ITT I spoil Chris Rock's opening joke at the Oscars

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SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

"I am the only black guy allowed on the stage tonight"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 14:51

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 00:14

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

"these colored people sho are uppity"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 15:32

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

*comes out in white face*

"WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 15:33

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge -I am the man who will now tell you.�
The chief engineer was the only one able to move; he ran to a television set and struggled frantically with its dials. But the screen remained empty; the speaker had not chosen to be seen. Only his voice filled the airways of the country-of the world, thought the chief engineer-sounding as if he were speaking here, in this room, not to a group, but to one man; it was not the tone of addressing a meeting, but the tone of addressing a mind.
�You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man�s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have sacrificed all those evils which you held as the cause of your plight. You have sacrificed justice to mercy. You have sacrificed independence to unity. You have sacrificed reason to faith. You have sacrificed wealth to need. You have sacrificed self-esteem to self-denial. You have sacrificed happiness to duty.
�You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins, it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection. You have fought for it, you have dreamed of it, and you have wished it, and I-I am the man who has granted you your wish.
�Your ideal had an implacable enemy, which your code of morality was designed to destroy. I have withdrawn that enemy. I have taken it out of your way and out of your reach. I have removed the source of all those evils you were sacrificing one by one. I have ended your battle. I have stopped your motor. I have deprived your world of man�s mind.
�Men do not live by the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those who do. The mind is impotent, you say? I have withdrawn those whose mind isn�t. There are values higher than the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those for whom there aren�t.
�While you were dragging to your sacrificial altars the men of justice, of independence, of reason, of wealth, of self-esteem-I beat you to it, I reached them first. I told them the nature of the game you were playing and the nature of that moral code of yours, which they had been too innocently generous to grasp. I showed them the way to live by another morality-mine. It is mine that they chose to follow.
�All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don�t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of the mind.
�We are on strike against self-immolation. We are on strike against the creed of unearned rewards and unrewarded duties. We are on strike against the dogma that the pursuit of one�s happiness is evil. We are on strike against the doctrine that life is guilt.
�There is a difference between our strike and all those you�ve practiced for centuries: our strike consists, not of making demands, but of granting them. We are evil, according to your morality. We have chosen not to harm you any longer. We are useless, according to your economics. We have chosen not to exploit you any longer. We are dangerous and to be shackled, according to your politics. We have chosen not to endanger you, nor to wear the shackles any longer. We are only an illusion, according to your philosophy. We have chosen not to blind you any longer and have left you free to face reality-the reality you wanted, the world as you see it now, a world without mind.
�We have granted you everything you demanded of us, we who had always been the givers, but have only now understood it. We have no demands to present to you, no terms to bargain about, no compromise to reach. You have nothing to offer us. We do not need you.
�Are you now crying: No, this was not what you wanted? A mindless world of ruins was not your goal? You did not want us to leave you? You moral cannibals, I know that you�ve always known what it was that you wanted. But your game is up, because now we know it, too.
�Through centuries of scourges and disasters, brought about by your code of morality, you have cried that your code had been broken, that the scourges were punishment for breaking it, that men were too weak and too selfish to spill all the blood it required. You damned man, you damned existence, you damned this earth, but never dared to question your code. Your victims took the blame and struggled on, with your curses as reward for their martyrdom-while you went on crying that your code was noble, but human nature was not good enough to practice it. And no one rose to ask the question: Good?-by what standard?
�You wanted to know John Galt�s identity. I am the man who has asked that question.
�Yes, this is an age of moral crisis. Yes, you are bearing punishment for your evil. But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not human nature that will take the blame. It is your moral code that�s through, this time. Your moral code has reached its climax, the blind alley at the end of its course. And if you wish to go on living, what you now need is not to return to morality-you who have never known any-but to discover it.
�You have heard no concepts of morality but the mystical or the social. You have been taught that morality is a code of behavior imposed on you by whim, the whim of a supernatural power or the whim of society, to serve God�s purpose or your neighbor�s welfare, to please an authority beyond the grave or else next door-but not to serve your life or pleasure. Your pleasure, you have been taught, is to be found in immorality, your interests would best be served by evil, and any moral code must be designed not for you, but against you, not to further your life, but to drain it.
�For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors-between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and that the good is to live it.
�Both sides agreed that morality demands the surrender of your self-interest and of your mind, that the moral and the practical are opposites, that morality is not the province of reason, but the province of faith and force. Both sides agreed that no rational morality is possible, that there is no right or wrong in reason-that in reason there�s no reason to be moral.
�Whatever else they fought about, it was against man�s mind that all your moralists have stood united. It was man�s mind that all their schemes and systems were intended to despoil and destroy. Now choose to perish or to learn that the anti-mind is the anti-life.
�Man�s mind is his basic tool of survival. Life is given to him, survival is not. His body is given to him, its sustenance is not. His mind is given to him, its content is not. To remain alive, he must act, and before he can act he must know the nature and purpose of his action. He cannot obtain his food without a knowledge of food and of the way to obtain it. He cannot dig a ditch-or build a cyclotron-without a knowledge of his aim and of the means to achieve it. To remain alive, he must think.
�But to think is an act of choice. The key to what you so recklessly call �human nature,� the open secret you live with, yet dread to name, is the fact that man is a being of volitional consciousness. Reason does not work automatically; thinking is not a mechanical process; the connections of logic are not made by instinct. The function of your stomach, lungs or heart is automatic; the function of your mind is not. In any hour and issue of your life, you are free to think or to evade that effort. But you are not free to escape from your nature, from the fact that reason is your means of survival-so that for you, who are a human being, the question �to be or not to be� is the question �to� think or not to think.�
�A being of volitional consciousness has no automatic course of behavior. He needs a code of values to guide his actions. �Value� is that which one acts to gain and keep, �virtue� is the action by which one gains and keeps it. �Value� presupposes an answer to the question: of value to whom and for what? �Value� presupposes a standard, a purpose and the necessity of action in the face of an alternative. Where there are no alternatives, no values are possible.
�There is only one fundamental alternative in the universe: existence or non-existence-and it pertains to a single class of entities: to living organisms. The existence of inanimate matter is unconditional, the existence of life is not; it depends on a specific course of action. Matter is indestructible, it changes its forms, but it cannot cease to exist. It is only a living organism that faces a constant alternative: the issue of life or death. Life is a process of self-sustaining and-self-generated action. If an organism fails in that action, it does; its chemical elements remain, but its life goes out of existence. It is only the concept of �Life� that makes the concept of �Value� possible. It is only to a living entity that things can be good or evil.
�A plant must feed itself in order to live; the sunlight, the water, the chemicals it needs are the values its nature has set it to pursue; its life is the standard of value directing its actions. But a plant has no choice of action; there are alternatives in the conditions it encounters, but there is no alternative in its function: it acts automatically to further its life, it cannot act for its own destruction.
�An animal is equipped for sustaining its life; its senses provide it with an automatic code of action, an automatic knowledge of what is good for it or evil. It has no power to extend its knowledge or to evade it. In conditions where its knowledge proves inadequate, it dies. But so long as it lives, it acts on its knowledge, with automatic safety and no power of choice, it is unable to ignore its own good, unable to decide to choose the evil and act as its own destroyer.
�Man has no automatic code of survival. His particular distinction from all other living species is the necessity to act in the face of alternatives by means of volitional choice. He has no automatic knowledge of what is good for him or evil, what values his life depends on, what course of action it requires. Are you prattling about an instinct of self-preservation? An instinct of self-preservation is precisely what man does not possess. An �instinct� is an unerring and automatic form of knowledge. A desire is not an instinct. A desire to live does not give you the knowledge required for living. And even man�s desire to live is not automatic: your secret evil today is that that is the desire you do not hold. Your fear of death is not a love of life and will not give you the knowledge needed to keep it. Man must obtain his knowledge and choose his actions by a process of thinking, which nature will not force him t9 perform. Man has the power to act as his own destroyer-and that is the way he has acted through most of his history.
�A living entity that regarded its means of survival as evil, would not survive. A plant that struggled to mangle its roots, a bird that fought to break its wings would not remain for long in the existence they affronted. But the history of man has been a struggle to deny and to destroy his mind.
�Man has been called a rational being, but rationality is a matter of choice-and the alternative his nature offers him is: rational being or suicidal animal. Man has to be man-by choice; he has to hold his life as a value-by choice: he has to learn to sustain it-by choice; he has to discover the values it requires and practice his virtues-by choice.
�A code of values accepted by choice is a code of morality.
�Whoever you are, you who are hearing me now, I am speaking to whatever living remnant is left uncorrupted within you, to the remnant of the human, to your mind, and I say: There is a morality of reason, a morality proper to man, and Man�s Life is its standard of value.
�All that which is proper to the life of a rational being is the good; all that which destroys it is the evil.
�Man�s life, as required by his nature, is not the life of a mindless brute, of a looting thug or a mooching mystic, but the life of a thinking being-not life by means of force or fraud, but life by means of achievement-not survival at any price, since there�s only one price that pays for man�s survival: reason.
�Man�s life is the standard of morality, but your own life is its purpose. If existence on earth is your goal, you must choose your actions and values by the standard of that which is proper to man-for the purpose of preserving, fulfilling and enjoying the irreplaceable value which is your life.
�Since life requires a specific course of action, any other course will destroy it. A being who does not hold his own life as the motive and goal of his actions, is acting on the motive and standard of death. Such a being is a metaphysical monstrosity, struggling to oppose, negate and contradict the fact of his own existence, running blindly amuck on a trail of destruction, capable of nothing but pain.

# ? Feb 26, 2016 15:34

Fishy Joe: Apr 19, 2005; Eat at Fishy Joe's

Smash it Smash hit posted:

For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge -I am the man who will now tell you.�
The chief engineer was the only one able to move; he ran to a television set and struggled frantically with its dials. But the screen remained empty; the speaker had not chosen to be seen. Only his voice filled the airways of the country-of the world, thought the chief engineer-sounding as if he were speaking here, in this room, not to a group, but to one man; it was not the tone of addressing a meeting, but the tone of addressing a mind.
�You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man�s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have sacrificed all those evils which you held as the cause of your plight. You have sacrificed justice to mercy. You have sacrificed independence to unity. You have sacrificed reason to faith. You have sacrificed wealth to need. You have sacrificed self-esteem to self-denial. You have sacrificed happiness to duty.
�You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins, it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection. You have fought for it, you have dreamed of it, and you have wished it, and I-I am the man who has granted you your wish.
�Your ideal had an implacable enemy, which your code of morality was designed to destroy. I have withdrawn that enemy. I have taken it out of your way and out of your reach. I have removed the source of all those evils you were sacrificing one by one. I have ended your battle. I have stopped your motor. I have deprived your world of man�s mind.
�Men do not live by the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those who do. The mind is impotent, you say? I have withdrawn those whose mind isn�t. There are values higher than the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those for whom there aren�t.
�While you were dragging to your sacrificial altars the men of justice, of independence, of reason, of wealth, of self-esteem-I beat you to it, I reached them first. I told them the nature of the game you were playing and the nature of that moral code of yours, which they had been too innocently generous to grasp. I showed them the way to live by another morality-mine. It is mine that they chose to follow.
�All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don�t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of the mind.
�We are on strike against self-immolation. We are on strike against the creed of unearned rewards and unrewarded duties. We are on strike against the dogma that the pursuit of one�s happiness is evil. We are on strike against the doctrine that life is guilt.
�There is a difference between our strike and all those you�ve practiced for centuries: our strike consists, not of making demands, but of granting them. We are evil, according to your morality. We have chosen not to harm you any longer. We are useless, according to your economics. We have chosen not to exploit you any longer. We are dangerous and to be shackled, according to your politics. We have chosen not to endanger you, nor to wear the shackles any longer. We are only an illusion, according to your philosophy. We have chosen not to blind you any longer and have left you free to face reality-the reality you wanted, the world as you see it now, a world without mind.
�We have granted you everything you demanded of us, we who had always been the givers, but have only now understood it. We have no demands to present to you, no terms to bargain about, no compromise to reach. You have nothing to offer us. We do not need you.
�Are you now crying: No, this was not what you wanted? A mindless world of ruins was not your goal? You did not want us to leave you? You moral cannibals, I know that you�ve always known what it was that you wanted. But your game is up, because now we know it, too.
�Through centuries of scourges and disasters, brought about by your code of morality, you have cried that your code had been broken, that the scourges were punishment for breaking it, that men were too weak and too selfish to spill all the blood it required. You damned man, you damned existence, you damned this earth, but never dared to question your code. Your victims took the blame and struggled on, with your curses as reward for their martyrdom-while you went on crying that your code was noble, but human nature was not good enough to practice it. And no one rose to ask the question: Good?-by what standard?
�You wanted to know John Galt�s identity. I am the man who has asked that question.
�Yes, this is an age of moral crisis. Yes, you are bearing punishment for your evil. But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not human nature that will take the blame. It is your moral code that�s through, this time. Your moral code has reached its climax, the blind alley at the end of its course. And if you wish to go on living, what you now need is not to return to morality-you who have never known any-but to discover it.
�You have heard no concepts of morality but the mystical or the social. You have been taught that morality is a code of behavior imposed on you by whim, the whim of a supernatural power or the whim of society, to serve God�s purpose or your neighbor�s welfare, to please an authority beyond the grave or else next door-but not to serve your life or pleasure. Your pleasure, you have been taught, is to be found in immorality, your interests would best be served by evil, and any moral code must be designed not for you, but against you, not to further your life, but to drain it.
�For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors-between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and that the good is to live it.
�Both sides agreed that morality demands the surrender of your self-interest and of your mind, that the moral and the practical are opposites, that morality is not the province of reason, but the province of faith and force. Both sides agreed that no rational morality is possible, that there is no right or wrong in reason-that in reason there�s no reason to be moral.
�Whatever else they fought about, it was against man�s mind that all your moralists have stood united. It was man�s mind that all their schemes and systems were intended to despoil and destroy. Now choose to perish or to learn that the anti-mind is the anti-life.
�Man�s mind is his basic tool of survival. Life is given to him, survival is not. His body is given to him, its sustenance is not. His mind is given to him, its content is not. To remain alive, he must act, and before he can act he must know the nature and purpose of his action. He cannot obtain his food without a knowledge of food and of the way to obtain it. He cannot dig a ditch-or build a cyclotron-without a knowledge of his aim and of the means to achieve it. To remain alive, he must think.
�But to think is an act of choice. The key to what you so recklessly call �human nature,� the open secret you live with, yet dread to name, is the fact that man is a being of volitional consciousness. Reason does not work automatically; thinking is not a mechanical process; the connections of logic are not made by instinct. The function of your stomach, lungs or heart is automatic; the function of your mind is not. In any hour and issue of your life, you are free to think or to evade that effort. But you are not free to escape from your nature, from the fact that reason is your means of survival-so that for you, who are a human being, the question �to be or not to be� is the question �to� think or not to think.�
�A being of volitional consciousness has no automatic course of behavior. He needs a code of values to guide his actions. �Value� is that which one acts to gain and keep, �virtue� is the action by which one gains and keeps it. �Value� presupposes an answer to the question: of value to whom and for what? �Value� presupposes a standard, a purpose and the necessity of action in the face of an alternative. Where there are no alternatives, no values are possible.
�There is only one fundamental alternative in the universe: existence or non-existence-and it pertains to a single class of entities: to living organisms. The existence of inanimate matter is unconditional, the existence of life is not; it depends on a specific course of action. Matter is indestructible, it changes its forms, but it cannot cease to exist. It is only a living organism that faces a constant alternative: the issue of life or death. Life is a process of self-sustaining and-self-generated action. If an organism fails in that action, it does; its chemical elements remain, but its life goes out of existence. It is only the concept of �Life� that makes the concept of �Value� possible. It is only to a living entity that things can be good or evil.
�A plant must feed itself in order to live; the sunlight, the water, the chemicals it needs are the values its nature has set it to pursue; its life is the standard of value directing its actions. But a plant has no choice of action; there are alternatives in the conditions it encounters, but there is no alternative in its function: it acts automatically to further its life, it cannot act for its own destruction.
�An animal is equipped for sustaining its life; its senses provide it with an automatic code of action, an automatic knowledge of what is good for it or evil. It has no power to extend its knowledge or to evade it. In conditions where its knowledge proves inadequate, it dies. But so long as it lives, it acts on its knowledge, with automatic safety and no power of choice, it is unable to ignore its own good, unable to decide to choose the evil and act as its own destroyer.
�Man has no automatic code of survival. His particular distinction from all other living species is the necessity to act in the face of alternatives by means of volitional choice. He has no automatic knowledge of what is good for him or evil, what values his life depends on, what course of action it requires. Are you prattling about an instinct of self-preservation? An instinct of self-preservation is precisely what man does not possess. An �instinct� is an unerring and automatic form of knowledge. A desire is not an instinct. A desire to live does not give you the knowledge required for living. And even man�s desire to live is not automatic: your secret evil today is that that is the desire you do not hold. Your fear of death is not a love of life and will not give you the knowledge needed to keep it. Man must obtain his knowledge and choose his actions by a process of thinking, which nature will not force him t9 perform. Man has the power to act as his own destroyer-and that is the way he has acted through most of his history.
�A living entity that regarded its means of survival as evil, would not survive. A plant that struggled to mangle its roots, a bird that fought to break its wings would not remain for long in the existence they affronted. But the history of man has been a struggle to deny and to destroy his mind.
�Man has been called a rational being, but rationality is a matter of choice-and the alternative his nature offers him is: rational being or suicidal animal. Man has to be man-by choice; he has to hold his life as a value-by choice: he has to learn to sustain it-by choice; he has to discover the values it requires and practice his virtues-by choice.
�A code of values accepted by choice is a code of morality.
�Whoever you are, you who are hearing me now, I am speaking to whatever living remnant is left uncorrupted within you, to the remnant of the human, to your mind, and I say: There is a morality of reason, a morality proper to man, and Man�s Life is its standard of value.
�All that which is proper to the life of a rational being is the good; all that which destroys it is the evil.
�Man�s life, as required by his nature, is not the life of a mindless brute, of a looting thug or a mooching mystic, but the life of a thinking being-not life by means of force or fraud, but life by means of achievement-not survival at any price, since there�s only one price that pays for man�s survival: reason.
�Man�s life is the standard of morality, but your own life is its purpose. If existence on earth is your goal, you must choose your actions and values by the standard of that which is proper to man-for the purpose of preserving, fulfilling and enjoying the irreplaceable value which is your life.
�Since life requires a specific course of action, any other course will destroy it. A being who does not hold his own life as the motive and goal of his actions, is acting on the motive and standard of death. Such a being is a metaphysical monstrosity, struggling to oppose, negate and contradict the fact of his own existence, running blindly amuck on a trail of destruction, capable of nothing but pain.

But why male models?

# ? Feb 26, 2016 15:43

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

White people always be like and black people be all like.

# ? Feb 26, 2016 15:45

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Fishy Joe posted:

But why male models?

why not?

# ? Feb 26, 2016 15:45

reallivedinosaur: Jun 13, 2012; Ogdober subrise! XDDD

The Niggas have GOT to GO!!!!

*thunderous applause*

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:14

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

"I peaked 20 years ago making jokes people laughed at and now I'm relegated to just telling jokes that are only for Jerry Seinfeld"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:16

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

i hope he does his classic bit about gay people - so funny!

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:38

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

dunk a dill pickle realdo

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:38

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

"You see there are black actors and then there's niggas!"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:41

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

theres no sex in the champagne room

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:49

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

"Hi, I'm here to make all the white people uncomfortable. Not really, y'all my niggas! Nuttin but a bunch of niggas up in this house! HOW YA ALL DOIN' MAH NIGGAS!"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 16:53

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

"i am happy to accept just a tiny slice of what you people will make in the next year, so very tiny, you probably spend more on your pets, collectively"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:00

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

"Last time y'all saw a black man was two hours ago selling you the coke that's now in your blood"

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:09

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

"Hey! I'm bitter about this divorce I'm going through! What's the most offensive poo poo I can say?!?"

This was basically his appearance at Comedy Cellar

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:10

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

happyhippy posted:

"Last time y'all saw a black man was two hours ago selling you the coke that's now in your blood"

these people pay a lot to keep at least 3 degrees of separation from the nearest POC in their drug chain

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:13

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

*puts C rock's joke in a glass of old mlk*

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:21

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

nomadologique posted:

these people pay a lot to keep at least 3 degrees of separation from the nearest POC in their drug chain

Yep, that's why they have those weird California dudes living in their guest houses like Kato Kaelin.

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:21

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:55

Stuffguyman: Jun 3, 2007

Is it really a spoiler if it's for something you never plan to see?

# ? Feb 26, 2016 17:55

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Booblord Zagats posted:

everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

*tears well up in Leonardo DiCaprio's eyes, walks upto Chris and hands over Best Men Actor oscar*

Leo: You the real MVP here.

# ? Feb 26, 2016 18:00

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

"I am the only black guy allowed on the stage tonight"

Ahhh cmon! I was gonna watch the monologue! Dammit!

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:07

John Denver Hoxha: May 31, 2014; What a persistent nightmare!
....but enough about my posts

De Camptown ladies sing this song,
Doo-da, Doo-da,
De Camptown racetrack's five miles long,
Oh, de doo-da day.

Gwine to run all night,
Gwine to run all day,
I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag,
Somebody bet on the gray.

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:09

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Booblord Zagats posted:

"I peaked 20 years ago making jokes people laughed at and now I'm relegated to just telling jokes that are only for Jerry Seinfeld"

I know he had writers for his comedy specials, but Chris Rocks delivery is #1 for me

Like Carlin and Bill Hicks had smarter material but Chris speaking about absent fathers wanting a cookie makes me lol just thinking about it

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:11

JiveHonky: May 12, 2001; by zen death robot; Grimey Drawer

i'm white and every time i look in the mirror i see a potential oscar winner. feels good man.

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:13

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

JiveHonky posted:

i'm white and every time i look in the mirror i see a potential oscar winner. feels good man.

I am a vampire and have no reflection. You lucky

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:15

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

i wanna pork a lot of these softball girls I like that they are a little bigger they look like they have powerful thighs

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:42

Homestar Runner: Oct 9, 2012; This is the best videogame
I have ever played!

TELLS NOT FUNNY JOKE

SKEET SKEET SKEET

# ? Feb 27, 2016 02:45

The Kingfish: Oct 21, 2015

If you give even one single poo poo about the oscars then you are part of what's wrong with America.

# ? Feb 27, 2016 19:12

Jamesman: Nov 19, 2004; "First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"; Fun Shoe

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

"I am the only black guy allowed on the stage tonight"

~~SLICK GOKU BABY~~
� 2016 Chris Rock_______________________________________________WHOSAY

# ? Feb 27, 2016 21:16

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

"the N-word"

-Chris rock

# ? Feb 27, 2016 22:12

polio king: Jun 19, 2004

I TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS

# ? Feb 27, 2016 22:13

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

happyhippy posted:

"WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!"

drat thats spooky i read this in his voice even thoi i havent heard it in years

# ? Feb 27, 2016 22:27

Toadvine: Mar 16, 2009; Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

Black actors all be sittin at home like this

White actors be sittin here at the Oscars like this

# ? Feb 28, 2016 00:19

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Hi its me Dave Chapelle
or is it Chris Rock?

we all look alike to you folks.

# ? Feb 28, 2016 00:26

Mariana Horchata: Jun 30, 2008; College Slice

what good black movies come out last yr anyways? any exceptional acting performances by a black that i need to know about??

pls help i want to try to leap onto the caboose of the outrage train right before it pulls away from the station

its prob all the LBGTQ roles that are taking all the glory from the blacks as the current minority deserving of praise "for telling their stories" that or something to do with movies mostly being lovely and made to make as much money as possible and obv clean cut white ppl are needed for leading roles in these focus group movies

Mariana Horchata fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Feb 28, 2016

# ? Feb 28, 2016 00:42

DoctorStrangelove: Jun 7, 2012; IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!

Mariana Horchata posted:

what good black movies come out last yr anyways? any exceptional acting performances by a black that i need to know about??

pls help i want to try to leap onto the caboose of the outrage train right before it pulls away from the station

Best one I can think of is Samuel Jackson and his dingus in Hateful 8.

# ? Feb 28, 2016 00:47

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 00:14

Testikles: Feb 22, 2009

Mariana Horchata posted:

what good black movies come out last yr anyways? any exceptional acting performances by a black that i need to know about??

pls help i want to try to leap onto the caboose of the outrage train right before it pulls away from the station

its prob all the LBGTQ roles that are taking all the glory from the blacks as the current minority deserving of praise "for telling their stories" that or something to do with movies mostly being lovely and made to make as much money as possible and obv clean cut white ppl are needed for leading roles in these focus group movies

Michael B. Jordon in Creed for best actor.

Honestly I thought his performance was OK. I didn't think was great so I'm not sure why he'd get nominated but then again Leo with his stupid "this is what an old-timey guy sounds like!" voice got nominated so the bar for entry is low.

# ? Feb 28, 2016 00:53

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > ITT I spoil Chris Rock's opening joke at the Oscars

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