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  • Locked thread
H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month
The anonymous confessions thread returns!


You know the drill: send your confessions to saanonconfessions@gmail.com using https://www.guerrillamail.com/ to avoid doxxing yourself.
If you only want to read the confessions and skip the commentary, you can click the question mark button on the lower half side of my user details or follow this link.


Let the confessions pour forth.


DISCLAIMER FOR THE BUSYBODIES: There is a good possibility that a lot of the confessions here will be fake. It's all in good fun and should be treated as such.


:siren:Note for suicidal confessions:siren:: I will not be posting confessions detailing suicidal thoughts. If you feel the need to talk about self-destructive tendencies, use the phone numbers listed below or consider therapy. GBS is no replacement for getting professional help

The US suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

List of suicide hotline by US state: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

List by country: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

H.H fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Aug 14, 2016

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Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Fun Shoe
I came here to talk about the dog series wtf

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month
Some confessions from the old thread I didn't get a chance to post back then:

quote:

I was born in China, but never knew my birth parents and was adopted by a white couple in America while I was a baby.

There's a Chinese buffet I go to for lunch every so often and they always give me a 50% discount for no reason. I went with a bunch of coworkers and a few noticed, I just said "Oh I go here a lot".

I cannot speak a lick of Chinese and do not care to ever visit that country. But the cheap Chinese buffet is awesome.


quote:

I work as a manager in a distribution center and every single one of my employees is black. I'm white. I get along with everyone and earned the nicknames "White Thunder" and "Fat Daddy", and had the highest manager approval rating in the entire country. My DC is located in a pretty poor neighborhood, so this job means a lot to the guys and they work hard to make sure we never have to cut anybody's position.

The sad fact is I was offered a much higher paying, cushier job with corporate due to my excellent performance. I would move to a nicer city, get paid a lot more, and have way better benefits and stock options. I was ready to sign the papers and start the relocation until they let me talk to the guy they handpicked for my replacement.

He was super racist. Like cartoonishly evil. Said that he liked working with "The blacks" because they don't know their own strength and have extra muscles that let them work harder. Then made a joke about buying a KFC in the neighborhood to "double his income". I asked him what kind of improvements he might make, and he said that he'd cut wages for everyone and make sure overtime is eliminated. I did run about 1% overtime, but I don't think anybody could cut that out without being a literal slave master.

I gave up that higher paying job to stay with my guys. I'm only confessing this anonymously because I don't want credit or validation for doing the right thing. But I don't know anyone in real life I could tell this story to and it needs to be said in this current climate.


quote:

I've burnt down 4 abandoned buildings near my home and am afriad I'll do it again soon.

I can't control the pryomaniac side of me for much longer.

Nonviolent J
Jul 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Soiled Meat
I'm so happy right now, and it was my idea so probate me before H/H because he showed courage and you can't probate for that else you're heartless

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month
lol thanks J. You know what you must do now: Send a confession!

small hendren
Jan 27, 2011
You are three of the saddest people on this forum full of sad people. Reported.

Nonviolent J
Jul 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Soiled Meat

small hendren posted:

You are three of the saddest people on this forum full of sad people. Reported.

If by sad you mean happy and full of wonder then you're right!

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I'm a published author and artist, which I publish under a fake name.

However, what I write is hardcore hentai dojinshis. I was really into anime as a kid and got really good at aping the style. In college I drew hentai for some quick bucks, and it expanded to writing and drawing entire massive collections of erotic material. I estimate I've created about 7000 pages of the stuff at this point.

It's paid for a new house and for my entire wedding and honeymoon.

quote:

On December 14th 2009 my son was born. My wife, who was the only woman I ever loved or will ever love, died in childbirth. I missed her terribly but viewed our son as a blessing, a chance for my wife's legacy to live on.

Since then I have discovered that my son is evil. Truly evil.

I never told him about his mother. When he got a little older he asked why he didn't have a mommy. I said that she went to live in Heaven when he was born. He started laughing. He told me that she wasn't in Heaven, that nobody goes anywhere when they die. I asked where he heard that from, and he told me that he was born knowing that. I tried to teach him about the afterlife (I don't think any child needs to consider the implication of infinite nothingness at his age) but he just called it lies and stories for babies.

On his fifth birthday I got him a hamster. One day I came home and the hamster was lying dead on the living room couch. The head had been smashed in. My son was running around the house with a bloody ballpeen hammer. I asked him what he did. He said he killed the hamster. Then he said the thing that proved to me he was evil - he said he killed the hamster just like he killed mommy. Then he swung the hammer at my kneecap. I went down in pain and he held the hammer over my head. He said I could kill you too daddy, but I won't.

I got him into therapy after that and they couldn't find anything wrong. He was a perfect child to them and they found no underlying mental issues. I thought my wife's death might be the root cause, but they determined he was fine with it and had accepted it. When they asked him where his mother was, he said she was with the angels in heaven.

He pushed my elderly mother down the stairs on her birthday and said she tripped over some toys. She never woke up from the coma the fall put her in. When I yelled at him and said what happened, he said that she deserved what happened and she "got off easy". At my mother's funeral my son got into a fight with another child and broke her nose. I asked the girl what happened and she said my son called her a "Whore's daughter".

More therapy after that and nothing changed again. I thought something was dangerously wrong, but the tests showed he was a normal child with slightly above average intelligence and socialization.

He would steal from stores if we went shopping together. He'd leave nails and screws around so I'd run over them while pulling in and out of the driveway. He broke every toy I bought him and screamed bloody murder about it. He defaced every photo in the house of me and his mother, and wrote horrible things like Whore Slut Dyke and oval office on them. When I asked him why he said that about his mother, he said she was a dead piece of meat and meat didn't deserve respect. I told him to obey me as his father and he said I was just one breath away from being a dead piece of meat.

Last year for my birthday my son made me breakfast in bed. We had a long period where things seemed to have calmed down, and I was hoping my son was back to normal. I ended up in the hospital. He had ground up a light bulb and sprinkled the bits in the orange juice. It's amazing I didn't die.

He was sent to a juvenile care facility after that, and he's been there ever since. I visit him every week, and I get a write up from the facility on his behavior. He's a model child, and he apologizes to them all the time for what happened to me. He says it was just a big mistake and he saw someone do it on TV. They say he can be returned to my care soon, possibly in time for Christmas, but definitely by February.

I am going to attempt to keep him locked up in that facility and eventually a mental care home forever. No father should have to say that, but it's true. I do not know what went wrong with my child. It is not just mental illness, it's evil.

quote:

I haven't slept in 3 days and do this pretty routinely to maximize my days off.

I bought Xenoblade Chronicles on Friday and got kinda hooked. Started an all nighter on Saturday and well, I haven't slept since then. I can do work okay since it's just mindless physical labor. Slightly more concerning is the fact that I'm not hungry at all, and can barely choke down a piece of string cheese or some applesauce for my meals. I'm still pooping though, so all's good.

I'll try to go to sleep tonight after work but no promises. My record befoer this was 5 days at the end the silverwae was talking to me lol

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

There are a lot of jokes on this site about being a virgin being so bad. I'm hear to tell you that it's awesome - just depends what you make of it.

I was really promiscuous in my teen years. Did a lot of drinking, smoking cigarettes and jazz cigarettes, and even had sex. With several guys.

However I fell in love with a guy who was from the Mormon church. He helped me convert and I got my virginity back through a lot of prayer, hard work, and dedication. Now we are in a committed non physical (at least until we get married) relationship. It is the best relationship of my life, and I know sex is just waiting for me on my wedding night. I also haven't had alcohol or tobacco since me met, and only had one jazz cigarette a few weeks after we met and never since.

For anyone feeling lonely - I suggest you check out the Mormon church. It is the best thing that ever happened to me.

quote:

I planned to surprise my parents by taking off work early, driving to their house, and setting up the new home theater system my dad had bought.

When I opened the front door my Dad already had the system installed. He was playing 2 Live Crew and singing "Heeeeeeyyyy we want some pussy!". My dad is a 58 year old white man. I have never been so proud of him in my life. When he saw me he fumbled with the remote and shut it off really quick.

quote:

I make up fake "inspirational" stories and post them on facebook, twitter, etc etc etc.

I went to eat at Denny's the other day for lunch. When I got back to the office I took the guest receipt and in the tip wrote "God bless you and your family - here is $100!". Then I made up a story online that I was at Denny's and the waitress started crying because she couldn't afford a toy her son wanted for Christmas. I felt so bad that I tipped every last penny I had.

In reality I had a pretty good meal, didn't talk to the waitress much, and tipped 12% of my bill. I don't even think a tip written out like that would be accepted.

I posted this on facebook and it currently has 712 likes, and has been shared by almost every one of my facebook friends with messages like "CHRISTMAS SPIRIT IN ACTION!".

A while back I made my local news for one of my stories. I made up a story about befriending an old woman when I walked to the bus after work, and talking to her every day since she said she was all alone. She wasn't there one day and I found out she passed away. So instead I put flowers on her grave every weekend since nobody else would. I posted a stock photo of a grave with some flowers, but people ate it up.

Well guess what? The whole story is bullshit. When the news wanted to interview me I had to hunt through the obituaries for an old woman who died recently and was buried nearby, then I put a bunch of flowers on her grave. When the news filmed we went to that cemetery and they filmed me laying down the flowers on the grave of someone I never met. I've never been to the place since, obviously.

In reality I live a pretty boring life, which is why I do this.

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
I like dogs though. Post pictures of Newfoundland dogs immediately or I will rat you out.

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I like dogs though. Post pictures of Newfoundland dogs immediately or I will rat you out.

Hey, why should it be one or the other?

You're more than welcome to post dog pics here.

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

Yesterday I was reading the PYF schadenfreude thread and someone posted a video of a chubby blonde wisconsin girl who was listing the top ten reasons to gently caress a dog. It was mentioned that she had a tumblr, so I went on it. My confession is that I'm now kind of obsessed with her. I've jerked off to her masturbation videos twice already. If I lived in/near Wisconsin I would seriously offer her at least 200 bucks to get into her dog-ravaged hole with no regrets (and I'm pretty sure she'd take me up on it).

Something about the fact that she is so depraved that she'll gently caress her own dog (and even black dudes too if you scroll down far enough) really turns me on. Probably because deep down I know that that type of girl is probably the only type that would ever have consensual sex with me.

quote:

I own a small but successful restaurant in a major US city. I'm able to pay everyone there competitive wages, remodel the place every so often, throw special events to drive up business, and still take a salary of over $100k a year.

But all the food we serve is microwaved stuff reheated and re-plated. We had a food critic in shortly after opening and I got the call at home. I told them just do their thing. The critic ordered the lasagna and he got it - a Stouffer's lasagna heated in the oven with some Wal-mart shredded cheese sprinkled on it. He gave our restaurant the highest rating in his write-up.

I realize it would be cheaper to make the food from scratch but A) Nobody I hired can cook and B) I'm hesitant to screw with what's working. Between the amazing margins I'm making (each customer makes me roughly $24, not including alcohol or appetizers or desserts. if they go whole hog with 2 drinks, an app, and a dessert I'm making closer to $60 a person) and the relative lack of effort, I think I've found a winning formula.

quote:

I broke up with my girlfriend after months of arguing over one thing that seems petty - tipping.

I believe in always tipping at least 15% unless service is exceptionally bad, and will tip as much as I feel like. She believed 15% was only for completely perfect above average service.

Every time we went out to eat we would argue over this. I bought the food and believed the tip was my right. She would always grab some of the money I left and discretely put it in her purse.

The final breakup happened after an excellent meal at a BBQ place. The waiter was awesome - got us refills before we had to ask, explained things on the menu to the both of us, and even let my girlfriend try the different types of BBQ sauce to see what she liked most. At the end the bill came and I planned to tip really generously.

My girlfriend goes "That guy sucked, he kept hovering over us way too much" and wanted to leave just 2 bucks (on a 70 dollar bill). I calmly explained that he was just helping us out and deserved a good tip, and left him 30 dollars. As we got up to leave she tried to grab the 20. I caught her, told her to put it back, and we left in silence.

On the ride home she didn't say a word. At home she went right up to bed and locked the door behind her. I slept on the couch. The next day I told her why I felt the way I did (grew up poor, worked a lot of jobs like that, barely made ends meet and struggled to make it through school and better myself). She just laughed in my face.

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry

quote:

I work as a manager in a distribution center and every single one of my employees is black. I'm white. I get along with everyone and earned the nicknames "White Thunder" and "Fat Daddy", and had the highest manager approval rating in the entire country. My DC is located in a pretty poor neighborhood, so this job means a lot to the guys and they work hard to make sure we never have to cut anybody's position.

The sad fact is I was offered a much higher paying, cushier job with corporate due to my excellent performance. I would move to a nicer city, get paid a lot more, and have way better benefits and stock options. I was ready to sign the papers and start the relocation until they let me talk to the guy they handpicked for my replacement.

He was super racist. Like cartoonishly evil. Said that he liked working with "The blacks" because they don't know their own strength and have extra muscles that let them work harder. Then made a joke about buying a KFC in the neighborhood to "double his income". I asked him what kind of improvements he might make, and he said that he'd cut wages for everyone and make sure overtime is eliminated. I did run about 1% overtime, but I don't think anybody could cut that out without being a literal slave master.

I gave up that higher paying job to stay with my guys. I'm only confessing this anonymously because I don't want credit or validation for doing the right thing. But I don't know anyone in real life I could tell this story to and it needs to be said in this current climate.

Regardless of whether this one is real, I definitely 100% would take the promotion in this circumstance, I would try to tell my manager didn't think my replacement would be a good fit, but other then that I'd be out of there.

Guess I'm just a bad person.

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

Outwardly, I seem like a normal guy. I have a good job, I keep myself in shape, I don't watch anime or play too many video games. I don't even watch those Avenger movies, unless I end up going with somebody who wants to see them. I'm not a nerd, and no one sees me as one.

But I have memorized the opening narration from the Flash and Arrow TV shows. The "my name is Oliver Queen/Barry Allen" part. They change it every season, and I know them all, all four Arrow opening and both Flash openings. I also know the on they used for the one episode when Oliver joined the League of Assassins and the two minor variants that they did in The Flash but I don't care about those. It's the six main openings that are the problem.

If it was just thoughts in my head, that would be fine, nobody would ever know. The problem is that I have to say one out loud before I go to the gym. I did it once as a joke, but then I had the best workout of my life. Now if I don't do it I feel weak and unmotivated. I've tried to force myself to go to the gym without saying the opening from the Arrow or the Flash like normal people do, but I ended up feeling like a baby slug, and gave up halfway through my workout.

I do it in the car when I get there, so I always try to park between two big trucks or SUV so people won't see me talking to myself in the car. I can't just whisper it either, I have to say it forcefully. I don't have a pattern, whichever opening pops into my head at the time is what I go with that day.

I'm terrified that everybody will find out, and think I'm some kind of psycho nerd. It's just one weird thing I do, beyond that I'm a totally normal person, and I've gotten pretty good gains since I started, but it's so weird I know everyone will think about me differently if they knew.

When I say one of the openings, I always replace "Barry Allen" or "Oliver Queen" with my own name.

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

My wife died in late April at the age of 35 (cancer). We had two daughters, now 12 and 9 years old and trying to be strong for them and help them through it is becoming unbearable. None of us are handling it well but I have to pretend I am for them and also at work so I don't lose my job. My confession is that I think every day about sending the kids to their grandparents' place for a while so I can have a break from it all and deal with my own problems, but I feel like I'd be abandoning the kids when they need me most. On the other hand, I feel like I'm going to snap and go insane if I keep this up much longer. I'd never say it out loud because I love them very much, but sometimes I wish we never had children just because of how terrible it is watching them go through this at those ages while their inept father tries and fails to figure out how to help them.

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Anonymous Confessions: Black Ops :getin:

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.
So are we just burning through the last ones you had our do you still get them from time to time? Just wondering since we're trying to keep this clandestine how we're gonna get more confessions.

Good to see it back though!

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

IF this one is true:

You just being there is helping immensely. The girls already lost their mother--- don't send them away and make them lose their father, too. They need you more than they ever have right now, even if you don't feel you're helping them. The fact that you're just being there and you're trying helps more than you know. You're all still grieving, and there's really no right way.

Basically, give yourself more credit.

SIDS Vicious
Jan 1, 1970


Holy poo poo at the Mormon lady and at Damiens dad

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.

H.H posted:

Sad dad

Man that sucks. If it feels like it's too much maybe you guys should speak to a grief counselor. Sometimes talking helps immensely.

Edit:
Maybe take a vacation? Get away from work and focus on yourself and family.

Solice Kirsk fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Jun 5, 2016

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Solice Kirsk posted:

So are we just burning through the last ones you had our do you still get them from time to time? Just wondering since we're trying to keep this clandestine how we're gonna get more confessions.

Good to see it back though!

I'll slowly spread the word around. Everyone here are encouraged to do the same. There are already new confessions.

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

Hi guys, WWE wrestler Kane aka Glenn Jacobs here again. I am still an active poster in Rowdy Ringsports and recently YCS. Last summer when this thread was going on, I promised that I would make an inside reference to SA on Monday Night RAW. Normally I'm one of the guys that gets a little freedom to go off-script here and there. Unfortunately that night they scripted me 100% and said no deviations were allowed and I was allowed no promo time after. I have been off TV now for several months, but I'm still on the house show schedule. I get some promo time at house shows and have been making references to SA for a while now. I'm kinda surprised that no one has posted about it in the WWE thread. So if you want confirmation that I am really a goon, buy a ticket the next time WWE is in town for a house show! Trump 2016

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004


I want to believe

Nonviolent J
Jul 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Soiled Meat
which mod hates anon-confens? was it lowtax?

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month
yes.

Shuffleboard Shootout
Dec 26, 2006

Tsoukawhat?
Because someone confessed to loving his wife, lol

Bill Posters
Apr 27, 2007

I'm tripping right now... Don't fuck this up for me.

Did you really invite Kitchener?


Why did you invite Kitchener?

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month
Love him or hate him, Kitchner was very active in the thread and he deservs to be part of this one as well.

Hopefully the million invites I sent in the last few hours will create a nice balance of posters.

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry

Bill Posters posted:

Did you really invite Kitchener?


Why did you invite Kitchener?

Because you're too dumb to even spell the name of a dude you don't like correctly despite the fact you literally read it 30 seconds ago.

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

H.H posted:

Love him or hate him, Kitchner was very active in the thread and he deservs to be part of this one as well.

Hopefully the million invites I sent in the last few hours will create a nice balance of posters.

That's dumb. Kitchner sucks. This thread sucks. Gonna get wrecked again.

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry

VanSandman posted:

That's dumb. Kitchner sucks. This thread sucks. Gonna get wrecked again.

At least you spelt my name right.

Nonviolent J
Jul 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Soiled Meat
what's with the hate? he seems like a good guy

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
Workout Barry Allen guy loving owns. He should work out with "get REAL beefy, bitch!" Who also owns.

fordham
Oct 5, 2002

Your argument is invalid.
Exciting Lemon
Dead wife guy should :therapy:

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Glad to see this is back :) BYOB/CCCC might have been a better choice, as threads that have been hounded out of other subforums have ended up peacefully doing their thing there, but we'll see how long this one lasts.

We Need To Talk About Kevin guy: I don't really believe that any child could end up in a state like this for no reason whatsoever, but this would make a pretty decent premise for a D-list horror movie so there's that.

White Thunder / Fat Daddy: Absolutely report the replacement guy. He should not be placed in a management role with an attitude like that under any circumstances, and honestly I'm shocked you haven't already done this. If corporate knows about it and they don't care, well, part of me says you should quit rather than work for a company like that, but that would really not help your employees unless you made a big thing out of it, involving local press etc. In any case you still have options here.

No sleep Xenoblade guy: What did your silverware say? I'm picturing you poking listlessly at a bowl of dry Frosted Flakes and then the spoon goes "forget about it Brian, just go to sleep"

Mormon lady: lol "jazz cigarette", is that the only Mormon-church-accepted term for weed or what

Lastly here is a dog

Inzombiac
Mar 19, 2007

PARTY ALL NIGHT

EAT BRAINS ALL DAY


Hello friends.
This secret club for cool Goon is sure to be a riot.

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax
Fun Shoe
Awesome confessions so far.

Damien's dad: the only thing that's gonna solve your problem is if you drown that little hell spawn in a vat of holy water. then burn teh remains


it fugures Kane is a trump supporter

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva

Kitchner posted:

At least you spelt my name right.

spelt is a trash tier grain

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva
anybody wanna fess up the url to the old thread

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H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

SniperWoreConverse posted:

anybody wanna fess up the url to the old thread

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3726205

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