high school guidance counselors were useless

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ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

# ? Sep 2, 2016 06:05

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 02:38

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

Ein cooler Typ posted:

So at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Miss Hannah and she's pretty hot. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Miss Hannah. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into her office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the poo poo really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, your account name is [my name] and your password is ...'misshannahissexy'..."

Oh drat. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in his doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

Miss Hannah is a bear disguised as a human.

lol liked this

# ? Sep 2, 2016 06:06

Outpost22: Oct 11, 2012; RIP Screamy You were too good for this world.

mods please change thread title to "high schoole was useless" TIA

# ? Sep 2, 2016 07:03

Fart Puzzle: Jul 25, 2007; compressed fart pieces

mine helped me game the system so i could graduate while also not going to school and smoking hella weed because i was like "ehhhh gently caress it i'll just get a ged school sux" so yeah at least mine was pretty cool

# ? Sep 2, 2016 07:53

King Possum III: Feb 15, 2016

Mine urged me to consider a life of crime. It was some of the best advice I ever got.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:03

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

My high school guidance counselor was all like "Stop smoking meth". poo poo. I never would have got this cushy job in the prison library if I'd listened to that fucker.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:04

SOME PIG: Aug 12, 2004; Hittin' Switches,
Twistin' wigs with
Phat Radical Mathematical type Scriptures

Honestly she should've told me to go to trade school and become a welder or something, but "gifted" kids aren't allowed to do that /humblebrag

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:06

dentist toy box: Oct 9, 2012; There's a haint in the foothills of NC; the haint of the #3 chevy. The rich have formed a holy alliance to exorcise it but they'll never fucking catch him.

Mine helped me meet the minimum requirements to graduate!

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:07

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

"I recommend that you go to a very expensive private college."

"I can't afford that."

"Well. Eat rear end."

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:21

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

my counselor was cool and my high school experience was awesome and i remember it fondly, not ot mention maintain close relationships with some of my friends, and hell, some of my enemies then are friends now. Goldmine

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:25

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

Ein cooler Typ posted:

So at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Miss Hannah and she's pretty hot. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Miss Hannah. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into her office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the poo poo really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, your account name is [my name] and your password is ...'misshannahissexy'..."

Oh drat. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in his doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

Miss Hannah is a bear disguised as a human.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 09:55

the great deceiver: Sep 23, 2003; why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona

i dont think i ever once talked to a guidance counselor when i was in high school but my mom worked as one for years so yeah i can confirm theyre useless

# ? Sep 2, 2016 10:07

Serrath: Mar 17, 2005; I have nothing of value to contribute; Ham Wrangler

I nearly failed an oral ethics exam in psychology because the prompt was that you're a high school guidance counselor and a student discloses they have drugs in their locker, discuss your response. I thought it was a "maintain confidentiality at all times" type ethical scenario but it seems guidance counselors are legally obligated to narc on students in that sort of situation and not doing so can result in your professional registration being pulled.

So don't trust guidance counsellors is the moral of the story

# ? Sep 2, 2016 10:10

pants in my pants: Aug 18, 2009; by Smythe

I did coke with one at her and her girlfriend's house once years ago irl. They had a very nice, expensive house and it was very tastefully decorated. So yeah I wouldn't put too much stake in what they say.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 10:28

lilljonas: May 6, 2007; We got crabs? We got crabs!

Serrath posted:

I nearly failed an oral ethics exam in psychology because the prompt was that you're a high school guidance counselor and a student discloses they have drugs in their locker, discuss your response. I thought it was a "maintain confidentiality at all times" type ethical scenario but it seems guidance counselors are legally obligated to narc on students in that sort of situation and not doing so can result in your professional registration being pulled.

So don't trust guidance counsellors is the moral of the story

Lol if you're dumb enough to tell your guidance counselor that you have dope, you'd deserve time in the juvie slammer for being a wuss.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 10:42

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

i remember that during a fight in middle school, this one loving kid went and got a teacher. not to break it up, but because he thought the teacher was his friend and would also want to watch.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 10:54

ScratchAndSniff: Sep 28, 2008; This game stinks

One of the students in my class told a counselor that she wanted to kill herself and the lady said "woah, wrong type of counselor" and called the police and had the girl expelled.

She's dead now, obviously.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 11:19

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Mine told me not to join the AP program and I really should have listened.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 11:27

Best Korea: Feb 15, 2012

Mine had no idea what to do with a student that didn't drop out at 16. They didn't understand how to apply to colleges, didn't know what internships were, and thought I should work at the bank (because god forbid I want a job that's not available in this lovely town).
Same school had no AP or language classes. Their mascot was Robert E Lee.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 11:38

Mr_Schmoo: Dec 10, 2002

I got my counselor fired for trying to indoctrinate me into her church.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 11:48

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

they don't get paid very much

funny how countries get dumb and poorly paid people to teach their youths what to become

# ? Sep 2, 2016 12:36

Triggered: Aug 21, 2016; Learn about this great man on mormon.org

Mine told me I could become a successful executive in finance. Jokes on her, I spend all day sitting in a filthy one bedroom apartment, masturbating into a crusty sock while I peruse my hentai collection.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 12:46

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Triggered posted:

Mine told me I could become a successful executive in finance. Jokes on her, I spend all day sitting in a filthy one bedroom apartment, masturbating into a crusty sock while I peruse my hentai collection.

whose that dapper chap in your av

# ? Sep 2, 2016 16:25

Triggered: Aug 21, 2016; Learn about this great man on mormon.org

hth posted:

whose that dapper chap in your av

Hes called Joseph Fielding Smith, I can send 2 representatives from the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints to talk to you about him. Would you like to know more?

# ? Sep 2, 2016 16:33

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

One time senior year I took 4 hits of LSD one night that turned out to be DOX (think LSD that lasts 36 hours) so I was tripping balls all the next day and the guidance counselor let me hide in his office through most of 2 classes. He was really cool and told us stories about getting high in the 70s

# ? Sep 2, 2016 16:41

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

My HS guidance counselor was convinced I wanted to become a pharmacist; despite the fact every time we met, I was like 'I don't want to be a pharmacist'; I just had really good grades/was valedictorian.

Part of my exit from undergrad was to meet w/ their career center. I was told 'I have never met somebody so blase about their future'.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 16:51

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

LadyPictureShow posted:

My HS guidance counselor was convinced I wanted to become a pharmacist; despite the fact every time we met, I was like 'I don't want to be a pharmacist'; I just had really good grades/was valedictorian.

Part of my exit from undergrad was to meet w/ their career center. I was told 'I have never met somebody so blase about their future'.

well? are you a failure in life?

# ? Sep 2, 2016 16:58

TwoStepBoog: Apr 12, 2008

i told my guidance counselor that i had no idea what i wanted to go to college for and had no idea what to do with my life. her solution was to give me a piece of paper with cartoon ants dressed in different profession uniforms with questions like "do you want to be a chef? yes () no () do you want to be a mechanic? yes () no ()"

she also knew i smoked a lot of weed outside of school, so she probably just assumed i'd amount to nothing

high school was gay

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:14

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

two forty posted:

I did coke with one at her and her girlfriend's house once years ago irl. They had a very nice, expensive house and it was very tastefully decorated. So yeah I wouldn't put too much stake in what they say.

Did you have sex with them?

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:16

Dr. Carwash: Sep 16, 2006; Senpai...

My guidance counselor showed me an example of a "perfect resume" and it was the resume of the kid that went around bragging that he made up/stretched the truth of every single thing on his resume.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:22

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

Dr. Carwash posted:

My guidance counselor showed me an example of a "perfect resume" and it was the resume of the kid that went around bragging that he made up/stretched the truth of every single thing on his resume.

That's how you write a perfect resume tho

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:24

Leroy Dennui: Aug 9, 2014; Gina McCarthy made us gay,
but we would not have met
had Biden not dropped his cones

extra stout posted:

she drooled on my shoes a few time and somehow i never really thought about the helmet she wore, but in hindsight, i rpobably didnt have to wait 10 years to realize im a failure who was lied to

Did she suggest you get a job as a retard masturbator?

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:26

Fat-Lip-Sum-41.mp3: Nov 15, 2003

Serrath posted:

I nearly failed an oral ethics exam in psychology because the prompt was that you're a high school guidance counselor and a student discloses they have drugs in their locker, discuss your response. I thought it was a "maintain confidentiality at all times" type ethical scenario but it seems guidance counselors are legally obligated to narc on students in that sort of situation and not doing so can result in your professional registration being pulled.

So don't trust guidance counsellors is the moral of the story

yeah it's part of their job to promise confidentially and then inform on students.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:30

unpleasantly turgid: Jul 6, 2016; u lightweights couldn't even feed my shadow ;*

Ein cooler Typ posted:

So at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Miss Hannah and she's pretty hot. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Miss Hannah. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into her office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the poo poo really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, your account name is [my name] and your password is ...'misshannahissexy'..."

Oh drat. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in his doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

Miss Hannah is a bear disguised as a human.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:39

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Mine thought I was my brother, who had graduated 5 years before

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:41

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

if you have a poo poo resume it's literally better to lie everywhere possible than tell the truth

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:48

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

i literally never had a guidance session with the counselor ever

i think once she came in to tell us to remember to apply for colleges by jr year and that was it. I don't honestly even remember if it was a woman or a man.

hemophilia posted:

if you have a poo poo resume it's literally better to lie everywhere possible than tell the truth

yeah and honestly i coulda just loving lied on the college applications lol like they're really gonna loving check your paperwork on whether you had 200 or 400 hours of community service

poo poo's all retarded they don't give a gently caress they just want your tuition money

# ? Sep 2, 2016 17:54

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

"Here's how you get a good career" - Someone with a crappy career

# ? Sep 3, 2016 01:01

CaptainSarcastic: Jul 6, 2013

I don't remember getting any career advice when I was in high school. Then again I did end up getting expelled my senior year, so maybe I missed that day.

# ? Sep 3, 2016 01:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 02:38

pants in my pants: Aug 18, 2009; by Smythe

Gaunab posted:

Did you have sex with them?

No but it was the first time I slept with a guy so there's that.

# ? Sep 3, 2016 01:55

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