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ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

You have Atrial premature beats

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ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Acrocyanosis!

This sounds like a good one. look it up and i bet there's some nice pics

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
999

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

scroll up

you jack oval office

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

ooh good choice.

You got Lysteria!

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
24601

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
1234 which is coincidentally the combination for my luggage

Oh boy I hope its cancer. Somewhere around lower back region to be precise.

Colonel Cancer fucked around with this message at 20:57 on Apr 20, 2016

Overwined
Sep 22, 2008

Wine can of their wits the wise beguile,
Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile.
$1, Bob!

mbt
Aug 13, 2012

ChrisHansen posted:

scroll up

you jack oval office

i thought it was 1 per page wtf

152

i just want aids

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Cells.

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

911

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Mortimer posted:

i thought it was 1 per page wtf

152

i just want aids

You get atrial flutter.

Pretty boring tbh

ArmedZombie
Jun 6, 2004

219.

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Lymphocytic leukocytosis

Try saying that five times fast!

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

ChrisHansen posted:

Lymphocytic leukocytosis

Try saying that five times fast!
bush did it

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

This is new. You got the title page for the Section on lung and airway disorders.

Take your pick!

Anything from bronchitis to pulmonary embolism

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

ChrisHansen posted:

You've got Cardiac Tamponade

whatever the hell it is, this book says you should treat it as a medical emergency and go to the hospital

Your heart rests in a sack. If fluid collects between this sack and your heart (this can happen a few ways) your heart can no longer expand and contract very well and if it gets worse you die because no blood gets to your brain.

They treat it by sticking a wicked long needle into your heart sack, hopefully without also jabbing your heart because that will send it into a chaotic rhythm that may require other aggressive intervention, and suck out the fluid. Then they inject a little of this compound that basically causes the pericardium (the sack) to adhere to the heart again so that hopefully it doesn't fill back up with fluid. This compound is related to anther compound that exists in coffee. In 2009 or so there was supposedly a case where a long term care nurse put coffee in an IV pump machine instead of in the feeding machine that looked fairly similar that was next to it. I say supposedly because this seems beyond the pall of idiocy but I do remember some kind of documentation on it. The patient of course died.

Tamponade is an interesting case for students of emergency medicine because it's one of a very very small number of conditions where the diastolic blood pressure matters. Blood pressure consists of two numbers. The first number is when your heart is at maximum squeeze and is as high as it gets on that beast. The second number is at full relax. As the pericardium fills with fluid these two numbers get closer and closer because of the restricted mobility of the heart muscle. You can predict the time where the patient will die if you have a good record of these blood pressures because you will see the numbers narrowing to an unacceptable point (this doesn't matter much because if you suspect tamponade it's a dire emergency and the patient will be rushed to the interventionist, preferably a thoracic surgeon, as quickly as possible). In most other emergency medical cases only the systolic pressure is really needed to make treatment decisions (too low for trauma, too high for CPE or stroke, etc). This is good news in an emergency setting because while you can palpate the systolic pressure (unless it is so low that you cannot feel it -- this itself is diagnostic of serious problems however) you need to listen with a scope to get diastolic, and this isn't always possible or reasonable with background noise and patient movent &c.

Please note that there are lots of medical circumstances where it's wise to consider diastolic pressures (many of these involve using a rule of thumb to compute the MAP, or mean arterial pressure, which is the number most closely correlated to perfusions), but in emergency medicine it is a mere curiosity instead of a treatment selecting piece of information, except in tamponade.

raton fucked around with this message at 21:10 on Apr 20, 2016

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
690

If that's taken 960

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy
You forgot to pick a number Mr goats

Nvm

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Sheep-Goats posted:

690

If that's taken 960

P 690 is flatulence!


Hahaha

Farts!

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
lucky number 14!

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

ChrisHansen posted:

P 690 is flatulence!


Hahaha

Farts!

Thread won bitches

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Mozi posted:

lucky number 14!

You're shooting yourself in the foot here, bud.

The good stuff is after p 150


14 is all about aging

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
no... no! ... i can feel it starting!

ArmedZombie
Jun 6, 2004

ChrisHansen posted:

This is new. You got the title page for the Section on lung and airway disorders.

Take your pick!

Anything from bronchitis to pulmonary embolism

hell yeah. i choose black lung, the most metal of lung and airway disorders.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

1234

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

Oh poo poo we might have some competition with the goatman.

Dysfunctional uterine bleeding

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

ChrisHansen posted:

Oh poo poo we might have some competition with the goatman.

Dysfunctional uterine bleeding

Superpower: Mega Menstruation

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
How about 719? It's one of those numbers that follows me around.

TheReverend
Jun 21, 2005

555

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

ChrisHansen posted:

Oh poo poo we might have some competition with the goatman.

Dysfunctional uterine bleeding

This is literally bitches not getting they period. Not as metal as I thought it would be!

0xAYN
Nov 22, 2010

idk lol
1111

edit: my keyboard hates me

0xAYN fucked around with this message at 21:34 on Apr 20, 2016

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

criscodisco posted:

How about 719? It's one of those numbers that follows me around.

It looks like you're getting a liver biopsy!

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

You've got ocd!

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy

You're not paying attention

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
969

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it

ChrisHansen posted:

It looks like you're getting a liver biopsy!

Christ lol, that hits close to home. Thanks!

Unknowable Hole
Feb 2, 2005


Pillbug
916

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 10, 2009

1248

E: I hope it's terminal and fast.

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SilkyP
Jul 21, 2004

The Boo-Box

Wait no I don't want a disease!

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