9/11 episode of Seinfeld

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > 9/11 episode of Seinfeld

DeusExMachinima: Sep 2, 2012; This poster loves police brutality, but only when its against minorities!

Put this loser on ignore immediately!

tl;dr some dude writes hilarious spec script about Seinfeld coping with 9/11

lovely slate article about it: http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2016/08/03/read_billy_domineau_s_seinfeld_episode_about_9_11.html

direct link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B50l484pDaMobXI2Wk5CX0NMbkU/view?pref=2&pli=1

# ? Aug 4, 2016 04:58

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 10:30

Han Solomon: Mar 7, 2015; BOUND
AND
GAGGED

what is the deal with islamic extremists!

# ? Aug 4, 2016 04:59

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

the only think i love more than a shitload of words that i'm never gonna read is a link i'm never gonna click to a shitload of words i'm never gonna read

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:03

Flavahbeast: Jul 21, 2001

The episode was supposed to air around season 6, but it was mysteriously cut. The �official� story about the episode was that it featured Elaine purchasing a firearm after being mugged, but many elements about this episode were never revealed until recently. NBC Executives refused to officially report on the episode until the Seinfeld season 6 DVD commentary. I have the tape but as someone who works within NBC, unfortunately I can�t reveal my sources.

I work at the GE building in Rockefeller Plaza, and I have access to their digital archives. That�s as much as I can divulge. We also have the entire original Seinfeld series in multiple formats, including original reels and VHS tapes. I noticed an episode with the production code �607� was missing from the tape set, and it was relocated in a set of old news reels. The replacement episode �The Mom and Pop Store� was filmed a season later to replace the missing episode. It is oddly titled �The Mason�.

The episode starts out as normal, with Jerry�s apartment, but the camera is much more steady. Jerry walks out as though he�s been drugged and remarks that all of his family and friends have been dying lately. His buzzer rings and it�s George. George runs up, half crying and tells Jerry he�s seen something terrible. He�s mumbling and stuttering for about five minutes until he can form a sentence. There are still pauses for humor, but there is no audience or laugh track. George informs Jerry that planes have crashed into the twin towers due to a terrorist attack on New York.

Jerry turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9/11 attacks, all pr�-filmed several years beforehand. George says that isn't the worst part: Elaine and Kramer were in the towers at the time of the bombing. What proceeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying and Kramer saying that something terrible has happened, and Elaine is dead. Kramer screams there�s no air in the building, and he�s burning to death, and that he�s going to jump.

The camera cuts to live footage of a man falling from the twin towers. George genuinely looks upset and says �I�m sorry Larry, but I can�t go through with this� and he tries to walk off the set, but people stop him and push him towards the stage. He walks out Jerry�s prop window and you can hear him calling his agent. There�s a lot of mumbling, and you can see candles being lit behind the stage.

Jerry goes over to the bookcase and pulls it aside, revealing a ceremonial black table with candles, a dinner plate, and a strange box. There is a Masonic symbol against black cloth just outside where the fake stage window would be. Jerry says some weird things in a foreign dialect, and one cut of the camera shows a poster of Barack Obama (This episode originally aired in 1995). The scene ends with Jerry waking up in bed, as though it�s all a nightmare. Kramer comes in and asks if Jerry has seen a lizard. Jerry laughs and says �We are the lizards� and the camera zooms slightly. His eyes become slivered, like almonds.

The tape is only 7 minutes long, and what proceeds is just 20 minutes of dead air. If you continue watching to the end, it seems there are three more news reports tacked on. The first is about an outbreak of swine flu, the second about a train bombing, and the third...

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:07

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

the only think i love more than a shitload of words that i'm never gonna read is a link i'm never gonna click to a shitload of words i'm never gonna read

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:08

trash person: Apr 5, 2006; Baby Executive is pleased with your performance!

Did you guys know Elaine didn't actually exist on the show? She was a figment of Jerry's imagination.

It's why no characters interacted directly with her throughout the show's run.

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:10

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

trash person posted:

Did you guys know Elaine didn't actually exist on the show? She was a figment of Jerry's imagination.

It's why no characters interacted directly with her throughout the show's run.

whoa

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:11

hohhat: Sep 25, 2014

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

the only think i love more than a shitload of words that i'm never gonna read is a link i'm never gonna click to a shitload of words i'm never gonna read

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:11

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Flavahbeast posted:

The episode was supposed to air around season 6, but it was mysteriously cut. The “official” story about the episode was that it featured Elaine purchasing a firearm after being mugged, but many elements about this episode were never revealed until recently. NBC Executives refused to officially report on the episode until the Seinfeld season 6 DVD commentary. I have the tape but as someone who works within NBC, unfortunately I can’t reveal my sources.

I work at the GE building in Rockefeller Plaza, and I have access to their digital archives. That’s as much as I can divulge. We also have the entire original Seinfeld series in multiple formats, including original reels and VHS tapes. I noticed an episode with the production code “607” was missing from the tape set, and it was relocated in a set of old news reels. The replacement episode “The Mom and Pop Store” was filmed a season later to replace the missing episode. It is oddly titled “The Mason”.

The episode starts out as normal, with Jerry’s apartment, but the camera is much more steady. Jerry walks out as though he’s been drugged and remarks that all of his family and friends have been dying lately. His buzzer rings and it’s George. George runs up, half crying and tells Jerry he’s seen something terrible. He’s mumbling and stuttering for about five minutes until he can form a sentence. There are still pauses for humor, but there is no audience or laugh track. George informs Jerry that planes have crashed into the twin towers due to a terrorist attack on New York.

Jerry turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9/11 attacks, all pré-filmed several years beforehand. George says that isn't the worst part: Elaine and Kramer were in the towers at the time of the bombing. What proceeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying and Kramer saying that something terrible has happened, and Elaine is dead. Kramer screams there’s no air in the building, and he’s burning to death, and that he’s going to jump.

The camera cuts to live footage of a man falling from the twin towers. George genuinely looks upset and says “I’m sorry Larry, but I can’t go through with this” and he tries to walk off the set, but people stop him and push him towards the stage. He walks out Jerry’s prop window and you can hear him calling his agent. There’s a lot of mumbling, and you can see candles being lit behind the stage.

Jerry goes over to the bookcase and pulls it aside, revealing a ceremonial black table with candles, a dinner plate, and a strange box. There is a Masonic symbol against black cloth just outside where the fake stage window would be. Jerry says some weird things in a foreign dialect, and one cut of the camera shows a poster of Barack Obama (This episode originally aired in 1995). The scene ends with Jerry waking up in bed, as though it’s all a nightmare. Kramer comes in and asks if Jerry has seen a lizard. Jerry laughs and says “We are the lizards” and the camera zooms slightly. His eyes become slivered, like almonds.

The tape is only 7 minutes long, and what proceeds is just 20 minutes of dead air. If you continue watching to the end, it seems there are three more news reports tacked on. The first is about an outbreak of swine flu, the second about a train bombing, and the third...

i fuckin love these fake episode creepy pastas where can I read them all

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:12

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

ButteCysts posted:

what is the deal with islamic extremists!

Jerry: Insh'allah?
George: INSH'ALLAH!!!
Kramer looks up from box of cereal he's snacking on: oh, insh'allah, Jerry

The Bananana fucked around with this message at 05:14 on Aug 4, 2016

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:12

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

Why do they call it beheading? Nobody will be heading anywhere after that.

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:12

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

And what the deal with only getting 72 virgins

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:13

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

George calling from the toilet of an airplane: Jerry! You gotta help me, there are some crazy guys on the plane and..

Jerry: Who is this?

George: Jerry! JERRY!

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:17

Fastball LIVE in concert: Jul 10, 2010

*Kramer surfs down the side of the collapsing towers*

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:18

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

Funky See Funky Do posted:

George calling from the toilet of an airplane: Jerry! You gotta help me, there are some crazy guys on the plane and..

Jerry: Who is this?

George: Jerry! JERRY!

Lol

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:18

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

the second tower gets hit and it zooms on Jerry Seinfeld face and he says NEWMAN

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:19

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

hosed up but that script was actually pretty funny

the dude writes a good steinbrenner

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:19

DeusExMachinima: Sep 2, 2012; This poster loves police brutality, but only when its against minorities!

Put this loser on ignore immediately!

Funky See Funky Do posted:

George calling from the toilet of an airplane: Jerry! You gotta help me, there are some crazy guys on the plane and..

Jerry: Who is this?

George: Jerry! JERRY!

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:20

Supreme Allah: Oct 6, 2004; everybody relax, i'm here; Nap Ghost

'So let me get this straight. You overheard the hi-jackers plotting but you didn't report it because you HAD TO USE THE TOILET?!?'

'Cinnabons, Jerry! CINNABONS! I couldn't control it!'

*kramer bursts in*

'Hey whats happening I have brain damage and am a hardcore child molester & murderer'

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:22

dstyle: Jul 24, 2006

Funky See Funky Do posted:

George calling from the toilet of an airplane: Jerry! You gotta help me, there are some crazy guys on the plane and..

Jerry: Who is this?

George: Jerry! JERRY!

uncle Leo?

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:25

ethanol: Jul 13, 2007

cool fanfict op want to talk harry potter? email me

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:27

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

Funky See Funky Do posted:

George calling from the toilet of an airplane: Jerry! You gotta help me, there are some crazy guys on the plane and..

Jerry: Who is this?

George: Jerry! JERRY!

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:28

Michael Bayleaf: Jun 4, 2006; Tortured By Flan

Kramer, who has a pair of box cutters, slides into a cockpit

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:31

Han Solomon: Mar 7, 2015; BOUND
AND
GAGGED

Celluloid Sam posted:

the second tower gets hit and it zooms on Jerry Seinfeld face and he says NEWMAN

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:34

monkey: Jan 20, 2004; by zen death robot; Yams Fan

read it. script was pretty good.

TL;DR: entire plot
Jerry is upset by dust. Elaine is upset her boyfriend survived. George is mistaken for a hero. Kramer seeks compensation for the boxcutter he lent the terrorist leader. George gets caught. Elaine dumps her survivor boyfriend.

Seems about right

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:41

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

yeah i read it i liked the part where kramer got aids

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:42

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

i like the part when elaine sees her boyfriend's dick and it's huge and she brags to everyone how she's gonna have a million orgasms and then when they finally do have sex he shoves it in her rear end and causes it to prolapse and her guts spill out all over the waterbed

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:44

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

i liked the part where jerry eats george's rear end in a top hat. like in the tossed salad way at first but then also in the cannibal way later

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:45

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Ok, I read it while I was eating a big salad. It was funny and I could picture all of it as it mimicked the show perfectly. 10/10 wouldn't read again but enjoyed.

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:48

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

haha yeah i read that script i liked the part where putty showed up and revealed he was actually just hundreds of rats in a skin suit and he gave everyone the plague

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:50

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Lol.

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:54

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Flavahbeast posted:

The episode was supposed to air around season 6, but it was mysteriously cut. The �official� story about the episode was that it featured Elaine purchasing a firearm after being mugged, but many elements about this episode were never revealed until recently. NBC Executives refused to officially report on the episode until the Seinfeld season 6 DVD commentary. I have the tape but as someone who works within NBC, unfortunately I can�t reveal my sources.

I work at the GE building in Rockefeller Plaza, and I have access to their digital archives. That�s as much as I can divulge. We also have the entire original Seinfeld series in multiple formats, including original reels and VHS tapes. I noticed an episode with the production code �607� was missing from the tape set, and it was relocated in a set of old news reels. The replacement episode �The Mom and Pop Store� was filmed a season later to replace the missing episode. It is oddly titled �The Mason�.

The episode starts out as normal, with Jerry�s apartment, but the camera is much more steady. Jerry walks out as though he�s been drugged and remarks that all of his family and friends have been dying lately. His buzzer rings and it�s George. George runs up, half crying and tells Jerry he�s seen something terrible. He�s mumbling and stuttering for about five minutes until he can form a sentence. There are still pauses for humor, but there is no audience or laugh track. George informs Jerry that planes have crashed into the twin towers due to a terrorist attack on New York.

Jerry turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9/11 attacks, all pr�-filmed several years beforehand. George says that isn't the worst part: Elaine and Kramer were in the towers at the time of the bombing. What proceeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying and Kramer saying that something terrible has happened, and Elaine is dead. Kramer screams there�s no air in the building, and he�s burning to death, and that he�s going to jump.

The camera cuts to live footage of a man falling from the twin towers. George genuinely looks upset and says �I�m sorry Larry, but I can�t go through with this� and he tries to walk off the set, but people stop him and push him towards the stage. He walks out Jerry�s prop window and you can hear him calling his agent. There�s a lot of mumbling, and you can see candles being lit behind the stage.

Jerry goes over to the bookcase and pulls it aside, revealing a ceremonial black table with candles, a dinner plate, and a strange box. There is a Masonic symbol against black cloth just outside where the fake stage window would be. Jerry says some weird things in a foreign dialect, and one cut of the camera shows a poster of Barack Obama (This episode originally aired in 1995). The scene ends with Jerry waking up in bed, as though it�s all a nightmare. Kramer comes in and asks if Jerry has seen a lizard. Jerry laughs and says �We are the lizards� and the camera zooms slightly. His eyes become slivered, like almonds.

The tape is only 7 minutes long, and what proceeds is just 20 minutes of dead air. If you continue watching to the end, it seems there are three more news reports tacked on. The first is about an outbreak of swine flu, the second about a train bombing, and the third...

The third.. what is the third??

# ? Aug 4, 2016 05:58

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

Carmant posted:

The third.. what is the third??

some dipshit posts a garbage thread in gbs about some seinfeld fanfiction

# ? Aug 4, 2016 06:04

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

what's the deal

# ? Aug 4, 2016 06:24

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

Turns out Putty was NSA tracking the Pakistani restaurant guy to uncover the plot till Kramer hosed poo poo up

# ? Aug 4, 2016 06:29

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

Read the script with an open mind and I think you'll certainly get a chuckle or two out of it.

# ? Aug 4, 2016 06:35

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Have you ever noticed that most of the GBS posters just poo poo out a thread and think they will become a forums superstar. But really, everyone hates them and wishes it had never been posted. "Hey, look at me! I posted a link! I did good."

No you didn't.

# ? Aug 4, 2016 06:41

I AM THE TOILET: Jul 11, 2016

oh, you want me to like something, huh? well, GUESS WHAT

# ? Aug 4, 2016 06:48

Bubble Bobby: Jan 28, 2005

george's dad's line about getting his parking validated made me LOL

# ? Aug 4, 2016 07:09

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 10:30

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Elaine: Why is it so smokey?
Jerry: A plane hit the tower.
Elaine: Which tower?
Jerry: *pointing* That tower.
Elaine: That tower?
Jerry: The one with the plane in it.
Elaine: *skeptical face* The twin towers?
Jerry: Well they're not twins anymore.
*slap bass*
Kramer: Why is it so smokey?
Elaine: Plane hit a tower.
Kramer: Hit what tower? That tower?
Jerry: The very same.
George: Plane hit a tower
Kramer: Oh this is not good, Jerry. Not good!
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: *Kramer noise, unclear gesticulations*

# ? Aug 4, 2016 07:11

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