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12gaugelobotomy
Apr 25, 2012
Make sure you're at least 4th in line that night

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Wendigee
Jul 19, 2004

Dave Chappelle told me to squirt some lemon in my mouth before because "honestly ladies, we both know it doesn't smell that great".


He really said that to me.


I don't mine the taste that much though.

Just get in there and make her happy you human being.

Gamer With Dignity
May 15, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo
Raw, like a banana.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

Hector Beerlioz posted:

I saw a movie that said you have to practice by eating a cantaloupe, then do the same motions on the lady

Close.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g34hcsHAqU

The Hman
Jan 6, 2015
i tend to get more and eat more if i don't say words like "poosay" but that's just me

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
i kiss around on the thighs like im gonna do it and then i just quickly put my dick in like i "couldnt wait no longer baby!"

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

JiveHonky posted:

i kiss around on the thighs like im gonna do it and then i just quickly put my dick in like i "couldnt wait no longer baby!"

Really, why waste time?

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTVaf4PiPso

Grem
Mar 29, 2004

It's how her species communicates

Act like it's a dick.

dsf
Jul 1, 2004
save a breath mint for afterwards

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
I think you're supposed to get the other end of the double headed dildo to the back of your throat and alternate trying to say the words "wow" and "mom" on the labia and clittoris. I don't know I'm no scientist though. :shrug:

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Use your tongue to stimulate her genitals by touching it to them.
Thank you.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004

Fun Shoe
Do it like this, she'll love it

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



The Hman posted:

i tend to get more and eat more if i don't say words like "poosay" but that's just me

Come on, let's keep it realistic here

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
no no no, you chew the labia like its a stick of wrigley's then you eskimo kiss the fun button with your nose, jam your thumb up her panama canal, if you do this correctly she will say "i'm coming i'm coming unf!" and then you get to go back to watching the baseball game

Tolkien minority
Feb 14, 2012


Not very frequently

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

JiveHonky posted:

no no no, you chew the labia like its a stick of wrigley's then you eskimo kiss the fun button with your nose, jam your thumb up her panama canal, if you do this correctly she will say "i'm coming i'm coming unf!" and then you get to go back to watching the baseball game

Just eat her out in the seventh inning stretch.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
Harmonica splits. :smuggo:

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

VendaGoat posted:

Just eat her out in the seventh inning stretch.

if you use my method properly it takes between 13 and 17 seconds for the lady to achieve. just do it really quick during a progressive insurance commercial.

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
and dont forget to wash that thumb!

1st_Panzer_Div.
May 11, 2005
Grimey Drawer
Do it while she's on her rag, she'll appreciate it even more then. If you do it on halloween you even get a free costume out of it to scare trick-o-treators!

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

a dab of hot sauce will make the night a "hot" one for both of you!

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
Put a row of alternating deli slices on her legs up to her special spot and eat your way up! :smug:

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

1st_Panzer_Div. posted:

Do it while she's on her rag, she'll appreciate it even more then. If you do it on halloween you even get a free costume out of it to scare trick-o-treators!

this is a thread about oral sexuality, theres no need to be gross friend

crazycarl
Jun 13, 2001

Welcome to TB Diddlers in Mokena.

Where the special is always Dr Rassmusin's Hot Beef Injection and you can play "Whers my Manometer" with other diners
Go on Youtube and look up Dan Quinn + Violin and he will teach you everything you need to know

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

JiveHonky posted:

and dont forget to wash that thumb!

Before or after?

Chief McHeath
Apr 23, 2002

Blend it into a smoothie.

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

crazycarl posted:

Go on Youtube and look up Dan Quinn + Violin and he will teach you everything you need to know

why would you direct people to that dan quinn video when in his other videos he literally gives away the secrets of immortality and cold fusion by using stevia?

who cares about licking toads when you can live forever?

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Nigmaetcetera posted:

Before or after?

thumbs are usually pretty clean on the day to day, wash it after for sure

Novo
May 13, 2003

Stercorem pro cerebro habes
Soiled Meat

Roylicious posted:

Start slow. Caress the body, play with the boobs a bit. Don't go for the nips immediately. Slowly work down. Caress/kiss the inside of the thighs as you move in.

Then pay a lot of attention to the clit.

If women didn't want us to go straight for the clit before clothes even come off then they shouldn't have spent the 90s insinuating that men don't know what/where it is.

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time
RIP

paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
I like to start by having a small penis

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

JiveHonky posted:

thumbs are usually pretty clean on the day to day, wash it after for sure

Ifn your thumbs are clean on the day to day then you ain't livin brother

LGD
Sep 25, 2004

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcuA22pfAto

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Nigmaetcetera posted:

Ifn your thumbs are clean on the day to day then you ain't livin brother

clean enough to play little jack horner with the gf i mean. they got way more germs and diseases up their butts and hoo haws than any human man would have on a thumb

scientifically speaking

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
i grind up and down his face like a dog on the carpet im not really sure what his part in it is

sk3l3tor
Aug 15, 2014
Go into it real aggressively and blow directly into the vagina

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Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

JiveHonky posted:

clean enough to play little jack horner with the gf i mean. they got way more germs and diseases up their butts and hoo haws than any human man would have on a thumb

scientifically speaking

I use my butthole as a carrying case for when they ain't in use

Epistemologically speaking

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