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 Hello goons, do you have a second to talk about the GDT for UFC Fight Night 92: Rodriguez vs. Cacares, 10 p.m. ET Saturday, Aug. 6 on Fox Sports 1? Oh thank you, you’re the first people who haven’t slammed the door in my face or unsubscribed from my thread! Well I’m Brother Bluedeanie, and it is part of my Mission here on SomethingAwful to post GDTs and share the good news of the UFC. Now I know what you’re thinking, how can a horribly-paced six-fight Fox Sports card headlined by Bruce Leroy possibly be relevant to me in any way? Well let me tell you, the only way to get to the pay-per-views is through works and good deeds. Featherweight  Yair Rodriguez Vs.  Alex “Bruce Leroy” Cacares Yair Rodriguez hails from Mexico, where he was the featherweight winner of the Ultimate Fighter: Latin America. At just 23 years of age and with just one loss on his pro record long before his UFC days, Rodriguez represents the brave and multiethnic future the UFC has carved in an effort to modernize itself and escape some of the less… “politically correct” origins to the sport that have inhibited our growth with new fans! His fight of the night with Charles Ros and his beautiful performance-of-the-night flying head kick KO of Andre Fili let us know that we are part of something greater than ourselves, and it loves us. Now you may think that The Ultimate Fighter is a dark, corrupted place free of the light of God’s love, and it is true it has fallen to the evil ways of the Father of Lies Colton Smith. But long ago there was a time when GSP walked among us, and the Ultimate Fighter was a warm and beautiful land of plenty. “Bruce Leroy” is a testament to that time. Now it is true Bruce Leroy has struggled for our sins, at one point going on a three-fight skid to Faber, Kanehara and Rivera. He also is a broken soul who had a win overturned due to his dependence on addictive mind-altering substances. But since returning to featherweight he has continued to win fights decisively and excitingly, and he hopes to impress us all again with a win over Rodriguez. Featherweight  Dennis “The Menace” Bermudez vs.  Rony “Honey” Jason I am told that Dennis Bermudez’ nickname references a cartoon that I was not allowed by my parents to watch due to its sinful portrayal of harassing the elderly and its marketing relationship to Dairy Queen. At any rate, Bermudez also hails from a long-forgotten time of enjoyable TUFs, where before he sacrificed his mental health for us all, the tragic hero Jason Miller verbally slew the rude future champ Michael Bisping before getting shamefully owned by awful knees. Though Bermudez was not successful against a tiny Brazilian criminal, he proved to be the champion of our hearts, earning multiple bonus checks for finishing fighters including Satan’s minion Clay Guida. He unfortunately faced troubles of his own, though, getting choked out by Ricardo Lamas and TKO’d by an overweight Jeremy Stephens. Though this suggests he’s not quite ready for the top of the division, The Menace definitely spells problems for just about anyone else lower than the Top 6. Rony Mariano Bezerra’s nickname “Rony Jason” also comes from the hockey mask he likes to wear on his way to the Octagon. That is another series of programming I was not allowed to watch, for it was far too violent and I may have seen some…  forbidden nipnops. Thankfully my thoughts are still pure so I can focus on Rony Jason’s fights. He comes from a darker kind of TUF when the inaugural season of The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil, where the blatant product placement took us back to a long-forgotten TUF era of Rich Franklin and completely organic, unforced discussions about delicious banana-nut flavored Xcience protein powders. That was well in the past, before the prophet fatherdog lead us out of persecution in SAS and into the promised land of Wrestlehut. He also kind of fights like the quintessential fighters of old, with stylistic flaws that lead them to struggle with middling fighters while walking through weirdly respectable ones. His most recent win, a triangle choke over Damon Jackson, was overturned after he tested positive for diuretics, so he is in slightly less good standing than Bermudez. An upset is certainly possible though, and would go far for his career and our enjoyment!Middleweight  Thales Leites vs.  Chris “Still Here” Camozzi Hmm, so you want to know about the middleweight fight on the card? Well, Thales Leites fought for the UFC title waaay back 2009 with an ugly loss to Anderosn Silva. He was soon thereafter bounced from the UFC, but through works based on his faith in the coaches, training partners and chemicals available to him at Nova Uniao, his UFC career was reborn in 2013. He looked better and better, earning $150,000 in bonus money in two back-to-back fights by banishing the vile Francis Carmont and having an exciting fight with Tim Boetsch. After that, however, he dropped two in a row to current champion Michael Bisping and possible contender Gegard Mousasi. Chris Camozzi is on the THIRD marvelous rebirth of his UFC career. With 17 UFC appearances, he has lost seven of them, but his hard work is being rewarded. After being welcomed back by the firm and unyielding embrace of Jacare Souza, Camozzi is currently on a three-fight winning streak. Why these two are meeting now? It is one of Joe Silva’s great mysteries. Welterweight  Santiago Ponzinibbio vs.  Zak Cummings Oh… you’re still interested? Well to be honest with you most people have had enough and kick me out after we get to the Leites and Camozzi parts, but that’s great! I’m really glad you’re so interested in MMA and the joy and serenity it can bring your life. Well I’m pretty new to the mission so I haven’t gotten as well-versed in the complexities of the sport that involve Santiago Ponzinibbio. I know he’s from the Argentines, which we used to consider sinful heathens until our leaders changed their minds and started hosting TUFs in Latin America. He’s lost one and won two since coming to the UFC, but most of his wins (and one of his losses) have been exciting fights ending in KOS. Zak Cummings hails from Kansas City, Missouri, where our great community truly had its jumping-off point. He’s been pretty successful in his UFC career, winning most of his bouts by submission despite being outgrappled by the much smaller but more technically gifted Gunnar Nelson. This is a classic “grappler vs. striker” matchup that you might hear about from time to time, and it is the staple and foundation of our belief system. Middleweight  Trevor Smith vs.  Joe Gigliotti … still want to know more? Uh… ok… like I said, most people usually aren’t this interested… let’s see here… uh… Trevor Smith I think founded Mormonism in the early 1800s, and uh… Joe Gigliotti was… uh… I think he’s on Cake Boss… no I’m not really sure what he has to do with this either- Women’s Strawweight  Maryna Moroz vs.  Danielle Taylor UHHHHH I DO know that Maryna Moroz is a young Ukranian fighter who looked super good against Jojo Calderwood, got beat easily by Valerie Letourneau and then looked good against Cristina Stanciu — you want to know about Danielle Taylor? Look I am really sorry, this is the farthest I think anyone has ever gotten in this conversation in the entire history of my mission. This is uncharted territory, I am not prepared for this conversation. Can I just leave you with these informative materials? That will tell you everything, and if you get a call from my Elder just tell him I helped you bring your groceries inside and then you didn’t want to talk with me. I am really sorry about this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46PXaJxzuDE OTHER STUFF TO WATCH Preliminary Card, 8 p.m. ET (Fox Sports 1) Welterweight Court McGee vs. Dominique Steele Heavyweight Viktor Pešta vs. Marcin Tybura Lightweight David Teymur vs. Jason Novelli Featherweight Teruto Ishihara vs. Horacio Gutiérrez Preliminary Card, 7 p.m. ET (UFC Fight Pass) Featherweight Cub Swanson vs. Tatsuya Kawajiri Heavyweight Chase Sherman vs. Justin Ledet Official MMA Snack Rating: Caffeine-free Diet Coke 
Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 21:25 on Aug 5, 2016 |
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Aug 5, 2016 18:16
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:32 |
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I'm HYPE for my dude Yashabo Ishihara to knockout some scrub and then have A Sex.
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Aug 5, 2016 18:28
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I'm from Salt Lake and will be attending this show live, and I have already showed this OP to three people. Truly inspired posting, Elder Deanie.
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Aug 5, 2016 18:29
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Aug 5, 2016 18:30
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Zak Cummings is powerfully ugly and Kansas City looks like about the right place where you would spot him.
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Aug 5, 2016 18:52
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Oh and btw don't forget to make your picks on goonweight https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3782093&pagenumber=3&perpage=40 We've all completely sucked poo poo this go around and every fight on the main card has reasonable enough odds to go either way imo, so even if you have no clue who will win and haven't even picked a single event so far this season, you could literally bullshit your way into the top 10 with a half-decent scorecard!
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Aug 5, 2016 19:26
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drinking coffee, not LDS
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Aug 5, 2016 20:20
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drat my man Cub Swanson got relegated to the Fight Pass portion of a Fight Night card. Atleast people won't have to witness Kawajiri get murdered on cable TV.
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Aug 5, 2016 20:29
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OP says August 13th but this is actually tomorrow, right?
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Aug 5, 2016 21:13
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Yes, not sure how I screwed that up. Fixed!
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Aug 5, 2016 21:25
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LobsterMobster posted:I'm HYPE for my dude Yashabo Ishihara to knockout some scrub and then have A Sex. https://fat.gfycat.com/HairyIdealHoneycreeper.webm
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Aug 6, 2016 18:23
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If you aren't here for Teruto Ishihara you must have no heart. https://twitter.com/teruto_ko/status/761995709000343552
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Aug 6, 2016 19:51
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Is that lobster on the top of his twitter lmao
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Aug 6, 2016 20:05
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origami posted:Is that lobster on the top of his twitter lmao yes i think he thinks i'm a child?
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Aug 6, 2016 20:16
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Some guys will use 子 to describe young adult women, too, so I think he means "this chick/dudette" rather than "this kid".
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Aug 6, 2016 21:22
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Are there any good fights at all on this card?
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Aug 6, 2016 22:35
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i think the card looks fun, but it might not be fun, i dunno really
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Aug 6, 2016 22:39
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I have no strong opinions regarding this card nor much to say regarding this card
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Aug 6, 2016 22:52
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Yair/Caceres is a really good fight.
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Aug 6, 2016 22:59
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The mains good and there's some solid undercard fights too. Our horny boy Teruto must win.
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Aug 6, 2016 23:00
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the vanilla gorilla vs. the black beast please
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Aug 7, 2016 00:08
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Dang this guys got some hands
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Aug 7, 2016 00:11
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The very first fight is a heavyweight fight and it's....good?!??!
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Aug 7, 2016 00:12
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Lmao Sherman
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Aug 7, 2016 00:12
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This is a cool bad heavyweight fight.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:13
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origami posted:The very first fight is a heavyweight fight and it's....good?!??! It's the year of the Prelim Heavyweight.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:13
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This fight rules they're basically just doing oneouts
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Aug 7, 2016 00:13
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Sherman's chin is ridiculous.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:14
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What's a oneout? Also ledet is doin ok
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Aug 7, 2016 00:15
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Oh, this card's at altitude? Oh, cool.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:15
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I like ledet
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Aug 7, 2016 00:15
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I have a bad feeling the 2nd and 3rd rounds won't be very good.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:15
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Brian Stann: These two BIG BEEFY BOYS
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Aug 7, 2016 00:15
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that was the best heavyweight round i've seen in a long while
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Aug 7, 2016 00:15
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Marching Powder posted:that was the best heavyweight round i've seen in a long while seriously granted they're going to slow down immensely..
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Aug 7, 2016 00:16
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Eat Bum Zen posted:What's a oneout? Traditional nz/pacific martial arts where the two street combatants literally trade punches e] Mark Hunt vs Ray Sefo would be a prime example
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Aug 7, 2016 00:16
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For two heavyweights making their debut at a high altitude I think they're both showing a lot of potential.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:19
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Sherman still going at altitude with a clearly broken nose is decent for most heavyweights.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:20
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what the gently caress lol
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Aug 7, 2016 00:21
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:32 |
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This fight is ridiculous.
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Aug 7, 2016 00:21
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