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raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Rare disorder!

"What little evidence we have suggests that someone formerly known to you has been co-opted by a malicious spirit and will soon come to you in the night, attaching itself to your back, running its thin inch long immaterial claws through your flesh, giving you every unpleasant sensation you would receive as if they were material, but none of the physical damage. The creature also reads lists of items it feels you might be interested in from catalogs unceasingly into your left ear"

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remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
I want to play! 1543

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Y'all got "Jock Lich". A diminutive undead spellcaster has made your nether regions his permanent home. No attempt of permanent removal works, as his philastery is hidden deep inside your nutsack. The itch is unbearable, and every once in a while a random paladin gives you a righteous kick in the nuts.

Choco1980
Feb 22, 2013

I fell in love with a Video Nasty
1414

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Colonel Cancer posted:

Y'all got "Jock Lich". A diminutive undead spellcaster has made your nether regions his permanent home. No attempt of permanent removal works, as his philastery is hidden deep inside your nutsack. The itch is unbearable, and every once in a while a random paladin gives you a righteous kick in the nuts.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Silver lung

As your net personal wealth approaches the regional mean more and more thin flakes of silver begin appearing in your respiratory tract, giving you valuable confetti coughs as well as an irritating case of COPD

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Colonel Cancer posted:

999

I hope its not golem fever...

Colorectal golemic displacement

Turd shaped golems crawl out of the toilet when you fall asleep and attempt to remove and displace any feces in your digestive tract. Like all golems these are nearly invincible and your general state of continual bed making GBS threads with never abating constipation will not end until your death or, possibly, unless you gently caress a dog or raccoon.

Takane
Aug 24, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
321311

cyberia
Jun 24, 2011

Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.
6121

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

65478

Hate Fibration
Apr 8, 2013

FLÄSHYN!
72211

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Description of academic process for including or excluding particular references

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Everything in your body has stopped growing except for your joints, you will soon look like one of those articulating dolls they use in drawing class

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Liminal transporting flatulence

Each fart cause a microteleportation. There is significant risk that you could be teleported a few inches into some solid material item such as a computer chair or parkay floor, causing atomic melding and indescribable pain. It is suggested you hold your farts in until you can get your clothes off and make it to the middle of the room, doing a small hop before each release.

Rabbit Hill
Mar 11, 2009

God knows what lives in me in place of me.
Grimey Drawer
27

Nurse Fanny
Aug 14, 2007

Sheep-Goats posted:

You continually lactate grease

yeah im what you would call "swarthy" so this adds up

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

rolling 571

oh man I hope I get a good one!

Ork of Fiction
Jul 22, 2013
311 :slick:

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Sheep-Goats posted:

Rare disorder!

"What little evidence we have suggests that someone formerly known to you has been co-opted by a malicious spirit and will soon come to you in the night, attaching itself to your back, running its thin inch long immaterial claws through your flesh, giving you every unpleasant sensation you would receive as if they were material, but none of the physical damage. The creature also reads lists of items it feels you might be interested in from catalogs unceasingly into your left ear"

This is why you never trust pi. :colbert:

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
1337

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

that's the ant thing

boom boom boom
Jun 28, 2012

by Shine
444

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord
do 123456

if someone's already done that, do 654321 or 6677766

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Pannic Blood Tubers

Microscopic prankster goat gods float on innertubes down the branches of your circulatory system, throwing beer cans and horn casings up on the banks as they go along, hootin and hollerin

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
151

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Sheep-Goats posted:

Pannic Blood Tubers

Microscopic prankster goat gods float on innertubes down the branches of your circulatory system, throwing beer cans and horn casings up on the banks as they go along, hootin and hollerin

This seems more like a blessing.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

"Use Euler's method with three steps of width delta x = 1/3 to approximate y(1) if dy/x = xy and and the y-intercept of the solution of the differential equation is (0, -2), or be thrown into the lake of fire"

boom boom boom
Jun 28, 2012

by Shine

VendaGoat posted:

This seems more like a blessing.

generally speaking, you want your circulatory system relatively free of debris

Vastarien
Dec 20, 2012

Where I live is nightmare, thus a certain nonchalance.



Buglord
1488

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Argent-Demonic/Hyperionic Disorder

Your guardian spirit alternates between showering blessings on yourself and cursing those nearest to you, making you even more of a pariah than your stinking goon rear end should be.

Ferretten
Jun 13, 2006
behind tired eyes, behind tired eyes, he is waiting. and knowing our destinies.

okay 210985

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

boom boom boom posted:

generally speaking, you want your circulatory system relatively free of debris

I disagree.

I hope my blood is littered with red and white blood cells, plasma and other substances necessary for life.

The last thing I want is just water coursing through my veins.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

remigious posted:

I want to play! 1543

Common Cold (Folk Derivation)

Runny nose, headache, and stuffy sinuses, all actually caused by being outside without a jacket on rather than a viral illness. Treatable by warm soup, fresh country air, card from grandma.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Filmic adherence

When in contact with any surface that has been coated, whether by a thin film of water, oil, paint, Armor All, &c., the film slowly multiplies and attempts to envelop you.

It suggest strongly you remove the rubber piss protector from under your bedsheet. I assume you are already completely "diligent" toward preventing other nocturnal emissions.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Sheep-Goats posted:

The Skrits

It's taking about you soul-mind attachment becoming frail whereby you fail to know yourself and start becoming prone to demonic influence, I don't really understand it all


Sheep-Goats posted:

You retain a kind of fluid that ants desire with all of their being and your also make these shrill burps that alert ants to your location

raton fucked around with this message at 01:12 on Apr 21, 2016

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Banshee's Transference

Any music with lyrics (including Peter Framptonesq guitar voices) have those lyrics replaced with the wail of the banshee, a sound beyond horrifying, yet also compelling. You frequently end up listening to The End by the The Doors like twelve times in a row but instead of Morrison rambling on about babby's first Oedipus it's just howls

Takane
Aug 24, 2015

by FactsAreUseless

Sheep-Goats posted:

Banshee's Transference

Any music with lyrics (including Peter Framptonesq guitar voices) have those lyrics replaced with the wail of the banshee, a sound beyond horrifying, yet also compelling. You frequently end up listening to The End by the The Doors like twelve times in a row but instead of Morrison rambling on about babby's first Oedipus it's just howls

HELL yeah, that's awesome.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

A grey witch has used a kind of astral acid on the parts of your brain that prevent you from confessing dark desires to friends, family, and colleagues. Fortunately this does not apply to social media so you are safe, for now.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Wrack Spiders have cocooned you into their web, the parts of you that matter in any case. Healers may try to reach you in the form of aggressive fratbros in bars, enraged policemen, or the fathers of daughters whose honor you have insulted. It is in your best interest to egg them on whenever possible so that they may help shift you back into your real body, which may give you the strength to escape the spider's silks.

There's a footnote that says this entry may have been placed into the book by a less-than-clever prankster imp, but that it may also be legitimate. If you believe you have been cocooned by Wrack Spiders it has an email address you can use to enroll in a study.

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Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot
798000

I'd imagien they ran out of poo poo by then.

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