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Starting June 3, the Copa America kicks off its centennial event, creatively named Copa America Centenario. The United States is hosting for the first time this year, because there isn't a single international tournament that the U.S. won't try to ruin. Let's go through the basics of this OP in Q&A form. Wait, didn't we just have a Copa America last year? Yup, we did. But this time is special because it's the 100th year of the tournament and the glorious United States of America is involved. Isn't this a CONMEBOL tournament? Why the gently caress is the U.S. here? Long story short: bribes and corruption. Lots and lots of bribes and corruption. The U.S. may lack the pure soccer talent of Europe, but we really upped our bribing/corruption game. As such, all matches will be held in the grand ole U.S. Of A.  Okay fine, I'll put up with you Yankee assholes because your team won't last long anyway. Who else is here besides the South Americans? Some other CONCACAF teams will be here! We couldn't do all that bribing and corruption without inviting some of our worthless deadbeat friends. Costa Rica, Jamaica, Panama and Haiti are all along for the ride, and will do an incredible job padding the goal stats of real national teams. Get hyped! I'm still not hyped. That's fine, I get it. Euro 16 is happening at the same time, and that's where all the actual good players are at. However, if you want some good ol' fashioned trainwreck soccer with hilariously incompetent refs, you won't do much better than Copa America. Okay, I guess I'm interested. Who's the favorite? gently caress if I know. Argentina, I guess, but only if Messi gives a poo poo (he won't). Brazil is saving Neymar for the Olympics, so you'll have to wait a few more months to see him die of Zika. They have like 3 other players you may have heard of. Luis Suarez picked up an injury in the Copa del Rey final, which is a real bummer because, whether he's scoring or biting, he makes Uruguay way more watchable just by his presence. Mexico is finally starting to unfuck themselves after the Chepo/Herrera era, but they're not ready yet. Media people will hype this up as "ANYBODY CAN WIN IT" which is code for "all these teams are poo poo." Just bask in the chaos and you'll have a lot more fun here. How do I watch this thing if I'm an American? Fox Sports has the Copa America package this year, so the games will be aired on FOX, FS1, FS2 and some of them will be on FX for some reason. Spanish-language broadcasts will be on Univision. Here's the complete TV schedule. How do I watch this thing if I'm not in America? I dunno, check your local listings or something. The UK is airing it on Premier Sports. So when are these teams actually playing? Glad you asked! Group A  Group B  Group C  Group D  Oh, one last question. Go ahead. From a completely neutral viewpoint, free of any bias, how do you think the U.S. National Team will do in this tournament? 
Benne fucked around with this message at 21:16 on Jun 3, 2016 |
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May 26, 2016 09:41
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Mexico is going to win this shitass tournament because none of the other teams will care and their fans will be insufferable (more than usual) for years
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May 26, 2016 11:58
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uefa supremacy
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May 26, 2016 13:29
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Is Portland hosting any games? Do we have any chance of nasty favela boys being rowdy and heteronormative with knives?
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May 26, 2016 15:40
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^^^Nope, but Seattle is. Mexico's group stage games are in Houston, LA and Phoenix, so they're just as much a home team in this thing as the USA (poo poo, I'm going to the USA-Costa Rica game in Chicago and am hoping for a 50-50 crowd, which probably won't happen). I don't see this as much more than an excuse to drink, but I'm hoping we get out of the group stage and maybe, just maybe, to the semis. On the other hand, a dismal U.S. performance maybe (just maybe) gets Klinsmann fired, so there's a silver lining, I guess
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May 26, 2016 17:18
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lmao I could go see Jamaica play Venezuela in Chicago for $6. I would pay five times more to get to the city and back than a ticket would cost me. Alternately I could sit right behind one of the goals in the fifth row for the wallet-gouging price of $10 a ticket. e: Argentina vs. Panama in the same stadium starts at $75
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May 26, 2016 17:25
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https://twitter.com/StarsStripesFC/status/735986753258041344 Thread title still accurate
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May 27, 2016 01:23
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Benne posted:https://twitter.com/StarsStripesFC/status/735986753258041344 I mean, it could be worse. You pretty much know what you're getting with a Pitbull song
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May 27, 2016 01:46
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gently caress it I'm down for watching some football at 2am
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May 27, 2016 02:03
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June 4, 2016 Costa Rica vs. Paraguay June 6, 2016 Bolivia vs. Panama June 8, 2016 Brazil vs. Haiti these games are happening down the street from me, i may have to go to one
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May 27, 2016 02:50
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EC10 posted:June 4, 2016 Costa Rica vs. Paraguay Will you support all six?
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May 27, 2016 02:54
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Ewar Woowar posted:Will you support all six? Lol
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May 27, 2016 03:38
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OP, you don't know what you're talking about. The reason the US is participating in Copa America is so CONMEBOL can make more money on broadcasting and advertising in the US. They asked the US to participate and CONMEBOL had to make massive concessions in order to make sure the tournament would be held in the US. The US didn't bribe anyone, it was definitely the other way around.
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May 27, 2016 06:54
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Sounds reasonable. Mexico hosts more games in the United States now than it does in Mexico because the money is so much better when playing stateside so I wouldn't be surprised if lots of the countries in CONMEBOL didn't want to get in on the same deal.
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May 27, 2016 14:47
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Ewar Woowar posted:Will you support all six? but enough about my illegitimate children
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May 27, 2016 17:47
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Vinestalk posted:OP, you don't know what you're talking about. The reason the US is participating in Copa America is so CONMEBOL can make more money on broadcasting and advertising in the US. They asked the US to participate and CONMEBOL had to make massive concessions in order to make sure the tournament would be held in the US. The US didn't bribe anyone, it was definitely the other way around. OK that makes sense. I knew bribes changed hands somewhere, but wasn't too aware of the details, other than knowing about that crazy bearded guy with the cats. It actually makes perfect sense that CONMEBOL would want their tourney in a bigger media market where they can get more ratings (case in point: FOX is covering the Copa this year, whereas last year it was on beIN Sports, which I promise is not a made-up joke channel). Anyway, this is almost guaranteed to do the biggest ratings/attendance numbers in Copa history, so everybody important (the confederations and sponsors) wins even if the soccer sucks.
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May 28, 2016 09:47
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Last year's Copa America was a real encapsulation of everything Americans hate bout soccer. Diving, exaggerating every contact, slow pace, 0-0 draws, hispanics everywhere.
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May 28, 2016 10:05
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Monday Bandele posted:Last year's Copa America was a real encapsulation of everything Americans hate bout soccer. Diving, exaggerating every contact, slow pace, 0-0 draws, hispanics everywhere. This is what we already get in MLS so I'm pretty sure most Americans are used to it by now
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May 28, 2016 10:45
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This is gonna be awful tbh
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May 28, 2016 18:44
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El Hefe posted:This is gonna be awful tbh
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May 28, 2016 18:58
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I want the US to not get out of the group so that both Jurgen Klinsman gets fired as soon as possible and my lovely MLS team gets their really good player back and without him having played too many games.
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May 29, 2016 19:07
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The Real Madrid doctors announced that Keylor has some foot injury. All the Keylor haters (Yes, they exist. No, I don't get it) are saying that it's fake and he's lying so he doesn't have to play because he already forgot about his country. I'm inclined to believe that the RM doctors could be lying but the simplest explanation is that he's really injured, he missed a couple games due to that foot injury after all. Either way, if Pemberton starts then congrats USMNT on making it to the second round. If "Osito" Moreira starts then we're good.
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May 30, 2016 20:37
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Looking forward to seeing Panama - Bolivia.
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May 30, 2016 20:47
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Keylor is not playing, next on the list for third keeper were a couple up and coming kids but they didn't have a US visa so Saprissa's Danny Carvajal was called up. He played like 2 matches last season, doesn't matter anyway cause he wont play. Hopefully Moreira will start, he's way better than Pemberton right now. Also Thai league superstar Ariel "Samurai Tico" Rodriguez is injured too, shame because he has been scoring a lot lately.
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May 31, 2016 22:20
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quote:
No extra time is pretty lol, but honestly, who wants to see 30 more minutes of lovely soccer?
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May 31, 2016 22:44
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At least lately Keylor Navas always seems to get "injured" before he has to play with Costa Rica though, it''s really suspect.
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Jun 1, 2016 00:47
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Libertadores doesn't have extra time either. Extra time is bullshit and penalties are pretty cool unless you are an argie or a english.
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Jun 1, 2016 01:03
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i hope Mexico owns the USA again
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Jun 1, 2016 03:43
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El Hefe posted:At least lately Keylor Navas always seems to get "injured" before he has to play with Costa Rica though, it''s really suspect. It's a real injury that he has been carrying for months, he will be getting surgery for it. Of course all the "keylor es un vendepatrias" crew will clain that it's a fake surgery to hide the conspiracy.
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Jun 1, 2016 17:10
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Important thing to remember about this is since it starts after June 1st the changes to the Laws of the Game should be in place. This includes: *Kickoffs can go backward *If an object touches the ball on the way into the goal, a goal can be counted if the object didn't have an effect on the defenders *Fouls can occur off the field and restart with a direct free kick on the boundary line (or PK if in penalty area) *DOGSO in the penalty area is only a yellow card unless the foul is holding/pushing/pulling or there is no attempt to play the ball *If a GK infringes on a penalty kick and it doesn't go in the goal, a caution for the GK is mandatory (lol way to make sure no one ever calls GK infringing again)
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Jun 2, 2016 01:25
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I remember when USMNT fans threw cups of urine and sick at Mexico fans.
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Jun 2, 2016 07:07
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USA through to the semis, book it
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Jun 2, 2016 20:24
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Pissflaps posted:I remember when USMNT fans threw cups of urine and sick at Mexico fans. It was shameful stuff for sure. Bad losers. I was hoping I wouldn't have to see disgraceful scenes like those again, but it seems someone decided USMNT get to play here even though they got embarrassed by minnows Jamaica and Panama in their last "attempt" at an international tournament. Hopefully Mexico wins again, for the good of the sport.
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Jun 3, 2016 02:01
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TONIGHT -- A CLASH OF TITANS USA:  VS COL: 
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Jun 3, 2016 18:07
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I think the USA is going to get their poo poo pushed in tonight. Is Jozy in the squad?
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Jun 3, 2016 18:14
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Can't wait to see what inexplicable lineup Jurgen farts out tonight
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Jun 3, 2016 18:14
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Gigi Galli posted:I think the USA is going to get their poo poo pushed in tonight. His glass hamstrings shattered again
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Jun 3, 2016 18:16
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Benne posted:His glass hamstrings shattered again That's a shame.
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Jun 3, 2016 18:25
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Colombia are kinda poo poo now, I wouldn't be surprised if the USTMNT manage to beat them
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Jun 3, 2016 18:49
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Have you seen the USMNT lately?
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Jun 3, 2016 19:04
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