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BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747
greetings, fuckin losers. my name is forums poster dickeye. I like bad movies. i don't mean that fuckin pissbaby Sharknado asylum bullshit where everyone's winking at you going "EH?? EH?? GET IT??? ITS BAD!!!!!" i mean bad fuckin movies, movies that are incomprehensible and strange and you just don't know how they exist

i also like weird movies, movies normal people have never heard of, on a level beyond like "oh man check out this deep cut from a famous guy" bullshit. i also like sharing these things with people. i used to stream things on a regular basis. i'm too lazy to do that now, though, so i decided to start throwing poo poo on youtube and posting a thread every month, kinda like movie of the month but weirder

this month i decided i'm gonna tell you all about the strangest fuckin movie i've ever seen: Magic Lizard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aDOj43mPnQ

Magic Lizard is a thai movie, about a magic lizard. it has blatantly stolen footage from Ultraman in it, and illegal footage of the royal family. i have no way to explain the plot, as there are no subtitles and according to native thai speakers, the dialog is all loving gibberish anyway. it's 103 minutes of fuckin insanity and the hijinx of a magic lizard. a water buffalo poops, on screen. i dont remember anything else from this, because my brain blocked it out in self defense. please, join me. share in my pain. watch Magic Lizard: The Lizard Magic Story

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Mecha Gojira
Jun 23, 2006

Jack Nissan
Best part of the film is that the plot is actually resolved when he awakens the statue to fly into space, like 10 minutes in. Rest of the movie doesn't have a plot, just a bunch of unrelated vignettes of Magic Lizard and/or random Thai actors being complete goofuses.

The film is magic. Lizard Magic.

Safety Factor
Oct 31, 2009




Grimey Drawer
This movie changed my life. I have seen it twice. :shepface:

Cacator
Aug 6, 2005

You're quite good at turning me on.

I showed some friends Hausu recently and they were blown away but doubted if anything could live up to it. Is this it? Is it the answer to my prayers?

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747

Cacator posted:

I showed some friends Hausu recently and they were blown away but doubted if anything could live up to it. Is this it? Is it the answer to my prayers?

it's not good at all. i need to stress this. there is absolutely no metric by which Magic Lizard is anything short of a nightmarish fever dream, the cinematic equivalent of getting high on bath salts and punching yourself in the dick for 103 minutes.

that said, it's fuckin weird

Mecha Gojira
Jun 23, 2006

Jack Nissan
No, it's seriously that bad of a film. Pretty sure when we first watched it with Dickeye, we had to convince each other to keep going like a suicide pact.

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747

Mecha Gojira posted:

No, it's seriously that bad of a film. Pretty sure when we first watched it with Dickeye, we had to convince each other to keep going like a suicide pact.

yyyyyyup

remember when all we saw were the clips in American Dream, American Nightmare and thought it would be good?????

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World
The thing about House is that it's actually really good, and the overall narrative makes sense and has some interesting things to say about the really stark generation gap in Japan at the time. On one side you had an older generation scarred by the horrors of war, and on the other you had a youth culture that had absolutely no concept of the wartime experience at all, and only saw it in terms of romantic fairy tales if it thought about it at all. Nobuhiko Obayashi saw an older generation so warped by its past traumas that it was consuming (literally in the movie, via a piano among other things) a younger generation that regarded its elders' defining experiences with total incomprehension.

House just goes about telling that story in a completely hambananas way (including turning that dude into actual bananas.) It intentionally broke every written and unwritten rule of Japanese cinema of the time, and it owns.

Magic Lizard is more like a flaming 55 gallon drum of pig poo poo with some Roman candles buried in it that go off intermittently and give off plumes of dizzying fumes.

Mecha Gojira
Jun 23, 2006

Jack Nissan
Who are these guys? Why are they in a cave talking to skeletons? Where is and what does this have to do with Magic Lizard.

All questions never answered in the film Magic Lizard.

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.
The Magic Lizard is the only movie I can think of where the entire story happens off screen while a completely unrelated character just dicks around doing nothing of any consequence while screaming at anything. Also a water buffalo shits in his mouth. It's not a special effect, they just had an animal poo poo into the mouth of the giant talking lizard.

This really happens.

Kart Barfunkel
Nov 10, 2009


CPL593H posted:

The Magic Lizard is the only movie I can think of where the entire story happens off screen while a completely unrelated character just dicks around doing nothing of any consequence while screaming at anything. Also a water buffalo shits in his mouth. It's not a special effect, they just had an animal poo poo into the mouth of the giant talking lizard.

This really happens.

Can we get a time stamp on the buffalo poo poo?

Zogo
Jul 29, 2003

Literally The Worst posted:

please, join me. share in my pain. watch Magic Lizard: The Lizard Magic Story

Okay now that I know the subtitles are unnecessary I will watch it within the next month.


I think I'll watch it on a 4K TV for full effect.

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747

Kart Barfunkel posted:

Can we get a time stamp on the buffalo poo poo?

yeah somewhere between the beginning and the end

eat poo poo, watch the drat movie and if you're good i'll post something enjoyably bad next month

Hat Thoughts
Jul 27, 2012
My favorite part is that, I forget what it's supposed to be, the mama animal that chases after Magic Lizard after Magic Lizard is a total dick to it's child.

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.

Hat Thoughts posted:

My favorite part is that, I forget what it's supposed to be, the mama animal that chases after Magic Lizard after Magic Lizard is a total dick to it's child.

I believe it was some kind of bear.

Kart Barfunkel
Nov 10, 2009


Literally The Worst posted:

yeah somewhere between the beginning and the end

eat poo poo, watch the drat movie and if you're good i'll post something enjoyably bad next month

It was worth a shot. Into the hellfire I go.

Safety Factor
Oct 31, 2009




Grimey Drawer

CPL593H posted:

I believe it was some kind of bear.

I think it was supposed to be a sun bear, but who the gently caress can tell? The costume was that bad.

Hat Thoughts
Jul 27, 2012

CPL593H posted:

I believe it was some kind of bear.

Haha yes that's it, I love it because it gets really uncomfortable watching the baby bear hold on to a tree just in the, "I'm definitely watching animal abuse" sense and that just builds until out of nowhere a guy in the most insane bear outfit possible catapults in

Safety Factor
Oct 31, 2009




Grimey Drawer
Speaking of animal abuse, don't forget that the whole reason the buffalo shits in Magic Lizard's mouth is because Magic Lizard anally penetrated it with his tail.

I'm using spoiler tags not because this is a pivotal scene in the movie, but because I don't want to ruin the Magic for anyone who wants to go into the movie blind.

Build-a-Boar
Feb 11, 2008

Lipstick Apathy
Blocked in my country, a good start. Shame because I love bafflingly poo poo movies :(

Coolness Averted
Feb 20, 2007

oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗
I'm pretty sure the magic words Ultraman uses to summon his lightsabre is "Heil Hitler"

Air Skwirl
May 13, 2007

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.
Dickeye, why is it blocked in foreign countries, didn't your friend upload it to youtube? You should see if they can fix that.

cat doter
Jul 27, 2006



gonna need more cheese...australia has a lot of crackers
I'll never understand why people subject themselves to terrible movies, especially ones where something shits in a dude's mouth

not a fan of mouth poo poo

FishBulb
Mar 29, 2003

Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.

Are you going to eat it?

...yes...
I can't imagine watching this movie alone sober somewhere. Why would you do this. This movie requires an audience. Find some idiots dumb enough to watch it

cat doter posted:

I'll never understand why people subject themselves to terrible movies, especially ones where something shits in a dude's mouth

not a fan of mouth poo poo

It doesn't poo poo in a dudes mouth it shits in a magic lizard's mouth.

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747

Skwirl posted:

Dickeye, why is it blocked in foreign countries, didn't your friend upload it to youtube? You should see if they can fix that.

Blame your lovely garbage country, I have no idea why it's blocked

cat doter posted:

I'll never understand why people subject themselves to terrible movies, especially ones where something shits in a dude's mouth

not a fan of mouth poo poo

Personally I enjoy trying to figure out what was going through someone's head when they made a terrible piece of poo poo, and there's something endearing about movies that while not good are clearly labors of love, like Miami Connection

And then there's awful, bizarre bullshit that has to be seen to be believed

Air Skwirl
May 13, 2007

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Literally The Worst posted:

Blame your lovely garbage country, I have no idea why it's blocked


It's not blocked in my lovely garbage country, since it's the same one as yours, I just thought maybe there was a check box to make it available internationally or something, since I couldn't imagine it popping up on a copyright filter or something.

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.

Skwirl posted:

It's not blocked in my lovely garbage country, since it's the same one as yours, I just thought maybe there was a check box to make it available internationally or something, since I couldn't imagine it popping up on a copyright filter or something.

Somewhere, someone might actually have a copyright for the Magic Lizard. I imagine that if this is true then that person is probably no one good.

cat doter
Jul 27, 2006



gonna need more cheese...australia has a lot of crackers

FishBulb posted:

It doesn't poo poo in a dudes mouth it shits in a magic lizard's mouth.

my mistake!

Air Skwirl
May 13, 2007

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

CPL593H posted:

Somewhere, someone might actually have a copyright for the Magic Lizard. I imagine that if this is true then that person is probably no one good.

Actually, since the first time I saw someone say it was blocked in their country it was Germany, it might be a swastika thing.

Safety Factor
Oct 31, 2009




Grimey Drawer
Or maybe Germany knows better than to even consider watching Magic Lizard.

I can't say they're wrong.

Air Skwirl
May 13, 2007

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Safety Factor posted:

Or maybe Germany knows better than to even consider watching Magic Lizard.

I can't say they're wrong.

Look, I was at the dickstream where we watched this, and whatever psychological defenses I have left blocked most of it out, but for some reason I feel there's some Nazi paraphernalia floating around in it. gently caress me if I'm going to double check though, once was enough.

cat doter
Jul 27, 2006



gonna need more cheese...australia has a lot of crackers
it's blocked in australia too, copyright grounds by GME or something

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.

Skwirl posted:

Look, I was at the dickstream where we watched this, and whatever psychological defenses I have left blocked most of it out, but for some reason I feel there's some Nazi paraphernalia floating around in it. gently caress me if I'm going to double check though, once was enough.

The swastika predates the Nazis by a very long time and the original symbol is still a thing you see in Asian cultures. I kind of vaguely recall there being swastikas somewhere in the movie.

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right
Welcome to the wonderful world of Chaiyo Productions ("chaiyo" is Thai for "bravo" or "hurrah"), founded by director/producer Sompote Saengduenchai AKA Sompote Sands.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sompote_Sands
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0762369/
Sompote Sands youtube playlist

If you loved the crazy crocodile antics in Magic Lizard and wished that Sompote Sands had used those crocodile props to make the Thai equivalent of Jaws then you're in luck, that's exactly what he did:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CYiY_pHvtw


If you watched Magic Lizard and said to yourself "Boy, I wish Sompote had made a Kaiju film" then you're in also luck, he made several!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBr8Bal3H8I




I also found a 1500 x 2198px copy of the Magic Lizard movie poster in case anyone wants to print it out and frame it on their wall. I'm thumbnailing it because as batshit crazy as it might look it's full of spoilers.


Literally The Worst posted:

Magic Lizard is a thai movie, about a magic lizard. it has blatantly stolen footage from Ultraman in it

Specifically it's from the earlier Chaiyo Productions movie Giant and Jumborg Ace.

Safety Factor posted:

I think it was supposed to be a sun bear, but who the gently caress can tell? The costume was that bad.

It's actually a taxidermied bear rug, you can see it again during the massage scenes at the end of the movie

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747
I'd like to point out that his other Ultraman movies are also bootleg and 7 Ultraman is straight up riffing on Ultrman 7

Thank you for that dope post. God knows I'm not digging deep on Magic Lizard

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

Literally The Worst posted:

Thank you for that dope post. God knows I'm not digging deep on Magic Lizard

Thank you for introducing me to Magic Lizard, I watched the entire thing earlier this evening and was :stare: the entire way through

Being an Australian gives the film one more level of craziness because why does the film use an Australian frilled neck lizard??? :psyduck:

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 17:56 on Feb 27, 2016

Burkion
May 10, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
Holy loving poo poo the dude who made Hanuman and the 7 Ultraman and the some how even worse Kamen Rider one was allowed to make an original movie?

Who let this happen

Who looked at what this man produced and said "Yes, let us give him the power of script and budget"


...Going to have to drag my friends into a watch of this later.

Mecha Gojira
Jun 23, 2006

Jack Nissan

Literally The Worst posted:

I'd like to point out that his other Ultraman movies are also bootleg and 7 Ultraman is straight up riffing on Ultrman 7

Thank you for that dope post. God knows I'm not digging deep on Magic Lizard

It's a reference to the 7 Ultra Brothers as opposed to just stealing Ultraseven's name and writing it backwards, in case anyone is confused.

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747

Mecha Gojira posted:

It's a reference to the 7 Ultra Brothers as opposed to just stealing Ultraseven's name and writing it backwards, in case anyone is confused.

well that's good to know, if you like knowing about ultraman, which is dumb and sucks

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Mecha Gojira
Jun 23, 2006

Jack Nissan

Literally The Worst posted:

well that's good to know, if you like knowing about ultraman, which is dumb and sucks

Actually, Ultraman is fun and cool. You just wouldn't know it from watching the film Magic Lizard.

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