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If you ever wanted to see how a French president handed over something of dubious worth to Germans, the Euro 2016 is the perfect place for that. It's the European Championships again, and without further ado, here are the champions Germany sends to France.  Are boys looking good  But who are all these people? Behold our fearless leader Hans Joachim Löw  Goalkeepers Manuel Neuer (Bayern München)  The only German keeper you will see during the tournament, and rightfully so. Bernd Leno (Bayer Leverkusen)  Pictured: Timo Horn, who turned up after googling Leno He's alright, but certainly no Ron-Robert Zieler. Marc-André ter Stegen (FC Barcelona)  Missing another easy shot again Löw could've gotten Weidenfeller instead since he's also a part-time keeper but no, let's nominate the idiot who's never done a proper job while wearing a Germany kit. Defense Jérôme Boateng (Bayern München)  https://twitter.com/WernerDoye/status/742111996590624768 A centerback, and pretty drat good at his job, will play every match. Mats Hummels (Borussia Dortmund)   Another great centerback, expected to pair up with Boateng throughout all the matches, be it for the Mannschaft or Bayern come this summer. Currently injured, can hopefully make a quick comeback. Shkodran Mustafi (Valencia CF)  Either a centerback for the bench, or filling in as fullback after seeing another one of Rudys and Cans performances there. Benedikt Höwedes (Schalke 04)  Centerback, was more or less tolerable as fullback during the World Cup, let's see what he'll do this time. Antonio Rüdiger (AS Roma)  Fifth centerback in the provisional line-up, which should be enough cover in case someone important gets injured. Has some potential for a great player in him. Jonas Hector (1.FC Köln)  Germany's only nominal leftback. He's mediocre as gently caress and surprisingly old at 26, so there's not a whole lot of room to develop for him. Scored against Italy in a friendly which of course means he'll play all matches in France. Emre Can (Liverpool FC)  Pictured: Can and Sakho having a laugh shortly before their doping tests. An okay defensive midfielder nominated for the fullback position, which he is really bad at. Sebastian Rudy (TSG Hoffenheim)  Rudy is a bad player and I don't understand this nomination at all. He's shown no promise over the course of six years, yet ended up here because of the Swabian connection. Midfield/Offense (because having a dedicated Offense means having more than one name) Sami Khedira (Juventus Turin)  Will play every match, gets a long eeeeeeeh... from me, there are better options around even with Gündoğan out. Bastian Schweinsteiger (Manchester United)  Schweinsteiger chuffed about his first expedition to France Currently injured Leitwolf, will play all matches if the doctors okay it. Toni Kroos (Real Madrid)  One Kroos fits all Will orchestrate passes from his position in midfield and never not look bored. Joshua Kimmich (Bayern München)  One of the youngsters it is unclear whether he'll make the cut, the Euros might be a bit too early for him. Julian Weigl (Borussia Dortmund)  Also a youngster who is not expected to make the cut, as long as Schweinsteiger gets fit in time. Good lad. Thomas Müller (Bayern München)  Needs some practice for the salute. Where other players fail Thomas... will find a way. Mario Götze (Bayern München)  Germany's Golden Boy, people wonder if he'll do the same thing here and score the big winner again. Marco Reus (Borussia Dortmund)  Reus getting a legit driving license in Cambodia Last time he got himself injured Germany went on to become World Champions, so I'll spot a terrible pattern and say his injury status is important for mounting a title challenge. Mesut Özil (Arsenal FC)  Germany's playmaker and king of assists behind Henry. Doesn't quite look his age. Julian Draxler (VfL Wolfsburg)  Julian has been waiting for some time for a breakthrough, will this Euro be his? Karim Bellarabi (Bayer Leverkusen)  Bellarabi is fast on the wings, and that's about it. Julian Brandt (Bayer Leverkusen)  Part of the youngster brigade, might or might not be cut for the final line-up. Leroy Sané (Schalke 04)  Same chance of staying as the rest of the young ones, has some potential for a great attacking player (Brandt has, too). André Schürrle (VfL Wolfsburg)  Made the assist for Götze's winning goal in 2014, has been very uneven since then. Walks a bit like a duck. Mario Gomez (Beşiktaş Istanbul)  Has been rather productive in Turkey, which happens when you're not injured and playing. Lukas Podolski (Galatasaray Istanbul)  Everyone loves clowns, Germany will even sacrifice a slot for one (though Poldi is kinda good for team chemistry). What to expect? They won't make it out of the group. Additional ressources and bad photoshops http://www.tomnash.eu/gomez-button.html    https://vimeo.com/171193536 Healbot fucked around with this message at 12:39 on Jun 19, 2016 |
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May 30, 2016 15:31
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Dunban posted:Reus is gone, Germany's title chance is secured Came here to post this, lmao, some things barely ever change. Edit: Bellarabi, Rudy and Brandt will not go to France.
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May 31, 2016 11:43
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In missing out due to injury news, Reus has a four month break ahead of him. 
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Jun 2, 2016 08:01
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Lmao, three wrong decisions from the linesmen this game.
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Jun 4, 2016 18:23
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ephex posted:Good to see you're taking pride in your job 
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Jun 6, 2016 12:54
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Tah might be nominated in Rüdiger's stead.
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Jun 8, 2016 08:41
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https://twitter.com/GNetzer/status/742101284388491265
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Jun 12, 2016 22:10
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https://twitter.com/WernerDoye/status/742111996590624768
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Jun 13, 2016 10:32
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http://www.der-postillon.com/2016/06/gauland-ukraine.html
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Jun 13, 2016 14:55
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It was a boring rear end match and I'm still mad the boys have not turned up yet except for Boateng, Hummels and Neuer. Hector and Höwedes don't work at all if your aim is to have at least okay fullbacks.
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Jun 17, 2016 04:52
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Kroos had to close down Pirlo back then and believe me, Andrea's got the experience to get around a watchdog no matter the age.
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Jun 18, 2016 08:11
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I really am, proof being a bench warmer in the local youth team (left back lmao).
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Jun 18, 2016 09:14
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Katana Gomai posted:I didn't mean you, actual OP The point still stands, OP. What I actually find disappointing about Kroos though is his unwillingness to be more than a ball boy. Right now the only way for him to be a goal threat with his distance shots is when the goalkeeper is injured.
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Jun 18, 2016 12:48
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Dunban posted:Looking forward to Götze and Özil contributing absolutely nothing again today Preemptively quoting this because it's gonna be a massacre.
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Jun 21, 2016 10:45
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Kimmich is playing because Höwedes has been kinda useless for the offense. Let's look whether Joshua can do this.
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Jun 21, 2016 16:59
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I'm at work and can't watch it. Kill me now.
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Jun 26, 2016 15:32
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The Real Foogla posted:there's cameras all over Löw now, and he STILL took a whiff of his armpit smh Just making sure his sponsored hygiene products are doing their work. So far he has not fainted on camera.
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Jun 27, 2016 16:16
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Jun 27, 2016 18:52
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Welp gentlemen, it was fun shitposting with you in this thread, but I think we're done here.
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Jun 27, 2016 18:53
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hopterque posted:Italy looked good, I'm worried. They don't need to look good to beat Germany in a tournament.
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Jun 27, 2016 19:32
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elbkaida posted:Guys! Tonight it's on and I'm excited! Löw said he's not going to play the same team as last match, is that just mindgames? I reckon if he makes a change it might be putting in one more defensive player for Draxler. That would mean either Mustafi in a back three or Schweinsteiger in front of the current CBs to have a more robust back line. Kimmich will probably sit on the bench with Höwedes starting, as Löw wants a more conservative approach against Italy.
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Jul 2, 2016 12:04
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Katana Gomai posted:Enteignet Springer
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Jul 2, 2016 14:32
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I will change my prediction from not making it out of the group to round of 16 after this.
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Jul 2, 2016 23:02
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GaussianCopula posted:can you please translate that into Bavarian? Thomas Müller posted:Des interessiert mich ois ned, der Scheißdreck. Halbfinalisten samma, den Isländer hamma, die Scheißschwalbe kannst dir hinter'n Ohren schmieren. Healbot fucked around with this message at 10:16 on Jul 3, 2016 |
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Jul 3, 2016 10:12
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I wouldn't call a win in penalty shootouts comfortable, at all. Also Schollis critique rings hollow when comparing to the WC2014, where both Italy and Spain collapsed unto themselves in a lucky break.
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Jul 3, 2016 10:20
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What would have helped was not fielding Schweinsteiger.
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Jul 7, 2016 21:57
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I love Basti, but his insistence on giving away that handball was proper shite (though part of the blame lies with Hector, who cleared to a corner without any opposition around). Müller in form would have gotten Germany the title.
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Jul 7, 2016 22:06
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Özil was pretty loving good this tournament, but Löw took Poldi instead of an actual striker and speculated on Müller finding his form. So no assists from Mesut.
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Jul 7, 2016 22:31
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Smirr posted:Close thread, gas op  Edit: can't close through the app, lol
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Jul 8, 2016 13:24
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Not ballsniffing, not the real Hans Joachim Löw.
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Jul 8, 2016 20:21
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Jul 9, 2016 14:14
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