Why don't Porn Stars become Hollywood Starlets?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Why don't Porn Stars become Hollywood Starlets?

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

I mean... What qualifications are they lacking?

they clearing don't mind s*cking some dick to get a role, right?

And they can act like they like sex, with dudes, or girls, or ugly dudes, or old ladies, right? and that's a skill an actress needs.

and theyre usually reasonably pretty, right? like, no worse than Maggie guyillenhall(sp?).

Just spit-ballin' here, but I think more porn stars should try to get into acting. what do you guys think?

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 16:47

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:36

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Nigmaetcetera posted:

Porn is probably easier.

but does it pay better? I think not. I don't think porn people even get royalties.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 16:49

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Sperghetti posted:

Why don't more Hollywood starlets get into porn

See, this is an easier question: They already don't have to do sex stuff on film, so they have no inclination to start.

Whereas pornstars have already done sex stuff on film, so if Steven Speilman says he wants a sex scene in the next movie he directs, bamm-o, done. no negotiations needed.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 16:53

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Nigmaetcetera posted:

I bet Guillermo del toro is hung like a coke can

short stubby and full of sugar?

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 16:58

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

dad gay. so what posted:

i hope everyone dies irl

Let me tell you about this little thing called "Morbidity and Mortality", friend...

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 17:01

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

BraveUlysses posted:

Worked for that Kardashian

too right, mate

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 17:08

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

ElectricSheep posted:

Sasha Grey tried

How'd that go?

Didn't stoya try as well?

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 17:18

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

ArmZ posted:

I would like to see the measurements of Guillermo vs Benicio.

you should make a Kickstarter

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 18:09

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Captain Yossarian posted:

I have gotten laid multiple times thanks to pirates and pirates 2 so yeah it was successful

I'd appreciate it if you were to expand on this

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 18:38

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

gently caress da Mods posted:

Please kill yourself

you first

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 18:46

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

The Ape of Naples posted:

What about the Canyons? That had both trying to do both.

Wasn't that considered a good movie, at least by critics?

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 23:31

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

^^^I'll bet^^^^

The Bananana posted:

Wasn't that considered a good movie, at least by critics?

Umm...

"Oppressively misanthropic and ineptly made, The Canyons serves as a sour footnote in Paul Schrader's career -- but it does feature some decent late-period work from Lindsay Lohan."

# ¿ Jul 29, 2016 23:37

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Remember when that tthey had a gaming jpournalist from G4 or something be a whole loving character in mass effect 3 (or something)? that was pretty yikers as well.

# ¿ Jul 30, 2016 02:44

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Captain Yossarian posted:

Multiple women wanted to watch pirates and it got them "in the mood" so to speak! This was separate occurrences not all at once. I'll let you in on a little secret, women like pornos too

ok.

try to use this memory when you j*** off tonight after lord of the rings

# ¿ Jul 30, 2016 02:47

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Captain Yossarian posted:

I'm so lonely

I'm pouring one out for you, my homie

# ¿ Jul 30, 2016 03:11

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

ElectricSheep posted:

I thought the only terrible actress to spawn from G4 was Olivia Munn

Can we get our Games Subforum Liason to fact check this for us?

# ¿ Jul 30, 2016 15:05

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

An extremely hairy man flashes a bunch of colourful money showing many thousands on it to a terrified young girl at a bus stop, what's your problem?

There's a whole semester of management school just on this

# ¿ Jul 30, 2016 20:06

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

that's pretty cynical of you, cosmic

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 03:00

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

WhyteRyce posted:

That iteration of GBS had an white knight obsession over her. There were people in that thread falling over themselves to say things like "hey she's reading to them that's what matters", "she's probably smarter than typical actress", and " so these parents don't want to have an honest conversation with their kids (I think they were 7 year olds) about sex". Someone posted a picture of her holding some Nietzsche book with a look like some annoying freshman girl who just started Philosophy 101 and a bunch kept talking about how that was the hottest thing ever

heh, ok, yeah, your telling me this doesn't look like a smart person, whom youd let read to your kids?

Check mate, idiot. :smug:

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 03:05

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

hth posted:

but i wouldnt let her act in my multimillion dollar film because sucking cock doesnt make you a good actress, dipshits

could you cite your sources?

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 03:48

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Zorodius posted:

I watched Would You Rather, which had Sasha Grey in a clothes-on role. She was terrible. She had no idea how to emote, just shouted her lines like a deaf person warning everyone that a mountain lion is on the kitchen table.

shouting seems like the appropriate emotion when encountering a mountain lion

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 03:53

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Fat Shat Sings posted:

The actress that did that "Girl always in the same outfit" episode of Seinfeld was in some cheesy cinemax porno I saw one time.

That is my sitcom porn comment.

Namaste

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 04:28

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

JediTalentAgent, you raise a good point-- do you guys think there are talent agents for porn stars?

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 07:28

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Mange Mite posted:

Is sasha grey the one who got into porn after being tricked by her boyfriend who she thought was a secret agent for the cia?

I think you are thinking of Jaime Lee Curtis

# ¿ Aug 2, 2016 07:14

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Wait... DIA?

# ¿ Aug 2, 2016 07:30

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Don Tacorleone posted:

The DIA is like, extra super secret

It's what come after the CIA, of course

Thank you, don taco, for clearing this up for me.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2016 07:46

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Professor Shark posted:

American Apparel had a period where, besides Faye Reagan as someone mentioned, they had Charlotte Stokely and a few others do ads for them for a while. I don't really know why, since they seem to have no trouble getting hipster girls to do tacky semi nude shoots for them, but whatever.

Anyway, Katie Morgan was in that terrible Seth Rogen movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, it wasn't as bad as you would think but while watching I knew she was probably an irl pornstar

In the current pro sex feminist whatever atmosphere, having pornstars in your indie hipster clothes company ads actually seems like a good idea

# ¿ Aug 2, 2016 15:10

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:36

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Borneo Jimmy posted:

I agree, but for serial rapist and Sublime fan James Deen.

Ugh. Oh my god. So loving gross and despicable.

A sublime fan. :cry:

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 01:10

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Why don't Porn Stars become Hollywood Starlets?