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Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
This is the thread to give goons tips if they possibly have sex. My tip? Make sure your stroke game is on point.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwzex56OjJ0

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extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
step one: get boner pills before i try that again!!!

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
DUUUURRR

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

I'll give you a tip :grin:

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

It's be safe use protection and enjoy yourself. bye I love you! :wave:

i can still taste him
Feb 16, 2003
Buglord
Try your left hand for a whole new experience.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
Only my tip protrudes from my enormous panniculus.

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.

be considerate and help your partner clean up all the turds when you're done

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
rub one out before having intercourse with the female or male human.

FaradayCage
May 2, 2010
The vagina is not where your penis is. You don't just stand next to a girl and then repeatedly take steps forward and backward to sex.

You gotta uppercut.

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

hey guys a(and girl:)s) i do a lot of sex and i know about sexing a lot. i can do many different types and have done it so many times i cant count. on top, doggy, normal, slippy whippy, two holes, the bun stroke, pill pack, paper trail. i can do almost everything except the old how do you do. anyway if you like to talk and chat about doing it you can email me youre asl and what you like or dont like, the jolly rancher, tattie tootie, holy smoke, gum drop lemonade, versatile tortise. back to front, upside slippery slide, lonely sailer, the friendship band, gator golf. theres not much i havent done tbhwyiyam. emoji splits, hair wax central, pokey dukes, spiffy glove. ragtime gate. just this morning i was doing a touch on a real lady and she said it felt nice and good, i gave her the old in out and she was ver. appreciative. she said it was good and to talk to her again some times. spoon and fork, the black gate, morning showers. i think ive done it so many times by now i dont think any one on these forums has dnoe it more than me

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

pepper surprise

edit: married with money,hidden jackal, the secret blossom, iron price, the wentworth, orphan sally, dark star, delicatessen, atomic sunrise, triangle splice, viral antidote, hellraiser inferno, v/h/s + v/h/s 2, insidious, quarantine, evil dead, chernobyl diaries, evil dead 2, event horison, oculus, nosferatu, the thing, the babadook, the ring, it follows, triangle, jacobs ladder, pontypool

lonesomedwarf fucked around with this message at 07:22 on Jul 30, 2016

DoctorG0nzo
May 28, 2014
Once it's in start rhythmically flailing your arms and legs so you sorta start moving in a clockwise circle

Clockwise is important

Han Solomon
Mar 7, 2015

BOUND
AND
GAGGED
i start with a reading of poetry followed by a glass of fine wine followed by the sting of rejection

Mukulu
Jul 14, 2006

Stop. Drop. Shut 'em down open up shop.
How do I have sex with a girl?

DoctorG0nzo
May 28, 2014

Mukulu posted:

How do I have sex with a girl?

Hold a photo of her, stare in the mirror and sigh

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
Premature ejaculation is my bag baby, yay!

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008


Gravy Boat 2k
cum until there is blood

Vargs
Mar 27, 2010

DoctorG0nzo posted:

Once it's in start rhythmically flailing your arms and legs so you sorta start moving in a clockwise circle

Clockwise is important

this is why it is called screwing. you need to rotate around in these circular motions to get all the way inside her corkscrew-shaped vagina. clockwise goes in, counterclockwise goes out. always remember so you don't get stuck

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
Push out like you're pooping and the dick slides in easier.

DoctorG0nzo
May 28, 2014

Vargs posted:

this is why it is called screwing. you need to rotate around in these circular motions to get all the way inside her corkscrew-shaped vagina. clockwise goes in, counterclockwise goes out. always remember so you don't get stuck

Try to make your dick as much like a drill as possible

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
hump to the beat of this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv3Gt7EOQ38

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

Squeeze the glands until the spores spurt out

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gckUWpwjR40

heres where i learned

DoctorG0nzo
May 28, 2014
https://youtu.be/oM2PwriqOjc

Let the experts chime in

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

get nude and open the airlock on the space station and float slowly off into space jacking your dick and shooting cum in circles forever

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
Sexperts are never sex experts they're just hosed-up chicks with bad eyebrows.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

like a sloppy blowjob

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it

Hell Yeah posted:

get nude and open the airlock on the space station and float slowly off into space jacking your dick and shooting cum in circles forever

Could you do this with a black hole and be jacking for eternity?

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot

Don Tacorleone posted:

Squeeze the glands until the spores spurt out

This is awful advice.

Never force the spores out. You have to coax them gently and work them up to spurting out on their own. Otherwise you get less spores and it isn't as satisfying.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
got the zucchini weenie

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot

criscodisco posted:

Could you do this with a black hole and be jacking for eternity?

Imagine a black hole just large enough to put your dick into.

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
Step 1) STICK THAT DICK IN A WET HOLE
Step 2) BUST THAT NUT

Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot

Iron Prince posted:

Step 1) STICK THAT DICK IN A WET HOLE
Step 2) BUST THAT NUT

Does it have to be wet?

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Microwaves Mom posted:

Does it have to be wet?
If its dry you'll abrade the outer surface of your dick off. This outer surface is called the "cuticle" and takes a very long time to grow back.

drguildo
Apr 27, 2013

LISTEN TO THE CROWD ROAR IN ADMIRATION!
One in the pink and two in the stink... or is it the other way around?

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord

Microwaves Mom posted:

Does it have to be wet?

only as wet as you want it to be. that was only a "serving suggestion"

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Microwaves Mom posted:

Does it have to be wet?

Lube is a thing

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord

VendaGoat posted:

Lube is a thing

it doesn't have to be

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Microwaves Mom
Nov 8, 2015

by zen death robot

Iron Prince posted:

it doesn't have to be

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