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Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless
My wife wants a covered porch on the front of our house so she can presumably sit under it and bang the UPS guy while I'm golfing. Below you will find an image of my hillbilly cabin. Please design a porch for it, minding that from the front door, the left extends just over 6 feet, while the right extends only 1.5 feet. The garage extends like, 80 feet, I don't know just figure it out.

I realize covering the windows will likely make my living room dark as hell, and the front of the house being what it is further suggests this might be a terrible idea... but there are no rules, gently caress humanity. Make the best porch ever designed or come out here and fight me.

Dave_Indeed fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Mar 28, 2016

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tomatoes and shit
Sep 17, 2015

yo uhave a lovely home

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES
I actually just finished doing a much larger version of this this summer. Except the door opens to the kitchen, no living room. I built a wooden porch with a three " tall deck and metal roof on wooden columns, while also expanding the kitchen, so I had to cut/smash the entire wall and door out. It is time consuming but fairly straightforward. If you aren't expanding the living room, it should be even easier. The trickiest part will be pouring the foundation and doing the part where the roof joins the exterior wall.

Pour the foundation, build a deck that is level with your front step, throw the columns and rafters up, put up the roofing, then add a rail and steps. Simple.


edit: What direction does the front of your house face?

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
have you considered the radical back deck or back porch [regional spellings]

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012
shovel your loving drive way

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Zippy the Bummer posted:

I actually just finished doing a much larger version of this this summer. Except the door opens to the kitchen, no living room. I built a wooden porch with a three " tall deck and metal roof on wooden columns, while also expanding the kitchen, so I had to cut/smash the entire wall and door out. It is time consuming but fairly straightforward. If you aren't expanding the living room, it should be even easier. The trickiest part will be pouring the foundation and doing the part where the roof joins the exterior wall.

Pour the foundation, build a deck that is level with your front step, throw the columns and rafters up, put up the roofing, then add a rail and steps. Simple.


edit: What direction does the front of your house face?

South.

I'm thinking a wrap around front porch into a sun room on the west side of the house. I have a pool in the back with a big deck, and a pond on the other side of the house so the meshed out sun room might be nice for smoking weed in at night without getting owned by bugs.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

fakiebeanplant posted:

yo uhave a lovely home

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Darkman Fanpage posted:

shovel your loving drive way

No.

Don't come to my house, I'll shoot at you. This isn't for other people to drive into, this is for me to not use ever and shoot at strangers that try to use it.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES
My kitchen faces west, and still gets quite a lot of light even with the roof outside. If your living room has southern exposure it should get sunlight all day even with a covered porch, I wouldn't worry.

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Thanks.

I can only get satellite internet all the way out here though so it's not that awesome.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

Dave_Indeed posted:

South.

I'm thinking a wrap around front porch into a sun room on the west side of the house.

That would be a lot easier than running a first-story roof around your recessed front stoop and that janky corner on the garage

edit: not the garage but the corner to the right of the door

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012
shovel your loving drive way

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

how many bathrooms

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Dave_Indeed posted:

Thanks.

I can only get satellite internet all the way out here though so it's not that awesome.

that sucks

symbolic posted:

how many bathrooms

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

symbolic posted:

how many bathrooms

3 full bathrooms, 1 half bath. I just finished the full bathroom in my basement so I can drink and game down there and not have to climb stairs to go pee in the shower.

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Darkman Fanpage posted:

shovel your loving drive way

I'm going to lock you in the school bus I buried in my back yard.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Dave_Indeed posted:

3 full bathrooms, 1 half bath. I just finished the full bathroom in my basement so I can drink and game down there and not have to climb stairs to go pee in the shower.

that is so cool. I wish I had credit so I could buy a cool house

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
You live in the country but you don't have a front porch.

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

You live in the country but you don't have a front porch.

I literally have nothing without a front porch says my wife.

Langolas
Feb 12, 2011

My mustache makes me sexy, not the hat

giant dildos as roof support and gaotse replacing your front door

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

You live in the country but you don't have a front porch.

yeah, thats why he asked us to design it for him

Shaquin
May 12, 2007

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Dave_Indeed posted:

I literally have nothing without a front porch says my wife.

Yeah that shits p much a teardown.

Wifi Toilet
Oct 1, 2004

Toilet Rascal
Here you go OP.



Make your house great again.

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

Dave_Indeed posted:

3 full bathrooms, 1 half bath. I just finished the full bathroom in my basement so I can drink and game down there and not have to climb stairs to go pee in the shower.
i wish i had money

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Have you considered removing the snow from your driveway, or maybe you could hire a poor to shovel your rich rear end driveway?

Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something
Trex is now offering the UBER-DECK.

Once the deck is installed, do not question the deck. Do not show your teeth around the deck. Do not look the deck directly in its joists. If the deck challenges you, do not run, simply be still and stare at the ground.


big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009



Fallen Rib

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

Trex is now offering the UBER-DECK.

Once the deck is installed, do not question the deck. Do not show your teeth around the deck. Do not look the deck directly in its joists. If the deck challenges you, do not run, simply be still and stare at the ground.



Minimum Syntaxing
Oct 29, 2008

He looks white, but he's the son of a black man!
Just get a gazebo you dingus.

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009



Fallen Rib

Fartmaster posted:

Just get a gazebo you dingus.

goatzebo sketch up on my phone real quick just to give you an idea of how grand it would look

Joust
Dec 7, 2007

No Ledges.
Nice try OP, here's the only change your house needs.

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR

pretty good idea, save on lawn mowers

Ex-Priest Tobin
May 25, 2014

by Reene
a photo of your wife would add some context

Digital Fingers
Sep 2, 2012

Ethelinda Sapsea
Aug 11, 2006

Jesse Eisenberg fighting Michael Cera. It's supposed to be bundles of twigs topped with brillo pads

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
design my dick, cumlord

Propaganda Hour
Aug 25, 2008



after editing wikipedia as a joke for 16 years, i ve convinced myself that homer simpson's japanese name translates to the "The beer goblin"

Ex-Priest Tobin posted:

a photo of your wife would add some context

Preferably loving the UPS guy

twoday
May 4, 2005



C-SPAM Times best-selling author
https://www.trex.com/build-your-deck/envision-your-deck/deck-designer/

Maybe this can help.

CJacobs
Apr 17, 2011

Reach for the moon!
The solution is not more porch, op, but more house

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spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Can I come and stay at your house? where do you live?

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