|
ing me. Small fast little fucker, a tiny sophisticated Darwinian aircraft with the performance of an F14. The room is dark. Night has fallen. Flies in a room are attracted to light sources like windows- as that allows them to escape from confined spaces. My monitor is the brightest source so he thinks that's the exit. Dammit, the filthy little disease-bag just lit on my nose. Okay, you fucker, now it's personal. I'm gonna commit a minute murder. On my ear now- you are taunting me. I'll make you pay when I crush your vile little alien thorax to chitinous scrap. I hope you can feel pain. This little bastard can turn on a tiny dime. I hear tell that a fly's minute brain experiences time hundreds of times faster than our vast slow huge mushy cortexes can. That's a fast processor. Goddammit, it's like he can read my mind. He seems to know ahead of time when I am about to strike with the whip of the towel I am using-my vast hands are far too slow. Here I am, made in God's image, an advanced Being, and I do not seem to be able to defeat this tiny bit of vermin? Is this a joke of God? gently caress dammit,thrashing around after him, I just knocked the printer on the floor and like any HP piece o' crap, it splintered into shattered bits of plastic. Now I'm pissed. He lit on the monitor, I nailed him with the towel, he fell on the floor. he flailed a bit, and clasped his six legs together as flies do when they die, a sort of sixfold prayer. I then quite felt bad to have destroyed this magnificent minute being, who flies through the air with the grace and speed of a fighter jet, a joy only a few of us humans will ever know, and even then the experience diluted by our machines. ... Is it better to be a Fly than a Man? We cannot know. I took him in my hands and laid him outside in the cool dewy grass. Perhaps he will recover, and challenge me again. He was a worthy opponent.
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 16:35
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:35 |
|
|
classic zimboe
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 16:36
|
|
|
im pretty fly ... for a white guy
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 16:38
|
|
|
op got owned by an organism with a brain so small i can't relate it to an easily identifiable item.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 16:39
|
|
|
Goons, Should I feel guilt over the killing of a fly? ... He was superior to me in terms of speed, alertness, and maneuverability. He was better than me in those respects. This wonderful, tiny aircraft, and I destroyed it. I feel like a vandal. ... Are we better? How?
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 16:53
|
|
|
zimboe posted:... You killed him, didn't you? Seems like that makes you pretty objectively superior.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:07
|
|
|
http://bugasalt.com/pages/how-gun-works next time just fukken blast it op
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:10
|
|
|
I was gonna post that classic instrumental piece that sounds like a bug skittering around but my google fu has utterly failed me. poo poo. That is like the one thing I have going for me as a person and I hosed up.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:12
|
|
|
well whatever you do dont become incredibly mentally ill about it
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:12
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RrA-R5VHQs
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:14
|
|
|
raw footage of op's past 2 hours https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv0kW6PpkR4&t=70s
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:20
|
|
|
I haven't seen any house flies in my place for like 2 years at least, which is kind of weird really. Sometimes I see a beetle and I put them outside on plant though or a spider which I let chill.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:21
|
|
|
Chickpea Roar posted:You killed him, didn't you? Seems like that makes you pretty objectively superior. Well I suppose that is correct in the Darwinian frame of view... But Darwin is a cruel master.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:24
|
|
|
I spray flies with a cleaning bottle of toxic fluid. This stops them flying and also kills them very slowly. I'd recommend a bit of kitchen roll and a book to finish them off.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:26
|
|
|
I capture the flies and put a thumb screw to them, stick them in a tiny fly sized iron maiden, then i draw and quarter them using bees
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:39
|
|
|
Digital Fingers posted:I capture the flies and put a thumb screw to them, stick them in a tiny fly sized iron maiden, then i draw and quarter them using bees What, you don't even pull their wings off, you sadistic lightweight bastard? ... Flies don't got thumbs.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:44
|
|
|
fly swatters cost like a dollar and are very effective. fly paper is better if you have large amounts of flies. flies are a problem that technology solved like a century ago.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 17:55
|
|
|
What kind of plebeian wastes two hours trying to kill a fly? Please learn to respect life and relax.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:02
|
|
|
Make an ally of the fly! Lay out a slice of apple, start a conversation like, "You know, we have a lot in common you and I: You like poop, and I post in a forum that likes poop jokes, so..."
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:04
|
|
|
suck the flys dick
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:05
|
|
|
Insect lives matter
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:06
|
|
|
Enfield posted:suck the flys dick https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/05/160525140537.htm quote:The fruit fly Drosophila bifurca is only a few millimeters in size but produces almost six centimeters long sperm. Researchers provide the first explanation for the evolution of such giant sperm. Larger sperm are able to displace their smaller competitors from the female reproductive tract -- a competitive advantage in fertilizing the eggs. Female promiscuity increases the fertilization success by larger males, which can produce more of the longer sperm.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:15
|
|
|
fuckin fly whores
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:17
|
|
|
drat what if you were getting busy and a huge rear end sperm the size of a telephone pole came out your ding dong
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:20
|
|
|
Having never seen a mouse, my cat acclimated to the modern age and became an expert fly killer.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 18:39
|
|
|
Nathilus posted:I was gonna post that classic instrumental piece that sounds like a bug skittering around but my google fu has utterly failed me. poo poo. That is like the one thing I have going for me as a person and I hosed up. It's flight of the bumblebee you loving pleb
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 04:39
|
|
|
flyingporcupine posted:It's flight of the bumblebee you loving pleb But bumblebees aren't flies you tard. Checkmate.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 05:09
|
|
|
zimboe posted:Flies in a room are attracted to light sources like windows- as that allows them to escape from confined spaces. My monitor is the brightest source so he thinks that's the exit. Something similar happened to me, but I was smart enough to turn on a loving light and attract the fly away from my monitor. I murder flies quite happily, but carefully escort spiders outside because they are actually cool.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 05:26
|
|
|
CaptainSarcastic posted:Something similar happened to me, but I was smart enough to turn on a loving light and attract the fly away from my monitor. I didn't think of that. Alternately I could've unloaded a couple of Steaming Turds On A Plate (STOAP) and put it on the other side of the room. ... There's your obligatory poop joke, as requested. E There are these tiny black and white jumping spiders here. they are fuzzy as bears and hunt like minute insectile cats. they will even look right in your eyes if you get up close. they have unique front-facing eyes- they scan a narrow retina on a stalk rapidly across the image plane to scan the image and perform focusing. the rest of the eye is basically a telescope and it's steerable. On big ones you can see the retina's flickering motion through the lens. The males have these little boxing-glove things at the front that they bang together like a boxer warming up. I never hurt those fuzzy little guys but the tiny (1 in. long)house geckoes here will gobble 'em up. zimboe fucked around with this message at 06:24 on Aug 21, 2016 |
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:06
|
|
|
zimboe posted:Goons, Should I feel guilt over the killing of a fly? Set it upon a boat with all its fly possessions and light it on fire. A Vikings funeral for your worthy opponent.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:06
|
|
|
Maybe you should go back on your meds op
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:10
|
|
|
Don't hurt it. <3
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:11
|
|
|
at least it wasnt a mosquito
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:11
|
|
|
FYI that fly carried ebola, you're going to die now op
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:13
|
|
|
poopnanners posted:at least it wasnt a mosquito Don't get me started on no-see-ums. Nasty dangerous little flying syringes. ... They have these electric mosquito bats, like a tennis racquet with a bug zapper in it. A wonderful invention- very satisfying as the little bastards go eeeeee-BANG as you nail 'em. I don't think they got these in 'Murka yet, cuz safety concerns.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:34
|
|
|
Wamdoodle posted:Set it upon a boat with all its fly possessions and light it on fire. A Vikings funeral for your worthy opponent. Heh. Heheh. "But Brain, where are gonna find a tiny longboat at this hour?"
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 06:48
|
|
|
i enjoyed your ultra fascinating tale of murdering animals that are smaller than you, OP just keep it to animals. don't murder yourself. we all love you.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 07:06
|
|
|
Enfield posted:drat what if you were getting busy and a huge rear end sperm the size of a telephone pole came out your ding dong I think most men would be okay with this.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 07:23
|
|
|
Hell Yeah posted:op got owned by an organism with a brain so small i can't relate it to an easily identifiable item.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 07:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:35 |
|
|
SilvergunSuperman posted:Having never seen a mouse, my cat acclimated to the modern age and became an expert fly killer. if only you could train your cat to cull yuour poasting
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2016 07:31
|
|