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I think of this thread as an opportunity, rather than a burden, because I'm not a negative Nancy  Jerry: Twin Towers? Why do we need two of 'em? Was it a buy-one-get-one-free deal?
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Aug 4, 2016 07:12
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trash person posted:Did you guys know Elaine didn't actually exist on the show? She was a figment of Jerry's imagination. I thought it was because she was a woman. smh
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Aug 4, 2016 08:03
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Funky See Funky Do posted:George calling from the toilet of an airplane: Jerry! You gotta help me, there are some crazy guys on the plane and.. jfc 
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Aug 4, 2016 08:50
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*Jerry and Elaine are huddled in shock watching guttering flames and a river of smoke pour from the first tower, still in shock at having just seen in real time a plane crash into the second* *Kramer burst into the room* Kramer: Jerry! C'mon! Jerry: Kramer, my god, are you watching this!? Kramer: Yeah, Jerry, it's a real *popping sound with mouth* golden opportunity. Elaine: What are you talking about?! New York is under attack! Hundreds, maybe thousands of people are dead! Kramer: I know, it's insane! But we gotta work fast if we wanna make the most of the situation! I've got George working with me already. Jerry: Working with you on what!? Kramer: Real estate, Jerry! Property all around the Towers are gonna be selling for a song! Jerry: Half of them are probably on fire! Kramer: So if they burn down... insurance settlement! It's fool-proof, Jerry. It's win-win! Elaine: You're crazy! Get outta here, I'm not helping you with this, and I'm not going near all of *gesticulating at the TV* that going on downtown! Kramer: Ok, suit yourself! *exit* *Cut to Kramer and George dodging fleeing bystanders, groping through choking smoke and dust, and jumping over barricades, entering a building next to the Twin Towers* *Exiting elevator* George: Here it is, Kramer, this is the address *points to 'For Sale' sign affixed to apartment door* Kramer, pounding on door: Hey, open up! We're prospective buyers out here! We wanna make an offer! George: Maybe nobody's home, Kramer. Y'know this doesn't feel like the best idea anymore. Kramer: Nonsense, George! Y'know the Japanese use the same word for 'crisis' and 'opportunity'. Besides, I'm not leaving until I get some property. These guys are all sure to be motivated sellers! *Continues pounding* *door opens and a man in a suit exits, eyeing the two suspiciously* Man: May I help you? Kramer: Yeah, we wanna make an offer on this unit. Man: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, it's just been sold. George: What?! Kramer: To who!? Man: I'm sorry gentlemen, I'm not at liberty to divulge -- *door opens, and a man exits the unit, flanked by two burly men in black suits and sunglasses* Kramer & George: George W. Bush!? Bush: That's right! Sorry fellas, better luck next time! You need to be more preparated! *bass slap*
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Aug 4, 2016 09:28
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this is actually really funny
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Aug 4, 2016 09:42
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st1LL_51ngl3 posted:*Jerry and Elaine are huddled in shock watching guttering flames and a river of smoke pour from the first tower, still in shock at having just seen in real time a plane crash into the second* All of these. I'm laughing at all of these. I'm an easy lay.
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Aug 4, 2016 10:25
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Kramer: The whole apartment. And I'm buying that klurf wallpaper. I'm gonna surround myself in klurfs. It's gonna be like a genderqueer cabin. 'Cuz I *need* klurfs around me. Klurfs, Jerry [Snaps fingers]... klurfs.
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Aug 4, 2016 10:46
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Incitatus posted:Kramer: The whole apartment. And I'm buying that klurf wallpaper. I'm Newman: oh you laugh now Jerry, but just wait'll the transgender community hears about this. Just you wait! ahahahah! Jerry, to self: Newwoman!
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Aug 4, 2016 12:25
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You could probably re-tool that 9/11 Seinfeld spec script into a fairly unremarkable It's Always Sunny episode.
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Aug 4, 2016 13:37
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Twin Towers? More like Fallen Towers. That's gold Jerry, GOLD!
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Aug 4, 2016 13:52
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*kramer bursts out of the airplane bathroom, inadvertently knocking george into a woman whose blouse wraps around his head like a turban, george stumbles forward blind and bursts through the pilots door, knocking out the pilots and sending the plane careening towards the twin towers, jerry looks up from his cushy seat in first class and smiles into the camera*
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Aug 4, 2016 14:02
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Kramer: You know my friend Bob Sacamano jumped out of one of the burning towers. Elaine: Get out! He's dead? Kramer: No - he jumped from the second floor. Kramer: Flying a plane into the twin towers? Jerry I conceived of that years ago! Frank: George, your mother and I have been watching Bill O'Reilly and we've come to a decision. George: A decision? What kind of decision? Frank: I'm rejoining the military. George: The military? But you're sixty years old! Frank: In times like these I feel the need to serve my country Estelle: I told him it's a stupid idea. Frank: NO MUSLIM IS GONNA TELL FRANK COSTANZA WHAT TO DO Jerry: So let me get this straight. Your father - a sixty year old retired man - is joining the military. George: I know, I tried to talk him out of it. Jerry: Talk him out of it? Why? If he's in the military he'll be off in Iraq away from you! George: .....You're right. And he might even die! Jerry: George! George: Not that I'd want him to....I'm just saying....I think my father and I need to talk. George: Dad, I just wanted to say how proud I am of your decision to fight for our freedom. Frank: I'm not doing it for our freedom. I'm doing it because they're tryin' to tell me what to do. George: Spite is a perfectly valid reason to go to war. Estelle: No it isn't. Frank: I just need to find my old canteen. Estelle: You won't last five minutes in that desert heat. Frank: Oh yeah?! I survived the jungle! Estelle: That was forty years ago! Frank: And I'm a tougher man now. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Aug 4, 2016 14:12
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st1LL_51ngl3 posted:Newman: oh you laugh now Jerry, but just wait'll the transgender community hears about this. Just you wait! ahahahah!
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Aug 4, 2016 14:13
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Waltzing Along posted:Have you ever noticed that most of the GBS posters just poo poo out a thread and think they will become a forums superstar. But really, everyone hates them and wishes it had never been posted. "Hey, look at me! I posted a link! I did good." uh huh. uh huh. yes i see. (notes this down on his notepad, glancing down through his reading glasses) do go on.
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Aug 4, 2016 14:24
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i thought the script was kind of funny and would like to thank the op for sharing it and maybe kiss his peepee if hes open to the idea
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Aug 4, 2016 14:33
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you know what i like about you enfield it's that no matter how grizzled it gets in here i can always count on you for a sincere response.
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Aug 4, 2016 14:46
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http://www.scarygoround.com/bobbins/index-archive.php?date=20011224
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Aug 4, 2016 14:59
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Ginette Reno posted:Kramer: You know my friend Bob Sacamano jumped out of one of the burning towers. This is funny and good.
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Aug 4, 2016 15:24
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It's a good script
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Aug 4, 2016 15:28
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I was walking through the pulped corpses of jumpers while you were stopping for Jujyfruits!!!! It's gold Jerry!
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Aug 4, 2016 15:28
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i read some of it and it sucked now you need to suck my balls op
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Aug 4, 2016 15:29
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was going to read it but decided to read ulysses instead
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Aug 4, 2016 15:32
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Nefarious 2.0 posted:was going to read it but decided to read ulysses instead You made the wrong decision
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Aug 4, 2016 15:36
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lmfaoooo that was excellent, thank you for bringing this to my attention OP, everyone else can go f themselves right in their a's because this is my new favorite Seinfeld episode
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Aug 4, 2016 16:36
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ulysses is good. this was ok, but the writing was a wee bit too precious and poetic for the world of seinfeld. steinbrenner was aces tho.
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Aug 4, 2016 16:38
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its poo poo
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Aug 4, 2016 16:38
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i wouldn't always suggest reaching straight for ulysses when offput by a less than classic piece of writing, however. people might think you're trying too hard.
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Aug 4, 2016 16:39
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i was talking about ulysses bitch
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Aug 4, 2016 16:42
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you are a titan.
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Aug 4, 2016 16:43
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Seinfeld sucks
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Aug 4, 2016 16:51
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My only complaint is Brian's sound effects from waking up while they put steel rods in his legs is straight lifted from Kramer trying to convince Jerry to watch the operation "they'll slice open his bone *vrriii igght igght* we'll see what's inside bone Jerry!"
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Aug 4, 2016 17:12
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 this oughta give the old matsuyama a run for its dinero
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Aug 4, 2016 17:17
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Read the whole script while making GBS threads at work. 5/5 would read again. TP is pretty coarse, though, loving hippies.
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Aug 4, 2016 17:20
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Babu: oh, Jerry, you have no idea how grateful I am that you were able to get my restaurant a location the World Trade Center! Truly you are a good friend! Jerry: well it was the least I could do after ruining you old restaurant. Babu: no Jerry say no more about it, all is forgiven! I am in your debt, sir! *A huge explosion rocks the building and the pair rush outside to see the towers coming down* Babu: My restaurant! I'm ruined! *Babu shoots Jerry a dirty look* You are a bery bery bad man!
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Aug 4, 2016 17:37
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*kramer rocks back and forth on his bed eating kenny rogers chicken and watching isis beheading videos*
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Aug 4, 2016 17:40
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Jerry: George, you told your girlfriend that you knew about the attacks beforehand because all the Jews had been warned ahead of time to stay away? George: I was just trying to sound important! Like a big shot, you know? Jerry: But George you knew that was supposed to be a secret!
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Aug 4, 2016 17:43
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Applewhite posted:Jerry: George, you told your girlfriend that you knew about the attacks beforehand because all the Jews had been warned ahead of time to stay away? Kramer: You know my friend Jay Riemenschneider was on a high jacked flight once. Elaine: My god - what happened? Kramer: Well you know the terrorists took over the cockpit and things were looking pretty grim but you know Jay he had an idea. He got everyone to ram the juice cart into the cockpit doors til they opened and then they beat up the terrorists. Elaine: That's crazy! How did he land the plane? Kramer: Oh it crashed Jerry: You know Kramer actually nearly got beheaded by some terrorists. The only thing that saved him was he accidentally yelled out their secret phrase. Elaine: Really? What was it? Jerry: Allahu Akbar Elaine: Allahu Akbar? How did Kramer know to say that? Jerry: I don't think he did, I think they mistook his cries for help as allahu akbar. Ginette Reno fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Aug 4, 2016 |
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Aug 4, 2016 17:54
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Elaine: Sooo, how are things with whatshername? Jerry: Who? Fatima? Ehh I broke up with her. Elaine: You broke up with her? Jerry: Yeah she was shuffler Elaine: A shuffler? Jerry: She took these tiny steps. It took forever to get anywhere! Elaine: Oh, but, didn't you convert to Islam for her? Jerry: Eeh, I'll just take it back. George and I are going down town tomorrow anyway. I'll just pop into the Mosque and get the whole thing annulled. Elaine: Get it annulled? Jerry I don't think it works like that. Jerry: Oh yeah? Elaine: Yeah, I think it's a pretty big deal. I think you'll be an apostate. Jerry: But I don't wanna be an apostate.
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Aug 4, 2016 17:54
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Let me just say that this thread is extremely my poo poo.
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Aug 4, 2016 18:05
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That was actually pretty drat funny.
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Aug 4, 2016 18:51
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