The most memorable front page article

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Analytic Engine: May 18, 2009; not the analytical engine

Is "The Friend" by Dave Thorpe
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/the-friend/

Still thinking about how perfectly this straddles insane and banal.

edit: And because Humboldt spawns the best Goons

Analytic Engine fucked around with this message at 00:44 on Mar 15, 2016

# ? Mar 13, 2016 22:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 19:04

givepatajob: Apr 8, 2003; One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.

One of Shmorky's gay rear end cartoons.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 22:47

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

I liked the anime roommate letters

# ? Mar 13, 2016 22:55

DICKLORD BONE: Aug 27, 2003

training mobs onto newb scrubs in everquest

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:02

Jihad Me At Hello: Apr 23, 2002; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

The workout out article that talked about glute rollups.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:03

Bishop: Aug 15, 2000

The tax man's pusher robot prank imo

E: Lenord j crabs and his cunning legal strategies

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:06

Dead Precedents: May 5, 2005; Precedents come and go, but death goes on forever.

Pocket Ninja's studio threatens Lowtax (wasn't put under legal threats for some reason)

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/pocket-ninjas-first/

quote:

POINT 2: A false portrayal of Dave Eddy as a drug addict: "It'll save us a bundle of time that I could otherwise be using to inject crushed up vicodin into my eyes."

We at NO POINT claimed Dave Eddy was a drug addict. He might have it completely under control and be able to stop whenever he wants to. For example, the full text of that quote might read, "It'll save us a bundle of time that I could otherwise be using to inject crushed up vicodin into my eyes. Not that I have a problem with drugs, I only do them recreationally and can stop if I really wanted to. I just don't want to. You know what, maybe you're the one with the problem, you ever think about that?" I don't think that injecting crushed up vicodin into your eyes necessarily implies you are a drug addict. At worst, it means you've got some vision problems, but you're too bombed out of your mind to care. And besides, a drug problem is only a "problem" if you want it to be. Perhaps Dave #2 is ashamed of a particular habit of his? Monkeys are for the zoo, Dave, not your back!

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:14

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

i liked the really old articles that were like memos from some awful company. not the soup ones they were funny as well but this was much older.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:42

Take the plunge! Okay!: Feb 24, 2007

The best article series in the history of internet: http://www.somethingawful.com/series/instruction-for-a-help/

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:52

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Gotta love those anime porn game reviews

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:53

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

Hector Beerlioz posted:

Gotta love those anime porn game reviews

i cranked it to pics from them when i was a teen. dont judge me

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:54

i can still taste him: Feb 16, 2003; Buglord

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/were-all-gonna/

"Your poison womb is making heaven too loving crowded."

# ? Mar 13, 2016 23:54

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Isaac posted:

i cranked it to pics from them when i was a teen. dont judge me

I bet you still do

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:01

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

Hector Beerlioz posted:

I bet you still do

i dont think the images are there anymore

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:07

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

"Satans rear end...."

"VERY COMPELLING"

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:08

Shaquin: May 12, 2007

monstergeddon and the soup articles are both probably the best rustlr and fur trapper saga are both also good

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:10

Shaquin: May 12, 2007

being a goon is trying to explain why during a lull at a social gathering with your friends you are sitting laughing at fake reviews for water fountains

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:11

Zen Punk: Dec 26, 2005; interfaced

Instruction for a Help, yeah

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:23

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Isaac posted:

i dont think the images are there anymore

I checked and they are (lucky u) however the links to J-List don't seem to work anymore

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:25

ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

that one zack parsons series with the spooky angels and unfolders and poo poo

and the "instructions for a the body" one

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:27

Wall Balls: Jun 3, 2007; Spanish Castle Magic

the levi johnston article about willow palin

# ? Mar 14, 2016 00:38

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

pop that corn

skittels amount

# ? Mar 14, 2016 01:17

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Tom Gorman posted:

pop that corn

skittels amount

I still get a chuckle whenever I remember those

# ? Mar 14, 2016 01:21

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

I used to like reading about lowtaxes adventures at gamespy and how quake 3 is much better than UT

gently caress UT and gently caress YOU OP

# ? Mar 14, 2016 01:31

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

Hector Beerlioz posted:

I checked and they are (lucky u) however the links to J-List don't seem to work anymore

my penis thanks you :tipshat:

# ? Mar 14, 2016 01:36

Shaquin: May 12, 2007

Isaac posted:

my penis thanks you

# ? Mar 14, 2016 01:38

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

How to annoy people in Everquest

http://www.somethingawful.com/everquest/how-annoy-people/

written in 1999 lol

# ? Mar 14, 2016 01:41

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

Shaquin posted:

he made a brand of matches called "dickheads" to compete with the main match company "redheads"

# ? Mar 14, 2016 02:05

Shaquin: May 12, 2007

Isaac posted:

he made a brand of matches called "dickheads" to compete with the main match company "redheads"

make him your king imo

# ? Mar 14, 2016 02:08

Dave_Indeed: Feb 22, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

The EverQuest review.

DING, LEVEL 1.

# ? Mar 14, 2016 02:22

Dirty Beluga: Apr 17, 2007; Buy the ticket, take the ride; Fun Shoe

Every one of the Wink Martindale articles

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/wink-martindale/
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/wink-nod/
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/i-martindale/
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/there-nothing-wink/
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/wink-back/
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/light-winks-out/

# ? Mar 14, 2016 02:36

an oddly awful oud: May 1, 2008; all my friends are pieces of shit

dark horse candidates:

dave thorpe's today we learn english series (first still best: http://www.somethingawful.com/news/today-we-learn/, http://www.somethingawful.com/news/today-we-learn-2/, http://www.somethingawful.com/news/parts-of-speech/1/, http://www.somethingawful.com/news/learn-english-punctuation/1/)

epg's opus, hp lovecraft's a-team (http://www.somethingawful.com/news/hp-lovecrafts-ateam/ and http://www.somethingawful.com/news/hp-lovecrafts-ateam-2/)

# ? Mar 14, 2016 04:26

BIG-DICK-BUTT-FUCK: Jan 26, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

There's a front page??

# ? Mar 14, 2016 04:34

Isaac: Aug 3, 2006; Fun Shoe

BIG-DICK-BUTT-gently caress posted:

There's a front page??

U mothe fucker

# ? Mar 14, 2016 05:07

reallivedinosaur: Jun 13, 2012; Ogdober subrise! XDDD

BIG-DICK-BUTT-gently caress posted:

There's a front page??

ya doesnt look like it gets updated that much though

# ? Mar 14, 2016 05:26

Entangled: Feb 24, 2013

Textbooks of Tomorrow: Rise of the Hiphopracies
http://www.somethingawful.com/news/textbooks-tomorrow-rise/

Zack Parsons posted:

Mourning over the loss of so many lives turned again to celebration on the West Coast where the number of cars turning in circles caused a brief disruption of the earth's magnetic field.

Entangled fucked around with this message at 06:37 on Mar 14, 2016

# ? Mar 14, 2016 06:35

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

One that stands out in my mind for whatever reason is lowtax and integral(sp?) reviewing candy bars.

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/canadian-candy-challenge/

quote:

Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka:
Rating: 5 (out of 10)

It's like somebody beat a lump of chocolate and caramel with a "Boring Wand" and shoved the remains into a machine which belches out pockets of generic crap down an assembly line manned by burly, overweight, stench-ridden truck drivers who have been wearing the same plain flannel shirt for the past three weeks. Even though the supposed "caramilk" was as runny as my urine, it still somehow found a way to adhere itself to my teeth and will probably remain there until the day I die (next Wednesday). Actually, let's move my date of death up a couple days, this whole Canadian Candy thing has left me realizing I'm a horrible monster and pray for death.

Still pretty funny.

# ? Mar 14, 2016 07:25