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The New CUDGEL® “When we decided to expand the CUDGEL® line, we searched for a size and shape that fit the modern character and thoughtful nature of our brand,” said the Senior Director of CUDGEL®. “CUDGEL® is one of the most exciting items being used in today’s world, making it the perfect fit for everyone. It’s unique, but not unapproachable.” CUDGEL® is made using natural ingredients and premium woods from far corners of the globe, rendering a crisp, clean CUDGEL® without the use of tacky handles or artificial coatings. The CUDGEL® is made using a “continuous distillation” process in which the CUDGEL® is made. The exact process is a company secret. “The Super Premium CUDGEL® is a step up from the rest, and has been crafted perfectly in this modern, balanced spirit,” said Bash Inc.,an unaffiliated third party review magazine. “The Super Premium CUDGEL® adds an unexpected layer of excitement to an otherwise boring smash.” To demonstrate its versatility and power, CUDGEL® recommends a CUDGEL®.
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May 13, 2016 20:47
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still not sold on it, gently caress you.
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May 13, 2016 20:48
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I still dont know how a cudgel is different or better than my irish shillelagh
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May 13, 2016 20:50
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JiveHonky posted:I still dont know how a cudgel is different or better than my irish shillelagh lmao take it back to the soggy fens of Ulster, McGrandpa
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May 13, 2016 20:52
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Iron Prince posted:still not sold on it, gently caress you. JiveHonky posted:I still dont know how a cudgel is different or better than my irish shillelagh This is not something that I can sell, its something that sells itself once you try it.
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May 13, 2016 20:55
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Shaquin posted:lmao take it back to the soggy fens of Ulster, McGrandpa look, alls im saying is is this a cudgel or a shillelagh?  [spoiler]it's a cudgel[/b]
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May 13, 2016 20:56
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baby seal season is almost here, will report back after i use my new Super Premium CUDGEL®
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May 13, 2016 21:00
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Luvcow posted:baby seal season is almost here, will report back after i use my new Super Premium CUDGEL® luvcow no!
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May 13, 2016 21:02
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JiveHonky posted:luvcow no! only the lawful evil seal babies, no worries
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May 13, 2016 21:06
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nothing beats old Mr.slappy 
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May 13, 2016 21:06
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do you have any of the verbal variety?
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May 13, 2016 21:10
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shoophobo posted:nothing beats old Mr.slappy such orange smooth skin
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May 13, 2016 21:10
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A cudgel is the perfect weapon against animated skeletons or heavily armored foes, but be wary of living slimes.
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May 13, 2016 21:25
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rabble rabble posted:do you have any of the verbal variety? Even a 3rd grader knows sticks (and CUDGEL®, by association) breaks bones but words will never hurt me, please do not troll this press release thread.
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May 13, 2016 21:30
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I'll take 3 please.
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May 13, 2016 21:32
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this sounds like it will cover all my bludgeoning needs thanks splashy
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May 13, 2016 22:06
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shoophobo posted:nothing beats old Mr.slappy I prefer my bean-filled whack-bonk
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May 13, 2016 22:09
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May 13, 2016 23:35
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report: the baby seals were all wearing plate armor and were armed with pikes, will try again next year
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May 13, 2016 23:39
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Luvcow posted:report: the baby seals were all wearing plate armor and were armed with pikes, will try again next year dont get me started on the fuckin' pikes
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May 13, 2016 23:43
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Luvcow posted:report: the baby seals were all wearing plate armor and were armed with pikes, will try again next year the plate armor was bad enough but the pikes really sealed the deal 
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May 13, 2016 23:44
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This press release would be more exciting if it contained pictures of the CUDGEL(R) product line, and action shots of CUDGEL(R) products in use. That being said, my merry band of thugs have been looking for a non-lethal, but equally brutal, means of terrorizing the Baron's serfs. Our current line of SLASHCO(TM) one-handed swords are good, but we've been finding that dismembered serfs don't toil as hard. Could it be thay CUDGEL(R) is the product we have been waiting for? If so, what CUDGEL(R) cudgel would best suit our armed thug needs?
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May 13, 2016 23:53
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*In silicon valley voice* I'd like to present Cudgl,
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May 13, 2016 23:57
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Serviette posted:This press release would be more exciting if it contained pictures of the CUDGEL(R) product line, and action shots of CUDGEL(R) products in use. The boys down in the CUDGEL® design department are gonna tear me a new rear end in a top hat about this, but I'll cut you in on something we are working on that might suit both your needs and your aesthetic. Let me present our new line meant to callback to the original designs, back to the cudgel as it was in its purest form.  What we have done here is accurately recreated the cudgels of near primitive civilizations past, our intense attention to detail and considerations for practical use apparent even in this antiquated repro. Feel free to give a call or fire a fax off at the sales department, we'd be fine doing an order to custom parameters. We're workshopping the promo materials right now but we can cook up a CUDGEL® PDF to give you an idea of options that suit your specs.
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May 14, 2016 00:03
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I prefer a piece of rebar, op
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May 14, 2016 00:08
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JiveHonky posted:the plate armor was bad enough but the pikes really sealed the deal oh god drat it, thats why they were laughing so hard...
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May 14, 2016 00:08
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Cudgel® is great, but is it compatible with my Power Khan® brand Conquest Animal™?
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May 14, 2016 00:09
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I have one of these on my desk at work. Also a pair of 14" scissors. Just in case, you know.
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May 14, 2016 00:17
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Ceciltron posted:Cudgel® is great, but is it compatible with my Power Khan® brand Conquest Animal™? CUDGEL® has reached out to the guys over at Power Khan®, who are great by the way me and their VP of North American Sales Khulan Chigu are pillaging buddies outside of work, and we are working on compatibility options moving forward. For now the short answer is yes, the pantywaists down in legal would want me to give you the whole long answer "we are not liable etc." spiel but I'd say you are in the clear.
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May 14, 2016 00:19
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 That's a mighty fine piece of work; you can tell. I love bashing people with weapons their ancestors would recognize, if not feel. I showed this image to the Merry Band of Thugs and we're all very enthusiastic. My right hand man, Toddy Thumbscrew, wept, when he saw the product. Says it reminds him of the CUDGEL(R) product his daddy used to cave in the Sheriff's boy's scull after a night of five-finger-filet and mead. We were all very touched unto weeping, and after Toddy Thumbscrew recited the poem memorializing his pappy, we all hugged it out, and agreed to consider CUDGEL(R) cudgels in the next quarter's raids.
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May 14, 2016 00:25
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Serviette posted:
That's what we are al about here at CUDGEL®. Some people would say we sell a product, we like to say we sell an experience.
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May 14, 2016 00:35
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https://youtu.be/Bdfx7l4z5cQ
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May 14, 2016 00:39
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Lol at this fat car sales man selling war hammers by bashing pseudo-medieval armour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhknaG9ifbs And LOL at the sales pitch for this great sword (also featuring fat car sales man): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hfLZozBVpM
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May 14, 2016 00:56
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So is there goimg to be a marketing tie-in with Battlefield 1?
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May 14, 2016 01:14
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CUDGEL® is a timeless product, born of a timeless necessity. While CUDGEL® itself may not appear in the Battlefield series or the upcoming Battlefield 1, the ancient act of bludgeoning your foe to death with superior blunt objects is both a core concept of warfare and one we at CUDGEL® wholeheartedly endorse.
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May 14, 2016 01:53
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shoophobo posted:nothing beats old Mr.slappy one of our earliest models. we dont use the leather anymore, its all synthetics now, but theres still a pristine specimen in our corporate museum. you know gary, this company has been around for over 100 years. *gestures towards large class case with mannequin inside* heres an example of our 1936 zootsuit special--if u came in with a zootsuit and bought one of our premium cudgels, our seamstresses would install a secret cudgel pocket on the inside of your coat, free of charge. some of our cudges are merely decorative: note the exquisite detailing on this ebony cudgel, depicting the evolution of the cudg, from its earliest days as a simple knot of wood or goats bladder packed with rocks, thru the christian era when crucifixion was outlawed and new, truly innovate forms of cudgelling became the chosen method of execution--*points to case displaying cudge-of-nine-tails*--through the dark years of our valentines day special ('shillelagh your lady' is a motto that haunts the industry to this day), right up to the present with our prototype dynamic polymer cudges, which using tiny currents of electricity can take on any surface texture you like, expanding ccudgel applications to include not just your classic blackjacking but more nuanced ones, such as our gooseskin option, perfect for face tenderising, or, and this is my personal favorite *flicks switch, series of elevated bands wrap around the cudgels surface* a honey wand. the potential gary is practically limitless. and gary *casually slaps cudgel against open palm* were looking for investors. Orkin Mang fucked around with this message at 04:10 on May 14, 2016 |
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May 14, 2016 03:52
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 Do you take Bitcoin?
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May 14, 2016 04:24
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JiveHonky posted:
absolutely not
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May 14, 2016 04:33
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shitballs
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May 14, 2016 04:34
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 10:33 |
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type the code CUDGLIFE into our app and receive a free cudgel starters kit (1xcudgel classic, 1xcarry case, 1xthump dampener)
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May 14, 2016 04:49
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