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I Don’t Let My Kids Watch Winnie The Pooh Because I Don’t Want Them Idolizing A Fat Virgin. As a parent, I feel like everywhere I turn, someone is warning me about the dangers of letting my children watch TV. While I agree that it can be harmful in large doses, honestly, what really matters to me is just making sure that when my children do watch TV, they’re watching shows that impart some sort of positive value into their lives. This also means steering them away from programs that might affect them negatively, which is why I never allow my children to watch anything featuring Winnie the Pooh, the fat virgin. If you’re unfamiliar, Winnie the Pooh is a brainless bear who lives in the forest and slowly makes the world bad. He has beady serpent eyes and zero genitals, which is something we know because he never wears any pants or undergarments. In fact, he’s practically bragging about not having a penis. But even if he did have a penis, he wouldn’t know it, because his fat belly would keep him from seeing anything below his sad bear tits. It makes me mad just thinking about it. This bear, he just wanders around eating honey out of a jar with his bare hands like a fat savage. I hate it. One thing that can be assumed about the dickless sad sack called Winnie the Pooh is that he is a virgin. He clearly has never hosed. He is a simpering, high-voiced virgin who spends all his time leering at a little boy named Christopher. It’s disgusting. I don’t want my kids being exposed to that. I’m not going to be like, “Hey, kids, come watch the emasculated bear with the scary fingerless hands who’s never hosed a day in his life and who is obsessed with a little boy of a different species.” That’d be irresponsible and gross. “But what do you let your kids watch?” you might ask. I’d much rather my kids watch the gently caress machine named Big Bird. Big Bird is the towering human bird from PBS who you can tell is just constantly loving. He’s got that swagger. There are a lot of good lessons children can learn from a major-league pussy-crusher like Big Bird, such as the importance of confidence, courage, and friendship. Winnie the Pooh, on the other hand, wouldn’t know the first thing about courage. If he were on United Airlines Flight 93, for example, not only would he have not joined the revolt against the terrorists, but he probably would’ve gotten down on his yellow knees and sucked the terrorists’ cocks one by one. “Oh, bother!” he would shrug as the al-Qaeda operatives drilled the back of his throat with their pube-slathered ding-dongs. What a coward, this pathetic bear. I cannot fathom how any parent could ever willingly expose their children to trash like Winnie the Pooh. It seems like a guaranteed recipe to ensure that your kids grow up to be pitiful, dead-eyed perverts who will never know the heavenly joys of loving. If you want your kids to grow up to be brave and smart, you should let them watch either the impressive sex duck Big Bird, the cunning potato named Arthur, or Babar the indoor elephant. Winnie the Pooh is a walking disease, and if I ever catch my kids watching him, I will spank them with my belt. And if you’re a good parent, you will do the same.
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Jun 29, 2016 13:10
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:42 |
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Sick copy paste
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Jun 29, 2016 13:21
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I watched it once, and basically became Eeyor.
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Jun 29, 2016 13:23
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Wicker Man posted:I watched it once, and basically became Eeyor. I've been called an Eeyor too
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Jun 29, 2016 13:28
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Rabbit is a trans.
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Jun 29, 2016 13:30
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Hector Beerlioz posted:I've been called an Eeyor too But deep down, I've always been a bitch made beta like Piglet. Acid Haze posted:Rabbit is a trans.
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Jun 29, 2016 13:38
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I don't know if I would call him "high-voiced."
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Jun 29, 2016 13:41
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I read platos republic too OP
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Jun 29, 2016 14:13
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I disagree about Big Bird. He's obviously a fat man child, as evidenced by him carrying around his teddy bear "Radar." He named it after the M*A*S*H character, a show that no actual child would have any awareness of, even while it was on the air.
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Jun 29, 2016 14:23
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 PENISES AND VAGINAS
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Jun 29, 2016 14:24
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Applewhite posted:I disagree about Big Bird. He's obviously a fat man child, as evidenced by him carrying around his teddy bear "Radar." He named it after the M*A*S*H character, a show that no actual child would have any awareness of, even while it was on the air. He had a secret relationship with snuffalupagus for many seasons and people just thought he was nutso then they revealed the mammoth thing and it was just part of the show then. Like who cares? Who cares? We got talking birds and poo poo who cares if one had an imaginary friend that turned out to be real. And that shop owner breaks his arm around the same time big bird is at his breaking point with his closet friendship? I don't think that was a coincidence. 
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Jun 29, 2016 14:27
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But if the OPs kids don't watch Winnie the Pooh they'll still idolize a dickless sad sack fat virgin though.
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Jun 29, 2016 21:10
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Gaunab posted:
i'll take 3 of each!! thanks
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Jun 29, 2016 21:15
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqdiEUp6s4E Fun fact: Winnie the Pooh was actually created by the Soviets to undermine western values
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Jun 29, 2016 21:24
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I wouldn't let my kids watch Winnie the Pooh because my kids would be literate and not need that bastardised Disney heresy. The Russian one is fine though.
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Jun 29, 2016 21:28
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Nice onion copy paste op
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Jun 29, 2016 21:30
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It's bad enough the onion steals FYAD jokes we don't need to feed the reverse centipede http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/i-dont-let-my-kids-watch-winnie-pooh-because-i-don-2842
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Jun 29, 2016 21:31
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Good story op, I lol'd. Voting thread 3.
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Jun 29, 2016 21:34
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Plagiarism is a gross violation of the Code of Conduct. Mods???
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Jun 29, 2016 21:35
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reported for copyright violation
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Jun 29, 2016 21:38
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Who is OP's academic advisor?
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Jun 29, 2016 21:41
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My son prefers soviet Winnie the poo. Comrade bear he calls it.
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Jun 29, 2016 21:49
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Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie. A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly. Ask me a riddle and I reply: COTTLESTON, COTTLESTON, COTTLESTON PIE. Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie. A fish can't whistle and neither can I Ask me a riddle and I reply: COTTLESTON, COTTLESTON, COTTLESTON PIE. Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie. Why does a chicken, I don't know why. Ask me a riddle and I reply: COTTLESTON, COTTLESTON, COTTLESTON PIE.
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Jun 29, 2016 21:51
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Like everyone I just assumed pooh hosed roo's mom on the side.
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Jun 29, 2016 22:09
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Hector Beerlioz posted:I've been called an Eeyor too did you mean eyesore? I've been called that
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Jun 29, 2016 22:11
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Dzhay posted:Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie. ban this sick filth
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Jun 29, 2016 22:11
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I dunno that everyone should just be allowed to have kids all willy nilly I mean freedom is all well and good but just look around.
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Jun 29, 2016 22:13
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that feeling when you jump in a thread to hit "1" and jump out
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Jun 29, 2016 22:34
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Pththya-lyi posted:ban this sick filth James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree Took great Care of his Mother, Though he was only three. James James Said to his Mother, "Mother," he said, said he; "You must never go down to the end of the town, if you don't go down with me." 
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Jun 29, 2016 22:41
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Dzhay posted:Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie.
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Jun 29, 2016 22:58
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children shouldn't be raised to tolerate fatness
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Jun 29, 2016 23:02
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dog buttz posted:did you mean eyesore? I've been called that No. I am ridiculously handsome and extremely intelligent.
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Jun 29, 2016 23:28
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They already idolize Megan Trainer so I don't much see the difference.
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Jun 30, 2016 00:30
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Oh bother
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Jun 30, 2016 00:42
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Roylicious posted:I dunno that everyone should just be allowed to have kids all willy nilly I mean freedom is all well and good but just look around.  Drad_Bert posted:Oh bother
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Jun 30, 2016 00:43
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Drad_Bert posted:Oh bother lol
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Jun 30, 2016 00:45
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satanic splash-back fucked around with this message at 00:56 on Jun 30, 2016 |
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Jun 30, 2016 00:48
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Gabriel Pope posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqdiEUp6s4E poo poo gets real existential real quick.
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Jun 30, 2016 00:48
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Tigger rhymes
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Jun 30, 2016 00:48
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:42 |
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what if you made it all dark, like he's an actual bear and Christopher Robin is a wild boy living in a bear cave and piglet is a boar who eats corpses bones and all. that makes everything better 
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Jun 30, 2016 00:54
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