Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Carmant
Nov 23, 2015


Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?


Let's talk about sex. I am a highly sexual person, and completely the opposite of a demisexual. I do not require any emotional attachment to someone to have sex. It is simply sex to me; to be honest, sex without previous emotional attachment is usually better in my opinion. That does not mean that I can't have sex with someone that I am attached to and it be meaningful, it just simply means that I do not require that to have sex.

I am attracted to masculinity. That is not to say that I'm an effeminate bottom and need to be dominated. If you need to define people with those labels, we probably aren't compatible. Also, that is not gender-specific. I have met plenty of masculine women that really turn me on. (OITNB is full of them if you need reference) However, I struggle with gender. As vulgar or promiscuous as this may sound to you, I just really like dick. I can not imagine being in a successful relationship without dick. I have no problems at all with dating women, I'm just not sure that the sex would really work... which ultimately would result in a failing relationship.

Physically, I am attracted to average-looking people. I am not attracted to people who appreciate being able to see their ribs and I am not attracted to people that are morbidly obese. I appreciate a belly and some body hair. I do not want any to spend any amount of time wondering if I think they are "attractive enough". That is self-deprecating and terrible. Yes, I have standards, but I assure you they are far looser than what your average Grindr user is looking for. Also, just being honest, do not lie about your dick size. Size matters to me. A REAL six inches is totally fine. More than that is appreciated, but by no means a requirement. However, if you have a penis the size of a standard trapezoidal eraser, we will not be having sex. I've had enough sex in my life to know that a three inch penis is not going to satisfy me, no matter how much I care about you. It is an ugly truth, I know.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
I got a big dick, ama

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Carmant posted:

Let's talk about sex.
i have enough regrets about sex already

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
my penis is negative six inches

HENGRY BUNG
Jan 15, 2015

8-Bit Scholar posted:

I got a big dick, ama

how big is it?

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

8-Bit Scholar posted:

I got a big dick, ama

pm me

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
ive had sex before. So what?

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator
Hello sexhaver welcome to the Something Awful Forums™

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
No dick pics guys sorry, strict policy, live performances only. You can check the tour dates on my website, once it gets up.

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator
Or should I say well-cum ??? LOL!

No I should not because that is not how to spell the word welcome.

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
I'm not gonna read all that poo poo. You got some kind of wild hair up your rear end OP?

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

Carmant posted:

Let's talk about sex. I am a highly sexual person, and completely the opposite of a demisexual. I do not require any emotional attachment to someone to have sex. It is simply sex to me; to be honest, sex without previous emotional attachment is usually better in my opinion. That does not mean that I can't have sex with someone that I am attached to and it be meaningful, it just simply means that I do not require that to have sex.

I am attracted to masculinity. That is not to say that I'm an effeminate bottom and need to be dominated. If you need to define people with those labels, we probably aren't compatible. Also, that is not gender-specific. I have met plenty of masculine women that really turn me on. (OITNB is full of them if you need reference) However, I struggle with gender. As vulgar or promiscuous as this may sound to you, I just really like dick. I can not imagine being in a successful relationship without dick. I have no problems at all with dating women, I'm just not sure that the sex would really work... which ultimately would result in a failing relationship.

Physically, I am attracted to average-looking people. I am not attracted to people who appreciate being able to see their ribs and I am not attracted to people that are morbidly obese. I appreciate a belly and some body hair. I do not want any to spend any amount of time wondering if I think they are "attractive enough". That is self-deprecating and terrible. Yes, I have standards, but I assure you they are far looser than what your average Grindr user is looking for. Also, just being honest, do not lie about your dick size. Size matters to me. A REAL six inches is totally fine. More than that is appreciated, but by no means a requirement. However, if you have a penis the size of a standard trapezoidal eraser, we will not be having sex. I've had enough sex in my life to know that a three inch penis is not going to satisfy me, no matter how much I care about you. It is an ugly truth, I know.

Three olives alt spotted

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
Sex: yes please

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

Isaac posted:

Sex: yes please

Sex with the op: no thanks

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy
You lost me at demisexual. Does that mean that you sleep with demons or something?

Iirc, that's how you end up with a evil spider baby

WIFEY WATCHDOG
Jun 25, 2012

Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.
if you aint eaten ya partner's booty then 100% someone else is, this is a fact op

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

ChrisHansen posted:

You lost me at demisexual. Does that mean that you sleep with demons or something?

Iirc, that's how you end up with a evil spider baby

It means sex with demi moore or in other wirds a milf hunter

Mukulu
Jul 14, 2006

Stop. Drop. Shut 'em down open up shop.
Punch it, Hurb
Yo, I don't think we should talk about this
Come on, why not?
People might misunderstand what we're tryin' to say, you know?
No, but that's a part of life)

Come on

[CHORUS]

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cuz that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin

[CHORUS]

Hot to trot, make any man's eyes pop
She use what she got to get whatever she don't got
Fellas drool like fools, but then again they're only human
The chick was a hit because her body was boomin'
Gold, pearls, rubies, crazy diamonds
Nothin' she ever wore was ever common
Her dates heads of state, men of taste
Lawyers, doctors, no one was too great for her to get with
Or even mess with, the Prez she says was next on her list
And believe me, you, it's as good as true
There ain't a man alive that she couldn't get next to
She had it all in the bag so she should have been glad
But she was mad and sad and feelin' bad
Thinkin' about the things that she never had
No love, just sex, followed next with a check and a note
That last night was dope

Let's talk about sex, baby (sing it)
Let's talk about you and me (sing it, sing it)
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex (come on)
Let's talk about sex (do it)
Let's talk about sex (uh-huh)
Let's talk about sex

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out
Come on, all the ladies - let's talk about sex, all right
[repeat]

(Yo, Pep, I don't think they're gonna play this on the radio
And why not? Everybody has sex
I mean, everybody should be makin' love
Come on, how many guys you know make love?)

[CHORUS]

Archer666
Dec 27, 2008
I sexed once. It was horrible.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
Eat caca dookie op

George Sex - REAL
Dec 1, 2005

Bisssssssexual
Check my post history for a good sex thread.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Carmant posted:

Let's talk about sex. I am a highly sexual person, and completely the opposite of a demisexual. I do not require any emotional attachment to someone to have sex. It is simply sex to me; to be honest, sex without previous emotional attachment is usually better in my opinion. That does not mean that I can't have sex with someone that I am attached to and it be meaningful, it just simply means that I do not require that to have sex.

I am attracted to masculinity. That is not to say that I'm an effeminate bottom and need to be dominated. If you need to define people with those labels, we probably aren't compatible. Also, that is not gender-specific. I have met plenty of masculine women that really turn me on. (OITNB is full of them if you need reference) However, I struggle with gender. As vulgar or promiscuous as this may sound to you, I just really like dick. I can not imagine being in a successful relationship without dick. I have no problems at all with dating women, I'm just not sure that the sex would really work... which ultimately would result in a failing relationship.

Physically, I am attracted to average-looking people. I am not attracted to people who appreciate being able to see their ribs and I am not attracted to people that are morbidly obese. I appreciate a belly and some body hair. I do not want any to spend any amount of time wondering if I think they are "attractive enough". That is self-deprecating and terrible. Yes, I have standards, but I assure you they are far looser than what your average Grindr user is looking for. Also, just being honest, do not lie about your dick size. Size matters to me. A REAL six inches is totally fine. More than that is appreciated, but by no means a requirement. However, if you have a penis the size of a standard trapezoidal eraser, we will not be having sex. I've had enough sex in my life to know that a three inch penis is not going to satisfy me, no matter how much I care about you. It is an ugly truth, I know.

have you ever, you know, had sex?

various cheeses
Jan 24, 2013

That's a really long winded way to get around the word filter op.

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe

various cheeses posted:

That's a really long winded way to get around the word filter op.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
People who talk down about "Anal is popular now...." like it's some travesty. Bitch, the butt stuff been around since time immemorial.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

various cheeses posted:

That's a really long winded way to get around the word filter op.

ha

George Zimmer
Jun 28, 2008
My dick is so small that people pay to see/mock it. The abuse is severe but the money is good.

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator

Wicker Man posted:

People who talk down about "Anal is popular now...." like it's some travesty. Bitch, the butt stuff been around since time immemorial.

Wisdom of the ancients, brother

Or as Aristophanes said: "A hole is a hole is a hole. Now suck my dick"

lonelylikezoidberg
Dec 19, 2007

drat horror queefs posted:

Wisdom of the ancients, brother

Or as Aristophanes said: "A hole is a hole is a hole. Now suck my dick"

All it takes is one Greek comedy to realize we've been making dick jokes as long as we've had language, and as long as humanity exists in any form, we'll be making dick jokes.

gently caress, even after the singularity happens and we're computer programs we'll still be trying to get laid and brag about cocks

lonelylikezoidberg fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Apr 3, 2016

down n out
Sep 16, 2008

Nap Ghost
It turns me on when the girl loathes me and I'm like ow your teeth are scraping my dick and she sighs loudly and rolls her eyes

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
i am attracted to AIDS

Carmant
Nov 23, 2015


Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?


Mumpy Puffinz posted:

have you ever, you know, had sex?

Err.. no

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

dad gay. so what posted:

i am attracted to AIDS

yeah, they are usually pretty cute, but why did you spell it in all caps?

drunk dog
Apr 6, 2014

Resident Millennial

dad gay. so what posted:

i am attracted to AIDS

bug chaser

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Carmant posted:

Err.. no

you should try it. its pretty fun

Mr. Unlucky
Nov 1, 2006

by R. Guyovich
well you know what you like, good luck on your path

Motherfucker
Jul 16, 2011

I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.
I'm always doing a sex and have stuck my penis in many vagoober

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Motherfucker posted:

I'm always doing a sex and have stuck my penis in many vagoober

thats nice. the adults are talking now.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
I don't want to have any sex thanks.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Ill Peripheral
Jun 29, 2008

various cheeses posted:

That's a really long winded way to get around the word filter op.

  • Locked thread