 with at least 8" penis and must be fit and attractive, also rich.
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Feb 13, 2016 19:10
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This big, fat woman divorces her ugly husband and abandons her extremely needy children for a life of adventure and romance with a muscular man with long hair and an earring. They have sex but it is only implied. At the end it is revealed every character other than her and the love interest was gay, especially her hated children. And they all lived happily ever after.
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Feb 13, 2016 19:11
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The big fat woman is divorced, depressed, and only gets to see her kids at the holidays thanks to her messing up court appearances and being too fond of the bottle. But one day, while motoring around the Wal-Mart in her scooter, a gorgeous hunk of a man with no shirt and a pair of cowboy boots catches her attention...and she catches his! They end up going back to her place, ready to enact every hot and wild fantasy she's ever had as she starts kissing him and kissing him and kissing him But then she wakes up and turns out she just got drunk and fell asleep slumped in front of the open fridge again and she ate an entire cake.
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Feb 13, 2016 19:59
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Struggling artist Kelly Saunders lives a dystopian life at a corporate job she hates. Her perverted boss thrills in torturing her simply because she finds him physically repulsive, her coworkers have shunned her because of her luscious curves and bodacious rack, and she can't quit or she'll lose her apartment. Will a chance — and extremely hot — encounter with a sexy biker at a gas station spell freedom or trouble?
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Feb 13, 2016 20:00
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   Hahahaha that dude's pasty white sidebutt
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Feb 13, 2016 20:03
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QUEEN CAUCUS posted:
dont laugh at me 
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Feb 13, 2016 20:07
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a boring kinda tubby girl meets a group of muscular guys and then its implied that they gently caress all of her holes
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Feb 13, 2016 20:15
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Please include "she reached under his kilt and shaped his manhood." I don't remember what book it's from, but if you change the words around enough it's not technically plagiarism, I think.
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Feb 13, 2016 20:16
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QUEEN CAUCUS posted:
thats kind of sweet, actually. the desperately lonely romance novelist spinster found love with a real person instead of dying alone while waiting for a fictional perfect man to sweep her off her feet. it is weird how his body is a perfect cylinder, though.
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Feb 13, 2016 20:17
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when ever they gently caress we should call it "makin' whoopie"
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Feb 13, 2016 20:17
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Things the man should be described as being: Brutal, yet kind Rugged, yet tender Rough, yet soft Quiet, yet loud
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Feb 13, 2016 20:21
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The dude should be a pants making GBS threads retard.
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Feb 13, 2016 20:24
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:The dude should be a pants making GBS threads retard. i have always wanted to star in a romance novel
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Feb 13, 2016 20:24
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ChickenWyngz posted:Struggling artist Kelly Saunders lives a dystopian life at a corporate job she hates. Her perverted boss thrills in torturing her simply because she finds him physically repulsive, her coworkers have shunned her because of her luscious curves and bodacious rack, and she can't quit or she'll lose her apartment. Will a chance — and extremely hot — encounter with a sexy biker at a gas station spell freedom or trouble? Also, this is good, but the girl needs a fancier name like Valessa or Amaretta or Melamine.
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Feb 13, 2016 20:25
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Give him a bunch of needy emotional issues no sane person would put up with for 5 minutes in the real world
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Feb 13, 2016 20:26
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can we shoehorn the term "cummy tummy" in here soemwhere guys? come on lets make this happen
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Feb 13, 2016 20:28
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Mature, yet childlike Stoic, yet constantly weeping
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Feb 13, 2016 20:29
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straight, yet gay
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Feb 13, 2016 20:29
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Lovin' women, yet gay Efb
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Feb 13, 2016 20:30
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Have him basically stalk her and kill anyone who might speak to her a little too sharply or look at her wrong. Like she leaves a trail of bodies wherever she goes and slowly becomes paranoid, locking herself in her slovenly apartment and venturing out only to get food and supplies, terrified that whatever is killing those close to her is going to kill her next. But then it turns out it's a vampire who is killing everyone because he LOVES her and she's like "Awwwww!"
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Feb 13, 2016 20:30
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He should be like a cross between Tommy Wiseau and Travis Bickle...
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Feb 13, 2016 20:31
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These are good, we need a title for our masterpiece. Preferably something that has nothing to do with the actual plot
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Feb 13, 2016 20:34
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"A Black Sausage in the Thicket"
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Feb 13, 2016 20:37
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Good jobs for the man to have: Ranch hand Castle owner Partner at law firm where the woman also works Garage mechanic who secretly owns a bunch of oil wells Horse veterinarian
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Feb 13, 2016 20:38
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"The man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina, then quickly removes it, then quickly puts it back in, and this process continues for several minutes."
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Feb 13, 2016 20:38
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Nigmaetcetera posted:He should be like a cross between Tommy Wiseau and Travis Bickle... I grabbed a handful of his leathery rear end, feeling it crease and crinkle between my fingertips "Ha ha ha" he said
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Feb 13, 2016 20:39
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no joke the wife of a friend's friend wrote a romance novel where the lady had bulimia and had numerous chapters where she kept throwing up strawberry ice cream and stuff, and she was also a soap opera star and everybody loved her and kept offering her jobs and it was hard to choose, and she had a fiance who she hated who was a lawyer, but really she was in love with his partner who was also a lawyer but a BETTER lawyer and he liked to dress casual at this law office and wore jeans, a tight white t-shirt, and cowboy boots every day and smelled 'musky' like maybe we can learn from this
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Feb 13, 2016 20:42
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Things for the man's manhood to do: Stir Rise Respond Generate weird amounts of heat Press against things
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Feb 13, 2016 20:42
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Title should be "mandingo bingo night"
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Feb 13, 2016 20:43
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EorayMel posted:"The man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina, then quickly removes it, then quickly puts it back in, and this process continues for several minutes." this would be a good title
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Feb 13, 2016 20:43
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I.C. posted:Also, this is good, but the girl needs a fancier name like Valessa or Amaretta or Melamine. I literally googled "BBW kindle" and that was the description of the first book
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Feb 13, 2016 20:46
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Things for the woman's "sex" to do Blossom Quiver Ache with desire Have orgasms described with water imagery (waves of pleasure, crests, deep fathomless trenches, etc.)
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Feb 13, 2016 20:49
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I.C. posted:Have orgasms described with water imagery (waves of pleasure, crests, deep fathomless trenches, etc.) Buncha piss everywhere
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Feb 13, 2016 21:01
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QUEEN CAUCUS posted:no joke the wife of a friend's friend wrote a romance novel where the lady had bulimia and had numerous chapters where she kept throwing up strawberry ice cream and stuff, and she was also a soap opera star and everybody loved her and kept offering her jobs and it was hard to choose, and she had a fiance who she hated who was a lawyer, but really she was in love with his partner who was also a lawyer but a BETTER lawyer and he liked to dress casual at this law office and wore jeans, a tight white t-shirt, and cowboy boots every day and smelled 'musky' i'd buy it
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Feb 13, 2016 21:25
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Aight. I'm on board and also bored. Your typical romance novel has your A character and your B character (Alice and Bob), and the plot is just a series of events in which B moves from being threatening to being accessible. For instance: * A owns an indie bookstore and B owns a non-antiquated bookseller, and some event reveals to A that, despite his seemingly heartless retail efficiency, B is actually a decent guy. * A is a special needs tutor and B is a eugenicist, and B gradually realizes that all people are somehow equally valuable and blah blah blah. * A is a a librarian with a fire ant colony for a vagina, B is a hunky and otherwise-normal construction worker, and A joins a formicophilia chatroom only to discover that B is the moderator. Whatever. If A is the average American woman, she makes about $17K. We could give her a boutique career, since that's what the principals in romantic comedies tend to have, but you can see that the careers within shouting distance of $17K afford us limited options, namely: * Shampooer * Fast food worker * Barista * Farm Laborer * Nursery Attendant * Carney Anything other than fast food could be suitably boutique; barista lands there pretty easy ("I really want to be the next Jonathan Franzen," she said over the burbling of the espresso machine), but you could just as easily throw A into a kale farm, an upscale animal shelter, or a cohort of self-sufficient traveling recreation attendants ("some people need a family to find out who they are," A said, driving a tent stake into the hardpan, "but there are other ways to do it"). If A's love interest, B, makes more than five times the average American man's $30K he's almost certainly some kind of CEO, dentist, or doctor. That only gives us a few choices: * A works for an organization for which B is the CEO (such as a kale farm). * A works for an organization for which B is a customer (such as a coffee shop). * Both A and B serve some third party (such as a senior center where A is a hair shampooer and B is an attending physician). * A and B meet in some other way (the class differences probably limit this to public spaces like parks, unless this is a fish-out-of-water story where A fronts or B slums). If we further assume that B is practically perfect in every way, the reason he's threatening to A are similarly limited. Either: * A is insecure ("he'd never even want to talk to me," A said as she rinsed a tiny espresso cup, "not unless he wanted a half-caf for his drive to the hospital"). * B is affiliated with a threatening party, such as a current girlfriend or cohort of douchebags ("you'd better watch your step," girlfriend sneered as she threw a handful of kale into the trash, "you don't know how much we international models can threaten someone like you"). * There is a misunderstanding ("you can't!" exclaimed sassy gay friend. "The employee handbook forbids flirting with anyone else at the senior center, girl. And a doctor like him only wants one thing from a Betty-looking Betty like you, Betty"). Hope this helps. I may write one where a perfectly average carny falls for her dying mother's anesthesiologist, but thinks he's out of her league until she discovers that his parents were part of a circus sideshow.
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Feb 13, 2016 21:38
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Why don't you just go with "The Shampooer and the Billionaire With Luxurious Hair"?
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Feb 13, 2016 21:43
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QUEEN CAUCUS posted:no joke the wife of a friend's friend wrote a romance novel where the lady had bulimia and had numerous chapters where she kept throwing up strawberry ice cream and stuff, and she was also a soap opera star and everybody loved her and kept offering her jobs and it was hard to choose, and she had a fiance who she hated who was a lawyer, but really she was in love with his partner who was also a lawyer but a BETTER lawyer and he liked to dress casual at this law office and wore jeans, a tight white t-shirt, and cowboy boots every day and smelled 'musky' mods please change name to musky tia
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Feb 13, 2016 22:00
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 17:31 |
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Hunky Horse shampooer with a dark past
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Feb 13, 2016 22:11
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