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Knock knock.
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May 30, 2016 22:02
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Who's there?
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May 30, 2016 22:03
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What do I say next?
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May 30, 2016 22:03
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Dross posted:What do I say next? What do I say next who?
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May 30, 2016 22:04
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Hogge Wild posted:Who's there? No. I know where this is going. I know what youre going to say and I'm not gonna fall for it this time
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May 30, 2016 22:04
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...he died falling out of guard tower!
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May 30, 2016 22:54
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Cumslut1895 posted:...he died falling out of guard tower! I'm afraid not!
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May 30, 2016 23:04
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Hogge Wild posted:What do I say next who? Aren't you glad I didn't say What doIMURDERING U
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May 30, 2016 23:41
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Better Nate than lever!
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May 31, 2016 02:25
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The following joke takes place in 2017. A man was arrested for calling the President of the United States a brainless idiot. He heard the sentence from a judge: "A small fine, and a lifelong prison sentence." The court's motivation? The fine was for insulting the head of state. The prison sentence was for leaking state secrets.
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May 31, 2016 05:57
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Trump becoming President is less of a joke and more of a horror story tbh.
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May 31, 2016 07:14
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Your mother so fat
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May 31, 2016 07:48
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here are mine: Women are like hurricanes. When they come they are wet and wild. But when they leave your house and car are gone. Have you ever wondered why, during a crisis, they let the women and children go first? It's so the men can have some peace and quiet while they think about what to do. Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. (A) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Estrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. (B) To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period. (C) It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects - yes, 100% of all these men: 1) Argued over nothing. 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained weight. 4) Talked excessively without making sense. 5) Became overly emotional. 6) Couldn't drive. 7) Failed to think rationally, and 8) Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary. Why is a mans mind dirtier than a womens? A woman changes hers more often. Life is like a box of chocolates, a women completely destroys one in minutes. Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. What's the most common sleeping position of a woman? Around. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife's clothes. What do you give a woman with everything? Penicillin. What is love? The delusion that one woman differs from another. Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed.
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May 31, 2016 08:27
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Knock, knock. - Who's There? Yo mama. - Yo mama who? Yo mama who's too fat to fit through the door.
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May 31, 2016 08:35
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Lottery of Babylon posted:
joke/fundamentalist christian doctrine
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May 31, 2016 08:51
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Why are computer chips so small? Computers don't eat much.
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May 31, 2016 08:58
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Lottery of Babylon posted:here are mine: Women are like hurricanes. When they come they are wet and wild. But when they leave your house and car are gone. PYF Forward from Grandpa
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May 31, 2016 14:22
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What's the deal with the airline food?
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May 31, 2016 15:19
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A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi says: What's the deal with airline food?
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May 31, 2016 15:47
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Why are you looking in this thread? The real joke is in your hand. your penis is in your hand.
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May 31, 2016 16:13
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Friend posted:Why are you looking in this thread? The real joke is in your hand.  holy gently caress are you a witch
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May 31, 2016 17:22
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Why did the apple salesman fire his delivery boy? he was driving him bananas
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May 31, 2016 17:57
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iSurrender posted:Knock, knock. Yo mamma's so fat, she has to use Microsoft Doors instead of Windows. 
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May 31, 2016 19:14
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Lottery of Babylon posted:Life is like a box of chocolates, a women completely destroys one in minutes. Life is like a box of chocolates: it doesn't last very long for fat people
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May 31, 2016 19:37
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Friend posted:Why are you looking in this thread? The real joke is in your hand. My tablet?
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May 31, 2016 21:15
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Zemyla posted:My tablet? no, he said that it was my dick
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May 31, 2016 21:21
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Hogge Wild posted:no, he said that it was my dick your dick is on his tablet?
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May 31, 2016 21:27
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Dross posted:PYF Forward from Grandpa LoB's gimmick in many, but not all, threads is posting unsourced quotes from terrible people on the Internet.
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May 31, 2016 21:34
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The horse collar.
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May 31, 2016 21:47
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nvm misread title
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May 31, 2016 21:47
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What were the names of the gay Irishmen? Micheal Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael
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May 31, 2016 22:14
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What are Beethoven's favorite fruits? BA-NA-NAs
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May 31, 2016 22:17
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FactsAreUseless posted:The horse collar. I prefer oxen, ollie gives em for free.
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May 31, 2016 22:19
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Your mother is so obese that her skeletal system is under constant strain leading to many health problems and excruciating pain.
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May 31, 2016 22:29
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Trump's yellow hair looks terrible on him, and his orange skin isn't much better. But do you know what's yellow and orange that would look good on him? Fire.
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May 31, 2016 23:59
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there was a funny one i saw here a while ago and ill see if i remember how it goes most of us know someone who is kinda depressed, kinda low key, you think they may kill themselves if they had the energy, well this is a story about a guy like that. we will just call him sad guy. sad guy works in a clerical position at a company that creates ink for cheap american made pens. he doesnt make enough money and drives a cheap car. sad guy gets off work and drives home in his cheap car and when he gets inside he finds his wife in bed with his best friend. instead of confronting the situation head on, he gets back in his cheap car and drives to the local watering hole and sits down at the bar. sad guy is sad, so he orders beer after beer. when he's been at the bar for around an hour, staring at the bottom of his glass, he leans back and looks around. he notices of all things, there is a whale sitting in the corner of the room, also drinking beer. sad guy does a double take and still sees the whale at the booth by himself, but chalks it up to being drunk. sad guy pays his tab and gets the heck out of there, over to the motel between the bar and his workplace. sad guy goes to sleep to try to forget his troubles. it doesn't work. sad guy drives to work and has a bad hangover. he hasnt showered or changed his clothes. he sits behind his desk until a sharp rap at the door rouses him. sad guy's boss is at the door and he tells sad guy that his attitude is dragging the company down and his employment is terminated. sad guy doesn't complain, he calmly stands up and walks out the door, into his car and drives back to the bar where he orders more beer. same deal, around an hour later after drinking 8 beers he pushes himself back from the bar and observes his surroundings. everything is the same as yesterday, just a normal mid-day empty bar aside from the whale, who is sitting at the same booth as before and drinking beer by himself. sad guy thinks he's going crazy so he pays his tab and leaves the bar. as he gets back to his motel there is a guy in a suit standing at his motel room door. as sad guy approaches the man in the suit introduces himself as law council for sad guy's wife, who is serving sad guy with divorce papers. sad guy takes the papers from suit man's hand and walks past into his motel room and passes out on the floor. sad guy is awakened early the next morning by the sound of glass breaking. as sad guy stumbles towards the door and opens it, he sees some masked figures start his car a peel off out of the parking lot. there is smashed glass in sad guy's parking spot. sad guy has had his cheap car stolen. sad guy sighs and walks to the bar. he smells terrible, he is unshorn and unchanged from the past two days. sad guy is really sad. sad guy gets to the bar and sits down at the bar and orders beer again, and looks around and sees the whale again, sitting in the corner. sad guy just got here, so he can't be having a drunken delusion about this whale. he turns from the corner of the room and asks the barkeep, "Hey barkeep, what's the deal with the whale?" the barkeep replies "Well, he came in last week and opened a tab. I've been bringing him beer every thirty minutes or so." sad guy asks the barkeep "Hey barkeep, why is the whale sitting in the corner by himself drinking beer?" the barkeep replies "Well, I'm not sure. Why don't you ask him?" sad guy's eyes perked up. he had a mission in his life. he hadn't felt so strongly motivated before this moment. he gulped down his beer, stood up, and walked over to the whale in the corner with a sense of purpose. "Whale!", sad guy said, "What are you doing here in this bar, sitting in the corner and drinking beer by yourself?! Explain yourself immediately!" The whale looked up from his glass of beer, directly at sad guy. He took in a deep breath and opened his whale mouth and said: <insert whale noise>
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Jun 1, 2016 02:00
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^^^^ I hate you a little bit. 
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Jun 1, 2016 02:26
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FactsAreUseless posted:nvm misread title It's a soft j
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Jun 1, 2016 02:30
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im pooping! posted:there was a funny one i saw here a while ago and ill see if i remember how it goes p. good
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Jun 1, 2016 02:41
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Knock knock. -Who's there? Orange. -Orange who? Oranget you glad I didnt say the holocaust?
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Jun 1, 2016 09:50
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