Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Muffin Rhino
Dec 31, 2006

I am SO gay for Doctor Cox.
one had serious cutting scars. so bad she couldn't wear short-shorts or bikinis without feeling embarrassed. one of the scars was 1''x6'' at least, across the thigh.

one stabbed me in the leg with her switchblade during an argument, then calmly went to bed with the knife still in me.

one abused cocaine and research benzo-likes so much she forgot 2 months of our relationship.

one tried to cut her wrists in front of me - the only time i've ever hurt a woman.

one wanted me to rape her. not fake-rape, actually force myself on her.

one tried to steal my dog. called the police that time.


these were all the same person.

best sex ever.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures
Rape by deception: she didn't tell me she was really a man until after I'd already sucked her penis :(

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures
Ok, real talk: One girl secretly shared all of our sexy time videos on the efukt forums where she was apparently a regular. This created some big internet drama when the owner's wife found one of our videos on his computer, resulting in him having to shut down the whole forums for a while.

The funniest part is that I had no idea about any of this, and we had lived together too, until about a year or two ago, when I saw her name in an encyclopedia dramatica article. I called her out on it and she just laughed at me. Actually, she's more awesome than crazy (although she is crazy too). We're platonic best friends to this day, I had her over to my new house just yesterday.

max4me
Jun 15, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
This thread is triggering to me.

One of my earliest probations by ice queen

quote:

Sorry my bat poo poo crazy self couldn't stop your rear end getting handed probation. User loses posting privileges for 3 days

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures

max4me posted:

This thread is triggering to me.

One of my earliest probations by ice queen

Whoa, you dated ice queen? I heard she had a stone cold booty :c00lbutt:

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003

Taskmaster 2023 Second Place Winner

Grimey Drawer
An ex of mine had lost her job and was going to be kicked out of her apartment. I had moved to the city the previous year, but felt bad and after talking it over with my parents, they agreed to let her stay in the guest bedroom until she landed on her feet. Initially she agreed and thanked me, but then stopped all contact with me. A few weeks later I was told by a friend still living there that she had been seen stealing meat from the local grocery store and was chased by clerks. She's since escaped to an island off the coast of my province and no one's really heard from her for a few years.

drans
Sep 1, 2016
Ramrod XTreme
I used to date a girl who was loving insane. Very successful, worked in finance but was really unhinged. One time I came home and she'd spilt red wine all over the bed and told me it was her blood. Then when I figured out it was wine she said she had taken something. As a psyche nurse I immediately flipped and tried to drag her into the car to get her to hospital but she wouldn't come. Then she admitted she hadn't taken anything and passed out in my closet. When I eventually asked her to leave my apartment she refused despite not paying rent and earning more then me and it became a very long drawn out situation ending in her accusing me of rape and the police taking her to a psyche ward (not mine). Yeah. Good times

Nirvikalpa
Aug 20, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

mind the walrus posted:

The craziest ex I had was my first girlfriend, and most of the craziness happened long after we broke up. She got into casual sex in a big way, went partying all over the city doing a lot of illicit poo poo with seedy types while underage, but she was legitimately a genius and seemed to avoid anything too awful. She became a stoner obsessed with video games in college, then a coke fiend in the city, then got her poo poo together and seemed pretty nice if not a bit too into alcohol.

Compared to the poo poo in this thread I feel pretty lucky.

i wanna be a coke fiend. how do you start?

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Regrettable posted:

Seems like she wasn't very attracted to you but didn't want to say it, imo.

The problem is that she was to start but then changed her mind

why yes, this did give me issues in future relationships

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

That post was kind of therapeutic to type though and the rest of this thread is helping put it in perspective. I have never been stabbed :)

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
she flew on wings of flesh my friend

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Orkin Mang posted:

she flew on wings of flesh my friend

Like her vag or whatever? :shrug:

Gay Weed Dad
Jul 12, 2016

cool dude, flyin' high
Reading all of this bums me out because while I have never physically harmed anyone or their property, I am the crazy ex. The only solace I have is the ex I feel worst about is now severely overweight and a drunk?

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

My crazy ex was junior year of college.

First time we had sex was apparently her first time period. She freaked out and it was over before much of anything happened. Two days later she told me she was pregnant. When I pointed out that was highly unlikely because not only had she left before I was even close to firing off, I had also been wearing a condom, so I asked if she'd even taken a pregnancy test yet. She started screaming at me about how dare I not believe her, I'm supposed to be supporting her and goddamnit, she's going to wring my bastard rear end dry with child support and left.

Two weeks later of not hearing from her (and me not contacting her because what the gently caress was that?), She called to say she'd figured out she wasn't pregnant - she got her period and it was on schedule. She wanted to know what we were doing that night.

I laughed. Then hung up. Then blocked her on everything I could. Then I went out and found a way hotter chick and had a marathon fucksession while everyone stood up and clapped played videogames and watched Stargate.

Cyber Punk 90210
Jan 7, 2004

The War Has Changed

Boof Bonser posted:

She was absolutely molested.

Source: Loveline.

poo poo. You know, that never really dawned on me. That would actually explain a lot of things.

Brand New Malaysian Wife
Apr 5, 2007
I encourage children who are bullied to kill themselves. In fact, I get off to it. Pedophilia-snuff films are the best. More abused children need to kill themselves.

loquacius posted:

Insist on me letting her pop my backne. This one is gross as poo poo but it's 100% true. I hated it, because it loving hurt and I was kind of embarrassed about having backne in the first place, but she was obsessed with it and wouldn't take no for an answer.

I loving LOVE doing this, stop hating.

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

GiantAmazonianOtter posted:

I loving LOVE doing this, stop hating.

you pos

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

GiantAmazonianOtter posted:

I loving LOVE doing this, stop hating.

Is it like human bubble wrap to your deranged brain?

BexGu
Jan 9, 2004

This fucking day....

ikanreed posted:

Is it like human bubble wrap to your deranged brain?

Its like the bounding between primates picking flea/ticks off each other. Now I'm sure if goons went outside the ticks/fleas would be there but these Ex's have to take what they can get.

Brand New Malaysian Wife
Apr 5, 2007
I encourage children who are bullied to kill themselves. In fact, I get off to it. Pedophilia-snuff films are the best. More abused children need to kill themselves.

ikanreed posted:

Is it like human bubble wrap to your deranged brain?

Sorta, yeah. So satisfying.

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures
That's so loving gross. Efukt girl liked to do it to, not on my back but like, pimples. It's way too familiar, kills the mystery, kills the sexiness.

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures

Nirvikalpa posted:

i wanna be a coke fiend. how do you start?

First hits free, baybay

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

dethkon posted:

That's so loving gross. Efukt girl liked to do it to, not on my back but like, pimples. It's way too familiar, kills the mystery, kills the sexiness.

It would be super ironic if this had been what caused her to lose interest all along

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





My gf plucks my stray eyebrow hairs it's nice.

Not so much crazy going on

Peddle2thaMetal
Apr 17, 2012

ooooooooo yeaaaahhh
A bunch of similar behavior to what's been posted... missing father figure, irrationality, image issues. She/her family were part of a gang with ties to the Mexican mafia, so I would get threatened a lot for stuff that she would make up. She was self professed as bi-polar, a lot of her behavior was in line with borderline personality disorder (her being a "closet" meth head didn't help). Straw that broke the camel's back was her accusing me of hiding other females in our apartment, including under the bed, under the couch, and between the ~2 inch gap between the couch and the wall.

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



I love how apparently it's 1983 again and everyone is doing coke :wtc:

I didn't have too many crazies after my first girlfriend. If I told her I couldn't hang out because I had to do homework or something she would drive by my house at night to make sure I was telling the truth. She faked a few pregnancies and would routinely try to make me jealous by talking about / flirting with other guys, and then she would get really mad if my reaction wasn't strong enough (which it usually wasn't because I knew what she was doing).

She finally started cheating on me with some dude who worked at Gamestop (lol) and casually told me about it one night. I was just like "welp, bye" and then she got apocalyptically mad at me because I wasn't "fighting to get her back". This was 15 years ago and she still stalks me on Facebook.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Skeleton Ape posted:

She faked a few pregnancies

Oh, I forgot, mine did this too

She wasn't doing it on purpose though I don't think, she just had a super-hosed-up menstrual cycle and was convinced she was pregnant a few times despite being on birth control. One time she even went as far as buying up a bunch of some supplement or other because she read that ODing on it could induce miscarriage. She was never pregnant.

One of those times was after we hadn't had sex in like three months. I don't think she was cheating on me (at that point anyway), she was just freaking out over her unpredictable vag. She wanted me to buy her a pregnancy test because bringing one of them up to the cashier at CVS was really embarrassing (having had to do it for her on another occasion, I agree, it really is). I was 100% sure she wasn't pregnant, and even if she was it was physically impossible for me to have been involved in any way, and by that point I barely gave a poo poo anyway, so I just said no and let her deal with it (she dealt with it by doing nothing until her period finally arrived)

loquacius fucked around with this message at 17:02 on Sep 1, 2016

pizzaindapotty
Feb 10, 2012
My ex regularly stole from our children,raged for hours about something he saw on news,made us live in fear, and and was drunk/abusing pain pills non stop. When we left him he called me over 200 times a day and tried to find me in the state I moved to. I had to put out fake info to friends/family so he couldn't find me. I kept up with the local news. The cops were searching for a man that urinated on a woman in grocery store. Everyone I knew was convinced it was him. He was arrested numerous times, once for urinating off the steps of the funeral parlor his family used for years.When the judge was going to release my ex from jail he declared he was going to shoot up the courthouse. My ex didn't want to work and just wanted three hots and a cot.

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures

loquacius posted:

It would be super ironic if this had been what caused her to lose interest all along

Completely serious, I think it's related at least. Not only is it way too familiar, but we all know people want things that can't have. I say tease em a little, try to keep your body a little bit of a mystery, exciting like it is when you first start seeing someone. I'm not exactly an expert on good relationships, though.

SOME PIG
Aug 12, 2004

Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures

loquacius posted:

Oh, I forgot, mine did this too

She wasn't doing it on purpose though I don't think, she just had a super-hosed-up menstrual cycle and was convinced she was pregnant a few times despite being on birth control. One time she even went as far as buying up a bunch of some supplement or other because she read that ODing on it could induce miscarriage. She was never pregnant.

One of those times was after we hadn't had sex in like three months. I don't think she was cheating on me (at that point anyway), she was just freaking out over her unpredictable vag. She wanted me to buy her a pregnancy test because bringing one of them up to the cashier at CVS was really embarrassing (having had to do it for her on another occasion, I agree, it really is). I was 100% sure she wasn't pregnant, and even if she was it was physically impossible for me to have been involved in any way, and by that point I barely gave a poo poo anyway, so I just said no and let her deal with it (she dealt with it by doing nothing until her period finally arrived)

This is hilarious to me. "I'm pregnant!!" "Well we haven't had sex in 3 months, so good luck with that." What a nutter.

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR
the number of you who deal with even a single faked pregnancy and dont break up is confusing me

do i have unrealistic expectations of someone's humanity and sanity or are you all just incapable of leaving someone

a girl from tinder recently pretended to be a virgin to 'see how id react' and im already about to be done with this poo poo

surprise: i reacted the same way if she wasn't

nigga crab pollock
Mar 26, 2010

by Lowtax
besides being a really lovely girlfriend under the guise of a good one a bunch of manipulative poo poo. relationship only lasted a few months but i had known her for a long time and she had totally lied about poo poo years in advance

the lack of any certifiable acts of crazy makes it even worse cause that bitch was fuckin trouble but nothing bad ever happened

Bulgogi Hoagie
Jun 1, 2012

We

extra stout posted:

the number of you who deal with even a single faked pregnancy and dont break up is confusing me

do i have unrealistic expectations of someone's humanity and sanity or are you all just incapable of leaving someone

a girl from tinder recently pretended to be a virgin to 'see how id react' and im already about to be done with this poo poo

surprise: i reacted the same way if she wasn't

what won't a man do or ignore for a nice rear end

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord

Darth123123 posted:

She left me and married some very nice guy I hear.

wow it only took the second reply to NAIL THIS poo poo. my ex girl also has a kid with this dude after previously been "infertile due to a medical condition." And we never used a condom so that seems to check out unless she was just on the pill and concocted some crazy rear end story about womb issues instead of saying "hey I'm on the pill." Either one is plausible and she did get pregnant within like 45 days of us breaking up after seven years BUT IM NOT BITTER *cracks jug of boones farm*

Sialia
Feb 12, 2016

My ex picked his nose and left it on the bottom of his chair. Then when he moved out left the chair for me to throw out. It smelled like farts, and had boogers on the bottom :(

r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001

This thread makes me feel better about dying alone and unloved :unsmith:

Frosted Flake
Sep 13, 2011

Semper Shitpost Ubique

I don't understand the willingness to deal with people actively making your lives worse.

If someone has cutting scars, or seems quirky, or does or says anything that could be a red flag, move on. Sticking it out with someone who is bipolar, or BPD, or whatever will never end well.

deedee megadoodoo
Sep 28, 2000
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.


mine would get really weird when I would use the words boyfriend or girlfriend and make this face and go uggghhhh but she liked to blow me so I put up with it. it was a relationship based around watching movies and smashing that puss. not that bad in retrospect.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

extra stout posted:

the number of you who deal with even a single faked pregnancy and dont break up is confusing me

do i have unrealistic expectations of someone's humanity and sanity or are you all just incapable of leaving someone

Well on the one hand it was less "faking pregnancies" in my case and more "being overly susceptible to pregnancy scares and somehow not learning the 'I just have a hosed-up menstrual cycle' lesson after experiencing it basically every month since puberty"

but on the other hand yeah I absolutely should have put a stop to the whole thing months before I did. That was the first girl to touch my dick (the actually-diagnosed-depression girl never did and turned out to be a lesbian when I asked someone about her years later, and I was like "yeah makes sense") which had a lot to do with it, but mostly I was like "I can fix this, I can fix anything" without stopping to think whether it was worth fixing

If you spend your formative years convinced no one will ever love you, it takes a lot of time to process an idea like "this relationship is doomed and I can do better"

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Cyber Punk 90210
Jan 7, 2004

The War Has Changed

loquacius posted:

If you spend your formative years convinced no one will ever love you, it takes a lot of time to process an idea like "this relationship is doomed and I can do better"

:same:

  • Locked thread