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Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!
We're back again to celebrate the best annual event in combat sports. Last year after some closely contested semifinals the Bianchi of Santo Spirito blew out the Verdi of San Giovanni in a one sided final. Last years tournament provided controversy, clotheslines, slapping of faces and wild hand gesturing. The draw this year will pit the two finalists of last year against each other in the opener on Saturday. The Azurri and Rossi will play the day after on Sunday. Will the Whites remain dominant, do the Greens have something to prove, will the Blues not be complete poo poo this time? I don't know but what I do know is that I can't wait to watch these roided up Italian men punch each other in a sandy piazza

What is Calcio Storico?

Basically this







More Precisely
Calcio fiorentino (also known as calcio storico "historic football") is an early form of football that originated in 16th century Italy. Once widely played, the sport is thought to have originated in the Piazza Santa Croce in Florence. Interest in Calcio waned in the early 17th century. However in 1930 it was reorganized as a game in Kingdom of Italy. Today, three matches are played each year in Piazza Santa Croce in Florence in the 3rd week of June. A team from each quartiere of the city is represented:



Santa Croce / Azzurri (Blues)


Santa Maria Novella / Rossi (Reds)


Santo Spirito / Bianchi (Whites)


San Giovanni / Verdi (Greens)

After playing each other in two opening games, the two winners go onto the final which occurs each year on June 24th.

Rules

The modern version of calcio allows tactics such as head-butting, punching, elbowing, and choking but sucker punches and kicks to the head are banned. The game is played on a field of sand with a narrow slit constituting the goal, running the width of each end. Each teams comprises 27 players who are allowed to use both feet and hands to pass and control the ball. Goals (or cacce) are scored by throwing the ball over into the netting at the end of the field. There is a main referee, six linesmen and a field master. Each match is played out for 50 minutes with the winner being the team with the most goals scored.

What essentially happens is the two teams line up and beat on each other. The team with the ball tries to preoccupy the other team by beating them down or taking them down to the point where a gap is created and the ball runner can go on a run towards goal. The goal is narrow and missing a shot on goal gives the opponents .5 points. Scoring a goal nets the shooting team 1 pt. Because of the penalty for missing, players try to get fairly close before shooting. When it comes to tackling a ball carrier anything goes including kicking his legs out from under him.

That's basically the rules but in actuality what happens is a big clusterfuck wherein a bunch of referees and assistants dressed like renaissance clowns run around calling things as they see fit.

(Respect this man's authority)

Players will break rules if they feel like they can get away with it and justice is arbitrarily dished out. However, players can and frequently do, get ejected for breaking the rules. This usually occurs after the most ferocious of hand gesturing. There seems to be a gentleman's agreement not to kick eachother's asses too bad, but I honestly have no real idea and people do get their rear end kicked.

The winners get a year of bragging rights and a white cow.

When to watch
Semi-final Verdi vs Bianchi - 6/11/ 12:30 pm est
Semi-final Rossi vs Azurri - 6/12/ 12:30 pm est
Final TBA 6/24 12:30 pm est

Where to watch
The local Florentine channel that airs the games has a convenient HD web broadcast.
http://www.rtv38.com/livetest.html Be wary of when you click on this because they air ads for strip clubs at night

Why you should watch

Italian amateur striking


Italian amateur grappling


More importantly- It's legitimately crazy, bizarre and entertaining.

Check this poo poo out of you want
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EioSnjSjq00
A semi final from last year. Probably the best game of the bunch. End to end stuff


A short documentary focusing on the lead up to the game. Not the greatest, but interesting none the less.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XctCNiDICXo

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Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!
Last Year's Highlights

tasty goals

running clotheslines

crucial blocks

full blast spears

the importance of friendship and hydration


Bonfiglio Fan Zone

Bonfiglio is the leader of last year's winners the Bianchi. Bonfiglio embodies the spirit of Calcio Storico.

A lover


A fighter


A fashion icon


and a man with an uncanny ability to constantly be in the middle of every bust up on the field.


Seltzer fucked around with this message at 02:22 on Jun 9, 2016

StarkRavingMad
Sep 27, 2001


Yams Fan
HOLY poo poo I AM SO EXCITED

This was amazing last year. I miss the weird roidy guy who got himself ejected like two minutes into the finals

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.

Oh gently caress yes, I am so ready for this poo poo.

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
Oh gently caress yeah this is back again??

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!

Detroit_Dogg posted:

Oh gently caress yeah this is back again??

You better believe it

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
God drat I can't wait for the old lovely dudes to hog the ball and limp across the field and refuse to leave it when the refs tell them to

Mekchu
Apr 10, 2012

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
What are the vegas odds on this?

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!

Unfunny Poster posted:

What are the vegas odds on this?

-25000 to be totally sick

Mekchu
Apr 10, 2012

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Alright I'm in.

Edit -

According to https://www.visitflorence.com/florence-events/calcio-storico-fiorentino.html the matches and dates are as follows.

June 11th: “Greens” of San Giovanni vs “Whites” of Santo Spirito in the internet famous Piazza Santa Croce.

June 12th: “Reds” of Santa Maria Novella vs “Blues” of Santa Croce.

Both matches take place at 5pm in Italy.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Jun 9, 2016

StarkRavingMad
Sep 27, 2001


Yams Fan

This is my favorite. The two guys methodically boxing and then he just runs in and murks some fool in the background

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!

Unfunny Poster posted:

Alright I'm in.

Edit -

According to https://www.visitflorence.com/florence-events/calcio-storico-fiorentino.html the matches and dates are as follows.

June 11th: “Greens” of San Giovanni vs “Whites” of Santo Spirito in the internet famous Piazza Santa Croce.

June 12th: “Reds” of Santa Maria Novella vs “Blues” of Santa Croce.

Both matches take place at 5pm in Italy.

It's in the OP. If things go the same way as last year the games will start at 12:30 pm est

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist


BONFIGLIO

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

doin thangs
Someone posted a video of this in the NBA thread a while ago and I had no clue what was going on. Thanks for the post, OP.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
this was the greatest event of 2015 and i hope there are some other similarly roided out grandpas this year

Bushmeister
Nov 27, 2007
Son Of Northern Frostbitten Wintermoon

Is Bonfiglio the one who's gonna be representing calcio fiorentino in MOAT FIGHTS late in July, or some other random roided Italian man?

Golashes
Aug 8, 2006

team starslay3r!!!!!!
This looks incredible.

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!

Bushmeister posted:

Is Bonfiglio the one who's gonna be representing calcio fiorentino in MOAT FIGHTS late in July, or some other random roided Italian man?

How did I not know this was happening. No, it's not Bonfiglio going to Japan it's Michele 'Iron Mike' Verginelli (18-11 mma) who also plays for the Bianchi.

What a stacked team

Also in my yearly research I've found out that Bonfiglio has "TOTAL CAOS" (sic) tattoed on his back and was ejected from the finals from last year because he kicked that dude in the gif in the head when he was on the ground, I don't think it was intentional though, who knows. Other Gossip includes that Lapi was playing for the Verdi because they had a lot of injuries and expulsions, apparently the midfield was ravaged in the final and for those two reasons he had no one to pass to. It totally isn't because the Michael Jordan of Calcio Storico wants to die in the piazza during a game.

What a legend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLbPy-cgGa0

I actually hope he still laces up his clown pants this year again for my lifelong team the greens provided he just aims for goal this time and doesn't attempt to run.

Seltzer fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Jun 9, 2016

super macho dude
Aug 9, 2014


If I wanted to see a bunch of roided up wops beating the gently caress out of each other in the dirt, I would just go back home to long island for July 4th and see my family but seriously folks you're a great crowd thanks for coming out

e: I missed last years this looks awesome

Tezcatlipoca
Sep 18, 2009
You don't call Italians in Italy wops. That only applies to immigrants as it means without papers. Step up your racial epithet game.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
Glad to see chesttat Bas Rutten is back.

Also those white shorts are still sick as gently caress and I want a pair.

Dr. Abysmal
Feb 17, 2010

We're all doomed
When I first started watching this stuff I was wondering why the guy holding the ball just stands around for like the first 15 minutes. Then I understood once I saw somebody make a run for it and then get swarmed and murdered.

super macho dude
Aug 9, 2014


Dr. Abysmal posted:

When I first started watching this stuff I was wondering why the guy holding the ball just stands around for like the first 15 minutes. Then I understood once I saw somebody make a run for it and then get swarmed and murdered.

I was trying to explain it to a coworker today, and after gooning out to him trying to explain it in vain, we pulled up a match from 2014. He started getting bored after the first 5 minutes, I was like "Just skip ahead 15, 20 minutes."

Dudes getting murdered, dudes getting carted off the field, running haymakers from the ball carrier to the faces of defenders, and a beautiful GOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!

He's watching it this weekend now.

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

This sport is the best. Florence never ceases to amaze me, and this event is part of the reason why.

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!
I will be out of town for the weekend so I'll only be able to phone post. I wont be able to gif this year, maybe at the end after the matches are on youtube. Anyways, tomorrow

Verdi vs Bianchi



Verdi fans get amped up here, bathe in our rich history
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb4ENoLLLj8

Bianchi fans bookmark this Bonfiglio photo album and find your next desktop wallpaper here.
http://flickriver.com/photos/umbertofedele/sets/72157629680269899/

Bushmeister
Nov 27, 2007
Son Of Northern Frostbitten Wintermoon

The stream is live from the scene, guessing there's still gonna be a whole bunch of pre-match ceremony here.

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!
The prematch coverage is on right now if you have nothing to do and want to stare at sweaty Italians. Pageantry starts probably at 12, game at 12 30

Robviously
Aug 21, 2010

Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist.

As a dirty southerner, I need a proper fiorentino to tell me who to root for in this game where we all end up winning.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
i'm a greens man now. tell your friends.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
that was a badass takedown at the start of the match

Bushmeister
Nov 27, 2007
Son Of Northern Frostbitten Wintermoon

This is the best sport

Golashes
Aug 8, 2006

team starslay3r!!!!!!
That fuckin spinebuster

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

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Triticum Guzzler posted:

i'm a greens man now. tell your friends.

Wise choice

They're feeling each other out right now. Green gonna amp it up soon.

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

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What a bounce.... I'm fuming

MysteryNad
Dec 5, 2003

Here in my guard
I feel safest of all
I can lock up my guard
It's the only way to fight
In guard
Nice recovery from Bianchi

Bushmeister
Nov 27, 2007
Son Of Northern Frostbitten Wintermoon

Bullshit goal

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
it seems premature but i'm fairly certain we just saw the goal of the tournament

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!
Swift reply!

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
eat poo poo, bianchi.

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super macho dude
Aug 9, 2014


Triticum Guzzler posted:

eat poo poo, bianchi.

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