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Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay
Yes we hire ex-cons sorry that I believe in another chance.

Just speak them them and they will CONvince you to make all your lighting dreams come true. ;)





GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

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satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

i'm glad someone was willing to make light of the situation

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

satanic splash-back posted:

i'm glad someone was willing to make light of the situation

:D yeah the situation was pretty dim :D





GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay
But seriously come down to smashs lamp emporium .

As the kids say,



It's lit :D





GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Ask us about our free home invasions installations!

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
i just think its messed up that you guys made the interior lights for giant ovens during world war 2, also maybe you should stop your line of nazi helmet themed lamp shades, otherwise your products are really nice and well made

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Luvcow posted:

i just think its messed up that you guys made the interior lights for giant ovens during world war 2, also maybe you should stop your line of nazi helmet themed lamp shades, otherwise your products are really nice and well made

Supply and demand my good friend! We can't cut one of our best sellers! It is for historian enthusiasts only not to be used for any propaganda!


Applewhite posted:

Ask us about our free home invasions installations!

:eyepop:




GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay
Talk to "Brod" for any of your customer service questions!

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
This stigmata needs to go...

I need a doctor, holy gently caress.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
what about your lamps made from tiger and rhino penis? are those really sustainable building materials or are you contributing to species extinction?

:ssh: just want to say i'm very happy with all of my animal penis lamps i've bought, I'm just not sure if i should hide them when my PETA friends come over for tea

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Luvcow posted:

what about your lamps made from tiger and rhino penis? are those really sustainable building materials or are you contributing to species extinction?

:ssh: just want to say i'm very happy with all of my animal penis lamps i've bought, I'm just not sure if i should hide them when my PETA friends come over for tea

Please speak to "brod"



GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

PromethiumX
Mar 5, 2003
you forgot to include your sig in that one post. i'm starting to believe you may not be the genuine article
the real deal
bonafide even

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Yelp Review: very helpful and courteous employees. I'd like to give a special shout out to the polite young man who helped me find the perfect lamp for my parlor. I don't remember his name but he had a swastika tattooed on his forehead.

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Applewhite posted:

Yelp Review: very helpful and courteous employees. I'd like to give a special shout out to the polite young man who helped me find the perfect lamp for my parlor. I don't remember his name but he had a swastika tattooed on his forehead.

Reply: Thank you for your purchase but, You're really going to have to be more specific.




GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord
Yelp review for The Lamp Emporium:

I went in to look for a new desk lamp, but as soon as I stepped inside, a saw a bunch of guys surrounding two naked dudes fighting each other with knives. One guy was tossing a knife between his hands while the other held it in his teeth. It looked badass (or "piss") until one guy cut open the other and ate his beating heart.

I got a desk lamp for 69 cents. 2/5

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

That Robot posted:

Yelp review for The Lamp Emporium:

I went in to look for a new desk lamp, but as soon as I stepped inside, a saw a bunch of guys surrounding two naked dudes fighting each other with knives. One guy was tossing a knife between his hands while the other held it in his teeth. It looked badass (or "piss") until one guy cut open the other and ate his beating heart.

I got a desk lamp for 69 cents. 2/5

Reply: thank you for shopping with us! The lamp emporium is an equal opportunity employer! We hire people of all races and beliefs, what you may have saw was a big foot passage of man hood! Do not be alarmed!


GBS KING
:fyadride:
"And the kingin is good!"

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

do you have any public restrooms or am i going to have to buy one of your old fashioned bongs

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
"I like lamp" - The Anchored Man LOL :roflolmao:

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

hth posted:

do you have any public restrooms or am i going to have to buy one of your old fashioned bongs

We have two public restrooms! One for paying customers and one for non paying!


Choose wisely ;)



GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Nooner posted:

"I like lamp" - The Anchored Man LOL :roflolmao:

Holy poo poo I didn't even think of this!


Think he is available for spokesman ship he will have like a candle in the rain and be like "CANDLE WAS A BAD LIGHTING CHOIce!!!"




GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

Theophany
Jul 22, 2014

SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO



2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC
"Hey boss, the new chandelier you designed has arrived!"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Smash it Smash hit posted:

Holy poo poo I didn't even think of this!


Think he is available for spokesman ship he will have like a candle in the rain and be like "CANDLE WAS A BAD LIGHTING CHOIce!!!"




GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

"Well that escalated quickly!"
Is what I said after stepping onto the escalator leading to the upper level of your store. I said this because it moves seven or eight times faster than a normal escalator and I was launched off the top into a pyramid of lamps, shattering them comically. I will obviously be shopping there again but until you fix your escalator issue I cannot in good conscience rate your store higher than 12/30 Yelps.

Kashuno
Oct 9, 2012

Where the hell is my SWORD?
Grimey Drawer
Your lamp store has no bulbs 1/10

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
I'm going to open a bulb store next door to the lamp emporium

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
It's gonna be called "bulb-a-store"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Also who stacks lamps in a pyramid mere inches from the top of the escalator? Even if it were a normal speed escalator people would be hard pressed to dismount without knocking them over.

Speleothing
May 6, 2008

Spare batteries are pretty key.

Kashuno posted:

Your lamp store has no bulbs 1/10

This is technically not true. The associates have three or four that they pass around for demonstrations.

1st_Panzer_Div.
May 11, 2005
Grimey Drawer

Smash it Smash hit posted:

GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

King? I didn't know we had a king, I thought we were an autonomous collective of autists.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

which one of these has robin williams rattling around in it

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Applewhite posted:

Also who stacks lamps in a pyramid mere inches from the top of the escalator? Even if it were a normal speed escalator people would be hard pressed to dismount without knocking them over.

A maverick that's who you don't get on top of the lamp industry but not taking chances!!'nn



GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Speleothing posted:

This is technically not true. The associates have three or four that they pass around for demonstrations.

Just ask "brod" for a light hehe, don't worry if he says "sorry I don't smoke!" That's just ol "brod" cutting up!




GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
my bulb-a-store is offering a new promotion, buy one of our bulbs and you can go take any lamp you want from the lamp emporium, just dont let Smash it Smash hit see you doing it

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
and for the last time NO we dont sell flower bulbs, only lightbulbs

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004

smash hit smash hi how do i turn off your signature, thank you

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord
Lamp Emporium Election Day Sale:

you will get five free damaged lamps to break in the loading dock along with a complimentary bat

some of the lamps will have been pissed or shat on, so make sure to not get cut

it's an Election Day sale because if you cut your head with glass you'll become a trump supporter :mmmsmug:

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
does the lamp emporium stock torches as well? I need some for a certain "project" i have in the "works"

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew, 5:15 and 5:16

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Nooner posted:

does the lamp emporium stock torches as well? I need some for a certain "project" i have in the "works"

Of course friend that is in our "vintage" section! Pleasure doing business with a fellow entrepreneur


FuhrerHat posted:

smash hit smash hi how do i turn off your signature, thank you

What signature ???????



GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
i bought a lamp from your store and when i got home i noticed it didnt have a lampshade or cord and the guy who carved his name into it had been using it as an ashtray

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Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay

Mozi posted:

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew, 5:15 and 5:16

We are taking the Bible to the next century!!!!!!!!!



GBS KING
:fyadride:

"And the kingin is good "

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