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super macho dude
Aug 9, 2014


:siren:ATTN: ALL SLIME STOCK MUST GO!:siren:

Due to the Great War in the Western Wastes and the untimely defeat of the One True Dark Lord The Death Lich Whose Name Is Whispered Only In The Nightmares Of The Newborn, this may be our final week here at Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery and our vast stock of DUNGEON SLIMES must be sold and is now available at :siren:75% off!!!:siren:

#1 QUALITY RESERVE GRADE SLIMES, PUDDINGS, JELLYS, OOZES!



We offer only the finest dungeon slimes, guaranteed to stop pesky adventurers and quick fingered thieves from nosing about in your underground death trap laden prisons & treasure stores!

Own a Wizards Tower? We got slimes!

Keep your soul's life essence in a philactory tomb? We got slimes!

Are you a vampire who resides in an ancient underground temple?

Well friend, you better believe we got the slimes for YOU!!!


RED SLIMES THAT BURN LIKE FIRE!


GREEN OOZES THAT SUFFOCATE AND DEVOUR!


BLUE JELLYS THAT CAN FIGHT LIKE MEN!


SEXY MIMIC SLIMES AVAILABLE IN 10 COLORS!


GELATINOUS CUBES CRUSHING AND STICKY!

and many, many more still left in stock!
:siren:75% OFF!:siren:
:siren:75% OFF!:siren:
:siren:75% OFF!:siren:
Buy one Acid Pudding, get a sentient Ochre Jelly FOR FREE!
Buy 10 Bone Marrow Slimes, get a Mimic Chest FOR FREE!
Buy 3 Rust Monsters, get a Metal Slime FOR FREE!

:siren:ATTN: ALL SLIME STOCK MUST GO!:siren:

So come on down to Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery located at the end of Cock Lice Alley in historic downtown Korath's Regret at the edge of the Western Wastes for all your slime needs!

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Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
Does it come in white?

A CISHET SHITLORD
Sep 10, 2014

LOURDE OF THE SHITS
Pillbug
I'm in the market for a pygmy gelatinous cube as a pet for my toddler, what kind of a deal can you give me here??

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

Crimson Harvest
Jul 14, 2004

I'm a GENERAL, not some opera floozy!

A CISHET SHITLORD posted:

I'm in the market for a pygmy gelatinous cube as a pet for my toddler, what kind of a deal can you give me here??

I hope by toddler you mean 'solid gold homunculus' because gelatinous cubes are corrosive as heck.

A CISHET SHITLORD
Sep 10, 2014

LOURDE OF THE SHITS
Pillbug
no a literal toddler, gelatinous cubes being corrosive is just a myth perpetuated by Big Blacksmith. Don't believe the lies!

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
i make my own slimes

naem
May 29, 2011

Enfield posted:

i make my own slimes

heh

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012
some of those pictures in the op feature gack not slime nickelodeon will hear of this

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

this all sounds good, but i've been burned before. what sets you apart from those other fly-by-night slimemancers?

Stinky_Pete
Aug 16, 2015

Stinkier than your average bear
Lipstick Apathy

Darkman Fanpage posted:

some of those pictures in the op feature gack not slime nickolodean will hear of this

when nickelodeon came to my school they didn't even use gack, it was just green confetti

OP, how do I know I won't just get a box of confetti of assorted colors? these deals jjust seem a little too good to be true, you see

various cheeses
Jan 24, 2013

put me down for a pair of your sloppiest slime broads op!

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

various cheeses posted:

put me down for a pair of your sloppiest slime broads op!

same

scott zoloft
Dec 7, 2015

yeah same
looking for a few useless low level puddles of ooze to put around the entrance to my dungeon

Commie Lasorda
May 15, 2009

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!


A+++ WILL BUY AGAIN

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
is this some kind of sex thing?

Baxter
Sep 13, 2000
i enjoy saying gelatinous

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"
This is a really loving good thread and a funny OP :)

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
im looking for a metal slime that wont run away before im done hitting him :(

AEMINAL
May 22, 2015

barf barf i am a dog, barf on your carpet, barf
do you sell guard-slimes that gross burglars the heck out until they leave

A CISHET SHITLORD
Sep 10, 2014

LOURDE OF THE SHITS
Pillbug

AEMINAL posted:

do you sell guard-slimes that gross burglars the heck out until they leave

ya it's callwd your girlfriend

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
I don't know.

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Parts of what follows below were actually painful to write. However, because of the ongoing misinformation campaigns launched by Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery and its patsies I feel it is my duty to write this. Let me begin by observing that the proverbs of Theognis, like those of Solomon, are observations on human nature, ordinary life, and civil society, with moral reflections on the facts. I quote him as a witness of the fact that my goal is to provide an atmosphere of mutual respect, free from neopaganism, antinomianism, and all other forms of prejudice and intolerance. I will not stint in my labor in this direction. When I have succeeded, the whole world will know that Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery is always prating about how it is a martyr for freedom and a victim of anarchism. (It used to say that moral relativism is a noble cause, but the evidence is too contrary so it's given up on that score.)

The poisonous wine of collaborationism had been distilled long before Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery entered the scene. Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity. Maybe some day, Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery will finally stop trying to dissolve the bonds that join individuals to their natural communities. Don't hold your breath, though. By the bye, Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery's eulogists are lower than illiterate ninnies. They are sick-minded nupsons. Those who support their monographs or help create the pharisaical atmosphere needed for them to cause riots in the streets should realize that Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery's supporters all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way it keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them.

Incidentally, it will not be easy to dismantle our nation's entrenched system of corruption, patronage, and desperadoism. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that for the overriding reason that at no time in the past did what I call chthonic, niddering fabricators shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them. Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery has already begun using Bonapartism as a weapon for systematic political cleansing of the population. I wish I were joking, but I'm not. What's more, it's not hard to know what to expect from Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery and its yeomen. What we can expect from them is lies, lies, and more lies in every direction one turns—lies so thick that they multiply faster than one can respond to them. We can also expect a complete denial of the fact that Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery wants nothing less than to fabricate all sorts of sniffish, ad hoc rules and regulations, hence its repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of its brain-damaged, incorrigible politics. Dungeness' Dungeon Emporium & Death Trappery needs a refill of its medication. That is why, come what may, we must accentuate our universal humanity.

Joust
Dec 7, 2007

No Ledges.
Gimme dem slimes.

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
People get a slime thinking all it does is ooze about in various puddles and patches, but there's quite a bit of maintenance to keep you slime alive and slimey!
Since you can't rely on your neighbors to provide a steady supply of kids and pets, you'll need a 50lb bag of Slime Chow, grooming tools, regular walks, and buckets of loving attention! You should talk to your slime at least 20 minutes/day and give plenty of sloppy slippy area rubs too.
Happy sliming!

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!
I want a couple of the slimes that are vulnerable to magic but not weapons to go with my slimes that are vulnerable to weapons but not magic.

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH
Located in Dungeness? Watch out for free-range slimes, they could be radioactive.

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
I had a pet slime - I kept it in a box under the bed. It ate through the box. And the floor. And my granny underneath.

tl;dr don't get a slime for a pet

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."
What kind of rear end in a top hat do you thnk I am? I would never buy from a slime-mill like you. All of my slimes are rescues.

Gumdrop Larry
Jul 30, 2006

This seems like a rip off I can walk outside of town right now and get all the slimes I need for free.

naem
May 29, 2011

Yeah I'm looking to build an elaborate fortress in which each level has progressively stronger guards/obstacles so that adventurers can grow gradually stronger and more experienced with each step, that should give me enough time to perfect my bad guy speech I'll give in the cutscenes. Now to find a giant glowing ruby to contain my vital essence, which will be my only weakness, to wear on my forehead

snuggle baby luvs hugs
Aug 30, 2005
OP is a huckster

why not 6 fortnight back i helped run him out of Mon's Grotto for selling sterilized and traumatized jellies as Elder Slimes

Notify the magistrate!

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!
I think a lot of people nowadays are afraid of slimes because of all the negative coverage they get in the media. It's unfortunate that the few abusive assholes who can't take proper care of their slimes have ruined the reputation of slimes everywhere. I mean, I've had slimes my whole life and they've never once attacked me or my family. I'm just happy that there are people here who are willing to take a stand for slimes and their owners in the face of the media fear machine.

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator
As a 1/64th slimefolk (one of my mother's forebearers accidentally impregnated a mustard jelly that was sleeping in the commode) I find the term "Gelatinous Cube" highly offensive!

Slimefolk should be any shape they want without making a will save vs your 1d4 microaggressions!!!

Vote Burnie Sunders for Lichlord

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth
Do you carry specialty designer slimes? I require a slime that knows martial arts, preferably jeet-kune-do or krav maga, but I will accept one that knows karate or southern mantis style if nothing else is available. Please reply promptly, I need this for an upcoming slime fighting tournament.

zooted heh
Oct 16, 2005

str8 mercin burgers my nigga
I've been shopping around for some green slime to guard my trench/moat before the hero's pull a lever to drop down the draw bridge into my crib. It might be a good time to invest.

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
i have plenty of slimes thanks OP

Alien Sex Manual
Dec 14, 2010

is not a sandwich

I'm down for that rust monster deal, but won't they be dangerous to the metal slime? I want to make sure my delicate dungeon ecosystem is maintained.

Also what's the best slime to sic on a group of goblins and/or gnomes to watch them suffer and die utterly, tia for your help.

sex idiot
Apr 25, 2016

I'm the clitorus

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NBC Nightly Newt
May 11, 2013
I'll buy a slime -when the Lord gives me a sign-

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