Went to a yard sale and ended up buying some guy's unfinished novel

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Went to a yard sale and ended up buying some guy's unfinished novel

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Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

Please; post more, OP. This is the best thing; I've read on my computor in years. It's really good; and I'm enjoying it; lots.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 17:16

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:11

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

poo poo. This reminds me of that old thread where some goon found a short story in a library or coffee shop. I think it was called (something) Saturn. I know it had Saturn in the title. It was goddamn hilarious with strong jawed space marines fighting lizard aliens, and it's a crime I can't find it. I think the guy who found it made a website, but I'm having no luck.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 17:42

Cosmik Slop: Oct 9, 2007; What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?

Ladydad posted:

kale salad and some hummus + pita

YES!

# ? Jul 27, 2016 17:45

Randal: Apr 20, 2016; not adding value on SA one post at a time

# ? Jul 27, 2016 17:50

Boner Zone: Jan 14, 2006; by Nyc_Tattoo

I love the smell of technology in the morning.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 17:51

Count Thrashula: Jun 1, 2003; Death is nothing compared to vindication.; Buglord

Wow this is better than Tom Clancy

lol just kidding everything is better than Tom Clancy

# ? Jul 27, 2016 18:21

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

How do we know he wasn't writing a parody

# ? Jul 27, 2016 19:09

Ladydad: Mar 23, 2008

Lawrence Gilchrist posted:

How do we know he wasn't writing a parody

There are easily 4 - 500 pages of this

# ? Jul 27, 2016 20:00

PinkoBastard: Oct 3, 2010

This ain't jarhead

# ? Jul 27, 2016 20:13

The Baumann: Jun 2, 2013; En Garde, Fuckboy

Hmm it says the author is from Des Moines. Could this be the magnum opus of Jastiger?

# ? Jul 27, 2016 20:14

Tardcore: Jan 24, 2011; Not cool enough for the Spider-man club.

I'm the republican voting haircut

# ? Jul 27, 2016 20:16

Harveygod: Jan 4, 2014; YEEAAH HEH HEH HEEEHH

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN

THIS TRASH WAR AIN'T GONNA SOLVE ITSELF YA KNOW

Frankenstyle posted:

poo poo. This reminds me of that old thread where some goon found a short story in a library or coffee shop. I think it was called (something) Saturn. I know it had Saturn in the title. It was goddamn hilarious with strong jawed space marines fighting lizard aliens, and it's a crime I can't find it. I think the guy who found it made a website, but I'm having no luck.

The website wasn't Genesis Space, was it?

# ? Jul 27, 2016 20:17

spud: Aug 27, 2003; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Ladydad posted:

So two weekends ago I went to a yard sale and bought a few boxes of random office crap for about 20 bucks.

In the bottom of the box was a bundle of loose papers that looked like they had just been chucked in there. About a reams' worth, about half water damaged. The print quality is pretty bad as well. I started reading them, and it's this guy's unfinished military thriller. I started scanning the pages in yesterday and uploading them to a blog I made for it because I feel like the world should see this man's work. The biggest issue is that the pages are out of order, and this dude only numbered about a quarter of them for some reason. I think this is either a first or rough draft, because most of the pages have notes or corrections.

I wanted to make a thread to share it here as well- I thought someone might appreciate it as well. I present it without commentary. The scanning is slow going because my boss is a real dick and I don't have a scanner at home so I'm trying to sneak it in where I can. The blog is here:

I try and sneak it when I can with your boss also, he is a bit of a catch!

THis seems a pretty good/bad find op...looking forward to more. If you finish it you could be Buck Tangle (no relation to chuck tingle).

# ? Jul 27, 2016 20:39

Enfys: Feb 17, 2013; The ocean is calling and I must go

part of being a superb lover is being considerate to feminine concerns

Ladydad posted:

There are easily 4 - 500 pages of this

I need a strong man with the right equipment, and I like your loadout. Do your duty.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:05

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

I read 2 paragraphs and a few random words on down and I gotta tell ya it's probably the worst piece of literature ever written. I mean this poo poo is pure gold. :kiddo:

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:09

Ladydad: Mar 23, 2008

Enfys posted:

part of being a superb lover is being considerate to feminine concerns

I need a strong man with the right equipment, and I like your loadout. Do your duty.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:34

EngineerSean: Feb 9, 2004; by zen death robot

Choco Happy Ending posted:

This is even better if you read it in Zapp Brannigan's voice.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:36

EngineerSean: Feb 9, 2004; by zen death robot

An asian, possibly Chinese

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:37

Randal: Apr 20, 2016; not adding value on SA one post at a time

EngineerSean posted:

An asian, possibly Chinese

The Chinese

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:39

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

Please post more of this

I need to know why raw dogging Oliver North's daughter is "important to the mission"

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:45

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

this man is very aware of which races his characters are, and are not, members of

i must assume he is a truly committed worldbuilder, such granular detail!

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:48

Explosive Tampons: Jul 9, 2014; Your days are gone!!!

Would "hummer" be too risque? Asking for a friend.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:56

Enfys: Feb 17, 2013; The ocean is calling and I must go

Ladydad posted:

I'm turgid, but fraught with power.

# ? Jul 27, 2016 23:59

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Frankenstyle posted:

poo poo. This reminds me of that old thread where some goon found a short story in a library or coffee shop. I think it was called (something) Saturn. I know it had Saturn in the title. It was goddamn hilarious with strong jawed space marines fighting lizard aliens, and it's a crime I can't find it. I think the guy who found it made a website, but I'm having no luck.

I miss the one with the guy posting his roommates epic Aliens ripoff about The Flarings.

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:01

FuckenPunchOn: Nov 9, 2013

Enfys posted:

I need a strong man with the right equipment, and I like your loadout. Do your duty.

} YES!

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:05

TheIncredulousHulk: Sep 3, 2012

CharlestonJew posted:

Please post more of this

I need to know why raw dogging Oliver North's daughter is "important to the mission"

If I'm reading this right, Olivia North is his wife and he's cheating on her with someone named Melanie(who is definitely NOT the author's wife, Melissa) for the mission

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:23

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

At least he's not cheating on Melanie with Olivia.

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:31

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

So what I gather he's an Army Husband who has to stay at home all day and write erotic fiction while his wife is on deployment?

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:31

Fat Shat Sings: Jan 24, 2016

Sold, exclusively based off of that first paragraph in the first image

"She lay on the floor covered with frost like an iowa morning, 26 seconds without the sweet life air gives you, just like her father"

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:32

Olive!: Mar 16, 2015; It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

Frankenstyle posted:

poo poo. This reminds me of that old thread where some goon found a short story in a library or coffee shop. I think it was called (something) Saturn. I know it had Saturn in the title. It was goddamn hilarious with strong jawed space marines fighting lizard aliens, and it's a crime I can't find it. I think the guy who found it made a website, but I'm having no luck.

https://sites.google.com/site/destinationsaturn/

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:32

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Ratjaculation posted:

pushed a sobbing ~~Melissa~~ melanie

note to author: melissa is your wife

To hell with his wife.

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:36

Enfys: Feb 17, 2013; The ocean is calling and I must go

Splicer posted:

To hell with his wife.

"Don't ask, don't tell," he once said to his wife about his work.

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:40

smug n stuff: Jul 21, 2016; A Hobbit's Adventure

quote:

President North

This guy saved fracking Chelsea Clinton from Space Death^TM. Who wouldn't love him!

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:53

RaySmuckles: Oct 14, 2009; Grimey Drawer

My guess is Iran-Contra killed this novel before arnold could sign onto the movie project this was obviously destined to become

:911:

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:57

Ladydad: Mar 23, 2008

if something happens to me

email firemissionover at gmail dot com ill send scans of the rest of the story

# ? Jul 28, 2016 00:59

The Fuzzy Hulk: Nov 22, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT CROSSING THE STREAMS

Since it is unfinished we should come up with an ending in the author's style.

They lived out the rest of their days in peace, never having to use the weapons of war that they had been so well trained to use. He rested his manhammer rifle down on the bed, next to his second favorite conquest, the alluring woman known as Olivia, whose lithe body seemed to shimmer in anticipation of what would come next.
"No condoms" she said, looking at his body and the grime the was there.
"I promise to fill you with only love," he replied and joined her in the bed.

# ? Jul 28, 2016 01:43

Ladydad: Mar 23, 2008

halfway expecting to find a suicide note scrawled inside a semen stained copy of Red Storm Rising

# ? Jul 28, 2016 01:56

Ladydad: Mar 23, 2008

(it's mine)

# ? Jul 28, 2016 02:06

Olive!: Mar 16, 2015; It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

Ladydad posted:

(it's mine)

Your note, your book, or your semen?

# ? Jul 28, 2016 02:11

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:11

Zorodius: Feb 11, 2007; EA GAMES' MASTERPIECE 'MADDEN 2018 G.O.A.T. EDITION' IS A GLORIOUS TRIUMPH OF ART AND TECHNOLOGY. IT BRINGS GAMEDAY RIGHT TO THE PLAYER AND WHOEVER SAYS OTHERWISE CAN, YOU GUESSED IT...
SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.

*starts writing something introspective about the characters*

*scribbles it out, goes back to cocks and jets*

# ? Jul 28, 2016 02:30

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Went to a yard sale and ended up buying some guy's unfinished novel

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