Celluloid Sam posted:

um it's snuffleupagus that's a grouch stupid

Johnny Walker posted:

Does Apocalypse look stupid?

wacky tacky kathy posted:

I OFTEN TIMES FIND MYSELF MASTURBATING AND LAUGHINGHYSTIERCALLY WHILE SHOUTING GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES

Egbert Souse posted:

Bryan Singer is a hack. Hopefully this keeps him away from more superhero movies. Hasn't made a good movie since Valkyrie.

Uncle Wemus posted:

Bryan singer raped a lot of kids

Johnny Walker posted:

Does Apocalypse look stupid?

Serious Frolicking posted:

does a bear poo poo in the woods on a bald head while i masturbate furiously?

Naerasa posted:

Sounds like any given Friday night at Bryan Singer's house.

Egbert Souse posted:

Shinjobi posted:

Howdy folks, Shinjobi here yet again with funtastic superhero movie thoughts. Just got done previewing X-Men Apocalypse, and all of the reviews you've already read were absolutely right: this movie is lazy as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.


Apocalypse is a body hopping blue dude, the first mute aunt, and is capable of tampering with any power so long as he gets a chance with it. He was buried under rubble for a bajillion years, with the only way to wake up relying on the sun hitting a golden pyramid thing that...powers...his stuff? Like, he only uses it to body hop, and wake up. Not sure why the gold pyramid is so important, but it is. And despite his cult finding his rubble, and golden triangle, somehow none of them ever let a sunbeam hit the golden pyramid doohicky until American CIA lady stumbles upon them mid-prayer.

Okay, that's kinda hokey. Can't get worse, right? Actually yes. Magneto has been hiding away with new wife and daughter in Poland, having a great time working in a steel mill and being happy. One day he uses his powers to save a dude that was about to get crushed by metal. His favor is repaid by his coworkers narc-ing on him to the police, who promptly want to know why the gently caress world criminal Magneto is chilling out and being nice. Part of their investigation involves kidnapping his daughter, and holding her at bow & arrow point. That's not a joke. They come at Magneto armed with bows and arrows. Then his daughter flips out, and she's a mutant that can summon birds and poo poo, which freaks out the police and OOPS policeman accidentally let go of his fully drawn bow in fright, and WHAT ARE THE CHANCES Magneto's brand new wife and daughter are killed with the same accidental arrow. This is what drives Magneto back to murdering people and being angry all the time, and why he joins Apocalypse: because a dude somehow accidentally shot a bow & arrow in the perfect way to kill two people with one draw.

Charles Xavier challenges Apocalypse to a fight in the MINDREALM and punches the hell out of him for a few rounds and it's really cool for a while. Also Apocalypse wants to body hop to Charles because he can talk to everyone with his mind and Apocalypse is intensely interested in brainwashing the masses. The body hop is canceled halfway by Jean Grey, but the influx of Apocapower into Xavier, ever so briefly, causes Xavier to lose all of his hair. Apocalypse made Charles bald.


Wolverine has a cameo. He kills some dudes, then gets creepy with young Jean Grey after she recovers some of his memories. He escapes Stryker's base and runs off into the snowy wilderness clad in a pair of shorts.


Also that stupid speech you hear from Mystique in all the trailers/commercials is like...the last thing you hear the movie. Thankfully. Quicksilver is still cool.



Alright I'm done. Apocalypse was better than BvS, but after First Class and Days of Future Past this movie felt so goddamned dumb and badly written than I wanted to cry. Charles had a STRONG hair game going on up til this point, I will miss it dearly.

EDIT: here have this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSuvOVH0aSQ

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

is his daughter a magnet???

Shinjobi posted:

OOPS policeman accidentally let go of his fully drawn bow in fright, and WHAT ARE THE CHANCES Magneto's brand new wife and daughter are killed with the same accidental arrow.

Apocalypse made Charles bald.

etalian posted:

Yes it's a bad movie since characters like the 4 horsemen get zero development and it's the classic cliche supervillian tries to destroy the world plot.

Shinjobi posted:

this savage bird attack where they fly around and don't touch a single policeman is scary enough to cause the accidental bow & arrow death.

Colonel Cancer posted:

Sounds pretty realistic so far tbh

Celluloid Sam posted:

i will get high and watch loving anything and go man that was cool except dances with wolves which ive never been able to stay awake through

Robo Reagan posted:

its avatar with worse vfx

etalian posted:

movie should be docked for not having a wolverine rear end scene like Days of Future Past.

notZaar posted:

Less gay poo poo is always better.

Robo Reagan posted:

get the gently caress out

counterfeitsaint posted:

Nah, Magento's kid is white.

Robo Reagan posted:

get the gently caress out