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Uncle from Nintendo reporting that Mortal Kombat XI for the new NX console will "definitely have blood, a lot of red blood"
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Apr 21, 2016 00:20
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-Coming up In Sports Tech: Basketball Shoes, Not Just For Basketball Anymore? we'll tell you how
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Apr 21, 2016 00:25
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The president has a snapchat and you won't believe his snaps Where to live in the next hot tech spot Des Moines, Iowa How Compuserve became a thing again
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Apr 21, 2016 00:42
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North Korean tech news : the hand operated nuclear bomb is being tested next Thursday
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Apr 21, 2016 00:43
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- Internet Tech: 9 Webpages with Naked Pictures, Is this the Future of Smut?
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Apr 21, 2016 00:43
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-New Crystal Ball shaped smartphone the Arcane Nexus S7 is a huge hit with wizards.
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Apr 21, 2016 00:52
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-Later in Future Tech: a tube that sucks farts out of your rear end and converts them into harmless .mp3 files. It could revolutionize flatulence.
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Apr 21, 2016 00:52
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HIPSTER TECH NEWS: first vinyl, whats next?? will cassette, betamax, or minidisc make a comeback???
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Apr 21, 2016 00:58
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-Doctors at Harvard medical school claim to have found a cure for the HIV virus. "Just don't gently caress so much." says sr. director of HIV research Dr. Manischewitz
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Apr 21, 2016 00:59
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-"Popsicles are delicious, especially during this hot weather." say marijuana researchers at Johns Hopkins school of medicine.
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Apr 21, 2016 01:06
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-Nature Tech: The debate over whether iguanas are the biggest lizard continues. HS Senior Brad "Skillet" Wiggins maintains "iguanas are the biggest lizard fam, drat dawg look it up" while Reptilogists disagree "there are way bigger lizards. Brad is a moron."
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Apr 21, 2016 01:07
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-Researchers at CERN released an announcement today that work at the large hadron collider has come to a complete halt when it was discovered that the higgs boson is basically just some weird thing they made up to get more funding.
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Apr 21, 2016 01:10
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Popular news site gets a modern redesign! We've replaced menus, links, and category pages with colored squares to make it more like a tablet app! We've also packed in a few hundred scripts to bring you customized
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Apr 21, 2016 01:14
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-Vape Tech: Despite its growing popularity, vape researchers continue to struggle with a very big problem. "it just looks so dumb." says head researcher Val Milker, "it doesnt matter how or where or which device you use, you look like a complete jackass, just ridiculous."
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Apr 21, 2016 01:28
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My phone has a loving stopwatch!
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Apr 21, 2016 01:35
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-More Sports Tech: Athletic Shoes for Women. We explain why and how it could effect your commute.
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Apr 21, 2016 01:44
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-Top 10 tips on how to win lawsuits against cyber bullies. -Breaking news on revolutionary technology that you will never hear about again after this. -New gaming console face scanning technology makes all in game avatars look like blobs with glasses.
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Apr 21, 2016 01:48
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-Despite millions of dollars in research and focus groups, Hell Yeah's poor posting performance has yet to be improved. Engineers are going back to square one.
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Apr 21, 2016 01:52
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-Pet Tech: New tech that turns ferrets into strips of velcro. Finally, a useful ferret. Stick around for our report.
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Apr 21, 2016 01:57
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-Quitting Tech: In a statement released just minutes ago JiveHonky has said he will no longer be a correspondent for Half-Assed Tech News "I have to go home," the statement read, "my shift is over and besides I'm out of fake Tech News."
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Apr 21, 2016 02:15
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-All the new developers at my company smell like a armpit and don't flush the toilet. With them comes a new barometer for success: "It wasnt working until we give the service account access to all the databases and now it works so we closed the ticket" -Samarjit.
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Apr 21, 2016 02:36
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smartphones are now so slim you can snap them in half and eat them like a small flat cake or cracker.
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Apr 21, 2016 02:57
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JiveHonky posted:-Smart Phones continue to be popular, and getting thinner sources say. one analyst predicts "they will probably get pretty thin. maybe this thin." *holds finger and thumb almost touching* you ain't holding it right- fruit magnate stephen jobs
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Apr 21, 2016 03:03
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New in entertainment technology. A new thing, that was also a new thing in the 90's! A thing you put on your face that has LCD screens really, really close to your eyes and also an accelerometer. Climb a mountain! Fly a fighter jet! Do virtual yard work! Put yourself right in the middle of the action and make yourself motion sickness for under a thousand dollars!
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Apr 21, 2016 03:34
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epsilon posted:Uncle from Nintendo reporting that Mortal Kombat XI for the new NX console will "definitely have blood, a lot of red blood" Reporting in: this is true! But it will require the use of a secret code.
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Apr 21, 2016 03:41
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-Sony release a new thing. Hit the jump to find out what it is or if it's even a thing -Breaking News: Smart penises are coming (yes we saw the pun. Hit the jump for more puns) -Yemen to replace all dumb things with smart tech in their big "Yemen Smart Tech" push. Hit the jump to find out which desert this is in. -Women to be replaced with VR release of Ghost in the Shell. Hit the Jump for Beta invites.
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Apr 21, 2016 03:44
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-AUTOMOTIVE TECH: All-electric vehicle technology invented decades ago but gently caress you, you're never getting one.
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Apr 21, 2016 03:58
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BOOBIES!! HOT SEXY BOOBS AND BUTTES, RIGHT ON YOUR TECH!!!!
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Apr 21, 2016 04:03
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Stay tuned to meet the smug 30 year old man who decided to gameify something. That's still a thing, right?
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Apr 21, 2016 04:05
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Today one tech startup made a boatload of money because Google bought them. Way way more startups closed up and tons of people lost all their money because Google didn't want to buy them and they had no idea how to convince their users to actually pay for their product.
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Apr 21, 2016 04:08
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Maldoror posted:BOOBIES!! HOT SEXY BOOBS AND BUTTES, RIGHT ON YOUR TECH!!!! Where?
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Apr 21, 2016 04:09
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Desktops the color of spoiled milk are making a BIG comeback. You heard it here first.
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Apr 21, 2016 04:27
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tardwrangler posted:Desktops the color of spoiled milk are making a BIG comeback. I cleaned it up
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Apr 21, 2016 04:29
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-fuckin computers man.
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Apr 21, 2016 04:29
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Maldoror posted:BOOBIES!! HOT SEXY BOOBS AND BUTTES, RIGHT ON YOUR TECH!!!! There is one with a "pussy" but you have to be 18 to see the pussy which is behind a " drywall".
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Apr 21, 2016 04:34
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-New Tech: A new phone app will allow users to preemptively tell forums user Drad_Bert to "Get in the jail!"
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Apr 21, 2016 04:37
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-Awards Tech: An image of former Apple co-founder Steve Jobs has been voted Worst Wallpaper for 2016. A close second place was claimed by "all those dumb images of generic cyber ladies" 
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Apr 21, 2016 05:05
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- Crime Tech: Cybercrimes analyst Leshawn V. says hackers will soon get all the anime. "The technology is there, if they want the anime they can get it. It's really only a matter of time." Above: tech savvy criminals like this will get the anime.
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Apr 21, 2016 05:24
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JiveHonky posted:-Awards Tech: An image of former Apple co-founder Steve Jobs has been voted Worst Wallpaper for 2016. A close second place was claimed by "all those dumb images of generic cyber ladies" Jack knows all about memes
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Apr 21, 2016 05:33
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:Jack knows all about memes what who is jack, is this tech news
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Apr 21, 2016 05:43
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