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ive been watching forensic files on HLN for the past 5 hours, here are some key takeaways: -don't ejaculate in or on or near your victims -don't leave your blood, hair, or spit in or near any crime scenes -if the cops know you did it don't go to dairy queen because they will follow you around until you throw away your spoon and they will get your dna off it and link you to mistakes made in points 1 and 2 if there are any other great lifehacks for evading prosecution plz do the needful and share with the class. thanks.
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:52 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 04:25 |
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watch out for this guy he doesn't even have dna!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:53 |
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I think you can get away with rape and murder by not actually doing it.
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:54 |
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jerk off everywhere then your dna is everywhere and u have plausible deniability
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:55 |
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antifreeze is traceable
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:56 |
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don't keep your receipt for Conway's Olde Fashioned Rat and Mouse Poison after you poison two wealthy texas sisters
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:57 |
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BeefThief posted:ive been watching forensic files on HLN for the past 5 hours, here are some key takeaways: Counterpoint, go to DQ and carry an extra spoon with you with someone else's DNA on it and throw that out.
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# ? May 3, 2016 04:59 |
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I was watching one of those Investigation Discovery shows and in one episode the police were following around this dude, trying to get a DNA sample. The guy goes to a restaurant, eats, and leaves behind a fork. The police are all like "we got him now!". So they collect the fork and have it sent off to be tested. Turns out to be worthless because it's also full of other people's DNA. loving gross, right? lol
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# ? May 3, 2016 05:19 |
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i used to watch a lot of forensic files as a kid until one night there was a case about a dad that murdered his kid by choking him to death while he was eating cereal and i became paranoid that i would get killed while eating cereal so i spent the next year and a half only eating cereal when my dad was out of the house
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# ? May 3, 2016 05:22 |
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i hope your mom never gets murdered, op. they would never find out who killed her because she is covered in semen from her many, many sexual partners 24/7.
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# ? May 3, 2016 05:27 |
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Vastarien posted:I was watching one of those Investigation Discovery shows and in one episode the police were following around this dude, trying to get a DNA sample. The guy goes to a restaurant, eats, and leaves behind a fork. The police are all like "we got him now!". So they collect the fork and have it sent off to be tested. Turns out to be worthless because it's also full of other people's DNA. loving gross, right? lol drat that restaurant was serving long pig and they just got a pass
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# ? May 3, 2016 05:53 |
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symbolic posted:i used to watch a lot of forensic files as a kid until one night there was a case about a dad that murdered his kid by choking him to death while he was eating cereal and i became paranoid that i would get killed while eating cereal so i spent the next year and a half only eating cereal when my dad was out of the house When I was a kid my mom rented me a movie about a little kid who finds out his parents are killing people and butchering them for their meat. My mom made baby back ribs at least once a week growing up, and I'd get really nauseous every time she served them for dinner. My tip is that a guy here got arrested a few years ago for killing his twin brother but he later got off because he had eaten a cheeseburger earlier and rubbed his hand on the wall and it made that luminol stuff light up. So rub cheeseburgers on everything.
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# ? May 3, 2016 05:53 |
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it actually turns out the FBI forensics labs have been straight-up lying about positive matches for decades, so just because you don't leave DNA behind and/or didn't actually commit the crime, that doesn't mean you aren't going down as guilty. this isn't a joke
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# ? May 3, 2016 06:03 |
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DNA evidence can only stick to poor people
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# ? May 3, 2016 06:06 |
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criscodisco posted:When I was a kid my mom rented me a movie about a little kid who finds out his parents are killing people and butchering them for their meat. Parents (1989). Good poo poo!
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# ? May 3, 2016 06:08 |
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buried deep stays buried still
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# ? May 3, 2016 08:14 |
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Beerlioz are you making threads again? Godamnit
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# ? May 3, 2016 08:19 |
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Microwaves Mom posted:Counterpoint, GATTACA was a documentary on how to commit murder.
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# ? May 3, 2016 08:33 |
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dont take out insurance policies on the spouse you're going to off 3 days later
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# ? May 3, 2016 09:20 |
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Drain your body of all fluids and you won't spill them at the crime scene!!
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:01 |
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Woden posted:GATTACA was a documentary on how to commit murder. identity theft & obscured suicide*
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:02 |
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BeefThief posted:-don't ejaculate in or on or near your victims Way to suck the fun out of the room.
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:08 |
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Zorodius posted:it actually turns out the FBI forensics labs have been straight-up lying about positive matches for decades, so just because you don't leave DNA behind and/or didn't actually commit the crime, that doesn't mean you aren't going down as guilty. Most of those aren't actual fbi labs run by the wasteful lazy government, they're efficient private industry labs
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:13 |
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As a scientist I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. All DNA is the same and we can't really tell it apart. The only reason its used in Forensics is to falsely convict black people of heinous crimes.
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:19 |
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is it true that women have different DNA than men because there from another planet??
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:48 |
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Ahundredbux posted:is it true that women have different DNA than men because there from another planet?? Women don't have much DNA. They have RNA that makes extra proteins. That's why their skin is softer and they can have babies
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:52 |
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SurfaceDetail posted:Women don't have much DNA. They have RNA that makes extra proteins. That's why their skin is softer and they can have babies this is why women are teh way they are - they are biologically programmed to extract the dna and life force from innocent men and ruin their lives
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:56 |
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I don't know if I'd frame it in those terms but the underlying theory is correct. Men have to give part of themselves, losing precious moisture, Life. To reproduce. The man is the giver of life. Its a magical process.
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# ? May 3, 2016 12:59 |
If you burn off all your DNA you won't leave any at the crime scene. Hope this helps.
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# ? May 3, 2016 13:05 |
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BeefThief posted:ive been watching forensic files on HLN for the past 5 hours, here are some key takeaways: Heres another tip op; - dont b9ther because its all fake as poo poo the pigs just make stuff up to convict you
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# ? May 3, 2016 14:23 |
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Sometimes I try to fantasize about murdering someone, but with all of this new technology I know I would almost certainly be caught, it's a real goddamn downer.
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:02 |
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OctoberBlues posted:Sometimes I try to fantasize about murdering someone, but with all of this new technology I know I would almost certainly be caught, it's a real goddamn downer. Naw. Those forensic shows are just to scare people away from all the cool crimes. Even if you're a fuckin idiot and don't try and cover your tracks you have about a 65% chance of getting away with it. Indulge yourself.
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:07 |
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OctoberBlues posted:Sometimes I try to fantasize about murdering someone, but with all of this new technology I know I would almost certainly be caught, it's a real goddamn downer. Travel to another state. LEave your phone at home. Go to some random neighborhood so theres no cameras. Cover up your license plate (just for a few blocks) Drive up to someone alone walking their dog. Ventilate 'em . Then jump on the highway back to your place. Throw the gun in a random lake. Untraceable. Easy.
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:09 |
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Well yeah, I could kill a rando pretty easy, but sometimes I just want to murder someone I know, get me? Things are tough all over I guess.
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:15 |
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Go to the barbershop and collect a bunch of hair from the dumpster. Commit a crime most heinous. Leave hair all over the crime scene, they won't be able to tell your hair apart from the customers. Go to the sperm bank. Steal a bunch of semen. Commit a crime most heinous. Leave other people's semen all over the crime scene, they won't be able to tell yours apart from the donors. Go to a blood drive. Steal a bunch of blood from the refrigerator. Commit a crime most heinous. Leave other people's blood all over the crime scene, they won't be able to tell yours apart from the donors.
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:15 |
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Frankenstyle posted:Naw. Those forensic shows are just to scare people away from all the cool crimes. Even if you're a fuckin idiot and don't try and cover your tracks you have about a 65% chance of getting away with it. forensic files is a great look at how unlucky you have to be to be caught. or the police just get a toothbite analyst and put you away anyways it's funny when the whole episode could be rephrased as 'the police were incompetent idiots but they got their man, or at least somebody, through incredibly flimsy evidence'
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:19 |
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classic ep OP https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_1ZPZkGEH4
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:19 |
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SurfaceDetail posted:Travel to another state. LEave your phone at home. Go to some random neighborhood so theres no cameras. Cover up your license plate (just for a few blocks) Drive up to someone alone walking their dog. Ventilate 'em . Then jump on the highway back to your place. Throw the gun in a random lake. sounds like a good weekend to me!
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:20 |
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Roger Craig posted:Go to the barbershop and collect a bunch of hair from the dumpster. I read a comic once where someone faked their own death by drawing a whole bunch of their own blood, keeping it in bags in the fridge, then smashing a bunch of poo poo and splashing the blood everywhere and leaving town It didn't work because they were like "this is more blood than should be in a human at once"
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:20 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 04:25 |
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They can tell old blood from new blood, can't they?
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# ? May 3, 2016 15:41 |