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gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
so this was business gorilla, right?

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afeelgoodpoop
Oct 14, 2014

by FactsAreUseless
its 2016 and zoos still arent toddler proof rofl

jenny jones fan
Dec 24, 2007

Stevie Lee posted:

anthony bourdain teared up when he choked out that goat on Parts Unknown

I must correct myself. It is AA Gill that is the POS, not Bourdain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiDe5lUyPLM

Bourdain is just dumb. Harmless dumb. Gill is a psycho.

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

by VideoGames
Morbid Hound

symbolic posted:

what if the shooter was the same guy that killed that one lion last year

that's be pretty hosed up

Was the gorilla gay? Someone needs to find out. Gorillia. Gorillillia. This Gorilla was making a platform game and was struck down in the prime of its life.

My Q-Face
Jul 8, 2002

A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

Melmac posted:

Anyone else remember when food columnist A.A. Gills paid to hunt a baboon so he could "see what it was like to kill a person"?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._A._Gill#Killing_of_a_baboon

This is a thing that is legal to exchange currency for.

Baboons are shitheads and deserve to die though, so that's okay.

Fanatic
Mar 9, 2006

:eyepop:

Microwaves Mom posted:

This has happened before and usually a keeper can just go to teh gorilla and the gorilla gives them the kid.
Pretty much. The gorilla would most likely have exchanged the kid for food because bananas > all.

Mr. Smile Face Hat
Sep 15, 2003

Praise be to China's Covid-Zero Policy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U9dkgISYyU

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
gorillas arent necessarily friendly, but they arent really murderous hatebeasts either. that bad mom is probably gonna talk about how she got a gorilla killed by being inattentive for years. though tbf i would also brag about it if i got a gorilla killed.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


What I want to know is, how do I apply to this zoo task force who's only job is to blast gorillas back to hell?

Maldoror
Oct 5, 2003

by R. Guyovich
Nap Ghost

GAYS FOR DAYS posted:

gorilla lives matter



(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

Melmac posted:

Anyone else remember when food columnist A.A. Gills paid to hunt a baboon so he could "see what it was like to kill a person"?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._A._Gill#Killing_of_a_baboon

This is a thing that is legal to exchange currency for.

I wonder how long he tried to haggle the human hunting package down to a price he could afford before he gave up and settled for the lower quality baboon experience.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc
To be fair baboons are evil vicious fuckers who can kill you

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS
If the monkey had killed the baby the mother probably could have sued for more than the monkey was worth.

GRILLARY CLINTON
Mar 5, 2016

I know the devil is real.
I know the devil is real.
i wish i didn't live at the mall with the apes.

RideTheSpiral
Sep 18, 2005
College Slice

plain blue jacket posted:

If the monkey had killed the baby the mother probably could have sued for more than the monkey was worth.

i think you will find gorillas are very expensive

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


In my humble opinion, this wouldn't have happened if the gorilla had a gun.

Chief McHeath
Apr 23, 2002

That gorilla was gay anyway, it sucked my dick!

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

RideTheSpiral posted:

i think you will find gorillas are very expensive

According to yahoo answers $9000

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090610142751AAI6s3T

RideTheSpiral
Sep 18, 2005
College Slice

my research turned up $45,000

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

That's how I wanna go out. Menacing children.

Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

In my humble opinion, this wouldn't have happened if the gorilla had a gun.

Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy
i don't like monkies

Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy
or gorillas

Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



how do you feel about the monkees?

Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy

Quote-Unquote posted:

how do you feel about the monkees?

they get a pass

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.



Serious Frolicking posted:

so this was business gorilla, right?

We can only hope

Alien Sex Manual
Dec 14, 2010

is not a sandwich

Acid Haze posted:

But seriously why not even try the tranq darts first? You can always shoot him if that fails... He did no real harm to the kid and he could have killed him instantly.

He was bashing the kid against the wall when they finally decided to shoot him. Tranquilizer darts would have just pissed him off even more before they took effect and he probably would have killed the kid outright.

That's not to say that the mother isn't a dumbass and shouldn't be charged with child neglect, and that this wasn't a CYA move by the zoo, but IMO the kid didn't deserve to get mauled to death.

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.



Were all going to feel real stupid when this kid grows up to be the antichrist or something, and it turns out this gorilla had been sent from the future to the past to complete a mission to save us. A mission we stopped.

TIME APE

working title

Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



The Bananana posted:

Were all going to feel real stupid when this kid grows up to be the antichrist or something, and it turns out this gorilla had been sent from the future to the past to complete a mission to save us. A mission we stopped.

TIME APE

working title

if he had been sent from the future then surely he would've read the news and learned that he was going to die in his mission?

i mean jesus loving christ you are what is wrong with hollywood today. apart from the rampant child-loving, i mean.

Sound
Oct 18, 2004


symbolic posted:

what if the shooter was the same guy that killed that one lion last year

that's be pretty hosed up

and then it turns out he keeps a trophy from each animal he kills, and has been greasing rails and daring kids to climb on them

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

Quote-Unquote posted:

if he had been sent from the future then surely he would've read the news and learned that he was going to die in his mission?

lol

but otoh if this was the first diversion from the main antichristkid timeline there's no way of knowing the outcome of his gorilla mission.

e: like, if you succeeded in traveling back to 1930s Germany, your success and potential demise is not a foregone conclusion and you might readily believe you'll return home again

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.



Toadvine posted:

lol

but otoh if this was the first diversion from the main antichristkid timeline there's no way of knowing the outcome of his gorilla mission.

e: like, if you succeeded in traveling back to 1930s Germany, your success and potential demise is not a foregone conclusion and you might readily believe you'll return home again

Yeah, idiot!

Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



Toadvine posted:

lol

but otoh if this was the first diversion from the main antichristkid timeline there's no way of knowing the outcome of his gorilla mission.

e: like, if you succeeded in traveling back to 1930s Germany, your success and potential demise is not a foregone conclusion and you might readily believe you'll return home again

if this was the first diversion from the antichristkid timeline, i.e.: it hadn't happened in Time Ape's future, then how would the gorillas know that they had to send Time Ape back in time in order to change the timeline?!

Did an ape travel forward in time to a period where they'd invented backwards time travel to warn them? But then he must've known that Time Ape got killed by antichristkid so we're back at the beginning again!

Acres of Quakers
May 6, 2006


RideTheSpiral posted:

my research turned up $45,000

Both of these prices seem reasonable. I wonder if there are financing options available? I could use a gorilla to keep my neighbor's rear end in a top hat kids off my lawn and poo poo.

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

Quote-Unquote posted:

if this was the first diversion from the antichristkid timeline, i.e.: it hadn't happened in Time Ape's future, then how would the gorillas know that they had to send Time Ape back in time in order to change the timeline?!

Did an ape travel forward in time to a period where they'd invented backwards time travel to warn them? But then he must've known that Time Ape got killed by antichristkid so we're back at the beginning again!

when I say diversion I mean the first attempt to alter the past.

back to the Hitler metaphor: we all talk about going back to Germany and killing Hitler. The first time someone actually does it is identical to what played out in Ohio with the Gorilla. They know Hitler/antichristkid must die, but everything that happens next is unknown.

also:

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

Dirty Sanchez posted:

Both of these prices seem reasonable. I wonder if there are financing options available? I could use a gorilla to keep my neighbor's rear end in a top hat kids off my lawn and poo poo.

Lol if you pay above $15 000 for a gorilla like a loving hipster

Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



Toadvine posted:

when I say diversion I mean the first attempt to alter the past.

back to the Hitler metaphor: we all talk about going back to Germany and killing Hitler. The first time someone actually does it is identical to what played out in Ohio with the Gorilla. They know Hitler/antichristkid must die, but everything that happens next is unknown.

so an ape went back in time and in doing so altered the future, which caused antichristkid to exist, thus necessitating Time Ape's doomed mission?

idgi. and i'm smart; i even made it through inception without getting confused but this script is crazy.

zimboe
Aug 3, 2012

FIRST EBOLA GOON AVOID ALL POSTS SPEWING EBLOA SHIT POSTS EVERWHERE
I'm literally retarded
Should have shot the larval retard. Retards aren't endangered.

SweetMercifulCrap!
Jan 28, 2012
Lipstick Apathy
Time Ape was sent back in time to save humanity. Unfortunately he was sent back too early and must spend 17 years in an enclosure. Tune in weekly for the adventures of Time Ape!

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Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



sweetmercifulcrap posted:

Time Ape was sent back in time to save humanity. Unfortunately he was sent back too early and must spend 17 years in an enclosure. Tune in weekly for the adventures of Time Ape!

sweet i've been waiting for a show with a faster plot than GoT

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