Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Dr. Yinz Ljubljana
Nov 25, 2013

the best sex position is Jesus style.

travel around with 12 other dudes and a hot girl but never do it.

never do it.

tell everyone their religion is the wrong one and talk about how nice you should be to each other.

then the government will kill you and then you win.

i think.

i have to read the bible again it's been a while.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

The Kingfish
Oct 21, 2015


Doctor Schnabel posted:

yeah i used to date a chuck who was all about being on top 100% of the time and i, being a super lazy rear end in a top hat, was like


Nice, dude.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Condoms are for children. Show her you're a real man and raw dog that pussy.

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

Never have it, because it is gross

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



gonna make some sex tonight

*makes o with thumb and pointer finger with right hand and starts slapping it with the base of left palm* :grin:

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Business Gorillas posted:

gonna make some sex tonight

*makes o with thumb and pointer finger with right hand and starts slapping it with the base of left palm* :grin:

What's her name

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



:stare: i gotta go

drowned in pussy juice
Oct 13, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
Here's a tip: your hands are invaluable dexterous sexual tools for fulfilment for both you and your partner, you can use them to apply enormous amounts of friction if you wrap them in sandpaper or if you would rather wrap your dick in sandpaper instead, you can even leave your hands free to conduct the beautiful symphony of your shared love

bleep.bloop
Jun 19, 2016

Oh, dear leader!

MC Eating Disorder posted:

Here's a tip: your hands are invaluable dexterous sexual tools for fulfilment for both you and your partner, you can use them to apply enormous amounts of friction if you wrap them in sandpaper or if you would rather wrap your dick in sandpaper instead, you can even leave your hands free to conduct the beautiful symphony of your shared love

Don't forget to lubricate before sanding. Heat and dust are mood killers.

psychokitty
Jun 29, 2010

=9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Warm up with some Teen Titans hentai :anime:

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

psychokitty posted:

Warm up with some Teen Titans hentai :anime:

I do this when I have sex with my hand

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe
The only "tip" you need is the one on the end of your penis... because let's face it, you don't have the length to penetrate any further than that

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Gabriel Pope posted:

The only "tip" you need is the one on the end of your penis... because let's face it, you don't have the length to penetrate any further than that

I have a very large penis

psychokitty
Jun 29, 2010

=9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Hector Beerlioz posted:

I have a very large penis

My mang

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
It's very large

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?
Hey just a tip for you younger guys out there is to make a woman want your bod! Make her happy and comfortable adn she will start to get excited if you say something sexy: Tell her how she is hot and when that pussy warm up just keep it sexy and tell her she is gonna get a dose of the ol sex tube if she keeps slopping up those knickers of hers

Turdfuzz
Jul 23, 2008

quefs are not noraml

PANIC ON FUNKOTRON
Jan 7, 2006

EARL IS A FAT CUNT
Don't sleep in the wet patch.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord

Don Tacorleone posted:

Never have it, because it is gross

It only took him 11111 posts but this dumb worthless sack of poo poo finally made a post I agree with. Sex is gross, it stinks the next day, and nothing good comes of it.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Kuato posted:

It only took him 11111 posts but this dumb worthless sack of poo poo finally made a post I agree with. Sex is gross, it stinks the next day, and nothing good comes of it.
oh poo poo!!! Don Tacorleone don't ever make a post again! This needs to be preserved

Owlbear Camus
Jan 3, 2013

Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?



Kuato posted:

It only took him 11111 posts but this dumb worthless sack of poo poo finally made a post I agree with. Sex is gross, it stinks the next day, and nothing good comes of it.

sometimes at the moment after climax its like a drug stupor is broken and with perfect clarity i think "what an absurd thing for people to do with their bodies"

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

Kuato posted:

It only took him 11111 posts but this dumb worthless sack of poo poo finally made a post I agree with. Sex is gross, it stinks the next day, and nothing good comes of it.

Actually I'm a sexhaver of the first order and I only posted this to lure out sexless incels like you, OWNED AGAIN KUATO lol PS ur dad's a slut

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord

Don Tacorleone posted:

Actually I'm a sexhaver of the first order and I only posted this to lure out sexless incels like you, OWNED AGAIN KUATO lol PS ur dad's a slut

Whoa! The 11th dimensional chess in GBS never ceases to amaze. Doesn't change the fact it's gross FYI

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Don Tacorleone posted:

Actually I'm a sexhaver of the first order and I only posted this to lure out sexless incels like you, OWNED AGAIN KUATO lol PS ur dad's a slut
Damnit!!! Damnit!! You broke the magic Don! Kuato is an evil wizard who's been planning to topple you from your place of power (11111 posts) your whole life!!

psychokitty
Jun 29, 2010

=9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Turdfuzz posted:

quefs are not noraml

:yikes:

King Possum III
Feb 15, 2016

Dirk Squarejaw posted:

There was an old actor that was in those old, boring 40s movies and black pepper was his signature thing in the sack. Maybe Cary Grant or someone like that.

Cary Grant was gay.

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
Cary Grant was straight.

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.



criscodisco posted:

Cary Grant was straight.

Touch of pink

Jimlit
Jun 30, 2005



King Possum III posted:

Cary Grant was gay.

Hydrocodone
Sep 26, 2007

The tip of a dick is a sex tip.

psychokitty
Jun 29, 2010

=9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

King Possum III posted:

Cary Grant was a gay.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Dirk Squarejaw posted:

There was an old actor that was in those old, boring 40s movies and black pepper was his signature thing in the sack. Maybe Cary Grant or someone like that.
Why did he pepper his sack??

Turdfuzz
Jul 23, 2008


i aint got no queef with you

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
If Cary Grant were gay why was he always a leading man?

King Possum III
Feb 15, 2016

criscodisco posted:

Cary Grant was straight.

I'm serious! Some of his recent biographers are certain that he was gay, but in those days he had to stay closeted. He had a long-term affair with Randolph Scott, and they even lived together for awhile in the 1930's.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
Ihave sex all the time, every day

King Possum III
Feb 15, 2016

criscodisco posted:

If Cary Grant were gay why was he always a leading man?

Because he was very popular with audiences, and a guaranteed draw at the box office. Beyond that, he was a very talented actor.

psychokitty
Jun 29, 2010

=9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Turdfuzz posted:

i aint got no queef with you

what about vaginal farts aka varts?

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.



criscodisco posted:

If Cary Grant were gay why was he always a leading man?
Yeah, he was leading men into his dressing room

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

criscodisco
Feb 18, 2004

do it
King Possum you take everything I say far too seriously.

  • Locked thread