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The buddhist walks up to the hot dog vendor and tells him to "make me one with everything." The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill. After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?" The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."
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Aug 15, 2016 12:12
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 03:31 |
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Let the master tell it. https://youtu.be/xlIrI80og8c
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Aug 15, 2016 12:15
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Splicer posted:Let the master tell it. lol
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Aug 15, 2016 12:20
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Splicer posted:Let the master tell it. loving painful to watch, yeesh.
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Aug 15, 2016 13:16
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What do you call the useless flap of skin that surrounds the vagina? The rest of the woman (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Aug 16, 2016 03:58
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Another one I made up: I think due to my use of heavy irony, a lot of my jokes fall flat
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Aug 26, 2016 04:16
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A moon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you be having?" The moon says, "Nothing thanks, I'm full."
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Aug 26, 2016 04:35
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Lottery of Babylon posted:A moon walks into a bar. Haha that's good
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Aug 26, 2016 04:53
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A week later a moon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you be having?" The moon says, "Nothing thanks, I'm full." So the bartender says, "Why the long phase?"
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Aug 26, 2016 05:23
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A few weeks later the moon stumbles into the bar, already drunk, and collapses. It's too heavy to move, so the bartender just puts up some signs around it: FLOOR WAXING IN PROGRESS.
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Aug 26, 2016 12:15
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Lottery of Babylon posted:A moon walks into a bar. Lottery of Babylon posted:A week later a moon walks into a bar. drat these are good
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Aug 26, 2016 16:38
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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the moon? "STOP WANING!"
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Aug 28, 2016 16:58
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What did the man say to his step ladder? He said, "I hate you! You're not my real ladder!" twoday has a new favorite as of 21:08 on Sep 7, 2016 |
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Sep 7, 2016 20:46
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Ignite Memories posted:How do you turn a duck into a respected R&B musician? If that doesn't work you can always rub it on the grass until it's Al Green
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Sep 7, 2016 21:38
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You can also bleach it until it turns white, then bleach it again to make it Barry White
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Sep 8, 2016 00:29
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Goddamn Particle posted:The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." This post. All of it.
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Sep 8, 2016 01:06
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A shy, sensitive pony walks into a bar clearing his throat constantly. This annoys the bartender, who yells to him "Hay! Are you gonna order something, or just keep clearing your throat?" The pony replies "Sir, bare with me, I'm just a little horse." I just made that up, and I feel like it could be made better. Help? EDIT: Maybe this? A pony walks into a bar clearing his throat. He sits down next to a couple of guys, and continues to cough, but doesn't order anything. This goes on for quite a while, when one guy says to the other 'What's his problem? Why isn't he ordering anything?" Second guy says "Well, he's just a little horse, that's all." Rupert Buttermilk has a new favorite as of 01:52 on Sep 8, 2016 |
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Sep 8, 2016 01:49
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You're about 70 years late on inventing that joke bub.
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Sep 8, 2016 03:04
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Aggro posted:You're about 70 years late on inventing that joke bub. Yeah, I figured. 
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Sep 8, 2016 04:05
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How many bikers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 13. GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT??! How many saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one but it takes 13 episodes and Krillin dies. How many Harvard graduates does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. He holds it in place and the world revolves around him. How many Microsoft software engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. That's a hardware problem. How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a ligh... ... ... ..wanna go ride bikes?
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Sep 8, 2016 05:23
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twoday posted:What did the man say to his step ladder?
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Sep 8, 2016 11:55
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:Yeah, I figured. Why the long face?
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Sep 8, 2016 13:04
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Hey it's okay buddy, here's joke I thought I made up but someone probably beat me to it: How can you tell if a blonde is suicidal? bulletholes in her mirror
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Sep 8, 2016 13:17
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Buzkashi posted:Hey it's okay buddy, here's joke I thought I made up but someone probably beat me to it: That’s an atypically violent method for a woman.
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Sep 8, 2016 13:21
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I read it as 'buttholes' in the mirror and puzzled over it for about fifteen minutes until I read it again. To me that's funnier than the actual joke
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Sep 8, 2016 14:11
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Snorkzilla posted:I read it as 'buttholes' in the mirror and puzzled over it for about fifteen minutes until I read it again. To me that's funnier than the actual joke Feel free to tell it that way if you get the opportunity!
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Sep 8, 2016 14:15
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Hogge Wild posted:The buddhist walks up to the hot dog vendor and tells him to "make me one with everything." Two students of Eastern philosophy go on vacation to Portugal. They decide to drive around in the countryside. After a long day of driving they see a vineyard and decide to stop and get some wine. The vintner shows them the grapes and the cellar and how he does everything, and then he pours them some wine, straight from the barrel. The first one says, "Wow! This is amazing! So smooth and full of flavor! I've had this type of wine before but it's never been anywhere near as good!" And then the other one says, "The Dao that you have experienced was not the true Dao."
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Sep 8, 2016 15:48
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Snorkzilla posted:I read it as 'buttholes' in the mirror and puzzled over it for about fifteen minutes until I read it again. To me that's funnier than the actual joke What's the key to good comedy?
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Sep 8, 2016 16:20
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Splicer posted:Same, though not 15 minutes.
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Sep 8, 2016 16:35
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Splicer posted:What's the key to good comedy? Misdirection, surprise, & poop
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Sep 8, 2016 16:44
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Snapchat A Titty posted:Misdirection, surprise, & poop No, that's a keyhole.
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Sep 8, 2016 17:02
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Splicer posted:Same, though not 15 minutes. Repetition, timing, and repetition.
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Sep 8, 2016 17:09
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Zamboni_Rodeo posted:This post. All of it. Can music make you think? It made Stevie Wonder Can beer make you smart? It made Budweiser
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Sep 9, 2016 04:34
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A few years ago, the Dalai Lama was doing a speaking tour of the world, and he came to my home town. Well a friend of mine is really big into Buddhism and Eastern Spirituality, and all that jazz, and I am always eager to learn, so he got us tickets. On the actual night of the speech however, I had some extra busywork to catch up on, (I won't bore you with the details), and I ended up being a little late. Not wanting to disrupt the show for those already in their seats, I just stood at the back. Whilst there I saw a couple of actual monks, in the robes and everything, standing at the back of the auditorium audibly scoffing and rolling their eyes at everything that was being said onstage. Interested, I made my way to them during the half-time intermission. "Why were you guys scoffing and rolling your eyes at the Dalai Lama? Isn't he supposed to be your spiritual leader or something?", I asked. The taller of the monks snorted and replied "He's no leader of mine. He goes around the world tricking white people into paying just to hear him talk about peace and love." The shorter monk, the one with glasses, joined in. "Yeah. He's not quite as pure and innocent as he makes himself out to be." Wide eyed, I asked why. Now they were reluctant to provide specific details, but I was intrigued, and persistent, so eventually the taller monk said, "Let's just say that the Dalai Lama has a huge gambling problem." "Really??" "Yeah, he really loves Tibet" This is one of my brothers go to jokes, and he tells it like it is a real story of his life. I have been there watching him tell it, and it is awesome to watch peoples reactions when they get to the dumb punchline and realize it was just a joke. His other go to joke is: How do you sell chicken to a deaf man? *shouting* HEY, DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?
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Sep 9, 2016 05:50
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Buzkashi posted:Hey it's okay buddy, here's joke I thought I made up but someone probably beat me to it: Poor Jeanette and Therese 
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Sep 9, 2016 06:14
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BrigadierSensible posted:How do you sell chicken to a deaf man? My dad's favorite joke is this, but with a duck instead of a chicken. My favorite joke is this: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks up and says to the other one "You taste something funny?"
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Sep 9, 2016 15:47
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Two cannibals were sharing a meal. They both decided to start at opposite ends. After a couple of minutes the guy at the head end asked the other 'How are you getting along?' The other says 'I'm having a ball' To which the first replies: Slow down, mate, you'll give yourself indigestion.
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Sep 9, 2016 21:44
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where does a mansplainer get his water from? well, actually
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Sep 10, 2016 01:06
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Had this exchange with my wife yesterday. Dad joke as hell, but it made me laugh to myself. Wife: (looking up info on hippos) So, I guess they're herbivores. Me: Oh? Hmm, didn't know that. *we both then watch a video of hippos tearing apart a zebra* Me: Well, maybe his name was Herb?
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Sep 10, 2016 11:15
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 03:31 |
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Vet du varför mammutarna dog ut? Det fanns inga papputar! lol
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Sep 10, 2016 11:37
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