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buckets of buckets
Apr 8, 2012

CHECK OUT MY AWESOME POSTS
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=114&perpage=40#post447051278

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=91&perpage=40#post444280066

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3818944&pagenumber=196&perpage=40#post472627338

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3788178&pagenumber=405&perpage=40#post474195694

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3831643&pagenumber=5&perpage=40#post475694634
The South was in no position to wage a total modern war when it was viciously attacked by the United States. They were a rural people, beautiful and artistic, who leaved out their days in peaceful idylls, holding cotillions and hootanannys. By contrast the citizens of the United States lived in soot blackened cities, slaving away each day in a factory and leading a horrible life that stunted their growth physically and culturally.

This is called slavery- Wage slavery. The southerners, although brave and hardy stood little chance against an aggressive invader that was willing to butcher civilians. With the south conquered and added to its territories, the United States looked across the seas where they used nuclear weapons on the Japanese islanders, a country over 10 times smaller than themselves. The USA continues its barbaric march across the planet today, but let us not forget their first victims in the South.

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Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

:patriot:

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts rock, chummer.

If only those horrible Republicans hadn't inflicted such horrors on the south. :(

Skypizza
Dec 19, 2015

Geek
I like to think we now have Netflix because a civil war erupted.

value-brand cereal
May 2, 2008

No it's because they were lazy. loving lazy rear end southerners.

fat bossy gerbil
Jul 1, 2007

The south was pretty retarded. They were in no position to fight an offensive war with such limited industrial capacity and manpower. Had they used their resources defensively they may have been able to hold out long enough to secure peace but the confederacy went and blew their load when they tried to invade the north and failed.

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat
Stonewall Jackson, more like Suckdick Fagson

flerp
Feb 25, 2014
i have opinions on the south

GRILLARY CLINTON
Mar 5, 2016

I know the devil is real.
I know the devil is real.
The South lost because they ran out of coffee.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
The civil war isn't over, it's only half time

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot
good I'm glad of it

e: welcome back hector

Shaquin
May 12, 2007

Hector Beerlioz posted:

The civil war isn't over, it's only half time

maybe we can get Beyonce to do the half time show for this one as well... keep it the same tho lol

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat
Joseph Wheeler, more like Jerkoff Whoremonger

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

i happen to know it was because of ley lines

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

good I'm glad of it

e: welcome back hector

Thanks, anime is blood, it's good to be home again

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
it was the henry 1860 lever action, idiot

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat
Jubal Early, more like Joke Premature Ejaculator

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
actually they lost because god loving hates southerners. if god loved them or even vaguely tolerated them they wouldnt be so miserably poor.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
they lost because the saying is 'usa #1' not 'confederate states #1'

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat
PGT Beauregard, more like Penis Gobbling Trans Boys-send-their-regards (Because he was a homosexual pedophile)

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl

Bitter Mushroom posted:

The South was in no position to wage a total modern war when it was viciously attacked by the United States. They were a rural people, beautiful and artistic, who leaved out their days in peaceful idylls, holding cotillions and hootanannys. By contrast the citizens of the United States lived in soot blackened cities, slaving away each day in a factory and leading a horrible life that stunted their growth physically and culturally.

This is called slavery- Wage slavery. The southerners, although brave and hardy stood little chance against an aggressive invader that was willing to butcher civilians. With the south conquered and added to its territories, the United States looked across the seas where they used nuclear weapons on the Japanese islanders, a country over 10 times smaller than themselves. The USA continues its barbaric march across the planet today, but let us not forget their first victims in the South.

yeah it's a real shame we couldn't drop an a-bomb on jefferson davis

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
It was a close call that civil war - the confederacy nearly seceded

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
its been scientifically proven they have smaller brains leading to deficient strategies in warfare. otoh they're better in bed than northerners so it kind of evens out

BigBoss
Jan 26, 2012

by Lowtax

Skypizza posted:

I like to think we now have Netflix because a civil war erupted.

A fair trade. :patriot:

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Mr.Pibbleton posted:

If only those horrible Republicans hadn't inflicted such horrors on the south. :(

lol

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Clapping Larry
I always thought it was because God hates them for slavery.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

drilldo squirt posted:

I always thought it was because God hates them for slavery.

no god ever has been against slavery

rotinaj
Sep 5, 2008

Fun Shoe
The South lost because the South is a bunch of bitches who don't have any balls.

Shaquin
May 12, 2007

rotinaj posted:

The South lost because the South is a bunch of bitches who don't have any balls.

eunuchs have historically been good at loving poo poo up actually See: China

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

rotinaj posted:

The South lost because the South is a bunch of bitches who don't have any balls.

the federation is strong

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
what im saying is if the south was smart they would have created a political enfilade of bald serpentine men with no balls to "advise" Lincoln

rotinaj
Sep 5, 2008

Fun Shoe

Shaquin posted:

eunuchs have historically been good at loving poo poo up actually See: China

Yeah but counterpoint: The CSA, circa 1865.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose
they lost cause treason doesn't pay

DeusExMachinima
Sep 2, 2012

:siren:This poster loves police brutality, but only when its against minorities!:siren:

Put this loser on ignore immediately!
hey wait a minute op you're not jastiger!

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

quote:

Specifically, eleven southern states seceded from the Union in protest against federal legislation that limited the expansion of slavery claiming that such legislation violated the tenth amendment, which they argued trumped the Supremacy Clause. The war was indeed about protecting the institution of slavery, but only as a specific case of a state's right to declare a federal law null and void. Southern states sought to secede because they believed that the federal government had no authority to tell them how to run their affairs. The most obvious and precipitating example was the North's views on slavery. So yes, the South clearly fought to defend slavery as a means of protecting their sordid economic system and way of life, but they did so with slavery serving as the most glaring example of federal usurpation of state powers of self-determination. The war would be fought to prevent those states from seceding, not to destroy the institution of slavery. The war would be fought over different interpretations of our founding document.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-schweitzer/slavery-and-the-civil-war_b_849066.html

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
technicality, no, down, boo, over

Boner Zone
Jan 14, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo

Kuato posted:

its been scientifically proven they have smaller brains leading to deficient strategies in warfare. otoh they're better in bed than northerners so it kind of evens out

it would actually explain a lot if jastiger was cucked by a retarded southerner and just lost his dang mind as a result

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

they lost cause treason doesn't pay

Boner Zone
Jan 14, 2006

by Nyc_Tattoo
noooo not my fav meme

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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Boner Zone posted:

noooo not my fav meme

lol

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