|
Hey guys, did you know that everyone thinks you're a lame idiot who sucks? Advertisers, I mean. Marketers! Marketing forces. They think you're an insipid, superficial rear end in a top hat. That said, they want money, either from you "treating yourself" or from people who are trying to do something nice for you. To this end, they have designed gifts that are specifically tailored for being given to you, a man. However, almost every gift for you falls into one of a few basic categories of stuff you don't need and won't use. Yet, advertisers tell you that you should want it, because it's what a man would want. Let's look at what all this poo poo is, and how painfully unnecessary and invariable it is. People are buying this poo poo for you because this is what they've been told that you are. They've accepted that you are the guy who wants this poo poo, because you're letting yourself be the guy who wants this poo poo. Break the cycle. Beer Periphery Stuff for your beer, or for you to make beer. Generally products that insinuate or outright state you are an alcoholic, as well as very possibly a dork. Take for example these leather beer chaps or something   Novelty bottle openers definitely count, and this one is also in the "pretends to be survival gear also sort of" category and in the entire "batman" category  Whiskey Periphery The same poo poo, but for whiskey. Perhaps most famously, "whiskey stones", which you put in the freezer and then in your whiskey to cool it. Oh except you failed chemistry and forgot that it's the melting of the ice that actually makes it effective in cooling your drink. now you can get them shaped like bullets  poo poo with batman on it I'm not going to capitalize batman  That's a crossover with the "you are an alcoholic" category (which also includes a LOT of hidden flasks, jesus christ)  And the "loving goddamned wallets" category Wallets How many super thin wallets does a guy need, huh? Just admit you want purses or bags or whatever, it's fine, I don't want to sit on a brick either (unless it's ron perlman's FACE)  Ugh.  uh-oh, watch out, this big bad beast got a wallet with tweezers in it, don't gently caress with this captain of destiny Super overpriced novelty horseshit that sits in garages [jetski that looks like batman] [some sort of hoverboard that doesn't actually work] I'm tired of posting pictures so like Nerd tech that tells if you if you need to buy more apples because the apples in your fridge are bad, even though your depressed wife does all the shopping anyway There's always a few of these Kickstarting, next to the wallets just more loving poo poo with star wars characters on it This has crossover with literally every above category grill stuff beef meat, peripherals. you're allowed to like meat, you can also buy a sign that's like "vegetables are for pussies!!!" and put it in your man cave next to your batman vase I believe in you. I believe you're more than this. So please let us know what you actually want, I don't want capitalism to look like this. And no, obviously not all gifts for men are bad. e.g. every man should have a really good knife, but this is true of women also. But nothing with a zombie on it, or that references zombies! That's another trap! Just buy a quality item that you can use properly!
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:14
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 22:43 |
|
|
Oh also Thigs that are shaped like balls, or boobs, for the sole purpose of looking like balls or like boobs e.g. trucknuts e.g. balls keychains e.g. boob shaped pillows e.g. beer cozies that look like nutsacks e.g. towels with boobs printed on them, or your nuts on them
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:17
|
|
|
i agree
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:16
|
|
|
Men want the Sopranos complete series on blu ray and nothing else.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:17
|
|
|
the best guy gift is a crock pot maybe
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:18
|
|
|
I've said "nice I'd take that" to everything you listed tbh
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:18
|
|
|
three ears of corn
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:19
|
|
|
i can crank my invisible hog all i like, the beer stays stationary 
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:19
|
|
|
I would like a beer holder for my belt, but that batman stuff is gay
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:20
|
|
|
Mortimer posted:I've said "nice I'd take that" to everything you listed tbh Same
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:20
|
|
|
Arian_Samurai posted:Men want the Sopranos complete series on blu ray and nothing else. yeah but what about once they have 40 or 50 of these and have already repurposed them into an entire extra wing of their home
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:19
|
|
|
all men are some variant of tim the tool man taylor
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:21
|
|
|
I want the artisan leather computer with batman on it
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:21
|
|
|
truck nutz are actually cool and good and deffo a good gift for a friend without them knowing
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:22
|
|
|
Thank you Pick, these insults have gone on too long. Your support as a Male Ally means a lot to me.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:22
|
|
|
Luvcow posted:all men are some variant of tim the tool man taylor argh argh argh
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:22
|
|
|
Pick posted:yeah but what about once they have 40 or 50 of these and have already repurposed them into an entire extra wing of their home This unfortunately is the tragic folly of man
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:21
|
|
|
men want the band of brothers bluray set so we can jerkoff to ww2 some more
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:23
|
|
|
Wow OP, you've really opened my eyes to a bunch of stuff I didn't care about anyway!
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:22
|
|
|
Good gifts for men: Tools Guns Machines that make fart sounds
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:23
|
|
|
You'll never take my truck nutz or gun nutz.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:23
|
|
|
Luvcow posted:all men are some variant of tim the tool man taylor Even tim the tool man didn't put zombie truck nuts on his all-beef beer holster
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:23
|
|
|
down n out posted:I want the artisan leather computer with batman on it For an additional 200 you can have your name leather stamped into the leather screen, so long as your name is ROY
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:23
|
|
|
notZaar posted:Good gifts for men: "fart sound making machine" was actually a favorite of Leslie Nielsen and is in fact a really good gift for anyone.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:24
|
|
|
Arian_Samurai posted:Men want the Sopranos complete series on blu ray and nothing else. Ive never seen an episode and im a man
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:25
|
|
|
notZaar posted:Good gifts for men: The ladies never get a man what he really wants, a tug off at the massage place
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:25
|
|
|
i thought you were going to talk about the marketing trope of appealing to one's depleting masculinity. like radio adverts for coors or the new maple bacon lumberjack hoagie for men. actually now that i think about it, almost anything that's marketed as a "manly" product will give you tits eventually.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:25
|
|
|
Hector Beerlioz posted:Ive never seen an episode and im a man you're the primary target for the sopranos complete series on bluray
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:25
|
|
|
scott zoloft posted:i thought you were going to talk about the marketing trope of appealing to one's depleting masculinity. like radio adverts for coors or the new maple bacon lumberjack hoagie for men. Well I mean that's a whole thing, and it's sort of part of all this mess. Like chapstick for men, the Dudestick, where like, I thought chapstick already was for men? and women used lip balm? Like when did we take chapstick also, I don't remember that.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:27
|
|
|
Hector Beerlioz posted:Ive never seen an episode and im a man That's why you need the blu ray set, come on dude!!!
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:27
|
|
|
A man, but a sophisticate also https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szbg_s360k8
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:27
|
|
|
Mortimer posted:you're the primary target for the sopranos complete series on bluray I don't care for violence and cussing
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:27
|
|
|
OP, while I understand your frustration at the assumption that you're an alcoholic- consider also that many of us Man's are in fact desperately dependant on alcohol. Thank you for your time.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:28
|
|
|
Hector Beerlioz posted:I don't care for violence and cussing what are your pronouns
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:27
|
|
|
r/asianmasculinity told me that Asian Fart Piano makes no sounds because Hasbro wants to castrate the celestials
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:28
|
|
|
Sheep-Goats posted:A man, but a sophisticate also Literally a great gift for anyone, also those pocket Lite-Brights with just enough Brites to make a passable crab shape.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:29
|
|
|
Mortimer posted:what are your pronouns The male ones im a man
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:29
|
|
|
the sopranos is about an italian american family of domestic terrorists
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:28
|
|
|
Pick posted:passable crab shape 
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 22:43 |
|
|
https://stagprovisions.com/collections/gift Everything from this store. They have cologne that smells like various types of wood jfc
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2016 19:29
|
|