True stories of Lowtax "Mad Dog" Kyanka

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Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Mad Dog first struck it rich(hehe) when he was the first one in his city to put bottles of mouth wash in the fridge on Sunday's to sell to the homeless.

Share you mad dog facts:

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 01:40

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# ¿ May 5, 2024 17:01

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Guys please be specie you are referring to Mad Dog Kyanka correct?

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 01:44

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

I once asked ol mad dog ( while we were drinking) an hypothetical question of how many fifth graders he could take in a fight.

Well a few hours later we found out it was 9

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 01:46

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Celluloid Sam posted:

sure

Okay you guys have to b clear

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 01:47

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Me and mad dog used to ride trains out wear to prune weed plants for the summer. He invited a friend to come with us one time but on the way back while I was taking a piss his bud went missing :iiam:

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 01:54

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

GRANNYS PEACH TEA posted:

Dude's gotten multiple visits from the Secret Service, FBI, subpoenas and whatnot. He must be some kinda hardcore.

And that's what YOU know about !

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 01:55

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Chief McHeath posted:

I ate a burg called The Madd Dogg but I don't think they were related.

You would be surprised, was it too intense for you to finish and when you were done your life would never be the same?

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:09

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Wikkheiser posted:

he is musically talented

https://soundcloud.com/lowtaxico/shaken

You should hear his harsh noise project "MD 2020"

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:10

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

dethkon posted:

Well he bit me once, I think that's how he got the name

Were you a homeless man in Oakland in the early 2000s?

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:12

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Champenema posted:

That time he had his rabies-drooling head shotgunned clean off...lol

Uh he does shot gun beers so close enough friend!

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:17

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

We used to get wasted and mad dog used to stand in front of roaring trains just to feel something

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:21

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

personable decorum posted:

l0wt4x LIFE DUMPSTERED SOME CHUMP KIDS FOR HIS OWN FUN LOL AND GLORY

Alex I'm sorry you don't like mad dog, pm me if you need to talk bud.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:28

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Booblord Zagats posted:

Mad dog once ran into the squared circle and hit me with a flurry of vicious suplexs to cost me my intercontinental championship

Mad dog takes no prisoners we once ran the southern belt circuit and he was undefeated, sent three men to the hospital

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:29

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

GRANNYS PEACH TEA posted:

Dude straight up told a grieving mother who had just suffered a miscarriage, (and I quote) "Your poison womb is making heaven too loving crowded."

Not cool, but definitely STONE loving COLD.

Ok mad dog does not pull any punches

One time he and I were collecting scrap metal to help fund his latest get rich(hehe) quick scheme and he ripped apart a hot water heater with just his bare hands and bared teeth. Hand to god

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 02:41

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

One time me and ol mad dog challenged some bikini babes to a chicken fight in the pool. Poor girl never saw out of that eye again but I guess we won?

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 12:53

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Bert Roberge posted:

I'm pretty sure all Chuck Norris jokes originated with ol' Mad Dog Kyanka.

I dunno but when you have seen so many people brutalized infront of you like I have,you stray from Kung fu movies

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 12:55

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

One time mad dog and I got wasted on box wine and he forced me to help him recreate the whole cell saga

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 13:52

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Funny story mad dog is immune to all radiation based attacks

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 15:54

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

One time mad dog Kyanka and I drag raced some rockabillies on the old state road and that's why it's called dead mans curve

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 16:12

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

shoophobo posted:

Mad dog once went in to the hallow earth and came back alive and intact with the ancient scrolls

That's why the hollow earth is littered with beer cans and empty sausage packets

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 16:27

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Me and mad dog used to bum cigs from drunks down town and then sell them to school children in the morning for mad profit

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 17:33

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Ol mad dog Kyanka used to sell the youth in our town old grocery bags but advertised them as space helmets

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 20:16

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

a hole-y ghost posted:

Mad Dog Kyanka used to drag a big metal trash can in the middle of the street at 5:30 AM and bang on it with two big bull femurs and scream every morning, I don't even know where he got the trash can because everyone else only had plastic bins.

Those weren't bull femurs :ninja:

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 20:28

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

a hole-y ghost posted:

We had a nickname for Mad Dog Kyanka back in the day, we called him Mud Dog because he would splash around in mud puddles like a fish while barking.

Hm this does check out he always aims for puddles when we ride in his jacked up el Camino through Costco parking lots on Sundays

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 20:32

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

a hole-y ghost posted:

What I don't get is why do they always let him into Costco without seeing his card

They tried to stop him once, that's where he got the femurs :getin:

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 20:37

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

mad dog drank a bunch of wine and took sleeping pills and weirdos from the internet posted pictures online

That's like every Thursday night for me and mad dog you have to be more specific friend

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 20:46

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Ibogaine posted:

Once Rich and I were hanging out in an abandoned appartment in a run-down high rise building in Brooklyn. We were on the 12th floor or something and there was only the two of us, a stained old damp mattress and a case of cheap whiskey.

Anyway, we were watching the sun set through one of the busted windows, when suddenly Rich got up and sat down on the open windowsill. I will never forget how carefree he looked, the sun shining over his shoulder, the wind in his hair, and this utterly brilliant and insane light shining in his eyes. Well, you guys know him, so you know what I'm talking about.

I am afraid of heights and was utterly drunk, so seeing him up there made me speechless. Mad Dog looked me right in the eyes and said with a clear and steady voice that belied the two bottles of Jack he had already downed:" Hold my legs, man, I wanna see what the sun looks like the other way around.".

With that, he leaned backwards out of the windows, his legs still on top of the ledge. I jumped forward and grabbed his legs just a moment before he leaned all the way until he was hanging upside down out of the window, with me holding on to his shins. I was panicked, afraid that I would let go, even though he was rather light, but I was afraid his pants and shoes would slip of and he would fall to a messy death on the concrete below. I wedged my feet against the wall as to better hold him when I heard a sound I will never forget. Over the noise of the traffic far below us, I heard his laughter. And his laughter wasn't like that of a madman, but more like the joyful and liberated laughter of somebody who had just escaped from a lifetime spent in solitary confinement. It was the purest and most beautiful sound I have ever heard. And he kept laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

After what felt like hours (though only minutes could have passed, the sun was just dipping below the skyline), he said "pull me up now, Ibo".

The rest is quickly told. I pulled him in, and he was calm, even though his face was deep red. We drank another bottle in silence and when we left, we were confronted by two meth dealers on our way down, but they let us through once they recognized Rich.

We never spoke of the incident again. Me, because the moment never seemed to be right and Rich... To be honest, I admire him, but I don't think I will ever understand him.

I will never forget his laughter, though.

Holy poo poo :eyepop:

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 22:14

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Though I am dubious cause you referred him to as rich and not mad dog Kyanka

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 22:16

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

King of Bees posted:

Mad dog and I used to heist cigarette trucks and sell the cartons to cops. Hahahahha

The Kyanka empire was built on cigarette fraud

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 22:44

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Mad dog tried to run a landscaping business by welding four lawn mowers together to "get poo poo done"

# ¿ Sep 8, 2016 23:51

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

vols bitch posted:

This is bullshit. I saw mad dog once consume a live bear in a single sitting. He didn't offer me a single bite.

If I had a nickel for each wild dog I watch get consumed as I was bitter with hunger, 30 cents.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 00:16

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Mad dog doesn't know the meaning of the word quit.

So don't ever use it around him he will go in a rage in his ignorance.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 02:14

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

me and mad dog used to pretend we were deaf and hand out pencils and stickers for smucks to buy from us at fast food joints.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 03:30

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

One time mad dog convinced me that my parents were androids and made lawyer all my clothing with copper tubing to keep them from stealing my thoughts

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 05:37

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Mad dog Kyanka isn't one to share his feelings yet a many times he has drunkenly wept on my shoulders and my shirt reeked of gasoline afterwards

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 14:21

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Booblord Zagats posted:

Mad Dog once beat up my insurance agent for telling him that you can't insure a hoagie with same model year replacement

hosed up if true

# ¿ Sep 9, 2016 16:07

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Sole.Sushi posted:

True story, "Mad Dog" got his nickname for his constant and near-perpetual death-stare that he gives to all lesser and inferior beings (I.E. humans). This kind of behavior is known as "mad dogging," and the nickname stuck.

Photo evidence of this preposterous, but absolute truth: