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The area I work in only has one restroom for all 50+ people per shift of both genders so it's full of ghastly poo poo in general, but the one thing that always sticks out to me is that the urinal and the wall around it is always coated in a very even mist of pubes. Like someone unzips and pubes just come spraying out like paint from an airbrush.
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Aug 11, 2016 11:45
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 23:01 |
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A FUCKIN CANARY!! posted:The area I work in only has one restroom for all 50+ people per shift of both genders so it's full of ghastly poo poo in general, but the one thing that always sticks out to me is that the urinal and the wall around it is always coated in a very even mist of pubes. Like someone unzips and pubes just come spraying out like paint from an airbrush. People scratch their junk, some pubes come loose and when they whip out their dick they fall out 
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Aug 11, 2016 11:51
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Mariana Horchata posted:wait so was king poo poo both the poop artist and the recipient of the bathroom blowjob? No, two different kids. Bathroom blow job kid was treated like a hero for a few days by fellow male students when he was eligible to come back to school the following year.
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Aug 11, 2016 12:13
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Back in the 90s I worked for a terrible tech support call center. The owner was creepy and weird...we found all sorts of wonderful things when we got bored one graveyard shift and inventoried his computer. One day, one of the stalls in the men's bathroom was found to be covered in poo poo spray up to about waist height. The smell was awful. There were poo poo hand prints on the walls. There was poo poo all over the toilet. poo poo was everywhere. Almost everyone braved a brief look just to know if the rumors were true. Many theories were crafted as to the sequence of events and the sorts of positions required to produce the crime scene before us. No one knew for sure who was responsible. Being a tech support call center, there was certainly more than one possible suspect. Since there was only one female employee, it was pretty easy to de-conflict and everyone used the women's bathroom for the next week while the stall sat uncleaned. This was a super low-budget place and we didn't really have a cleaning service...we mostly just took care of things as we went (sorta). No one wanted to climb poo poo mountain. Hints were dropped, by employees and owner alike, that somebody would have to take care of it eventually. After a week or so, one of the suck-up employees went in there with an array of cleaning supplies and did what had to be done. Some time later, the incident and the persisting lack of an identified offender came up in conversation with the owner nearby. Owner: "Oh, it was me." No apology or anything, just admission. That company was a strange place, and I stayed there far longer than I should have.
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Aug 11, 2016 12:35
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A few weeks ago I was taking a dump and the guy in the cubicle next to me kept whispering 'fuccccck youuuuuu biiiiitch' over and over in a sinister ghostly way Another colleague used to work at the big Apple Store in London a few years ago when Stevie Wonder paid a visit. They closed the store for him so he could browse, and Stevie need to use the bathroom before he left. His security team took him up to the staff bathrooms and got him sorted, and my colleague walks in a few moments later to take a piss. Stevie hadnt locked his cubicle door so that day he saw a glimpse of stevie Wonder taking a poo poo at his work bathrooms those are my toilet stories, thanks for lisetning
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Aug 11, 2016 13:00
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Sex Falcon posted:A few weeks ago I was taking a dump and the guy in the cubicle next to me kept whispering 'fuccccck youuuuuu biiiiitch' over and over in a sinister ghostly way lmao at this one do you think he was playing a mobile game or just psyching himself up to kill his girl or something
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Aug 11, 2016 13:13
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A Salty Affair posted:I'm using this thread to describe the weird situation I just found myself in but feel free to post your own stories. I've had something similar happen. I hear guys say "come on come on ahhhhh" and then they start pissing. I think guys with prostate problems need motivation to pee. Also there was a dude that used to mumble to himself while he poo poo.
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Aug 11, 2016 15:37
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Nooner posted:I dont like my new office cause its just got one joint bathroom for the whole top floor and its just one urinal and one toilet and I swear every guy upstairs is on the same poop cycle so like it hits around 1030 and you gotta go and there is always someone else in there. i think its like when chicks live together and all get on the same menstrual cycle maybe guys all work otgether and get on the same dook cycle Aww yeah joint bathroom 
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Aug 11, 2016 15:47
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One dude whistles as he shits. I think it's so loving weird and creepy. WHo the gently caress sits there whistling a jaunty tune in a public bathroom as they poop? Also another dude going into the bathroom and... He has problems. Physically, clearly and also mentally. He's a bit twisted and has no upper lip but he eats a banana in the bathroom all the time and he paces and makes over the top grunting noises as he does so. I think he's gay and this is his way of flirting because it reminds me of Chris-Chan who used to try and pick up girls by "suggestively" eating out oranges by the girls bathrooms.
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Aug 11, 2016 16:35
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This wasn't my workplace, but it was somebody's, and this story needs to be told. Everything I'm about to tell you is 100% true. I was at Woodfield Mall in IL with my girlfriend, just killing time some weekend after getting some shopping done. I made the mistake of eating at the Woodfield food court, which is tiny and depressing and unhygienic, compared to the mall which was huge and depressing and unygienic. About forty minutes later, this food catches up to me with a vengeance. We beeline to the restrooms near the food court as another thing Woodfield is lacking is enough toilets. That comes into play shortly. There's so few toilets in Woodfield that there was actually a line at the men's room. I had no problem waiting in line because even though I knew that I was going to blast a hell of a dookie I am a grown rear end adult and can hold it in until an appropriate time. Very soon I would learn that there are many people who do not share this trait. So I wait my turn, and eventually the only actual stall in the bathroom opens up. Since it's the only stall, it's handicapped, and it's a big one. Maybe as big as a parking space in there, all told. I get in, turn around to hang up my coat, and....the hook is gone. I'm pissed because this is a brand new winter coat, seriously like less than a week old, but I have to poo poo so badly that I just dump it on the floor and hope for the best. Then I try to lock the door. Like many public stalls, the door lock mechanism is so loose that it's basically completely worthless, but I slide the bolt over and start to do my business. Pants down, finally getting relief. Thirty seconds later, there's a pounding on the door. Someone is banging on the door and shouting in broken English, "Something wrong! Something wrong! Need toilet!" I am still mid-poo poo so I shout back "occupied! Occupado! There's someone in here!" This does not deter our mystery man, who decides to push the door until it starts to open. So now I'm sitting bare-assed on a toilet, poo poo coming out my rear end, trying to hold this loving stall door shut with my feet without covering myself or my coat in feces or letting this random rear end in a top hat in here. Due to the size of the stall I couldn't get enough leverage. I....failed. The door swung open to reveal a tiny Asian man, easily in his 50s, no taller than 5'5", who rushes into the stall, drops trou, and starts spewing rancid diarrhea right at the wall about a foot to the right of my face, tears running down his face as he babbled incoherently in a mix of English and what I believe was Mandarin. This was rather traumatic, and I saw the pool from his chocolate fondue volcano explosion would soon reach my new coat, so I needed to leave. Luckily the whole experience scared the poo poo out of me in a literal way, so after the fastest two or three wipes in history I pulled my pants up and got the gently caress out of The poo poo Stall. I run up to the sink, unsure whether I was about to wash my hands or vomit profusely and THEN wash my hands. I start running the water and notice a man at the urinal, standing and staring at me through the mirror, mouth hanging wide open, eyes as big as dinner plates. I shrug at him and tell him honestly, "I have no loving idea what that guy's problem is." I make my escape, and my girlfriend asks me what happened and says I look like I saw a ghost. I told her what happened and she thought I was kidding. No, really, a small Asian man just broke into my stall and started making GBS threads on the wall next to me, and now it is time to go. I have not been to Woodfield since.
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Aug 11, 2016 16:41
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Aug 11, 2016 16:54
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I like to think the tiny Asian man is still there, furiously making GBS threads his guts out against a wall for all eternity. Judging by the state the rest of the mall was in, I'd say there's easily an 80% chance his pile of wall+floor poo poo is still there at least.
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Aug 11, 2016 19:02
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drat, did you manage to save your coat?
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Aug 11, 2016 19:25
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Yeah the coat was (visually) fine but I still basically wiped down the entire exterior with Clorox wipes when I got home because apparently there are people out there that just waltz into places and poo poo all over the floor.
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Aug 11, 2016 19:45
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When I was a serverfarm janitor on nightshift, I stuff a bunch of trail mix into my mouth then decided to go take a piss. I tried chomping down all the seeds and stuff before getting to the washroom. Well on the way there I bight into a loving rock and almost break a tooth. I get to the urinal and spit a mouthful of trail mix into the urinal then piss on it. 20 mins later a co-worker busts into the office and asks "which one of you puked in the urinal?" I pointed at my coworker. My mom used to work for Pacific Press (Vancouver Sun newspaper). There was a mystery person who used to smear poo poo on the walls in the woman's washroom. After about a year the lady was caught and quit before they could fire her. No it was not my mom.
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Aug 11, 2016 19:57
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That story has left tears running down my face I'm laughing so hard
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Aug 11, 2016 20:09
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jonathan posted:When I was a serverfarm janitor on nightshift, I stuff a bunch of trail mix into my mouth then decided to go take a piss. I tried chomping down all the seeds and stuff before getting to the washroom. Well on the way there I bight into a loving rock and almost break a tooth. I get to the urinal and spit a mouthful of trail mix into the urinal then piss on it. 20 mins later a co-worker busts into the office and asks "which one of you puked in the urinal?" loving lol
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Aug 11, 2016 20:58
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Ryoshi posted:Yeah the coat was (visually) fine but I still basically wiped down the entire exterior with Clorox wipes when I got home because apparently there are people out there that just waltz into places and poo poo all over the floor. I had Montezuma's revenge so bad one time I poo poo on the side of the freeway in rush hour. It can happen to anyone.
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Aug 12, 2016 03:15
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Nazzadan posted:I used to work retail, and when someone made poopsies anywhere but the toilet it was called a "code brown." lol reminds me of when the french in hanoi started to offer bounties for dead rats so that people would hunt them instead the locals started to farm them
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Aug 12, 2016 11:26
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This sign had to be hung MONTHS after the fact. There is this fat guy at my work who takes massive shits. I'm talking blood and poop, mounds of bloody toilet paper, poo poo smeared on the seat (the front somehow!!). You could walk in after him and witness the horror. It was disgusting. His shits were so bad that he destroyed the plumbing in two bathrooms here and at his house. They had to drill a 4 foot wide hole in the one bathroom just to repair the pipes. The other bathroom they had to shut down one of the employee kitchens and hang tarp up while they removed the entire floor!! 
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Aug 12, 2016 16:33
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Polegrinder posted:This sign had to be hung MONTHS after the fact. There is this fat guy at my work who takes massive shits. I'm talking blood and poop, mounds of bloody toilet paper, poo poo smeared on the seat (the front somehow!!). You could walk in after him and witness the horror. It was disgusting. His shits were so bad that he destroyed the plumbing in two bathrooms here and at his house. They had to drill a 4 foot wide hole in the one bathroom just to repair the pipes. The other bathroom they had to shut down one of the employee kitchens and hang tarp up while they removed the entire floor!! Holy gently caress. Question for everyone who has witnessed this in a workplace. Did that continue for a long time? How does someone see blood and poo poo coming from their rear end and think it's normal?
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Aug 12, 2016 16:38
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poo poo, at least, is pretty normal to come from your rear end - at least that's my understanding.
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Aug 12, 2016 16:40
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Ryoshi posted:poo poo, at least, is pretty normal to come from your rear end - at least that's my understanding. Granted I should have just said blood but the question still stands.
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Aug 12, 2016 16:43
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Wamdoodle posted:Holy gently caress. Question for everyone who has witnessed this in a workplace. Did that continue for a long time? How does someone see blood and poo poo coming from their rear end and think it's normal? Hemorrhoids is what I'm guessing. This guy has to be close to 350-400lbs easily, so wiping isn't easy. And these aren't normal turds, I'm talking like soggy poo poo explosions. I've seen poo poo smeared on the flusher, the front and back of the toilet seat, the floor!! This has been going on for at least a year, if not more. I guess people finally got tired of walking in on his poo poo. So far I haven't seen the horror since the sign was put up, but I imagine it's only a matter of time. Fun fact - We have a White Elephant gift thing every christmas. One year this dude got a christmas tree made from a plunger.
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Aug 12, 2016 16:46
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This thread makes me appreciate my gastrointestinal tract and all it does for me even more. I mean, turds come off the production line regularly and predictably with only minor deviations on the Bristol stool scale and a few times a month, they fire out with no residue and I get a single wiper. Thank you, colon. Thank you for everything, my best and most trusted friend and confidant.
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Aug 12, 2016 16:50
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I have never worked anywhere with bathrooms remotely like the ones mentioned in this thread. The toilet gods have apparently smiled upon me.
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Aug 12, 2016 17:07
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We have one unisex bathroom that's consistently a horror show of smells, stains, and leaks, but I never go in there because we have regular bathrooms just down the hall so only morbidly obese dudes on one end of the building use the unisex one. If there's an issue with the bathrooms on this floor, I just go down to the ground floor because that bathroom is kept as clean as possible because it's right by the conference room we sweet-talk customers in.
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Aug 12, 2016 17:14
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Ryoshi posted:This wasn't my workplace, but it was somebody's, and this story needs to be told. Everything I'm about to tell you is 100% true. Opening paragraphs to this generations great American novel looking good
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Aug 12, 2016 17:24
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8 track betamax posted:Opening paragraphs to this generations great American novel looking good I wish I was making it up.  I ended up sending an email to the mall's parent company basically bitching at them to fix their stall locks and maybe have more than a single toilet stall for 200 yards of storefronts but I don't remember if I even got a response.
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Aug 12, 2016 20:08
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Some of the chinese ladies at work wash their hands before using the bathroom but not after and I don't know why. Being hungover and making GBS threads in what turns out to be a clogged toilet is very stressful, since everything backs up and overflows onto the floor. I should have sent the janitors a fruit basket or something. Also there is one older lady who I'm pretty sure takes naps in the handicapped stall but she's really chill and nice so I don't care what she's up to in there.
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Aug 12, 2016 21:52
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Millie posted:
It happened again yesterday. This is how I imagine the poop came out. It's like it didn't even touch the water, just mashed up against the back of the bowl: Cross section of toilet bowl to note dookie direction 
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Aug 13, 2016 00:18
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i appreciate the amount of detail you put into a drawing of someone dropping a deuce
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Aug 13, 2016 00:20
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symbolic posted:i appreciate the amount of detail you put into a drawing of someone dropping a deuce I really wanted her to look more stylish but then I was like, ok I'm drawing a lady taking a poo poo. Grab the paintbucket and get on with it.
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Aug 13, 2016 00:22
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i have a very strange erection right now 
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Aug 13, 2016 00:24
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Ryoshi posted:This wasn't my workplace, but it was somebody's, and this story needs to be told. Everything I'm about to tell you is 100% true. oh man thats the absolute greatest /thread
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Aug 13, 2016 00:43
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a helpful bear posted:we had bathrooms that we shared with other offices on the floor, but it was mostly our company. i started taking lysol/cleaner cans and putting them in the single stall bathroom so that people could clean/deodorize (im a germ freak ok). anyway, every couple of months, the nearly full can would disappear. this isn't a public/retail bathroom. some dipshit was stealing a bathroom can of lysol and running away with it. we'd replace it a couple times then it would take a few months before the thievery happened agian. i didnt care much because the office would order more, but i always wondered what kind of person would take a single can of lysol from their work toilet. seems like you arent saving much stealing a half-used can of cleaner spray from work? If you pour it through a loaf of bread you'll get some good booze.
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Aug 14, 2016 00:47
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I would probably drink hand sanitizer first, tbh
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Aug 14, 2016 02:23
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I was working at a job that was moving to anew office in a different building and I was one of the last two people in the old building. One night the other guy walks up to the womens' bathroom and says "I've always wanted to use one of these" before kicking the door open and going in. He came out a few minutes later bragging about how he pissed all over the floor.
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Aug 14, 2016 02:33
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Chinatown posted:i go to a different floor where few people work and hide in the stall and read the forums This. The men's room on the floor above mine is significantly nicer as well. We're talking new tile and no touch faucets. After 530 I run that whole building 
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Aug 14, 2016 02:46
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This was at school but whatever it's in the spirit of the thread. So, I'm at the urinal, pissing, and this dude saunters up into the urinal beside me. Annoying but these are also urinals with dividers between them so it's not actually that annoying. Anyways, I hear him shuffle around out of his pants, and then, "BLOOOOOOSSH" like a loving water balloon popped. He then zips up, less than a second after getting in front of the urinal, and walks out of my life, having changed it forever.
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Aug 14, 2016 09:29
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