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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAOeT72ZWFI Welcome back to another exciting evening here at the UFC and AKC’s joint inaugural UFC Fight Night 96 GDT/Work Friend Keven Westminster Kennel Club Tiny Dog Show, 8 p.m. ET Oct. 1 on Fox Sports 1! We’ve got a great night full of fighters on display to prove which is the best in class, and ironically, none of them are nicknamed Pitbull. At any rate, although our founder Work Friend Keven would be quick to note that none of the fighters on the main card weigh as much as a full-grown dog, they’re all well bred and display the winning traits of a champion. So let’s get things underway! Terrier Group (Catchweight) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk812OWZexM John “the Magician” Dodson vs. John “Big Chunk” Lineker Now both of these little fellas used to be classified in the Toy Group, before recent changes moved them up to the Terrier Group. That’s just as well, because there’s a feisty little Affenpinscher down there who just wins show after show after show. It’s almost unfair. At any rate, here comes one of the routine runners-up, John Dodson. Look at that musculature, truly spectacular. You know they don’t build many fighters that tiny with such dense mass like that. That’s big fighter muscle there. Good stock. And so fast! A perfect combination for those spectacular first-round KOs over Manny Gamburyan, Darrell Montague and former Bantamweight champ T.J. Dillashaw, plus it’s useful for catching voles in your barn. Now this little guy is truly remarkable, because he suffered a tendon injury that many were worried might have put an end to his show days. But he bounced back just as spry as ever, and if you watch as he comes around the mound here — there it is! His signature blackflip! Always a crowd pleaser. Now look at this big ol’ boy. It’s always a shame when a trainer lets their fighter get fat like that. Let me tell you, folks at home, that is not how you earn best in class, much less best in show. A crying shame. This poor little guy has big some big wins, so you know he’d have a real shot at a ribbon if he could just keep his weight under control. Now I know what you’re thinking, fighters will eat drat near anything if they get their hands on it. And that’s true, just backstage I saw John Lineker digging through the trash can for half-eaten hot dogs. He’s smart enough to open the fridge on his own too, so I went into the break room to heat up the baked potato I brought for lunch and the door was hanging wide open with a torn-open, now-empty package of sour cream sitting in the middle of the floor. He’s gonna have some weird shits tonight, folks. But that’s still the trainer’s responsibility to look out for their fighter when they are too stupid to do so themselves. Someone ought to call the ASPCA, won’t someone look out for John Lineker? Working group (catchweight) Will “Ill Will” Brooks vs. Alex “Cowboy” Oliveira Will Brooks was best in class in the smaller dog shows, but this is the biggest around and he’s going to have to work harder than ever to prove he belongs. His uninspired decision victory over Ross Pearson isn’t going to turn many heads. But with a TKO over Michael Chandler in Bellator, this strong fighter is good with children and cats, and is beloved by many fans who take satisfaction in knowing Bjorn Rebney wasted time and money. Here we’ve got another fighter with some weight management issues, which is another shame to see. That’s 20% of his purse right there, folks. Most of his UFC career has taken place at welterweight, though, so it seems the big cut to lightweight just isn’t right for him. But while he isn’t the best cowboy in either division — a fact definitively proven this February — Cowboy Oliveira is still typically exciting and fun to watch, so hopefully he stays at welterweight and can amass some success going forward after he may well find himself unceremoniously gassed out and decisioned tonight. Non-sporting group (welterweight) Josh “Nobody Actually Calls Him The People’s Warrior” Burkman vs. Zak “People May Call Him The Barbarian But IDK” Ottow You know, Josh Burkman is a breed of fighter who’s been in and out of the top levels of competition for years. He’s a submission expert who’s first UFC debut was back in 2005, and though he’s 6-8 with the promotion, he presumably has some legitimate redeeming qualities in his personal life as well, seeing as he’s hosed Arianny Celeste and an international yoga champion, which is a thing. He Failed to capture WSOF gold from Steve Carl and his lone win in his current UFC stint is against noted eye poker and Keanu Reeves impersonator KJ Noons, so Dana White must have viewed his submission win in the WSOF over Jon Fitch as a personal favor for Burkman to still be around for this fight. Zak Ottow is making his UFC debut and he kind of looks like the actor they’d hire to play Josh Barnett in a really bad made for TV biography. Toy Group (flyweight) Louis “Da Last Samurai” Smolka vs. Brandon “The Assassin Baby” Moreno Louis Smolka has some promise in the Toy Group. His lone loss is a split decision to fairly bad Chris Cariaso, but otherwise he’s continued to rack up impressive victories, including a devastating TKO over Ben 10 Nguyen, that friendly asian guy from the youtube where the dude covered in tattoos tried to act tough and then got his rear end beat. His last-minute opponent change from Sergio Pettis is a bruise on his record in terms of name value, but he will still be on a five-fight winning streak should he be victorious tonight, and with Mighty Mouse on top, these days no one is far from a shot at best in class! The last in a long and proud line of godawful nicknames we’re featuring tonight, the Assassin Baby is also making his UFC debut. The origin of the Assassin Baby is a mystery, with guesses from Mexico to Egypt to Sudan to Malta. It probably originated in Asia and came to Mexico in very ancient times. It is the smallest of all purebred male fighters, clever, gigantic of heart and possessing terrier characteristics. Two coat varieties, long and smooth, are recognized. Other New Breeds To Watch FS2 Prelims, 9 p.m. ET Light Heavyweight Luis Henrique da Silva vs. Joachim Christensen Catchweight (148.5 lbs) Hacran Dias vs. Andre Fili Heavyweight Shamil Abdurakhimov vs. Walt Harris Welterweight Keita Nakamura vs. Elizeu Zaleski dos Santos UFC Fight Pass Prelims, 7:15 p.m. ET Middleweight Nate Marquardt vs. Tamdan McCrory Light Heavyweight Jonathan Wilson vs. Ion Cutelaba Heavyweight Cody East vs. Curtis “Helen Keller” Blaydes Women's Bantamweight Kelly Faszholz vs. Ketlen Vieira Official MMA Snack Rating: 2-ingredient barbecue lil’ smokies INGREDIENTS: -2 (16 ounce) packages beef cocktail wieners -1 (18 ounce) bottle Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce or other barbecue sauce DIRECTIONS: To cook on the stove top, combine little smokies and barbecue sauce in a large saucepan. Cook over medium heat until sausages are heated through and sauce is bubbling, about 10 minutes. To cook in a slow cooker, combine little smokies and barbecue sauce in a crock pot. Cover and cook on HIGH for 1 to 2 hours, until sausages are heated through and sauce is bubbling. Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 17:23 on Oct 1, 2016 |
# ? Oct 1, 2016 16:48 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 18:47 |
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I'm just going to assume that Brandon Moreno's nickname actually has a comma Actually I wonder if someone could convince Goldberg of that before the show
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# ? Oct 1, 2016 17:44 |
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Bluedeanie posted:
lol
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# ? Oct 1, 2016 17:53 |
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I was expecting a hipster angle due to the event being in Portland, but as always, a great GDT, Bluedeanie!
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# ? Oct 1, 2016 17:55 |
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LobsterMobster posted:I was expecting a hipster angle due to the event being in Portland, but as always, a great GDT, Bluedeanie! Should've gone with the more well-earned racist angle than the hipster angle, imo
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# ? Oct 1, 2016 18:23 |
Any sleeper potential for this card? It looks kinda bad to me.
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# ? Oct 1, 2016 23:18 |
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Fights underway, and Cormier on the mic.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:26 |
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Ratios and Tendency posted:Any sleeper potential for this card? It looks kinda bad to me. Yeah some of the fights will probably be good if you can get past the fact that you dont know/care about the people in them
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:28 |
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Marquardt vs McCrory will be good, Dias vs Touchy Fili will be good, all the fights on the main card minus Burkman should be good. This fight isn't bad so far.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:32 |
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Only caught the third round of it but seemed like a good fight.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:43 |
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Fasholz has looked really good in two losing efforts in a row in the UFC.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:44 |
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Rubellavator posted:Only caught the third round of it but seemed like a good fight. Round 1 was pretty ok, round 2 was a bad, boring wrestle loving.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:45 |
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Isn't Cody East the guy that has multiple rape allegations against him?
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:46 |
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I kind of wonder how laid back the Portland crowd is going to be.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:47 |
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Le Saboteur posted:Isn't Cody East the guy that has multiple rape allegations against him? Sure is, unfortunately. Curtis Blaydes sucks but I believe in him, because I must
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:49 |
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I hope Cody East gets knocked the gently caress out.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:50 |
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Blaydes gonna go to work
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:51 |
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cody east's legs are loving massive this fight is loving awesome for being between two bad heavyweights. can't wait til the start of round two when they're too exhausted to move Gay Horney fucked around with this message at 00:54 on Oct 2, 2016 |
# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:51 |
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In full mobn mode early tonight
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:51 |
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every big boy fight looks the exact. same.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:52 |
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This one has an actual heavyweight wrestler who stays active on top so its a bit new.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:53 |
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this bald white gentleman seems to be having a rough night
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:55 |
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That stand up was really bad.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:55 |
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Hell yeah bro, fallover into opponents guard. Sick grapplin'
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:56 |
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Soothing Vapors posted:this bald white gentleman seems to be having a rough night He's a child abuser and sex criminal, so you should be pleased with this
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:56 |
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Daniel with the John smith mention
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:57 |
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Bluedeanie posted:He's a child abuser and sex criminal, so you should be pleased with this this seems to be true of approximately 100% of punchmen
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:57 |
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I knew Cody was gonna be bad when Brendan Schaub talked about what he beast he was.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:59 |
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Soothing Vapors posted:this seems to be true of approximately 100% of punchmen You're confusing UFC with NFL.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:59 |
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You can't just sit and eat shots behind your fuckin ear like that.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:59 |
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that was a good stoppage.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:59 |
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well that was savageTezcatlipoca posted:You're confusing UFC with NFL. hahaha
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:59 |
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Brutal gently caress
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 00:59 |
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Good, I liked the urgency and increase in speed the second the ref started edgint closer. Smart poo poo from Blaydes
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:00 |
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Yeah DC he was ok. He just loving collapsed.
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:00 |
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Hmm... I know some of these words...
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:01 |
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I'm picturing Blaydes just writing "elbows" in a notebook over and over before the fight
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:01 |
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He should have fallen back to the crucifix and gone full Goodridge
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:02 |
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Soothing Vapors posted:I'm picturing Blaydes just writing "elbows" in a notebook over and over before the fight and all the S's are the cool S you learn how to make with straight lines
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:03 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 18:47 |
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also, gently caress Cody East
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# ? Oct 2, 2016 01:03 |