a hole-y ghost posted:

You might be a video gamer if you like big butts because you saw a big butt in a videogame, so because you get confused between video games and real life because you play a lot of videogames (videogamers know what I mean), sometimes when you're looking at something in real life (meaning not in the videogame, videogamers will "get" this), you can't tell if it's a real thing or a "fake" "virtual" thing like a 3d model or a 2d sprite, and so you like something that you thought was real because you saw it in the virtual world, and you're accustomed to the virtual video game world, so if you like something in the virtual world that's actually better than if you like it in the non video game real life world, and so you got confused between the video game world and the real life world, but you saw a butt in a video game that looked big because you play with a low FOV (field of view) setting (only gamers will get this, it's kind of an in joke) and it looked bigger than it would look in real life vision, so you like it in the video game but you got mistaken and thought you were seeing it in real life, but because you like things that you see in video games more you actually like big butts less than if you thought you were seeing them in a video game, but you still like them even though it's less than you would like them otherwise. You looked at the big butt and said wow that's a nice butt, but it would be better if it was in a video game, and it was rendered with millions of polygons and high tech physics simulations, and global illumination shaders. The butt crack would be darker because of an advanced screen space occlusion shader and the edges of the butt would look slightly brighter because of a well made fresnel lighting map. The butt would have been painted in an abstracted U/V unwrapped texture, now it's only impressive for one reason, that's because it's a big butt. If this was a video game I could lower my graphics settings to see what an inferior render of the butt would look like, but since this is in real life I can't do that because it's not possible, since you can't set the settings in real life (this makes real life vision less impressive than video game vision, because you can't take away the rendering methods one by one to see the difference they make). I like this big butt but if I saw it in a videogame it would be an interactive experience and therefore better and more immersive, whereas seeing big butts in real life is not as immersive because I can't interact with them, only look at them. And then you turn around and you realize you were looking at a computer screen the whole time, which surprises and disorients you, but then you realize you like big butts even more because in fact it was in a video game, not in the inferior non-video game real life, so you turn back to your computer and push Esc ("Escape" key, only true 1990s gamers will get this) to go to the Options menu and then click the Video button to see all the graphics options you can change. You click on Anti Aliasing, which was set to maximum, and it cycles to the lowest option, None. You push Esc again to look at the big butt, and it looks pretty much the same but the edges are more rigid and pixelated. Nice, you think, my graphics card lets me look at big butts smoothed out so that the edges are smoothed out, that's better than my current vision in real life, which doesn't let me do that. You go back to Video options and turn off real time reflections, and go back to the game. Now the big butt isn't visible in the mirror next to you, so you can only see 1 big butt. Instead of showing the big butt from a different angle, now the mirror only shows a prerendered cubemap which seems to show a reflection of the room but minus the big butt. You go back and turn real time reflections back on. Yow, you think, that's technology. Where there was one butt, now there are two big butts. Next you go really close to the big butt, until you start to see the limits of the texture map, which is only 8192 by 8192 pixels. Thats what I like, you think, it's high resolution but there's a limit. It's tangible, the virtual butt, where a real butt is messy and you can't see everything there is to see even if you have a microscope. I don't like that, you think, I want to have control over the butt I can see.

Lumpy the Cook posted:

Novo posted:

- you come to gbs from the games forum to melt down when people make jokes about games or gamers

a hole-y ghost posted:

Haha, yeah, I guess you can say I have the bug, the video game bug that is, or you could also say the glitch. Glitch is what bugs in video games used to be called, and sometimes you still call them that. You could say I need a "patch," because "patch" can also mean a fix for real life things like clothes or skin, except real life patches are usually inferior to video game patches, because video game patches are meant to be a permanent fix that results in the video game being superior compared to before, but real life patches are usually a temporary fix that means you end up with something shoddy or inferior to the original product. Dr. Mario might have two kinds of "patches," because video games can have patches, and because doctors might give an injured person a "patch" (although for the gamers out there, here is a quick disclaimer, medical doctors might give something that could be considered a "patch" informally but more properly should be referred to as a bandage).

Applewhite posted:

Haha the joke actually works on multiple levels (get it?) because a "patch" can also be used to administer nicotine to help people overcome an addiction to cigarettes and you might say you're "addicted" to video games because you play them so much they're actually having a detrimental effect on your health and personal relationships hahaha!!!

social vegan posted:

haha nice u might be a gamer if u like the vido game's rear end

The Fattest PI posted:

You might be a videogamer if you get offended about dumb poo poo and cry on the internet about it.

Booblord Zagats posted:

-Waiting for dead wife to finally respawn

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

I've been playing Blizzard Entertainment games since The Lost Vikings on SNES.

Applewhite posted:

Well the fact is... we don't have all the facts. We don't know for sure what causes gaming and until we do... well... there's no hope for a cure.

extra stout posted:

your whole identity is based on a shirt printed in 2014 about a game from 1988 that you never beat

killertunes posted:

You log into your game after a big patch and starting asking everyone what changed without reading the patch notes yourself.

Quote-Unquote posted:

you openly refer to yourself as a rapist when you beat somebody in a game

social vegan posted:

you eat pasta sauce for dinner alone in the dark kinda jerkin but not really going anywher ermembering her what she meant to u but now ur hero this is the only prego in ur lif

Your Dead Gay Son posted: