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my coworker recently applied to out vacant manager position and doesn't loving get that she will never, ever get that job because she's best friends with another colleague. The other colleague is a total control freak who has issues with another colleague. I try not to talk to any of them more than I have to.
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Jul 12, 2016 00:15
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 02:36 |
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I'm openly gay, and my boss was a closet case, unhappily married to an unsuspecting woman. He was always trying to find an excuse to put his hands on me, and I pretended not to be wise to him. Once he took ahold of a long broomstick-type pole and started wielding it around like a ninja.  Then he said he'd show me how to do it, and stood behind me with his arms wrapped around me, and holding the stick in front of us. Like the way guys try to demonstrate to a girl how to shoot pool, and stand behind her while holding the cue-stick. I guess I could've claimed sexual harassment, but I was having too much fun teasing him! 
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Jul 12, 2016 00:38
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King Possum III posted:I'm openly gay, and my boss was a closet case, unhappily married to an unsuspecting woman. He was always trying to find an excuse to put his hands on me, and I pretended not to be wise to him. Thats cute. I wish I was gay so I could tease my bosses too I also wish I was gay because Im unhappy in my current relationship
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Jul 12, 2016 00:50
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I am Toni Lippi posted:My buddy at work farted in front of the QA and I got sent the video. I uploaded it on youtube under the title "Filipino farts in front of a gay man." QA found out about it and yelled at me so I took the video down but he still refuses to talk to me. I can't stop laughing at this.
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Jul 12, 2016 00:53
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Curdy Lemonstan posted:Thats cute. I wish I was gay so I could tease my bosses too You should join up with us, CL. We gays are like the Jews; we don't evangelize, but we welcome converts.
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Jul 12, 2016 00:56
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Years ago I used to work with a woman that was a pathological liar and total hypochondriac. Every time you talked to her, she'd steer the conversation back to some traumatic thing that happened to her, or how much her back was hurting and she couldn't do her part of the work. She was on a first-name basis with all the hospital nurses because she was there every week. She borrowed money from every coworker and never paid them back, and got brazen enough to beg customers with her made up sob stories to get their pity money. She got genuinely pissed that the new girl hired after her was promoted to a higher position because she showed up on time and actually did the work. She once claimed that she woke up with a heroin needle in her arm one morning, saying that her husband must have injected her with it in her sleep, and those trackmarks on her arms were from something else. She no-showed on me when I was working the day before Thanksgiving and I had to pull a 16 hour shift by myself gently caress that bitch. I work a much better job now.
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Jul 12, 2016 01:11
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King Possum III posted:You should join up with us, CL. Yeah okay, I'm in. Where do I sign up?
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Jul 12, 2016 01:26
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Curdy Lemonstan posted:Yeah okay, I'm in. Where do I sign up? Come over to Gay Headquarters anytime; we have meetings every day. You'll be given your introductory kit, and learn how to do your part to implement the Gay Agenda. We'll teach you how to recruit children, destroy the family unit, and generally piss off conservatives. You'll learn how to give the kind of bj's that will make straight men lose all interest in women forever. This helps to destroy western civilization by bringing down the birth rate, which is part of the Agenda. You'll earn credit for valuable prizes along the way. For instance, after you convert 10 straight men you get a toaster oven; if they're married and have kids, you'll get a flatscreen TV. It's fabulous!
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Jul 12, 2016 02:55
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Where I work there is one woman who is obsessed with keeping the staff room clean. She has multiple signs on the walls and cupboards telling people to PLEASE PUT YOUR DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER!!! and DISHES DO NOT GO IN THE SINK!!! and PLEASE SORT THE GARBAGE AND THE RECYCLING!!! and she poo poo talks anyone not in the room for making a mess. I'm fairly certain that it's all part of a mental illness. Another co-worker complains about anyone not in the room slacking off. She was complaining one day to a guy who was looking at the floor, very obviously not listening to her, and she asked him "..., don't you think?!". He said "Huh? Oh, I don't give a gently caress", and with that he became my role model for life.
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Jul 12, 2016 03:03
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Teikanmi posted:Mid 30s Aussie guy who has absolutely no personality besides pure manners and etiquette. Overly polite but never talks about anything casually. Seems like he's actually just a human shell and underneath is probably an alien. Constantly twitches, maybe has some kind of neurological disease. His way of saying goodbye is standing in front of you, rubbing his palms together and going "... okay... well.... I'm leaving. Goodbye." and then standing there for a few seconds in silence. "Oh... you never talk about your boyfriend..." "Yeah, because I'm at work."
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Jul 12, 2016 03:07
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Teikanmi posted:Mid 30s Aussie guy who has absolutely no personality besides pure manners and etiquette. Overly polite but never talks about anything casually. Seems like he's actually just a human shell and underneath is probably an alien. Constantly twitches, maybe has some kind of neurological disease. His way of saying goodbye is standing in front of you, rubbing his palms together and going "... okay... well.... I'm leaving. Goodbye." and then standing there for a few seconds in silence. I feel like this is probably how my coworkers would describe me.
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Jul 12, 2016 03:13
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There was a mini fridge in the accounting office at a corrugated plant where I worked a second job for a few years. Everyone was honest and good about keeping it clean until someone from the floor started stealing drinks and leftovers on the weekend while accounting and customer service wasn't there. During that same time period, Monsters (w/screw on lids) were 2/$3.33. I'd take two, drink one and drink the other the next day. However, when it fell on Friday, the second would be stolen over the weekend. So one day I bought two and a bottle of magnesium citrate. I poured some out of the second for my homies and topped it off with magnesium citrate and left it in the fridge. It was gone Monday, but never heard any stories about the runs.
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Jul 12, 2016 03:18
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My boss is married to a Japanese woman and they have a 10 year old son. They haven't been intimate in years, they sleep in separate rooms, and every time he's attempted to bring up divorce his wife threatens to either take his son and flee back to Japan or commit seppuku. To fulfill his needs, he sleeps with hookers.
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Jul 12, 2016 03:20
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Runefaust posted:My boss is married to a Japanese woman and they have a 10 year old son. They haven't been intimate in years, they sleep in separate rooms, and every time he's attempted to bring up divorce his wife threatens to either take his son and flee back to Japan or commit seppuku. Did he tell you this or is it common knowledge around the office?
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Jul 12, 2016 03:29
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I got my ex-best friend a job at my work and that ended up being a huge mistake. See, she got the hots over one of our coworkers and when she told me I told her not to go after him. Mostly because he wasn't interested, and work relationships basically never work for anyone involved, and also because she had just gotten out of a serious two year engagement. Anyways, she continues to go after him, but her sister also hangs around our work too, and he falls for her pretty hard and they get pretty serious pretty quick. My friend lost her poo poo after that. She basically had a huge meltdown over it, trying to involve her parents in breaking them up and everything. Her sister ends up moving out and in with my coworker and they end up being pretty happy. My ex-friend gets a new job and proceeds to basically alienate everyone in her life. She's almost 30. It's loving ridiculous and I'm glad I don't talk to her anymore.
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Jul 12, 2016 03:29
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Dirk Squarejaw posted:There was a mini fridge in the accounting office at a corrugated plant where I worked a second job for a few years. Everyone was honest and good about keeping it clean until someone from the floor started stealing drinks and leftovers on the weekend while accounting and customer service wasn't there. An old pharmacist I used to work for used to say, "citrate of magnesia tastes like ginger ale, and works like TNT!"
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Jul 12, 2016 03:30
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PallasAthene posted:Did he tell you this or is it common knowledge around the office? I've worked with him for around 3 years, and he's both told me this himself AND other people have mentioned several tidbits he's told me. It's common knowledge.
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Jul 12, 2016 03:34
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Runefaust posted:I've worked with him for around 3 years, and he's both told me this himself AND other people have mentioned several tidbits he's told me. It's common knowledge. Dang. I guess if it works though. Does the wife know about the prostitutes?
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Jul 12, 2016 04:15
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Working night here used to rock because there was ZERO supervision. As long as the reports and stuff got done, no one gave one gently caress, so you could get away with so much. Until one of my new coworkers, who was apparently a problem employee from other departments, gets transfered to my team and starts taking advantage of it more than us. Basically, doing none of the work and letting us all handle it. We all go through the workload slowly and bullshit because the nights can be long, but we all do our part to clear up what needs to be done, and this guy wasn't doing his share. When bringing this up, management not only checks into what he's been doing, but all of us as well. poo poo hits the fan, and he's gone. But now all of us are getting monitored, new supervisor roles were created just for our tiny team of a few people, and management doesn't care that there isn't enough actual work to be done throughout most of the year. No excuses, you gotta be doing something! Even if it's just bullshit busy work that nobody ever looks at or cares about. And they KNOW it's BS make-work stuff.
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Jul 12, 2016 07:17
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PallasAthene posted:Dang. I guess if it works though. Does the wife know about the prostitutes? I've asked him the same thing: if I remember correctly, he said no. I asked him if his wife may be seeing someone else, and he doesn't seem to think so. Worst part is his son: Kid is 10, use to think they slept in different rooms due to dad "snoring to loud", but has started picking up on the dynamics of his parent's relationship. I worry sometimes that one day I'll come in and hear my boss was arrested by undercovers.
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Jul 12, 2016 07:30
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Teikanmi posted:Mid 30s Aussie guy who has absolutely no personality besides pure manners and etiquette. Overly polite but never talks about anything casually. Seems like he's actually just a human shell and underneath is probably an alien. Constantly twitches, maybe has some kind of neurological disease. His way of saying goodbye is standing in front of you, rubbing his palms together and going "... okay... well.... I'm leaving. Goodbye." and then standing there for a few seconds in silence. Haha I can't believe it. A man who is polite and says goodbye before leaving. Goons work with some real cards.
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Jul 12, 2016 08:21
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To be fair there are a lot of people who are really bad/awkward about leaving your office. Like they'll get up and say "bye", and will linger slowly edging their way to the door after you say "bye" back to them as if they're expecting you to say something else. If I've stopped talking to you and am looking back at my computer screen after saying "ok, see you next week", just leave.
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Jul 12, 2016 08:32
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Funny how that situation gets brought up, because exactly yesterday morning I've had a similar experience myself. The dude said we should hang out, and I was trying to seem alright with talking for a bit 
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Jul 12, 2016 09:00
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Minimalist Program posted:Haha I can't believe it. A man who is polite and says goodbye before leaving. Goons work with some real cards. You really have to see it to understand, it's hard to describe. Imagine you say goodbye to someone and they say goodbye and then just stand there for several seconds, looking you directly in the eyes, rubbing their hands together, before finally doing a 180 and leaving. He's not a bad coworker at all, just weird in his mannerisms. He eats Burger King every single day for lunch. Never once have I seen him greet or initiate a casual conversation with anyone else in the 3 years I've been working with him. The guy really seems like he's an alien or simply goes home at night and gets into his bed fully clothed, and sleeps. He's sort of like a slightly more upbeat Australian Jordan Schlansky.
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Jul 12, 2016 13:09
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PANIC ON FUNKOTRON posted:There's smelly John who doesn't' have a boiler so not hot water so he stinks. He's a fat oval office too which exasperates the situation. I've tried to parse that first sentence a few times but no luck.
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Jul 12, 2016 15:26
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Squish posted:I've tried to parse that first sentence a few times but no luck. No one likes a cold shower
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Jul 12, 2016 15:28
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OH, right.
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Jul 12, 2016 15:33
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Whoops
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Jul 12, 2016 15:34
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One co-worker I've named Cheese Shits because one day she went on and on about how eating cheese changes the consistency of her poops. A few weeks ago, she was loudly giving advise to someone about their polyamorous relationship that wasn't "sever before that poo poo explodes you stupid Goon". Oh, and she had put a call on hold to do this. She's half Filipino, has never been there, but is very defensive about the Philippines so I take every chance to point out how useless the Manila office is (where they put our internal help desk). I think she complained once to management about it but they didn't do poo poo because everyone one of use has had to call these idiots at some point to reset a password and been on the phone for half a day explaining how no you cannot remote into my computer, I'm not logged in that's why I need the password reset. She hasn't shown up the passed few days so maybe she finally broke.
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Jul 12, 2016 18:11
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Had personal property stolen off my desk and my manager said "I don't give a gently caress". Now I'm leaving a bunch of projects half finished to go work elsewhere and plan to gouge the gently caress out of them if they want me to come back in to help finish my old work. Feels pretty good to be a gangster.
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Jul 12, 2016 19:35
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Murphy Brownback posted:To be fair there are a lot of people who are really bad/awkward about leaving your office. Like they'll get up and say "bye", and will linger slowly edging their way to the door after you say "bye" back to them as if they're expecting you to say something else. And people in my office think I'm weird because when I'm ready to leave I just get up and walk out.
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Jul 13, 2016 03:37
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praxis posted:And people in my office think I'm weird because when I'm ready to leave I just get up and walk out. But you turn around and ask just one more thing
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Jul 13, 2016 03:38
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So it turns out Cheese Shits actually DID break and quit, so i got to terminate her accounts after lunch!  Now I can focus my attention on Amateur Weatherguy Who Denies Climate Change Is Even Happening. Shouldn't be too hard because I have to train him on some of the poo poo I do and learning new things sends him into a frothing rage.
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Jul 13, 2016 04:01
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Wicker Man posted:Working night here used to rock because there was ZERO supervision. As long as the reports and stuff got done, no one gave one gently caress, so you could get away with so much. Until one of my new coworkers, who was apparently a problem employee from other departments, gets transfered to my team and starts taking advantage of it more than us. Basically, doing none of the work and letting us all handle it. There's useless people in any department but getting their uselessness scrutinized can make higher-ups wonder what other fat can be trimmed. So whomever heads your department was forced to do this to not have his budget slammed, among other things. You and your buddies poisoned your own well but you get this already.
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Jul 13, 2016 04:52
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Hector Beerlioz posted:But you turn around and ask just one more thing 
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Jul 13, 2016 06:09
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I'm an EMS worker and some of my co-workers are very upset because I dared to suggest that being a cop is not as dangerous as we think and that maybe we should fire the murderin' ones.
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Jul 13, 2016 09:37
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Professor Shark posted:Another co-worker complains about anyone not in the room slacking off. She was complaining one day to a guy who was looking at the floor, very obviously not listening to her, and she asked him "..., don't you think?!". lol
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Jul 13, 2016 10:13
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This little weasely fucker has been harassing my coworker for months, following her in the streets and being a textbook creep. I kinda want to gently caress with him for a bit before I leave. I could just corner him in the kitchen and whisper "I'll spank you" like he did to her.
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Jul 13, 2016 12:35
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unpacked robinhood posted:This little weasely fucker has been harassing my coworker for months, following her in the streets and being a textbook creep. what if he ends up being into it
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Jul 13, 2016 13:39
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 02:36 |
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unpacked robinhood posted:This little weasely fucker has been harassing my coworker for months, following her in the streets and being a textbook creep. Yah she'll pretty much HAVE to gently caress you if you defend her Honor
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Jul 13, 2016 13:40
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