they just went ahead and shot a gorilla in Ohio

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > they just went ahead and shot a gorilla in Ohio

zimboe: Aug 3, 2012; FIRST EBOLA GOON AVOID ALL POSTS SPEWING EBLOA SHIT POSTS EVERWHERE
I'm literally retarded

Toadvine posted:

when I say diversion I mean the first attempt to alter the past.

back to the Hitler metaphor: we all talk about going back to Germany and killing Hitler. The first time someone actually does it is identical to what played out in Ohio with the Gorilla. They know Hitler/antichristkid must die, but everything that happens next is unknown.

also:

That cartoon is heartbreaking.
...
But this sort of thing could be going on all the time and we would never know it.

# ? May 30, 2016 14:01

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 15:03

Toadvine: Mar 16, 2009; Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

Quote-Unquote posted:

so an ape went back in time and in doing so altered the future, which caused antichristkid to exist, thus necessitating Time Ape's doomed mission?

idgi. and i'm smart; i even made it through inception without getting confused but this script is crazy.

not quite what I'm saying, but maybe! Time Ape went back to kill antichrist kid but was foiled by idiot zoo keepers. Maybe the zoo experience is what motivates the child to destroy the natural world? necessitating the gorillas to revolt and go back in time and kill him? but actually sowing the seeds of their future destruction again and again? cool!

Like Twelve Monkeys and Looper had a kid and it fell in a zoo pit

# ? May 30, 2016 14:06

Dignity Van Houten: Jul 28, 2006; abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P

When the object enters the timestream, time begins to correct itself. Let me use this example: Imagine four gorillas on the edge of a cliff. Say a direct copy of the gorilla nearest the cliff is sent to the back of the line of gorillas and takes the place of the first gorilla. The formerly first gorilla becomes the second, the second becomes the third, and the fourth falls off the cliff.

Time works the same way.

Dignity Van Houten fucked around with this message at 14:13 on May 30, 2016

# ? May 30, 2016 14:11

RideTheSpiral: Sep 18, 2005; College Slice

935 posted:

Imagine, if you will, four gorillas on the edge of a cliff

i didnt know all your ex girlfriends went to the seaside together

# ? May 30, 2016 14:12

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Toadvine posted:

not quite what I'm saying, but maybe! Time Ape went back to kill antichrist kid but was foiled by idiot zoo keepers. Maybe the zoo experience is what motivates the child to destroy the natural world? necessitating the gorillas to revolt and go back in time and kill him? but actually sowing the seeds of their future destruction again and again? cool!

Like Twelve Monkeys and Looper had a kid and it fell in a zoo pit

Maybe have it be a team of twelve different species of primate. One can be a human too - maybe tom hardy? Liam Hemsworth? Maybe chris pratt for more of a comedy angle? Naturally he speaks ape and monkey

# ? May 30, 2016 14:13

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Melmac posted:

Anyone else remember when food columnist A.A. Gills paid to hunt a baboon so he could "see what it was like to kill a person"?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._A._Gill#Killing_of_a_baboon

This is a thing that is legal to exchange currency for.

We're talking about africa for the right sum in the right country he could've shot an actual person with the help of a police chief

# ? May 30, 2016 14:16

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

I bet George Zimmerman pulled the trigger

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 30, 2016 14:17

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

I just want to say, to those of you who took Time Ape and ran with it,... I love you.

# ? May 30, 2016 15:04

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

The Bananana posted:

I just want to say, to those of you who took Time Ape and ran with it,... I love you.

Don't worry bro you'll still get an executive producer credit, plus a 'Time Ape created by' credit if the studio doesn't interfere too much.

# ? May 30, 2016 15:56

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Umm, I also want 5 points on the back end, 20% gross on merchandising, and a creator credit on this and any international releases. And a clock radio.

# ? May 30, 2016 15:59

pretty good aggro deck: Dec 31, 2007; Extinct!

i wish they did not shot gorilla

# ? May 30, 2016 16:01

noctambulous nebab: May 12, 2016; by zen death robot

Wouldn't shooting the gorilla with tranquilizers have had exactly the same effect?

# ? May 30, 2016 16:02

RideTheSpiral: Sep 18, 2005; College Slice

lmao what kind of beta gorilla gets shot to death by a puny human

# ? May 30, 2016 16:03

Sweaty IT Nerd: Jul 13, 2007

vyst posted:

I bet George Zimmerman pulled the trigger

He is a well known racist, but you're the one connecting the dots.

# ? May 30, 2016 16:04

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Quote-Unquote posted:

Don't worry bro you'll still get an executive producer credit, plus a 'Time Ape created by' credit if the studio doesn't interfere too much.

so are we doing time ape or time apes? save teh apes for the sequel?

if so what 12 apes. we have a human, a gorilla, and what else
how about a bonobo that always wants to gently caress that would be funny

# ? May 30, 2016 16:15

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

BONOBOS are chimpanzee's sex-crazed cousin

# ? May 30, 2016 16:37

Pimpcasso: Mar 13, 2002; VOLS BITCH

that monkey was part of the drug family that was recently executed in ohio and this was a government coverup

# ? May 30, 2016 16:40

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

With gorilla gone, will there still be hope for zoo?

# ? May 30, 2016 16:43

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Applewhite, please make CYOA: Time Ape, thank you and bless your soul

# ? May 30, 2016 16:46

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

sweetmercifulcrap posted:

At least post the whole video OP: http://www.wlky.com/news/full-video-boy-falls-into-gorilla-world-exhibit-at-cincinnati-zoo/39782038

Baby gorillas must be made of tougher stuff than toddlers.

# ? May 30, 2016 16:52

Sir Simon Milligan: Mar 27, 2003; Yes, I have walked along the path of evil many times, it's a twisting curving path, that actually leads to a charming block garden, but beyond that evil!

That gorilla was some other gorillas parent. Only fair to shoot one of the kids parents now.

# ? May 30, 2016 16:55

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

# ? May 30, 2016 16:59

Beef Turret: Jul 9, 2009; by Lowtax

RIP

# ? May 30, 2016 17:15

kindermord: Jun 5, 2003; ducks is chickens with swimmy toes

vyst posted:

I bet George Zimmerman pulled the trigger

actually the kid is still alive so nope

# ? May 30, 2016 17:15

Gamer With Dignity: May 15, 2016; by Nyc_Tattoo

Now when are they going to shoot all the other Cleveland residents?

# ? May 30, 2016 17:24

Beef Turret: Jul 9, 2009; by Lowtax

The parents should've been shot in his place for being mindless fucktards, imo

# ? May 30, 2016 17:25

ethanol: Jul 13, 2007

I shot the gorilla

But I did not shoot no chimpanzee

# ? May 30, 2016 17:25

EmperorFritoBandito: Aug 7, 2010; by exmarx

noctambulous nebab posted:

Wouldn't shooting the gorilla with tranquilizers have had exactly the same effect?

Besides the dosage needing to be pretty exact to stop an animal without killing it, I really don't think you'd want tranqs when time matters.

# ? May 30, 2016 17:25

noctambulous nebab: May 12, 2016; by zen death robot

EmperorFritoBandito posted:

Besides the dosage needing to be pretty exact to stop an animal without killing it, I really don't think you'd want tranqs when time matters.

Yeah that's a good point. I don't see a more graceful solution to this problem, besides banning Disney movies.

# ? May 30, 2016 17:26

OMG JC a Bomb!: Jul 13, 2004; We are the Invisible Spatula. We are the Grilluminati. We eat before and after dinner. We eat forever. And eventually... eventually we will lead them into the dining room.

"Mommy's right here!"

Lmao yeah retard where were you a minute ago?

# ? May 30, 2016 17:40

OMG JC a Bomb!: Jul 13, 2004; We are the Invisible Spatula. We are the Grilluminati. We eat before and after dinner. We eat forever. And eventually... eventually we will lead them into the dining room.

lol

# ? May 30, 2016 18:27

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

I kwept seeing a lot of really silly jokes about gorillas and apes on my twitter and now I know why.

# ? May 30, 2016 18:31

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

finally, proof that god exists. if not for god, there is no way that her child would survive being her child.

# ? May 30, 2016 18:35

Gamer With Dignity: May 15, 2016; by Nyc_Tattoo

God*

# ? May 30, 2016 18:37

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

So wait

God looked away too when the kid got into the gorilla area

Nobody wants to keep an eye on that kid

# ? May 30, 2016 18:40

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

symbolic posted:

Applewhite, please make CYOA: Time Ape, thank you and bless your soul

This.

OR Atma

# ? May 30, 2016 18:41

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

So would a gorilla be able to fight and kill a bear?

# ? May 30, 2016 18:46

plain blue jacket: Jan 13, 2014; IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

The Bananana posted:

This.

OR Atma

No, Applewhite

# ? May 30, 2016 18:46

Alien Sex Manual: Dec 14, 2010; is not a sandwich

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

lol

I agree with all the people who said they should have shot the mom instead.

# ? May 30, 2016 18:48

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 15:03

Fallows: Jan 20, 2005; If he waits long enough he can use his accrued interest from his savings to bring his negative checking balance back into the black.

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

lol

god bless

# ? May 30, 2016 18:50

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > they just went ahead and shot a gorilla in Ohio

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