|
thanks to things like family and the rest of life, i can only really vent publicly on message boards no one reads just kidding mods. it's like screaming into a cavern i guess, but for nerds? i promised a lot of family i'd keep things private, but also i am always on the verge of exploding. i hope this works as an in-between and also that it doesn't bite me in the rear end somehow. my wife of a number of years recently had a surgery to fix a boring thing and was sent home. she had a complication the day after release, passed out from blood loss on the way to the hospital (5ish min from the er, someone else drove her) and then underwent 12 min of cpr and 2 units of blood. when the hospital called me they said "we're trying to stabilize her heart" instead of "we are trying to get a heartbeat" even though she was completely asystole. it was super. i got a ride (she had the car) and did crazy husband math on the way from work. "ok so it was six minutes until she passed out, she's healthy as heck and she totally had another 2 minutes at least before she ran out of blood. well ok great then they definitely got a bunch of oxygenated new blood into her brain using cpr before it was too late, so it's definitely all good!" so that is an imaginary idea and also what they do not tell you is that cpr is the worst thing to be on the winning side of. also she had to undergo immediate surgery, so no hypothermia, and no whatever chemicals prevent the doubly awful damage that starts when a system is back up and running. here is a thing that is suddenly acutely meaningful to me, as an example http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3074242/ i made it to the trauma room to see her bucking over the vent and covered in blood, had to sign papers, and took her hand and whispered it would all be fine and that i loved her. pretty sure she squeezed a little back, but y'know, it's kinda inconsequential overall. now she's in her early 30's, and as of the hour after surgery, in a vegetative state. i guess it's been for roughly the last week and a half. no real eye movement, just posturing and seizing in response to almost anything. of course also she needs another surgery to repair the thing she had repaired twice now in two weeks on top of it. i get sad and angry and laugh like a weirdo because i can't find things like the coasters to put my coffee on. also i can't sleep in our bed. trying to reset passwords and log into all her credit cards etc. to pay bills is strangely traumatic too. we have a lil girl who starts kindergarten this coming year, and she doesn't seem to care about it. i mean i'm glad, but also holy cow when she says she misses her mom and cries and then i start consoling her and she asks if she can have candy and doesn't actually care. definitely some family therapy in the near future i guess? i don't think there's much chance i'll see my wife as my wife again, the mri results look grim, and of course we didn't have wills so i can't just follow through with wishes i knew she had (tell a family "no really she didn't want saving if it was this bad!" and see if you strain a relationship your daughter depends on or not. also the burning "what if i'm wrong though and she's just about to pop right up" that hits every time you try to give in to mourning so you can get it together eventually). holy cow was she wrong when she was like "if anything ever happened to me, you'll be fine!" i also feel weird using past tense talking about her but there's pretty awful terms in her mri report like "diffusion restriction in the splenium of the corpus collosum and the centrum semiovale." it's hard to be hopeful and it makes me feel pretty terrible that i'm not at all hopeful. so, i mean, i dunno how to end this post really. i guess that's the story of my worst valentine's day ever! FAN OF NICKELBACK fucked around with this message at 07:13 on Aug 4, 2016 |
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 06:09 |
|
|
Cucked.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:33
|
|
|
yeah. i literally told her not to worry about a thing that ended up starting this mess.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:34
|
|
|
Well that was depressing
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:36
|
|
|
I'm really sorry, that is really terrible, nickelback fan. You should post this is en instead probably if you want actual real responses
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:37
|
|
|
That's what you get for being a fan of nickelback
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:37
|
|
|
was it a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack?
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:37
|
|
|
Thanks for the funny story OP I lolled lots
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:38
|
|
|
I'm sorry to hear that OP, I'm here if you ever need to talk
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:38
|
|
Harald posted:was it a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack? you oughta know by now. <  >
|
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:38
|
|
|
Realize that falling in love with someone is just the results of a series of generic events that can occur between you and basically anyone who meets your standards of attractiveness. It's just an emotional manifestation of a handfull of chemicals bouncing back and forth. It's not the holy grail of living, it's not your reason to exist and it's definitely not something reserved for "that one person." Accept that you are just an animal with a big brain that allows him to fret over what only amounts to a game of hormone pool. What you're feeling is not your soul dying a gurgling, ugly death, but withdrawal. All the happy chemicals that saturated your body when you were with him are kicking out cold turkey, and your body is screaming bloody murder, where are my loving endorphins? It's just chocolate. Find a new bar.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:39
|
|
|
At least your daughter seems to be too young to understand what is happening. Thats one less thing to worry about. Best of luck to you and your family bro.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:41
|
|
|
im sorry
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:42
|
|
|
What happened?
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:42
|
|
|
i mean i dunno what i wanted outside of just to let it out it's a lot, and no joke she just got a new job not that long ago and we were stoked about moving to the nice part of town, lease is up in a month and the new place is gonna make things tight. the night before it happened she was all kinda worried about the scar from the initial surgery and not feeling pretty (it was literally no big deal). i told her it was fine and i was sorry i wrote off the thing that caused it all. she forgave me and took my hand and cried a little and said that she'd never loved me as much as she did when i sat in the hospital with her every night and that she didn't care about anything else. literally wish i could fakepost this good and that i wasn't trying to find a way to feel something that didn't make me cry or pace a lot
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:42
|
|
|
just go write wills ok, even if you're in your 20's or whatever
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:45
|
|
|
FAN OF NICKELBACK posted:just go write wills ok, even if you're in your 20's or whatever Haha jokes on you, I have nothing and nobody loves me or wants my garbage anyways
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:47
|
|
|
FAN OF NICKELBACK posted:
Heroin ... that's what heroin is for And you're thinking "hey, I don't want to be a smackhead!" but I'm tellin ya pal - when the pain in your heart gets that bad who cares about a scag habit right? Heroin stops you feeling anything hence robbing old ladies is no biggie to an addict Try chasing the dragon at first, and if that doesn't quite hit the spot just jack that poo poo up man hth
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:48
|
|
|
Lord Binky posted:Haha jokes on you, I have nothing and nobody loves me or wants my garbage anyways literally no one in the whole world wants to make the decision as to when you have suffered enough vs having tried hard enough to keep you alive also no one wants to be your voice for letting you go because that's a seriously awful and lovely place to be in both conversation and internally just go pay like a hundred bucks and don't do that to people ok
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:51
|
|
|
Nothing anyone can say will make this better, but feel free to continually rant in this topic (or E/N) because you need some sort of outlet.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:53
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 01:57
|
|
|
what can you say
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 02:00
|
|
|
Put her hand on your willy and see if you catch her smiling
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 02:02
|
|
|
Nah but seriously stay cool dude don't do anything rash and be there for ur daughter cause now you got twice as much parenting to do!
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 02:02
|
|
|
OK the first thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself, your not psychic, you were only trying to make her feel better like a good husband would do. Second, I know that it's late but, if your daughter is still up, take her somewhere like the movies or to a place to eat so you can take a break from grieving for a few hours. Third, I'm sure you have people to help you through this. Let them help you as much as they are willing to. You can't do this alone and instead of taking to goons you should be talking to them. Also don't be afraid to tell them everything your feeling no matter how depressing or negative. You need to get those feelings off your chest. Forth, take this a day at a time. Don't try and rack your brain about the future right now. Your only going to stress yourself out. Lastly, try and be hopeful. It's the hardest thing to do but just do the best you can. That's all we really can do in this world.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 02:04
|
|
|
Jeff Sichoe posted:Put her hand on your willy and see if you catch her smiling you are literally more tragic than my current situation
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 02:13
|
|
|
i'm sorry dude, to be honest i'm just a little jealous
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 02:19
|
|
|
Hey I hope this is at least somewhat comforting but your daughter is probably not broken, kids at that age literally cannot process death or loss right and she'll come to terms with it eventually. Therapy's probably a good idea but yeah she's not like a sociopath or something.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:36
|
|
|
Enfield posted:im sorry drat op. This is brutal. I'm sorry too.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:40
|
|
|
Jeff Sichoe posted:i'm sorry dude, to be honest i'm just a little jealous yea it'd be fun to be able to kill someone you love legally i totally agree not
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:40
|
|
|
Dude gently caress these people who said they wanted you to keep this private. What the hell? If they don't wanna process it then you should at least seek outside therapy. Just to have a sounding board
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:41
|
|
|
I hope your wife comes out her coma.
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:41
|
|
|
we can play x box some time if you want
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:45
|
|
|
so was this 'complication' due to an error by the surgeon? if so youre at least looking at a pay out e; also tf with that thread title
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:46
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:53
|
|
|
pull the plug imo (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 03:56
|
|
|
Who asks the husband to keep something like this private??
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 04:17
|
|
realbez posted:Who asks the husband to keep something like this private?? Common sense.
|
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 04:17
|
|
|
Bipolar Transistor posted:Common sense. could you elaborate
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 04:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 06:09 |
|
Enfield posted:could you elaborate Yes.
|
|
|
#
?
Feb 22, 2016 04:21
|
|