2016 Goon Draft: The Hackenberg Coronation Station

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2016 Goon Draft: The Hackenberg Coronation Station

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TSBX: Apr 24, 2010

I love my dumb team.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 02:00

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 06:50

Abugadu: Jul 12, 2004; 1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.

Mystic Stylez posted:

all this talk about war rooms and not a single post of the obligatory image, smh

still better than the Cleveland Browns war room.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 02:04

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

I'll take the 49ers again this year.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 02:59

warcrimes: Jul 6, 2013; I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life.

Abugadu posted:

still better than the Cleveland Browns war room.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 03:03

D-LINK: Oct 1, 2007; I was talking to peachy Peach about kissy Kiss. He bought me a soda.

ShakeZula posted:

The Combine is over, the big free agency money has been spent, and now we find ourselves in the fallow period of endless mock drafts. So let�s throw our own on the pile, shall we? Welcome to the 2016 Goon Draft!

The Rules

Each team will have one poster as its GM, responsible for making the picks. Teams are first come first serve. War rooms are fine, so long as there is a designated spokesperson. The clock on each pick is 24 hours, at which point if the spokesperson has not made a pick I will make one for them. No trades will be allowed, as they just tend to complicate things and last year�s draft ran much more efficiently without them. If you just want to take part and don�t care which team you get, post and I�ll assign you to a team that might not have any other takers.

The Teams

Here�s the first-round draft order:

1. Tennessee Titans Metapod
2. Cleveland Browns Gatts
3. San Diego Chargers Ross Angeles
4. Dallas Cowboys aperion
5. Jacksonville Jaguars
6. Baltimore Ravens The Puppy Bowl
7. San Francisco 49ers
8. Philadelphia Eagles Spiros
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers wandler20
10.New York Giants
11.Chicago Bears
12.New Orleans Saints
13.Miami Dolphins Ehud
14.Oakland Raiders MrLogan
15.Los Angeles Rams Darius Likewise
16.Detroit Lions C. Everett Koop
17.Atlanta Falcons
18.Indianapolis Colts ShakeZula
19.Buffalo Bills fsif
20.New York Jets
21.Washington Redskins Pron on VHS
22.Houston Texans Intruder
23.Minnesota Vikings
24.Cincinnati Bengals Atticus Finch
25.Pittsburgh Steelers
26.Seattle Seahawks JIZZ DENOUEMENT
27.Green Bay Packers Abugadu
28.Kansas City Chiefs No Butt Stuff
29.Arizona Cardinals
30.Carolina Panthers zimbomonkey
31.Denver Broncos
N/A: New England Patriots

Standby: warcrimes, Parmesan Basil, korrandark

Go forth and claim your teams! Ideally we�ll get this thing going before April 1st.

If no one's taken the Steelers yet, I wil

# ? Mar 24, 2016 03:10

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Can't post for 6 hours!; Nap Ghost

Abugadu posted:

still better than the Cleveland Browns war room.

Get off my lawn damnit! I pee there!

# ? Mar 24, 2016 03:41

Eifert Posting: Apr 1, 2007; Most of the time he catches it every time.; Grimey Drawer

I'll take a team no one claims.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 04:19

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

i'll do mel kiper analysis because i too do not know what any of your teams need

# ? Mar 24, 2016 04:24

TSBX: Apr 24, 2010

Are we limited to non-fictional characters? If not, a glimpse from the future!

# ? Mar 24, 2016 04:29

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

TSBX posted:

Are we limited to non-fictional characters? If not, a glimpse from the future!

Of course in a draft full of super powered characters, the 49ers take the injury prone guy with character concerns

# ? Mar 24, 2016 04:37

warcrimes: Jul 6, 2013; I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life.

Doltos posted:

i'll do mel kiper analysis because i too do not know what any of your teams need

Pls evaluate every pick in the most condescending way possible

# ? Mar 24, 2016 04:52

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

I can be a last resort for the 49ers but I know gently caress all about the draft so it'll be �\_(ツ)_/� after round one.

If all pro sexman or coldforge or another Niners fan wants it they can have it, but you can at least have someone committed.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 05:08

Azhais: Feb 5, 2007; Switchblade Switcharoo

TSBX posted:

Are we limited to non-fictional characters? If not, a glimpse from the future!

I just don't know how the Spectre falls out of the first round

# ? Mar 24, 2016 05:30

3 DONG HORSE: May 22, 2008; I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

Ross Angeles posted:

Of course in a draft full of super powered characters, the 49ers take the injury prone guy with character concerns

quote:

Denver Broncos: Ra's al Ghul
His off field issues aside, Ghul showed tremendous athletic ability for someone his age at the NFL Combine. He won't confirm his age, but it's believed to easily be in the hundreds. Sources tell us the Broncos aren't only interested in his athletic ability either. The Lazarus Pit is what keeps Ghul so young. Word is that Broncos GM John Elway will step into the pit himself in order to take the field.

lol

# ? Mar 24, 2016 10:01

Gyro Zeppeli: Jul 19, 2012; sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge

I too will be offering punditry for the draft.

Hope you're all ready for HDHSPN.

Or I guess, given my location, it should be a Sky Sports pastiche. Then I'd get to introduce you all to the greatest sideline reporter of all time, Chris "Kammy" Kamara.

Gyro Zeppeli fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Mar 24, 2016

# ? Mar 24, 2016 12:55

Forever_Peace: May 7, 2007; Shoe do do do do do do do Shoe do do do do do do yeah Shoe do do do do do do do Shoe do do do do do do yeah

I can take ~~this year's Rutgers player~~ Leonte Carroo for the Patriots in round 2.

I am excite.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 13:08

tarbrush: Feb 7, 2011; ALL ABOARD THE SCOTLAND HYPE TRAIN!

CHOO CHOO

Hijo Del Helmsley posted:

Or I guess, given my location, it should be a Sky Sports pastiche. Then I'd get to introduce you all to the greatest sideline reporter of all time, Chris "Kammy" Kamara.

Yessssssssss. Break out the yellow ties and incomplete grasp of English!

# ? Mar 24, 2016 13:15

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

3 DONG HORSE posted:

lol

drat you would have thought I wrote that

# ? Mar 24, 2016 15:11

Mystic Stylez: Dec 19, 2009

TSBX posted:

Are we limited to non-fictional characters? If not, a glimpse from the future!

lmao what the gently caress is this doing in nfl.com's website

# ? Mar 24, 2016 15:37

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Of course Miami drafts the worst hero as a receiver what in the hold hell is that

# ? Mar 24, 2016 16:00

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Can't post for 6 hours!; Nap Ghost

I'm gonna go for Albert Belle. I think he's still alive. Then at some point during the draft sell the Browns to Vince McMahon.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 16:21

Borsche69: May 8, 2014

#33. Dignity

# ? Mar 24, 2016 16:41

ShakeZula: Jun 17, 2003; Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

drat, this filled up a lot faster than I expected! By my count only the Jets, Bears, Giants, Cardinals, and Falcons are left .

# ? Mar 24, 2016 19:50

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007

ShakeZula posted:

drat, this filled up a lot faster than I expected! By my count only the Jets, Bears, Giants, Cardinals, and Falcons are left .

Goons ready to draft all the OL positions.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:08

Diqnol: May 10, 2010

ShakeZula posted:

drat, this filled up a lot faster than I expected! By my count only the Jets, Bears, Giants, Cardinals, and Falcons are left .

And that's not counting the 4 standbys. We're effectively full.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:24

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Can't post for 6 hours!; Nap Ghost

4 teams left. Come on son! Let's get this rolling!

# ? Mar 25, 2016 01:07

incompetent: Jun 4, 2013

Gatts posted:

4 teams left. Come on son! Let's get this rolling!

Nah, man.

# ? Mar 25, 2016 01:18

zimbomonkey: Jul 15, 2008; Tattoos? On MY black quarterback?

TheFlyingLlama posted:

damnit zimbo.

at least do us right and don't take henry with the first rounder

HA
ha ha

I won't

# ? Mar 25, 2016 01:54

incompetent: Jun 4, 2013

gently caress it, give me da bears

# ? Mar 25, 2016 02:01

Detroit_Dogg: Feb 2, 2008; Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

I'll take a team, give me one, give me a team

# ? Mar 25, 2016 02:03

warcrimes: Jul 6, 2013; I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life.

I'll do Arizona Cards unless a cards fan shows up

# ? Mar 25, 2016 02:37

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

Same, but Giants.

# ? Mar 25, 2016 03:02

ShakeZula: Jun 17, 2003; Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

In the interest of getting this going, I'm going to assign the standbys. If a true fan of the team shows up and wants the spot you two can work it out between yourselves and I'll update the list.

Edit: Detroit_Dogg you were beaten to the standby list by korrandark and Eifert Posting, but if they're cool giving you one of their teams that's fine by me.

I'll put up the picks thread sometime tomorrow.

Edit2: :siren:

Picks thread is up: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3769767 :siren:

ShakeZula fucked around with this message at 18:53 on Mar 25, 2016

# ? Mar 25, 2016 04:29

Eifert Posting: Apr 1, 2007; Most of the time he catches it every time.; Grimey Drawer

Dog if you have PMs we can tag team this poo poo.

I'm tempted to pick the best corner available just cause gently caress the Steelers. I'll at least try to pick bpa/need, though.

# ? Mar 25, 2016 19:11

Diqnol: May 10, 2010

Guys stop chatting in the picks thread you gosh darn clownshoes.

# ? Mar 25, 2016 19:21

Gyro Zeppeli: Jul 19, 2012; sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge

Your trusted broadcaster during this, the 2016 Something Awful Goon Draft.

# ? Mar 25, 2016 19:48

MrLogan: Feb 4, 2004; Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.

Hijo Del Helmsley posted:

Your trusted broadcaster during this, the 2016 Something Awful Goon Draft.

Looking forward to the commentary you and Doltos provide.

# ? Mar 25, 2016 19:50

TSBX: Apr 24, 2010

So being a homeless guy promoted to NFL GM, are there any requirements or things that are encouraged for the pick? Do I need to do writeups on why I picked a hunk of flesh over another?

# ? Mar 25, 2016 19:56

ShakeZula: Jun 17, 2003; Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

TSBX posted:

So being a homeless guy promoted to NFL GM, are there any requirements or things that are encouraged for the pick? Do I need to do writeups on why I picked a hunk of flesh over another?

No need for any explanations. A good example would be this:

With the 37th overall pick in the 2016 Goon Draft, the Someplace So-and-So's select Speedy McRunsfast, WR, Ball-So-Hard University

[picture of prospect]

The Gotham Rogues and [whatever poster] are now on the clock

# ? Mar 25, 2016 20:00

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 06:50

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Make the picture funny, if possible

# ? Mar 25, 2016 20:06

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2016 Goon Draft: The Hackenberg Coronation Station

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