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 Hello everyone, welcome to the GDT for UFC on Fox 20: Holm vs. Shevchenko, 8 p.m. ET Saturday, July 23 on Fox! I know what you’re thinking, “wow I can’t wait for Bluedeanie to have to watch this bad card with us.” Well sucks to suck, nerds. I’m going on a float trip! Do you have float trips wherever you are? You might call them “paddling” or “tubing” or something similar. Basically you go camping and then get in a canoe, raft, inner tube or some other kind of poo poo and get shitfaced out on a river for a few hours. If you can manage not to die from heat stroke, dehydration, drowning or snake bite, it’s a good time. Unlike what you’ll probably be having watching this card. But that’s ok. Not everyone has a cool summer vacation. Some people have to go to astronomy camp, or visit their mom and new stepdad in Toledo. Hell, half the fighters on this card are gonna have a poo poo-rear end summer here in a day or two. So let’s get started! Women's Bantamweight  Holly “The Preacher’s Daughter” Holm vs.  Valentina “Bullet” Shevchenko Growing up in the Albuquerque area, I imagine Holly Holm spent most of her summers going on desert treks and jogs through the mountains, where her acclimation to the surprising altitude there let her take advantage of cans flown in from all over the country to become a long-standing staple in the area boxing scene. And because the fight took place in Australia, the biggest night of her MMA career and possibly professional life came in the summer as well, shocking the world with her dominant beating and headkick KO win over Ronda Rousey last November. Her championship reign was sadly short lived though, (not) tapping out to Miesha Tate in her next fight earlier this year. She hopes to get back into the win column and is somehow the biggest name on the card. This summer she plans to trick people into forgetting she’s looked fairly bad in three of her four UFC performances. Valentina Shevchenko is a different kind of boxing and kickboxing world champion, earning multiple golds in kickboxing and Muay Thai over the years in varying promotions. The Kyrgyzstani probably spent her summers drinking fermented mare’s milk and anjoying the balmy 85-degree weather. Her striking pedigree combined with Holm’s means this fight has the potential to be a cool technical display, but Shevchenko is 1-1 in the UFC with a split decision over Sarah Kaufman and is the only woman to go the distance with Amanda Nunes and not win, so this will probably be as unenjoyable as that fermented mare’s milk drink that you probably thought I was making up to make fun of the former Soviet Oblast states but is very much a real thing. Lightweight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PQH65dx4iE Edson “Junior” Barboza vs.  Gilbert “Giblert” Melendez Edson Barboza is very cool and just kicked the poo poo out of Anthony Pettis at one of the only places Pettis is actually good, which was cool as hell to see. The guy’s a world-class striker who knocked Terry Etim back to tea time, and also has a shitton of Muay Thai accomplishments that sound important on Wikipedia but may or may not mean anything. His fights with Anthony Njokuani and Danny Castillo were close barnburners that looked like two wet cats thrown into a burlap sack, and if being competitive with those names make you think Edson Barboza might actually be incredibly poo poo, there are stretches of time where I’m not sure I could argue otherwise. But as I said, he owned Pettis and had a good fight with surprisingly legit fighter Tony Ferguson, so I believe in Edson. As a premie in the humid hills of Rio, Barboza probably spent his early summers simply trying to survive while scraping his balls off his thighs. If ever there were a man to suck a boring fight out of Edson Barboza though, it’s Gilbert Melendez. If you watched a lot of Strikeforce you are probably pretty high on him and I can’t fault you for that, but he’s had exactly one (1) good fight in the UFC and it was with Diego “The Dreammare” Sanchez, with whom he decided to fight like a goddamn idiot for a bonus check and managed to get almost knocked out. He’s got A+ representation though, as his management managed to talk him into a second UFC title fight being 1-1 in the promotion off the backs of that Sanchez fight. He’s sat out for a drug test after a fight with Eddie Alvarez that was so unexciting that a goon almost had to suck his own dick; look for Melendez to push Barboza up into the cage for three rounds and maybe land a shot or two, perhaps, if he feels like it. Santa Ana does seem pretty nice and temperate for Southern California, so I am sure he enjoyed many a pickup soccer game o the beach in the summers of his youth. Heavyweight  Francis “Predator” Ngannou vs.  Bojan “/fighter/Bojan-Mihajlovic-12400” Mihajlović This is weirdly the fight I think I am most bummed to be missing live, as Ngannou might be the closest thing we have to a fresh prospect at heavyweight right now. He made something of a small name for himself by picking up a slew of finishes on the local Euro circuit before making his way to the UFC, where his fights have all been extremely awkward but entertaining in some key way. He’s goofy and likable and has a lot of finishing power so I hope he wins by beating the anonymous man. He is French-Camaroonian so I am sure his summers were either picturesque holidays by the Riviera out of some garbage romantic-era literature or those extremely depressing commercials where the old man with the beard scolds you for not sending him pennies a day in the mail. I don’t know what’s up with Bojack Horseman. He lost his first three but has gone on a 10-fight streak in the Eastern Euro scene, and is now making his UFC debut. He is a Serb so I am sure his summers were unpleasant too. Women's Strawweight  Felice “Lil Bulldog, apparently” Herrig vs.  Kailin Curran In 1963, Kailin "Baby" Curran, a sweet daddy's girl, goes with her family to a resort in upstate New York's Catskill Mountains. Baby has grown up in privileged surroundings and all expect her to go on to college, join the Peace Corps and save the world before marrying a doctor, just like her father. Unexpectedly, Baby becomes infatuated with the camp's dance instructor, Felice “Lil Bulldog” Herrig, a woman whose background is vastly different from her own. Baby lies to her father to get money to pay for an illegal abortion for Felice’s dance partner. She then fills in as Felice’s dance partner and it is as she is teaching her the dance routine that they fall in love. It all comes apart when Felice’s friend falls seriously ill after her abortion and Baby gets her father, who saves the girl's life. He then learns what Baby has been up to, who with and worse — that he funded the illegal abortion. He bans his daughter from any further association with "those people". In the first deliberately willful action of her life, Baby later sneaks out to see Felice — ostensibly to apologize for her father's rudeness -—and ends up consummating her relationship with Felice. A jealous fellow vacationer sees Baby sneaking out of Felice’s bungalow the next morning, and in an act of retribution, tells management that she is responsible for a theft the evening before, knowing she would not furnish her real whereabouts. OTHER poo poo TO WATCH Big Fox Prelims, 6 p.m. ET Bantamweight Frankie Saenz vs. Eddie Wineland Featherweight Darren Elkins vs. Godofredo Pepey Welterweight Kamaru Usman vs. Alexander Yakovlev Lightweight Michel Prazeres vs. J.C. Cottrell UFC Fight Pass Prelims, 4 p.m. ET Welterweight Alex Oliveira vs. James Moontasri Featherweight Jim Alers vs. Jason Knight Heavyweight Luis Henrique vs. Dmitry Smoliakov Official MMA snack rating: Smores n weenies 
Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 06:53 on Jul 22, 2016 |
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Jul 22, 2016 06:14
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Oh and before I forget, submit your picks to goonweight! https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3782093&pagenumber=2&perpage=40
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Jul 22, 2016 16:55
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Pros: Francis the Predator won, I didn't get sunburnt Cons: My new swim shorts ripped around the draw string, we were too tired for smores after dinner  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGRHWVUxel0
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Jul 24, 2016 19:42
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