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MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


folks you may not be aware of this but I'm a well known political figure irl (name rhymes with "piss misty") and I'm concerned that my posting career on the something awful dot com forums may have ruined my chance at the presidency. just imagine the field day the press will have with all those "kill you're famil"s and "suck the poo poo out of my rear end in a top hat"s. is there any hope?!

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RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002

Become a Buddhist or a Hindu and then kill urself OP

You will be reincarnated as a blank slate and then can work your way up to the presidency from there.

cub
Sep 6, 2014

by Shine

MiracleWhale posted:

folks you may not be aware of this but I'm a well known political figure irl (name rhymes with "piss misty") and I'm concerned that my posting career on the something awful dot com forums may have ruined my chance at the presidency. just imagine the field day the press will have with all those "kill you're famil"s and "suck the poo poo out of my rear end in a top hat"s. is there any hope?!

nope we are doomed. the highest potential office which we can attain is being a gbs mod, which is probably questionable at this point anyway

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


one time I released a press release that just said "i'm gay" and the media just took it all wrong

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp
I'm above partisan politics.

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.
Mods, please change my username to Piss Misty.

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


Bob James posted:

I'm above partisan politics.

look at this unelectable fuggin scrub

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe

MiracleWhale posted:

folks you may not be aware of this but I'm a well known political figure irl (name rhymes with "piss misty") and I'm concerned that my posting career on the something awful dot com forums may have ruined my chance at the presidency. just imagine the field day the press will have with all those "kill you're famil"s and "suck the poo poo out of my rear end in a top hat"s. is there any hope?!

get facefucked till blood gushes from your eye sockets

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp

MiracleWhale posted:

look at this unelectable fuggin scrub

The people will install me as dictator for life.

im pooping!
Nov 17, 2006


forealdo i was probied years ago in gibbis for saying id suck the poo poo out hitlers rear end

true story


*btw gbs was super gay back then and not in the cool way seriosly check that poo poo out in me rapsheet

im pooping! fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jun 21, 2016

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.
Yes. Everyone on the internet is utterly unelectable. Like lets seeee let me look at your lj that you had when you were thirteen. Oh my look what you wrote how scandalous! And this college facebook. Tsk tsk tsk. At least a dozen felonies described here. Oh and you claim to be gay on the sa forums.

So again, yes. In twenty years they will have to comb remote disconnected places like the backwaters of a bayou in louisisana to find someone who doesn't have an internet connection and ia thus capable of becoming a politician.

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


Chinatown posted:

get facefucked till blood gushes from your eye sockets

if elected I promise to get face hosed on the floor of the senate, live on cspan

MiracleWhale
Jun 30, 2015


one time my campaign staff replaced my teleprompter text with the niggerstomper58 post for a campaign speech in san diego and jeez guys, that didn't go over well, that's more of a mississippi thing

naem
May 29, 2011

I'm a lovely poo baby

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Nathilus posted:

Yes. Everyone on the internet is utterly unelectable. Like lets seeee let me look at your lj that you had when you were thirteen. Oh my look what you wrote how scandalous! And this college facebook. Tsk tsk tsk. At least a dozen felonies described here. Oh and you claim to be gay on the sa forums.

So again, yes. In twenty years they will have to comb remote disconnected places like the backwaters of a bayou in louisisana to find someone who doesn't have an internet connection and ia thus capable of becoming a politician.

I look forward to the golden age of nobody running for office because of something stupid they wrote on Facebook 50 years ago.

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
Finally no more of those lovely yard signs, we didn't have to put up with that crap under feudalism!

naem
May 29, 2011

They'll know about my 9 inch long penis

Tuxedo Gin
May 21, 2003

Classy.

my SA posting helped me become pope

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend
The worst I've done is repeatedly, habitually rationalize institutional rape coverups, so I should be fine.

Tuxedo Gin
May 21, 2003

Classy.

General Dog posted:

The worst I've done is repeatedly, habitually rationalize institutional rape coverups, so I should be fine.

you're hired

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
I print out every post I've ever made and include them with my job applications. They see me devolve from D&D poster to GBS 2.0 retard and like what they see.

Blistex
Oct 30, 2003

Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

General Dog posted:

The worst I've done is repeatedly, habitually rationalize institutional rape coverups, so I should be fine.

That will be a problem. You'll have to take the scenic route and go through one of the armed forces, then transition into politics after that.

TEAH SYAG
Oct 2, 2009

by Lowtax
I'd admit to everything because It won't matter when my brownshirts begin their grand march

Humboldt Squid
Jan 21, 2006

Sir on september twenty third two thousand twelve you posted, and I quote, "Tane that feel when plape the bubungo" can you explain what you meant to this committee.

Slow-Scan Shep
Jul 11, 2001

don't worry op, in 30 years all traces of your posting will be either gone or extremely difficult to find

you'll notice that both google's usenet archive and the internet archive have giant gaping holes in them that are only getting bigger. google is removing more and more info from the dejanews archive they inherited in the name of "privacy" (who's privacy exactly?), and the robots.txt glitch alone makes huge chunks of the wayback machine inaccessible. this is by design. the powerful are taking the internet seriously and it it is in their best interests to scrub as many traces as they can of who they used to be from it.

Nolan Arenado
May 8, 2009

I remember when I was a freshman in college some girl was running for freshman senate and one of her opponents grabbed a picture off of facebook where the girl was holding a beer, and made posters with it saying she was too irresponsible to be a class senator.

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT
For the record, I am gay.

Kitsunegari
Aug 5, 2013
Nothing to fear if you've got nothing to hide

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month
lol just fuckin lmao if you think there are members of these SA forums with the social skills to hold public office

Nolan Arenado
May 8, 2009

H.H posted:

lol just fuckin lmao if you think there are members of these SA forums with the social skills to hold public office

I know a state senator who is the biggest stereotypical goon, I have no idea how he got elected.

But there is hope for you goons!

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

H.H posted:

lol just fuckin lmao if you think there are members of these SA forums with the social skills to hold public office

scrotes for county coroner

you dont need a degree and you get all the alone time you can handle with those supple corpses

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

oh poo poo

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



miss pisty i knew it was u

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



i'm jeb bush posting on the itnernet forums hello i'm governor jeborah bush but you can call me jeb heh heh

Nolan Arenado
May 8, 2009

social vegan posted:

i'm jeb bush posting on the itnernet forums hello i'm governor jeborah bush but you can call me jeb heh heh

Hi Jeb please kill urself.

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



OctoberBlues posted:

Hi Jeb please kill urself.

dios mio

Nolan Arenado
May 8, 2009


PLZ JEB

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp

MiracleWhale posted:

one time my campaign staff replaced my teleprompter text with the niggerstomper58 post for a campaign speech in san diego and jeez guys, that didn't go over well, that's more of a mississippi thing

Hell, id vote for ya

Gobblecoque
Sep 6, 2011

H.H posted:

lol just fuckin lmao if you think there are members of these SA forums with the social skills to hold public office

i'm pretty sure the only social skills required to attain public office are lying and being a sociopath and i get the feeling lotsa goons have that down

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H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Gobblecoque posted:

i'm pretty sure the only social skills required to attain public office are lying and being a sociopath and i get the feeling lotsa goons have that down

if people here lied about themselves better we wouldn't know they are all 30-something alcoholics with no prospects and no hope.

but that's neither here no there.



can we free nooner already and run him for president of a small European country?


Nooner for Malta!

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