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Who will be the heavyweight champion? This poll is closed. |
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| Werdum |
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33 | 86.84% |
| Miocic |
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5 | 13.16% |
| Total: | 38 votes | ||
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 Welcome, friends, to Curitiba Pines Retirement Villa, home of UFC 198, 10 p.m. ET Saturday, May 14 on pay-per-view! We ask that you please refrain from posting streams at this time. At Curitiba Pines, we take your favorite elderly fighters’ welfare very seriously and treat them as though they were our own loved ones. As you can see from our prayer meeting for Mr. Silva as he has gallbladder surgery, our community of residents is quite close-knit here.Our range of semi-private, studio and one-bedroom suites provide a wide choice of comfortable, spacious living arrangements for your beloved fighter no matter how minor or advanced their CTE and knee degeneration may be. All rooms are equipped with bathrooms outfitted with special padded bathtubs to prevent weight-cut accidents, in-room air conditioning controls, in-ground barbecue pits and access to softcore cable pornography. And with a scenic view of the Iguacu River, you can rest assured your favorite fighters are safe from the hustle, bustle and drug tests associated with more developed and stable sport cities. But of course, you want to see what it’s like here first hand! Let’s not waste any more time.  For the Heavyweight Title  Fabricio Werdum (c) vs.  Stipe Miocic Fabricio Werdum is a perfect example of one of our residents who hasn’t let being elderly and infirmed prevent him from accomplishing something amazing here at Curitiba Pines. After being laughed off as a lifelong journeyman or gatekeeper, the esteemed BJJ black belt honed his striking and acclimated his body to the altitude of Mexico City to soundly beat Cain Velasquez at every level for the UFC heavyweight belt at the elderly age of 37. Before that, he beat fellow martial arts grandfather Mark Hunt and embarrassed Travis Browne, Big Nog, Mike Russow and Roy Nelson to remain undefeated in his current UFC tenure. Unfortunately his frailty continues to be a problem and he hasn’t fought since winning the undisputed title, but don’t worry, our highly-trained and Brazilian-certified physical therapists are on site every day to make sure Werdum and all other residents at Curitiba Pines take care of their bodies. That said, sometimes our residents are not in the most lucid of states and present a danger to themselves or others. That is why we employ orderlies like Stipe Miocic. In his last three wins he has shown he is very good at either immediately subduing rowdy residents or holding them down for four rounds until they finally don’t have any fight left in them. Middleweight  Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza vs.  Vitor Belfort Jacare recently had an eight-fight win streak snapped in two by another elderly fighter. While that sort of situation would distress most 36-year-old fighters as possibly ending their last chance at a title, Jacare has stayed very cheery and optimistic that he will crawl like an arthritic alligator to a title fight in no time at all. It helps that the man who beat him immediately had a tainted supplement scare and is now no longer next in line, so he hopes that a win over Victor Gracie tonight will propel him back up to the number one contender shot! At Curitiba Pines, we are proud to honor and support our veterans. Vitor Belfort is the oldest fighter on our main card and has far and away the longest career, spanning 20 years this October! He’s been in plenty of wars and seen plenty of action, but he still has the same 2 minutes of fight in him since the day he stepped into the spotlight back in 1996. We are very grateful to have him, although signs are starting to suggest he is suffering dementia as he repeatedly claims he has earned a title shot after beating Dan Henderson. To tell you the truth, we thought he had dementia long ago when he started breaking into people’s rooms and stealing their socks, but as it turns out he was perfectly lucid in those times. 140-pound Catchweight  Cris “Cristiane Justino ‘Santos’ Venancio” Cyborg vs.  Leslie Smith That 65-year-old you see over there screaming at the nurse dispensing medications is 30-year-old Invicta featherweight champion Cris Cyborg. While her body may be in the advanced stages of steroid-induced progeria, she is in fact three years the junior of her opponent tonight. Making her long-awaited debut in the UFC, she has taken the fight as a catchweight as we have been assured it is quite physically impossible for her to make bantamweight. She may have spent her career fighting undersized cans and she may have pulled mount in the Carano fight, but she is still considered exciting to watch and a dangerous fighter. While we try to focus our efforts in assisted living and general elderly outreach, we also provide hospice care to help our end-of-life residents spend their last days as comfortably as possible. We will miss you, Leslie Smith. Light Heavyweight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjLeox-RsB0 Mauricio “Shogun” Rua vs.  Corey “Beastin’ 25/8” Anderson Shogun is shockingly one of our youngest geriatrics tonight at just 34 human years old. Unfortunately, he is about 93 in Brazilian Pride Fighter years. Years of eating barbecue, stomping recklessly on downed opponents and having all-out slugfest wars have left him a shell of a man who needs significant assistance doing even the simplest of tasks, such as beating Brendan Vera or doing anything that remotely resembles movement in his shadow-boxing promos. We need your help. For your donation of just $10 a month, you can support the Shogun Rua retirement fund and also watch all of his actually good fights on Fight Pass to remember him for the way he used to be, and not the way he is now. Thankfully we have Corey Anderson, one of our young upstanding youths from the community who volunteer their time to come in and help us entertain and take care of our residents. He’s quite the hard worker, always seeming to put in an extra hour and an extra day more than everyone else. He also keeps his head up and works diligently, even when he is knocked out by Chris Weidman’s friend or when he needs significant help from the judges to beat Tom Lawlor. We’re very grateful to have him. Welterweight  Warlley “Slingshot” Alves vs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9gjW9RmkpY Bryan “The Sageslayer” Barberena Here we have two more young people coming in to help out now that Mr. Silva has had to take medical leave. Warlley Alves is undefeated and is coming into this bout off of a two-fight guillotine streak against journeymen but credible competition. Bryan Barberena definitely earned the respect of our residents here when he chased off the neighborhood kid who meant well but ultimately served as a grim reminder that their days of youth and beauty were long gone and their careers soon would be dead. His name also reminds them of their favorite Beach Boys song, which is quite popular on our weekly karaoke singalong nights. We let them stay up in the common rooms until 8 p.m., it’s quite the treat! OTHER poo poo TO WATCH FS1 Prelims, 8 p.m. ET Welterweight Demian Maia vs. Matt Brown Middleweight Thiago Santos vs. Nate Marquardt Lightweight Francisco Trinaldo vs. Yancy Medeiros Bantamweight John Lineker vs. Rob Font Fight Pass Prelims,6:30 p.m. ET Light Heavyweight Antônio Rogério Nogueira vs. Patrick Cummins Welterweight Sérgio Moraes vs. Luan Chagas Featherweight Renato Moicano vs. Zubaira Tukhugov Official weigh-ins, oddly not listed on the UFC page for the event but most likely at some point between 9-10 p.m. ET Friday, May 13 Official MMA Snack Rating: Brazilian white corn porridge  Popular with our residents, it is easy on the digestive tract and requires minimal chewing. Serves 30. 1000 grams canjica (white corn) 1 1/2 liters milk 800 grams sweet condensed milk 200 grams cream 1/2 cup toasted and ground peanuts 2 pinches cinnamon Sugar to taste Leave the corn immersed in water for a few water, until it absorbs most of it. Cook it in a pressure cooker with water (or milk) for about 40 minutes. Drain the water. The kernels will be tender, but not too soft. In a big pot, put the canjica with milk, cream and condensed milk. Let it boil for a few minutes and cook in low heat until it starts to thicken. Check the seasoning. Add cinnamon and peanuts. And that’s it! Serve warm with more peanuts on the side, for the peanut junkies (like myself).
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May 13, 2016 01:07
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 03:49 |
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You got the pictures of Vitor and Cyborg transposed.
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May 13, 2016 01:12
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Matt Brown vs Maia has so much potential, I can't wait.
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May 13, 2016 01:12
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May 13, 2016 01:13
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And cuz I keep forgetting to add this in the OP, make your picks in Goonweight for the chance to win my belt that I failed to defend! http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3766591&pagenumber=3
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May 13, 2016 01:19
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I got to line 8 of the recipe and I'm not sure what to do next. Amazing GDT as always, thanks!
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May 13, 2016 01:22
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Fantastic op I hope that shogun is able to beast even more than 25/8
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May 13, 2016 02:53
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evil spiff posted:I got to line 8 of the recipe and I'm not sure what to do next. It's already in water. Just leave it in for a few waters. Dumbass. I'm guessing you start with hominy?
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May 13, 2016 04:21
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crazy cloud posted:Fantastic op I hope that shogun is able to beast even more than 25/8 We cannot encourage an escalation of beastin, or else no one will survive the ensuing arms race
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May 13, 2016 04:21
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Solomonic posted:We cannot encourage an escalation of beastin, or else no one will survive the ensuing arms race Some men just want to watch the world beast 
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May 13, 2016 04:35
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crazy cloud posted:Some men just want to watch the world beast you either die a hero, or you beast long enough to see yourself become a villain
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May 13, 2016 04:36
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Stipe is going to win.
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May 13, 2016 04:44
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksGLKmbQ2FE&hd=1 Werdum masks appear to be catching on. Cyborg is apparently dating Ray Elbe now, and using BJ Penn's old boxing coach as her striking trainer.
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May 13, 2016 05:09
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So you mean to tell me the dude who broke his dick in a tragic bathtub sex accident met Cyborg and said "yeah ok this seems safe"
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May 13, 2016 05:28
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Stipe and Leslie's pics in the OP remind me of Conor and Stephanie McMahon. I really hope Leslie and Jacare win, and I'm happy with whoever wins the other fights.
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May 13, 2016 05:49
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i'm unreasonably excited to watch maia brown and jacare vitor. this card rules
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May 13, 2016 08:04
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I'm finally watching the early Embeddeds and I feel bad for Anderson--he seemed so childishly excited for this fight. I was too.
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May 13, 2016 08:14
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ray elbe kinda rescued cyborg's career after she tito'd it up
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May 13, 2016 10:57
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https://twitter.com/arielhelwani/status/730921780131602432 Remember when it was literally, physically impossible for Cyborg to make 135 because it was going to make her infertile, or something? lol
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May 13, 2016 15:43
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colonel_korn posted:https://twitter.com/arielhelwani/status/730921780131602432 You're telling me that Tito is completely full of poo poo? 
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May 13, 2016 15:56
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Welcome to Press Conference for the future of Cristiane "Santos" Cyborg
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May 13, 2016 16:09
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Triticum Guzzler posted:ray elbe kinda rescued cyborg's career after she tito'd it up I realize Tito being terrible is not news, but consider just how terrible Tito is that Ray Elbe was a significant step up
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May 13, 2016 16:28
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colonel_korn posted:Remember when it was literally, physically impossible for Cyborg to make 135 because it was going to make her infertile, or something? lol I always thought Cyborg could make the weight, but didn't want to because it couldn't be done with water weight alone and she would have to shed muscle mass. With the changes NSAC and the UFC have made on their approach to PEDs in the last couple years, that might have changed, in line with the physical changes we've seen from Vitor, Overeem, and so on.
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May 13, 2016 16:39
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EvanSchenck posted:I always thought Cyborg could make the weight, but didn't want to because it couldn't be done with water weight alone and she would have to shed muscle mass. With the changes NSAC and the UFC have made on their approach to PEDs in the last couple years, that might have changed, in line with the physical changes we've seen from Vitor, Overeem, and so on. This is the story I was remembering, from 2012: http://www.mmaweekly.com/doctors-shoot-down-cris-cyborg-from-attempting-cut-to-135lbs-ufc-future-in-jeopardy quote:If Cris “Cyborg” Santos and Ronda Rousey ever meet in the UFC, it will have to be at 145lbs or it won’t be happening at all.
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May 13, 2016 16:58
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Lol I'm pretty sure that actually, injecting boat loads of testosterone into a woman's body is the worst thing that could happen for her fertility
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May 13, 2016 17:09
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There's a lot of scandal surrounding Cyborg and more than a chunk of it is self inflicted but she's come across well in the Embedded episodes so it's nice to see things working out for her here.
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May 13, 2016 17:23
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May 13, 2016 19:10
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Weighins happening https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ8wUA7VdKA
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May 13, 2016 20:05
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I got Chagas
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May 13, 2016 20:08
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Is Luan Chagas a shameful brazilian or something, he got a lot of booes.
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May 13, 2016 20:08
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Lil Nog is so brain-addled it takes him like a minute to figure out how to put on his pants  e: I'm disappointed that Rob Font's nickname isn't "Sans Serif" colonel_korn fucked around with this message at 20:15 on May 13, 2016 |
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May 13, 2016 20:13
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Bantamweight so tiny he weigh in with pants on.
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May 13, 2016 20:14
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Matt Brown throwing up the double bird to the crowd owns.
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May 13, 2016 20:22
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Benson Henderson trying to get back into the UFC by attaching himself to rising star Bryan Barbarena at weigh ins.
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May 13, 2016 20:25
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Stipe owns and I have no idea who I want to win the fight.
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May 13, 2016 20:29
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Cyborg looks really sucked in. Made weight though.
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May 13, 2016 20:29
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She even came in a pound under the catchweight at 139. Bantamweight has gotta be next. e: Vitor's hair, incredibly, continues to get worse
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May 13, 2016 20:31
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Cyborg looks like she did not have a fun cut but she actually came under the catchweight at 139, with a little more discipline she might make 135 yet.
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May 13, 2016 20:31
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colonel_korn posted:e: Vitor's hair, incredibly, continues to get worse Glorious victory assured
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May 13, 2016 20:57
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 03:49 |
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https://twitter.com/bokamotoESPN/status/731205645383278593
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May 13, 2016 21:08
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