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Hockey's been over for a month. Draft's done. Free Agent Frenzy's over. Now, we've reached the doldrums of July and August where nothing really happens in hockey. I've seen these threads in the past and figured this could be something fun to do to pass the time, so grade your dumb team's players, coaches, front office staff, or whoever tickles your fancy. Columbus Blue Jackets (34-40-8) Skaters: -Cam Atkinson (81GP 27-26-53)- A- Cam's a stud with wheels and lots of offensive skill, tied for the team lead in points with Brandon Saad. I don't think I've seen him set a foot wrong since he's been here. -Oliver Bjorkstrand (12GP 4-4-8)- A+- Aaron Portzline's been high on this guy for a while and for good reason. Just after the Devils tied the CBJ after falling down 3-0 in a game in March, BJORK gave the CBJ the lead right back for good with his first NHL goal. Not satisfied, he put a laser in the back of the net later in the game. Of the 15 GWGs scored in the Calder Cup Playoffs for the Monsters, he had six (6) of them. He'll be on the big club next year and, between the NHL and AHL, there are lots of forwards who can make a difference on this team for years to come. -Jared Boll (30GP 1-2-3)- F- ...will not be among them. Why they re-signed him, I don't know, but he got the big, ugly axe.  -BORK (49GP 3-5-8)- D+- I don't remember him being good, but I don't remember him being terrible either. He's a scorin'-rear end 3rd liner on NHL 16, though. -Matt Calvert (73GP 11-13-24)- A- He did his thing: play in the bottom six, grind, toss the gloves a couple times, and score 10 or so goals. -Gregory Campbell (Perfect Attendance 3-8-11)- D Jarmo lost Comeau, MacKenzie, and Letestu, so he went out and got Stanley Cup Experience and this was the result. At least he's not expensive. He's probably the new punchman. -David Clarkson (23GP 2-2-4)- D-- All that stuff I said about Matt Calvert? I think people were hoping Clarkson'd do that here and...yeah, he didn't. He gets a passing grade because he played 23 more games and registered four more points than Nathan Horton did, though. Sounds like he could be on the LTIR Express. -Brandon Dubinsky (75GP 17-31-48)- A- He plays in multiple situations, wears his heart on his sleeve, and is a leader on the team. Good guy to have. Just needs to tone down the incessant hatred of the Penguins, but playing your entire career in the same division might do that. -Nick Foligno (72GP 12-25-37)- C-- I've got bones to pick with lots of people here. Foligno played his way to a big payday and rewarded his team by making GBS threads the bed the following season. Jarmo gave him that big payday and is being rewarded by not that great an ROI. The Captain needs to step it up next season. Just get to like 50-55 points and it'll look better. -Scott Hartnell (79GP 23-26-49)- A-- Hartsy continues to perform and is a fun guy to pull for, which is why his NMC was waived because his contract is an albatross. I'd like him to be kept because he hasn't potted less than 20 since 2010, but fear that if his performance takes a precipitous drop that he's David Clarkson v4.3. -Boone Jenner (Perfect Attendance 30-19-49)- A+- I never expected this out of The Jennerator. I figured he was a 15-20 goal guy and he goes and pots 30 and takes a reasonably-priced deal to stick around so, even if his numbers drop, he still doesn't break the bank (fuckin' looking at you, Foligno). -Ryan Johansen (38GP 6-20-26, traded to Nashville for Seth Jones)- B- Yeesh. Jarmo may have fixed his need for a top-pair defenseman, but he opened a new hole trading Johansen. I'm still not bothered by it because it seems like a trade that both teams could win in their own ways and there was no fleecing involved, but wow. Still, I remember Mike Milbury or JR taking a steaming dump on him on NHL Live just after the trade was announced and they weren't wrong. It's easy to say "LOL fuckin' Torts what a fuckin' poo poo coach he is", but the NBC guys were right about how things had been going. -William Karlsson (81GP 9-11-20)- B- Bottom 6 center who Torts likes on the PK because of his defensive awareness. First full campaign with the CBJ parlayed into a contract for a second campaign at a decent price. I think he's got room to grow. -Kerby Rychel (32GP 2-7-9, traded to Toronto for Scott Harrington+conditional pick)- C- Despite all the ugliness which went down at the start of last season, he's the only player who asked for a trade, and that was before the season started because he was pissed he wasn't in the NHL already. Boomer The Cannon asked me on Facebook if he could boo Rychel when he lifted the Calder Cup and I was like sure, whatever. -Brandon Saad (78GP 31-22-53)- A- The "Where the hell did that come from?" trade of the last couple seasons, Saad was brought in to score and score, he did. There were problems on this team this year, but Saad was not among them. First career hat trick, career high in goals. Me likey. -Alexander Wennberg (69GP 8-32-40)- B- Wenny looked downright lost in his first full season, but was better the second time around. I think he'll be fine on the second line. Defensemen: -Andrew Bodnarchuk (16GP 0-2-2, claimed off waivers by Colorado)- I- Jarmo, you fucker. He was at least better than Prout. Dumbass. -Kevin Connauton (27GP 1-7-8, claimed off waivers by Arizona)- B- Jarmo, you fucker. He was doing alright and you put him on waivers but kept Dalton Prout. Dumbass. (I sense a theme here.) -Justin Falk (24GP 0-4-4)- C- Did some stuff and played some hockey and is now in Buffalo. -Cody Go  ubef (43GP 1-7-8)- B- Third pair guy did third pair things. There are lots more defensemen with whom I have bones to pick.-Jack Johnson (60GP 6-8-14)- C- The inventor of Jack Johnson Sportgame, I'm surprised he hasn't murdered his parents yet for that predatory loan scheme they got him into. Others on SAS said he may perform better as a second-pair D with less pressure on him and I tend to agree because Murray and Jones looked good together. We'll see. Speaking of: -Seth Jones (41GP 2-18-20, acquired from Nashville for Ryan Johansen)- A- The result of the Johansen trade, I was completely sold when he skated the puck into the zone, then waited at the faceoff circle for like 15 seconds to make the right play, which was feeding William Karlsson through traffic for a bang-bang goal. It was Jack Johnson Sportgame, but done right. Took a $5.4M/6 year deal to stick around, which feels like highway robbery. Maybe Jarmo should be bound to the limitations of the Cap more often. Looked good last year at times with Ryan Murray. -Dean Kukan (8GP 0-0-0)- I- He's on the list because he tied a CBJ record with a +5 in one game in his short stint and was a +9 in 8 games. Still better than Dalton Prout. -Ryan Murray (Perfect Attendance 4-21-25)- B- He wasn't hurt, so that's good, but he underperformed. Still, he's got potential. I watched him deprive Ovechkin of a scoring chance as they leaned into each other on what otherwise would've been a breakaway and it was pretty. -Dalton Prout (64GP 3-6-9)- F- Cheap-shottin', wrong-team-passing-to, defensively-inept gently caress. Not worth $1.7M. Not worth league-minimum, really. I buried his rear end in the minors on NHL 16, which makes me think I could be a better GM than Jarmo at times. -David Savard (65GP 4-21-25)- B- Heh. Exact same numbers as Murray, but in fewer games. He's overpaid, but in an on year, he can do better. -Fedor Tyutin (61GP 1-2-3)- F- Tyutin has tailed off hard in recent years, from a solid Top 4 to Bad, and it earned him a buyout from his Howson Contract. He was alright more often than not here. Happy trails. Goaltenders: -  (37GP 15-19-1, 2.75, .908, 1SO- C)- I give him the average grade because he was awful and had no confidence at the start of the year, then played about 20 games where he was on fire with like a 2.15 and .930 or something like that. Then he hurt his groin a couple times, came back, and was sort of mediocre. I still think he can be worth his salary. God, I hope so. He may feel some heat this year from:-Joonas Korpisalo (31GP 16-11-4, 2.60, .920)- A-- Given how well Anton Forsberg's first few games went, I was worried about Korpi. And, for the first couple games, I was right to be. But drat, if Korpi didn't get into a groove and play some great hockey. He tailed off late, but there's still reason to believe he's not Steve Mason 2.0 based on how he did in the AHL Playoffs until he slipped once and opened the door for Anton Forsberg the rest of the way. -Curtis McElhinney (12GP 2-7-3 3.31 .890)- D-- If I were a betting man, McBackup is about to be McAHL. He gets a passing grade because I think there were a couple games he should've won, but the team in front of him cost him. -Anton Forsberg (4GP 1-3-0 3.03, .907)- C-- Forsberg's good in the minors but is yet to carry that to the NHL, but see that "1"? That "1" was him coming in in overtime against the Capitals at Nationwide, in OT after McBackup got hurt, almost getting hurt himself hitting the same rut, having to kill off a 4-on-3, and turning away two of three Caps shooters to become the first goalie in NHL history to get his first career win having entered the game in OT or the Shootout. I was there and it was loving epic. Plus, he was ridiculous after Korpi coughed up the starting gig in the AHL Playoffs en route to the Calder Cup. Give him some more time and he'll probably be fine. Coaching Staff: -Todd Richards (0-7-0)- F- All Todd Richards had to do in any of his seasons where he missed the playoffs (2013, 2014-15) was to get his teams to have a better start. That was it. One god drat point in 2013 and you get a first round date with the Blackhawks (where you probably get bounced, but hey, playoffs, and you maybe steal a win or two because the CHI/CBJ games that year were all close). Weather the storm in 2014-15 when everybody was hurt at once and you might be in. He somehow found a way to be worse than ever and got the axe, with the entire team looking completely inept. -John Tortorella (34-33-8)- B- ...so in came Torts, who started winning games and took them to Hockey .500, which is respectable seeing as the season was over by the time he provided the seed photo for my avatar. Aaron Portzline believes Torts, in a town where coaches are revered (look at the masturbation from Buckeye Nation over Woody, egregious hypocrite Tressel, and Urban), could become a folk hero if he uses his fiery personality to get the team to win. I'm with the people in N/V back in October who said "This just might be crazy enough to work.". Now, I may want to kill myself this time next year in writing this blurb, but I'm willing to believe. Management: -JD and Jarmo- C-- I'm in a good mood toward Jarmo right now because he bought out Tyutin (who wasn't his fault) and Boll (who was and never should've been re-signed) and got Jones to take $5.4M. But for every Brandon Saad or Scott Hartnell, Dalton Prout is still on the team taking up Cap space (while Bodnarchuk and Connauton were claimed off waivers). The Nathan Horton contract resulting in a marginally better David Clarkson. If this year is another turd, Jarmo should be gone. I give JD the benefit of the doubt because if you ask me "How can it get any worse if he's fired?", I will retort by dropping the name of Mike Priest, who was in the position before JD and had no business doing so. Your turn. CBJSprague24 fucked around with this message at 19:00 on Jul 18, 2016 |
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Jul 15, 2016 20:08
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 10:04 |
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Capitals Forwards Ovechkin - A+. He scores many goals and his team keeps letting him down in the playoffs. Backstrom - B. He had a pretty bad regular season for his standards but played well in the playoffs. Oshie - B+. Career high in goals but a lot of them came on the PP. was hoping for a little more ES production, but at least he shook the playoff choker label. Burakovsky - B+. A lot of even strength goals and points, but he wasn't good in the playoffs. Hopefully next postseason is better. Kuznetsov - A. Had a very bad postseason which sucks, but he led the Capitals in scoring despite not even being on the first PP unit. He's a superstar. Williams - A. As advertised. Stunk against the Flyers but was good against the Penguins. Too bad they didn't force a game 7. Chimera - B-. He scored 20 goals which is cool but he stinks defensively and possession wise. Sad that he's gone but it was time to move on from him. Stank in the playoffs. Johansson - B. Kind of just a dude. Good on the PP, mediocre everywhere else. He's going to get paid in arbitration and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Wilson - D+. He improved defensively and on the PK but he is the team's worst possession player and sucks offensively. Also he's dirty as poo poo. Winnik - C. Uh he didn't do much of anything. Beagle - B. Solid 4th line center and PK/faceoff specialist but he's not much more than that despite every coach thinking he is. Richards - C. He's where offense went to die. Still, he was fine on the 4th line. Galiev, Latta - C. Healthy scratches. Not much to say. Defense Carlson - B+. Was very good in the playoffs but dealt with injuries for the first time in his career during the regular season and as a result struggled. Doesn't help that he was paired with Orpik for much of the season. Alzner - B+. About as solid as you can get defensively. Sucks that he got injured in the playoffs. Niskanen - A-. Best all-around defenseman for the Capitals this year. Still wish he was a little more productive offensively, but he has solid possession numbers despite the toughest minutes. Orpik - F. Overpaid, overutilized, injured, dumb as poo poo, dirty, bad at hockey, ineffective offensively, ineffective defensively, etc. get the gently caress off my team. Orlov - B. Was great at the beginning of the season, but started declining when Trotz paired him with guess who? Brooks loving Orpik. Hopefully he starts next season alongside Carlson or Niskanen. Schmidt - C. He was okay as a third pairing dude with Orlov. Chorney - B+. As a 7D you can't do much better than Chorney did. Mike Weber - F. Get out. Goalies Holtby - A. Consistently excellent. Somehow he is below .500 in his playoff career despite putting up a career .940 in the playoffs. Grubauer - B. Good backup. Other Trotz - C. I know he won the Jack Adams and he has good leadership skills, but tactically I don't think he's been very good. Backstrom struggled on the first line for much of the season and instead of moving Kuznetsov up he stubbornly kept the lines together. Similarly, he kept Orpik and Orlov together way too long despite it clearly not working. He went to the press and publicly criticized every mistake Schmidt and Orlov made and eventually benched both, yet he never said a word about Orpik's consistent horrible play. He also doesn't coach a very aggressive system which led to them being on their heels during much of the season and against the Penguins despite having one of the most talented teams in the league. It's hard to make the case he's below average, but honestly I can't say he's a very good coach either. MacLellan - B. Wish he would have done a little more this offseason to bolster the bottom 6. Eller is an upgrade but I felt like there might have been better options out there. Also he gave Orpik that contract and it is still hamstringing the team to this day.
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Jul 16, 2016 14:49
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MY NO GOOD VERY BAD STUPID rear end HOCKEY TEAM, AKA THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS Forwards Claude Giroux - A- - He's still the best player on the team, but he had a bit of a down year as he failed to score over 70 points for the first time since 2009-10. Not really his fault though, Voracek just couldn't hit the broad side of a barn for most of the early season. Jake Voracek - C - Finished the season strong, but scoring 1 goal in the first 30 games pretty much tanked his season. Apparently he was playing with an injured foot, so hopefully this season was an abberation. Wayne Simmonds - A - Lead the team in goals and was fantastic on the power play all year. Brayden Schenn - B[/b] - Schenn really took off after Hexy dumped his brother on LA, but that's more due to his 20% shooting percentage than anything. Like Voracek, would get a higher grade if his first half of the season wasn't so abysmal. Sean Couturier - A - Cooter was, in my opinion, the Flyers most valuable player last year. Sure, he might not an the offensive dynamo, but he's easily the best defender in the forward corp and was instrumental top the success of Hakstol's forecheck-heavy system. Matt Read - C- - Decentish possession numbers but didn't really factor in too much on offence. Ryan White - B - Yes he overachieved last year, but I'm sure any team would be happy with 11 goals from a glorified grinder/faceoff specialist. Michael Raffl - B - Wasn't super noticeable, but managed to put up 31 points while providing solid defence. Sam Gagner - D+ - Showed flashes of real good play, but ultimately wound up in the press box quite a bit. Scott Laughton - C- - Decent production in limited minutes. Not strong with possession, but he's been saddled with lovely wingers since he got called up. Nick Cousins - C+ - Finally got a decent amount of playing time, and certainly made a decent impression. If he continues to improve, he could wind up taking Laughton's job. Pierre-Edouard Bellmare - C- - Just your average 4th liner, though had some issues with consistency. Chris Vandevelde - D- - Should have been benched more often, but Hakstol likes him as a forechecker so he had the best job security on the team. R.J. Umberger - F - Vinny Lecavalier - F - Happy retirement, bud. Defence Mark Streit - C- - Thankfully only one more year left, as he really started to decline last year. Still has a decent shot, but he looked real slow. Michael Del Zotto - B - He was showing that his strong season in 2014-15 wasn't an aberration, but then he got injured and missed the rest of the season. Shayne Gostisbehere - A- - Some might be angry that I'm not going to swoon all over him here. Obviously he started off hot as gently caress and if he kept it up he'd be a slam dunk A+. Teams figured him out on the PP though, so it'll be critical for him to make adjustments. Still, he's without a doubt the biggest difference maker on the blue line this team has. Radko Gudas - B- - Surprisingly good! Still takes a bunch of stupid-rear end penalties, but he started to find the back of the net at the end of the season. He's a surprisingly good passer too, and if he can limit the dumbass moments he could be a solid 2nd or 3rd pairing guy for a while. Nick Schultz - D- - He scored a goal! Other than that he was bad. Brandon Manning - C - Competent 3rd pairing filler. Andrew MacDonalod - D- - Wasn't completely atrocious for a while, which kept him from getting an F. I still never want to see him again. Evgeny Medvedev - D+ - Spent most of the season as a healthy scratch. Maybe there's something behind the scenes I don't know, but it's still a bit puzzling why he sat while Schultz and MacDonald kept getting playing time. Goalies Steve Mason - B+ - Regressed a bit from last year, but he's still one of the best 5-on-5 goalies in the league. Michal Neuvirth - A+ - He deserves the grade just for the series against the Caps, but he was lights out all year. Nobody expected him to be as good as he was. Infidel Castro fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Jul 17, 2016 |
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Jul 17, 2016 03:18
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Habs Jeff Goldblum: See me after class
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Jul 17, 2016 22:36
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Infidel Castro posted:MY NO GOOD VERY BAD STUPID rear end HOCKEY TEAM, AKA THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS This stunned the gently caress out of me. Second half of the season it was like Radko was an entirely different player. He pulled back on the dirty and borderline hits and seemed to be a ton better at moving the puck. That 4 point game against the Jackets (admittedly a drained jackets team on the back end of a back-to-back) was the most surreal thing I've seen happen in a long time.
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Jul 18, 2016 18:04
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 10:04 |
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I think 'stupid-rear end penalties' and 'dumbass moments' is maybe a bit mild for intent to injure.
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Jul 18, 2016 19:00
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