2016 NFL Predictions

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boop the snoot: Jun 3, 2016

Intruder posted:

Brock Osweiler will be no worse than a top 15 QB in the AFC

ftfy

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:16

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 12:23

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Intruder posted:

Brock Osweiler will be no worse than a top 15 QB

print
the
shirts

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:18

ozymandius1024: Mar 15, 2006; You don't yank on the Spine of God

Ehud posted:

print
the
shirts

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:34

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

I shall call him Bossweiler

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:34

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

More like Lossweiler

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:39

Kirios: Jan 26, 2010

More like Hossweiler

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:40

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

By top 15 qb intruder means in Houston history

# ? Jul 28, 2016 18:46

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Nfc east is really bad is my conclusion http://nflplayoffpredictor.com/?L=IzBM5Mo0XW4MZS86qu6Ta4WlZaFXZPGAvDCVfDW0-JzOmsG+GFrLik9zPzoCSrLukqchoIA

# ? Jul 28, 2016 20:47

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

NC-17 posted:

This is ridiculous.

Victor Cruz will never be good again.

Nah, he'll be desperate to prove himself have have a couple of good games because the defense is worried about OBJ, then he'll make a bad cut and we'll see a man's dreams die on the field

# ? Jul 28, 2016 22:02

latinotwink1997: Jan 2, 2008; Taste my Ball of Hope, foul dragon!

Marshmallow Blue posted:

AFC East

1. New England Patriots - 11-5
2. Miami Dolphins - 9-7
3. New York Jets - 8-8
4. Buffalo Bills - 7-6

7-6 still puts us ahead of the Jets at least, come on now.

And if that means 3 ties, then I totally look forward to this season.

# ? Jul 29, 2016 02:44

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Flikken posted:

Here is what I came up with.

The Dolphins win the east!

http://nflplayoffpredictor.com/?L=EwRm7CUzTbp0eUSUuTCVH1Q9WXDPYmWJc7OfQ6qNWixy7CrXKr+d1GvjPR6lO1UkLQFgQA

I have to ask, why do you have the Hawks doing so poorly? I don't see how they wouldn't slaughter the Eagles in Seattle.

# ? Jul 29, 2016 06:17

TeeMerk: Jun 9, 2013

as an expert of the NFC East some how they will all finish 8 and 8.

Instead of a coin flip they will flip a Romo.

If his body holds then Dallas wins it.

If not, a no holds barred cage match between the remaining contenders.

That team wins the Super Bowl.

# ? Jul 29, 2016 06:52

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

TeeMerk posted:

as an expert of the NFC East some how they will all finish 8 and 8.

Instead of a coin flip they will flip a Romo.

If his body holds then Dallas wins it.

If not, a no holds barred cage match between the remaining contenders.

That team wins the Super Bowl.

Naw, they will have a precog determine if the Pats are in the Super Bowl. If so, the Giants go forth and win the Super Bowl. If not, then its a 3 way rock paper scissor to determine the first round exit.

# ? Jul 29, 2016 07:39

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

Jaguars prediction:

code:

vs	Packers    W in a shootout
@	Chargers   L because the Jaguars lose to the Chargers
vs	Ravens     W because the Jaguars beat the Ravens (even it is because of horrible calls by the refs)
vs	Colts      W in anouther route because the Jaguars are going to hatefuck the Colts twice this year
Bye
@	Bears      W coming off the Bye
vs	Raiders    W at home in a really close game
@	Titans     L because the Jaguars will split with the Titans
@	Chiefs     L because the Jaguars cant have nice things
vs	Texans     L because the Jaguars will split with the Texans
@	Lions      W because Lions
@	Bills      W because Rex Ryan has been fired and the Bills are bad and cant have nice things
vs	Broncos    L because the Broncos are really good and Kubiak has this thing about beating the Jaguars
vs      Vikings    L because you cant win every game
@       Texans     W because the Jaguars will split with the Texans
vs      Titans     W because the Jaguars will split with the Titans
@       Colts      W in anouther route because the Jaguars are going to hatefuck the Colts twice this year

Which brings it to 10-6. Which is generous I know. Probably will be closer to 8-8. Could be 7-9 if they lose to the Colts once plus Packers and Ravens.

Dolphins go 8-8. Titans have top pick in the draft again but retain Malarkey.

editing for format lol that was ugly

edit2: you know what I like 10-6. The Jaguars lost 6 games by 6 points or less last year (and won 4 games by 6 points or less) but have a way better roster, a second year in their offensive system, and a new defensive coordinator who shouldnt be The Absolute Worst In The League at calling the defense on third downs.

AAAAA! Real Muenster fucked around with this message at 19:06 on Jul 29, 2016

# ? Jul 29, 2016 18:43

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Bort Bortles posted:

Titans have top pick in the draft again but retain Malarkey.

The worst timeline

# ? Jul 29, 2016 18:52

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

Flikken posted:

Here is what I came up with.

The Dolphins win the east!

http://nflplayoffpredictor.com/?L=EwRm7CUzTbp0eUSUuTCVH1Q9WXDPYmWJc7OfQ6qNWixy7CrXKr+d1GvjPR6lO1UkLQFgQA

you have the giants going 8-2 outside of the NFC East? :psyduck:

# ? Jul 29, 2016 19:50

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Bort Bortles posted:

Jaguars prediction:
code:
vs	Packers    W in a shootout
@	Chargers   L because the Jaguars lose to the Chargers
vs	Ravens     W because the Jaguars beat the Ravens (even it is because of horrible calls by the refs)
vs	Colts      W in anouther route because the Jaguars are going to hatefuck the Colts twice this year
Bye
@	Bears      W coming off the Bye
vs	Raiders    W at home in a really close game
@	Titans     L because the Jaguars will split with the Titans
@	Chiefs     L because the Jaguars cant have nice things
vs	Texans     L because the Jaguars will split with the Texans
@	Lions      W because Lions
@	Bills      W because Rex Ryan has been fired and the Bills are bad and cant have nice things
vs	Broncos    L because the Broncos are really good and Kubiak has this thing about beating the Jaguars
vs      Vikings    L because you cant win every game
@       Texans     W because the Jaguars will split with the Texans
vs      Titans     W because the Jaguars will split with the Titans
@       Colts      W in anouther route because the Jaguars are going to hatefuck the Colts twice this year
Which brings it to 10-6. Which is generous I know. Probably will be closer to 8-8. Could be 7-9 if they lose to the Colts once plus Packers and Ravens.

Dolphins go 8-8. Titans have top pick in the draft again but retain Malarkey.

editing for format lol that was ugly

edit2: you know what I like 10-6. The Jaguars lost 6 games by 6 points or less last year (and won 4 games by 6 points or less) but have a way better roster, a second year in their offensive system, and a new defensive coordinator who shouldnt be The Absolute Worst In The League at calling the defense on third downs.

The Jaguars are going to stink but have just enough shine that Bradley gets another extension, then sink into the abyss in the subsequent years

Also Bill O'Brien is the best coach in the AFCS. The Colts had the best coach but out of guilt had to let him leave for Arizona

# ? Jul 29, 2016 19:55

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

Intruder posted:

The Jaguars are going to stink but have just enough shine that Bradley gets another extension, then sink into the abyss in the subsequent years

Also Bill O'Brien is the best coach in the AFCS. The Colts had the best coach but out of guilt had to let him leave for Arizona

Bill O'Brien may be a great coach but he has Rick Smith building the team's roster and JJ Watt isnt getting any younger.

Bradley is a miracle Worker considering that the team has yet to quit on him when said team has been a trash heap for 5+ years running and has had no star power to lean on or be excited about for that whole time frame. I dont think it is possible for the team to both stink but shine enough for Bradley to stick around. I really think the Offense should maintain continuity so I dont want to see Olsen go regardless of what happens to Bradley, but we all know what happens when there is a new HC.

# ? Jul 29, 2016 20:06

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Rick Smith isn't terrible. He found JJ Watt at 11 and DeAndre Hopkins, Kareem Jackson, Duane Brown and Whitney Mercilus all at the back end of the first round

His second day drafting is kinda woof though

# ? Jul 29, 2016 20:09

No Butt Stuff: Jun 10, 2004

Intruder posted:

Rick Smith isn't terrible. He found JJ Watt at 11 and DeAndre Hopkins, Kareem Jackson, Duane Brown and Whitney Mercilus all at the back end of the first round

Yeah but there are 7 rounds and Free Agency is a thing.

# ? Jul 29, 2016 20:10

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

No Butt Stuff posted:

Yeah but there are 7 rounds and Free Agency is a thing.

Notable free agent hits: Danieal Manning, Jonathan Joseph, Cecil Shorts I'd argue, Chris Myers
Notable misses: Ed Reed (ouch, also letting Glover Quinn walk), Rahim Moore
TBD: Brock Osweiler, Jeff Allen, Lamar Miller

The Texans really don't do a whole lot in free agency typically

# ? Jul 29, 2016 20:12

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

Rick Smith is a pretty middle of the road GM. Typically hits on his first rounder no matter where he's drafting, struggles with the middle rounds, finds some gems toward the end

His first round picks
Amobi Okoye (ouch)
Brian Cushing
Kareem Jackson
JJ Watt
Whitney Mercilus
DeAndre Hopkins
Jadeveon Clowney
Kevin Smith
Will Fuller

Fuller it's obviously way too early to say, the jury is still out on Clowney depending on if he can stay healthy. He's definitely a physical beast when he's on the field, but hasn't had an offseason to actually develop his pass rushing moves until this year. The only real bust of the group is Okoye

Notable later round picks
3rd: Jacoby Jones (eh)
3rd: Steve Slaton (was really good until he could't stay healthy)
2nd: Connor Barwin
4th: Glover Quinn
5th: James Casey
6th: Brice McCain (was really good until he broke his foot, was never the same after)
2nd: Ben Tate (don't know what happened except maybe The Cleveland Factor)
UDFA: Arian Foster
2nd: Brooks Reed
7th: Derek Newton
3rd: Brandon Brooks
4th: Ben Jones
4th: Jared Crick
6th: Chris Jones (never played a game for the Texans, was cut and picked up by the Pats and was good briefly)

He's definitely had some high profile misses though. The 2013 draft was BRUTAL

Not going to go into the 2014 or 2015 drafts as it's too early really to say for most of the late rounders, but Andre Hal looks legit

# ? Jul 29, 2016 20:21

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

Poonerman posted:

you have the giants going 8-2 outside of the NFC East?

Just think of the writing material Febreeze would have.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 00:46

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Alright, I'll do this for real instead of being glib.

DEATH FROM BELOW: TENNESSEE EXOTIC SMASHMOUTH PREDICTIONS

Game One, Motherfuckers: Vikings - L I know the tradition has been a win for the first game of the season followed by a Trek of Despair, but I don't see Minnesota being bad enough to let that happen.
Game Two Lions - W This is where we make that up. Wooooooo.
Game Three Raiders - L
Game Four Texans - L I believe we can split, but not at their home.
Game Five Dolphins - L Though there's weird juju when the Titans face the Dolphins, so maybe W? Let's go L.
Game Six Browns - L I don't know know why we can't beat this dumb team, but we can't, hoorah.
Game Seven Colts - L It Is Law That The Titans Can't Beat The Colts.
Game Eight Jaguars - L
Game Nine Chargers - L If this were in Nashville, I'd have it a win, but I don't think Tennessee can beat a bad Chargers team at their home.
Game Ten Packers - L A Tarantino film amount of blood.
Game Eleven Colts - L It Is Law That The Titans Can't Beat The Colts.
Game Twelve Bears - W
Game Thirteen Broncos - L The Broncos will use Peter Tebow, Tim's brother, at QB and will still win.
Game Fourteen Chiefs - L
Game Fifteen Jaguars - L
Game Sixteens Texans - L The Texans will be starting Lost Carr Brother Darren at QB and will still win, leaving that extra bitter taste in the mouth going into the offseason. Remember that split? Yeah, it's not happening.

The Titans will have a worst record than last year, Mularkey will be retained for the next four years, I won't convert to being a Panthers fan for some reason, the team will finally have the pieces to be good in ten years only for Tennessee to be swallowed by the New Madrid Fault, the end.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 01:45

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

Probably Magic posted:

Alright, I'll do this for real instead of being glib.

DEATH FROM BELOW: TENNESSEE EXOTIC SMASHMOUTH PREDICTIONS

Game One, Motherfuckers: Vikings - L I know the tradition has been a win for the first game of the season followed by a Trek of Despair, but I don't see Minnesota being bad enough to let that happen.
Game Two Lions - W This is where we make that up. Wooooooo.
Game Three Raiders - L
Game Four Texans - L I believe we can split, but not at their home.
Game Five Dolphins - L Though there's weird juju when the Titans face the Dolphins, so maybe W? Let's go L.
Game Six Browns - L I don't know know why we can't beat this dumb team, but we can't, hoorah.
Game Seven Colts - L It Is Law That The Titans Can't Beat The Colts.
Game Eight Jaguars - L
Game Nine Chargers - L If this were in Nashville, I'd have it a win, but I don't think Tennessee can beat a bad Chargers team at their home.
Game Ten Packers - L A Tarantino film amount of blood.
Game Eleven Colts - L It Is Law That The Titans Can't Beat The Colts.
Game Twelve Bears - W
Game Thirteen Broncos - L The Broncos will use Peter Tebow, Tim's brother, at QB and will still win.
Game Fourteen Chiefs - L
Game Fifteen Jaguars - L
Game Sixteens Texans - L The Texans will be starting Lost Carr Brother Darren at QB and will still win, leaving that extra bitter taste in the mouth going into the offseason. Remember that split? Yeah, it's not happening.

The Titans will have a worst record than last year, Mularkey will be retained for the next four years, I won't convert to being a Panthers fan for some reason, the team will finally have the pieces to be good in ten years only for Tennessee to be swallowed by the New Madrid Fault, the end.

I would love to see this happen but there is no way that the Titans and Jaguars do not split their games.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 03:36

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

i've got news for you chumps: one of your awful lovely teams is going to lose to the bears

# ? Jul 30, 2016 04:20

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Bort Bortles posted:

I would love to see this happen but there is no way that the Titans and Jaguars do not split their games.

There's enough pieces now in Jacksonville that I have a hard time seeing them not beating a team whose brilliant idea of using their good QB is "run all the time."

The Bears are in a lovely, unexciting state enough that I could see the Titans pulling off a win. The Bears are going to be real bad, IMO.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 04:31

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Probably Magic posted:

There's enough pieces now in Jacksonville that I have a hard time seeing them not beating a team whose brilliant idea of using their good QB is "run all the time."

The Bears are in a lovely, unexciting state enough that I could see the Titans pulling off a win. The Bears are going to be real bad, IMO.

Remember back in 2010 (I believe this was the year) when the Jags were extremely terrible and the Titans had a chance to be a wild card team and they lost to the Jags. Talent doesn't matter we're splitting

# ? Jul 30, 2016 04:34

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

The Bears have quiey gotten better especially on defense and I don't think a Vic Fangio lead defense can ever be overlooked.

Metapod posted:

Remember back in 2010 (I believe this was the year) when the Jags were extremely terrible and the Titans had a chance to be a wild card team and they lost to the Jags. Talent doesn't matter we're splitting

This.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 04:37

Burginator: Sep 10, 2007; Two ALL BEEF patties,
Special Sauce?
Let Us Cheese.

Probably Magic posted:

Alright, I'll do this for real instead of being glib.

DEATH FROM BELOW: TENNESSEE EXOTIC SMASHMOUTH PREDICTIONS

Game One, Motherfuckers: Vikings - L I know the tradition has been a win for the first game of the season followed by a Trek of Despair, but I don't see Minnesota being bad enough to let that happen.
Game Two Lions - W This is where we make that up. Wooooooo.
Game Three Raiders - L
Game Four Texans - L I believe we can split, but not at their home.
Game Five Dolphins - L Though there's weird juju when the Titans face the Dolphins, so maybe W? Let's go L.
Game Six Browns - L I don't know know why we can't beat this dumb team, but we can't, hoorah.
Game Seven Colts - L It Is Law That The Titans Can't Beat The Colts.
Game Eight Jaguars - L
Game Nine Chargers - L If this were in Nashville, I'd have it a win, but I don't think Tennessee can beat a bad Chargers team at their home.
Game Ten Packers - L A Tarantino film amount of blood.
Game Eleven Colts - L It Is Law That The Titans Can't Beat The Colts.
Game Twelve Bears - W
Game Thirteen Broncos - L The Broncos will use Peter Tebow, Tim's brother, at QB and will still win.
Game Fourteen Chiefs - L
Game Fifteen Jaguars - L
Game Sixteens Texans - L The Texans will be starting Lost Carr Brother Darren at QB and will still win, leaving that extra bitter taste in the mouth going into the offseason. Remember that split? Yeah, it's not happening.

The Titans will have a worst record than last year, Mularkey will be retained for the next four years, I won't convert to being a Panthers fan for some reason, the team will finally have the pieces to be good in ten years only for Tennessee to be swallowed by the New Madrid Fault, the end.

The Vikings found a way to lose to the loving 49ers in the season opener last year, anything can happen. Especially with exotic smashmouth football

Edit: With that said....

Vikings predictions~~~

Game 1: @ Titans -- W
2: vs. Packers -- W
3: @ Panthers -- L
4: vs. Giants -- W
5: vs. Texans -- W
6: ~~Bye~~ -- L
7: @ Eagles -- W
8: @ Bears -- W
9: vs. Lions -- W
10: @ Redskins -- W
11: vs. Cardinals -- L
12: @ Lions -- W
13: vs. Cowboys -- L (I don't know why, I just think Romo might do some poo poo if his collarbone hasn't already exploded)
14: @ Jaguars -- W
15: vs. Colts -- W
16: @ Packers -- L
17 vs. Bears -- W

Vikes go 12-4, take the North, and lose out to a loving field goal in the NFCCG again

Burginator fucked around with this message at 05:02 on Jul 30, 2016

# ? Jul 30, 2016 04:57

Mr. McGibblets: Sep 17, 2015; by Deplorable exmarx

I won my fantasy league last year so I'm pretty much an expert.

Bears:
Texans - W
Eagles - W
Cowboys - L
Lions - W
Colts - W
Jaguars - W
Packers - L
Vikings - W
Bucs - W
Giants - L
Titans - W
49ers - W
Lions - W
Packers - L
Redskins - W
Vikings - W

12-4

Lose first round of the playoffs on a Cutler turnover.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 05:34

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Probably Magic I'm going to give you hope (not your cat) for this upcoming season. The Titans are going to be a very frustrating team to watch on the offensive side of the ball. Mularkey is going to make some dumb decisions and we're probably going to be predictable in certain situations but if the team grinds out the clock consistently well that will allow our defense to be not worn out by the end of the game and be able to be the dominant force it can be. The secondary is still a little thin but by getting rid of griffin and adding rashad johnson and byard should solidify the hole that was there last season. Now let's talk about the best part about the Titans the front 7. The front 7 headlined by Morgan, Rak, Williamson, and Casey is going to wreck havoc on opposing teams in the passing game. Now we both know the rush defense has been an issue over the years but this year it should be better because of the development of DaQuan Jones and drafting Austin Johnson (a real NT holy poo poo!!). The defense is very talented and is coached by Big Dick Lebeau and should give you hope for this season. The Titans are going to be in a lot of close games this season how they finish is to be determined.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 05:37

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Bort Bortles posted:

a Vic Fangio lead defense can ever be overlooked.

# ? Jul 30, 2016 06:13

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Metapod posted:

The Titans are going to be in a lot of close games this season how they finish is to be determined.

Vikings, Lions, Dolphins, Browns, both Texans games (I do not believe in Brock), one of the Jag games will be close, and in all honesty, of those, a fluke win will bring Tennessee back to where they were last year, and if Brock is really bad, they could even get a win over. Keep in mind I'd believe in this team a lot more if we weren't committed to the run.

I realize I say exotic smashmouth in every one of my posts, but I can't get over it, it's up there with "decided schematic advantage" for me.

(drat, have I really talked about my cat on here, jeeze.)

# ? Jul 30, 2016 06:47

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Did you ever think the exotic smashmouth is a decided schematic advantage?

# ? Jul 30, 2016 20:34

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

I hate exotic smashmouth because something got hosed up in my brain and I just hear Erotic smash mouth while picturing this gif:

# ? Jul 30, 2016 22:23

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Metapod posted:

Did you ever think the exotic smashmouth is a decided schematic advantage?

2016 Titans Coaching Status: Charlie Weis Is No Longer Available

# ? Jul 30, 2016 22:25

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

Kalli posted:

I hate exotic smashmouth because something got hosed up in my brain and I just hear Erotic smash mouth while picturing this gif:

Erotic smash mouth suck the eggs

# ? Jul 30, 2016 22:26

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Welp I know what I'm posting after every rushing touchdown this season

# ? Jul 30, 2016 22:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 12:23

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Metapod posted:

Welp I know what I'm posting after every miserably stuffed run this season

# ? Jul 30, 2016 22:58

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2016 NFL Predictions

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