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Fredflonston
Jan 29, 2011


This is invigorating. I'm about to blast off.

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PantsandCola
Aug 17, 2013

you did good... you did good
What's your take on indie games, op?

Ben Smash
Aug 22, 2005

LARDROOM
Grimey Drawer
OP, why is it hard to count on trains? Are you dyslexic? Also Jormus sounds like a nice guy maybe you should have pursued that.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Ben Smash posted:

OP, why is it hard to count on trains?

a question for austist for the ages

Jailbrekr
Apr 8, 2002
A TOWN LEVELED BY AN EXPLOSION? DOZENS LIKELY KILLED? OH GOD LET ME SEE THAT SWEET VIDEO OH MY GOD I'M CUMMING
:fap::fap::fap::fap::fap::fap::fap::fap:
I miss Haken.

CannedMacabre
Jul 6, 2007

In space, no one
can hear you fart.
Shut up! Just shut up.... you had me at HOUSEMEAT.

Meatgrinder
Jul 11, 2003

Te Occidere Possunt Sed Te Edere Non Possunt Nefas Est

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:


I had to get the Greyhound bus back home after being forcibly ejected from the Amtrak train purely because I vomited on an infant after accidentally swallowing a used handkerchief.

I would prefer not to discuss the befoulment incident at Mall of America as for me the grief is still too near. At night if I close my eyes I can still taste the effluvium.

loving kudos on this, I was seriously worried you'd stretch it out too far but your sense of timing is perfect.

Worldshatter
May 7, 2015

:kazooieass:PEPSI for TV-GAME:kazooieass:



OP have you considered joining MENSA? I hear they cater to individuals of higher than human intelligence such as yourself.

du -hast
Mar 12, 2003

BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT GENTOO
Hello from the goldmine

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.

Which Linux do you reccomend OP

Pinch Me Im Meming
Jun 26, 2005
SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT what's your opinion on the subject of bullying?

Ben Smash
Aug 22, 2005

LARDROOM
Grimey Drawer
OP, how do you feel about the Cubs shot at the world series?

du -hast
Mar 12, 2003

BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT GENTOO

laserghost posted:

Which Linux do you reccomend OP

Gentoo

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT
Oct 14, 2016

A thinking, breathing house? You're mad!

Worldshatter posted:

OP have you considered joining MENSA? I hear they cater to individuals of higher than human intelligence such as yourself.

Although I feel it to be beneath me these days I am certainly am perfectly qualified to join MENSA as I have an IQ score of 134 which I achieved as part of a bevy of tests that the school therapist made me take after the incident with the ducks in the pond near the school.

In 2011 I decided to join this society for the better-minded but hit a stumbling block as my mother has the test scores and I was unable to retrieve them due to her having changed her phone number and email and address without telling me. I did once have a copy of my own however it had become irretrievably stained after an ill-fated attempt to demonstrate why I was the true champion of a beef eating competition.

I do not perform well in exam environments which is due to my intellect and character being nigh impossible to quantify through the medium of mere ink and paper but after a dream in which I was encouraged to attend the MENSA test by Adam Jensen from the recently released video game Deus Ex: Human Revolution I resolved to go which is what I did.

I found it very hard to focus on the test as the invigilator looked exactly like famed actor Alan Rickman and I was heavily distracted by a desire to inform him that he was an excellent actor but that the Harry Potter film series is a travesty against the true brilliance of the book series which I actually did do three times. On the fourth attempt I was asked to leave. I wanted to know if this would affect my test scores in any way but he just laughed in a way that didn't sound like Alan Rickman at all which I found quite personally insulting. My test scores never arrived which just goes to show how disorganized these fools at MENSA are which is why I have personally boycotted them ever since.

I was so poorly treated on the bus on the way home that I was forced to write one of my many complaint letters to the transit authority. It is unreasonable and in fact discrimination to force me to dismount the bus purely due to an odor of sweat and excrement. Stress-pooping is a real condition suffered by hundreds of thousands of Americans and to deny us public transit is nothing short of pure prejudice and bigotry.

I keep counting the doors in my house but I never seem to get the same number twice.

green chicken feet
Nov 5, 2015

spray-paint the vegetables
dog food stalls
with the beefcake pantyhose
Grimey Drawer
5'd. You should write a book.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

wanna make this guy room with the gentle otter autist who bolds nouns

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT
Oct 14, 2016

A thinking, breathing house? You're mad!
I have a confession to make. I have not left the house in an uncounted number of days, ever since the night of the fan-fiction society urination event. That night, I had a dream. In it, I stood with "Eric" on a wide empty plain, possibly Wyoming. But we were not the mortal enemies that we are in the waking world but instead friends and brothers in arms. We were returning home victorious from a great war similar in scope and consequence to the war against Melkor A.K.A. Morgoth in John Ronald Reuel Tolkien's classic work The Silmarillion which is better than the Lord of the Rings.

I stopped to congratulate "Eric" on his excellent warcraft and great brotherly love. "Eric" opened his mouth wide, so wide that the great plain disappeared behind the black curtain of the massive orifice. Transfixed, I felt a great suction as I was pulled inside, bouncing off his warm pink tongue as I descended deep into the black void of his gigantic innards.

I fell, I fell for uncounted eternities, except I was able to count them and it was twelve eternities. I landed with a splash at the feet of a towering bronze man who when I looked closer was revealed to me to be Andrew Ryan from the Bioshock series, who is absolutely the hero of those games except the developers were too stupid to notice that. He looked down at me and said, "Son, you are a great man. The greatest of all of us, possibly. Your treatise on how the ending of the Mass Effect series is essentially a war crime is possibly the greatest intellectual achievement anyone has ever done. But we have got to do something about all these bodily fluids of yours."

"It's not my fault," I said, "I keep being hoodwinked by inferior minds into accidentally fouling myself."

"I know," he replied, "but we can fix it. I have a secret."

He leant down and whispered into my ear and as he did so a lozenge of something small and hard and round was pushed into my ear canal where it remained. He stood up and smiled at me and "Eric" smiled at me too and hugged me warmly which he did by squeezing me with his insides.

I woke up, but not in time to prevent the hot jet of my involuntary semen hitting me right in the eye.

I put the mattress in front of the door because it is better there to keep the bad thoughts out.

get that OUT of my face
Feb 10, 2007

drat this guy good

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

glad i clicked on this

du -hast
Mar 12, 2003

BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT GENTOO
jesus christ this thread

Ass-Haggis
May 27, 2011

asproigerosis confirmed
I have made a terrible mistake.

Pinch Me Im Meming
Jun 26, 2005

Great but longer pauses please.

Blind Rasputin
Nov 25, 2002

Farewell, good Hunter. May you find your worth in the waking world.

Lol wtf

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009


you said skeletons lol

I'm Crap
Aug 15, 2001

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

I keep counting the doors in my house but I never seem to get the same number twice.

lmoa

Blind Rasputin
Nov 25, 2002

Farewell, good Hunter. May you find your worth in the waking world.

We need more OP. Is this the first time "Eric" has led to you ruining a mattress?

Have you ever talked to a doctor about your excess in bodily fluids? We can help with that, you know.

I get the feeling Amtrak is your preferred route of locomotion (no pun intended).

Salty Josh
Jul 13, 2016

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
Nap Ghost

Dinosaurmageddon posted:

Hi Tim.

Who's your favorite non-Sonic/Tails/Knuckles Sonic character?

e: Also girls who are into Little Mermaid are not worth the daddy issues.

Dude. I loving loved the Little Mermaid as a kid.

God damnit

Nucken Futz
Oct 30, 2010

by Reene
5'd

OP, tell us what's on your mind.

TIA

The Lord Bude
May 23, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

wanna make this guy room with the gentle otter autist who bolds nouns

Unfortunately he didn't come back after the ban. I'm still bitter.

Theokotos
Jan 22, 2015

Fallen Rib

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

I keep counting the doors in my house but I never seem to get the same number twice

This is going to get spooky, isn't it :ohdear:

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mère
College Slice
5'd, keep being you

Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem
I forgot to vote, sentient horsemeat. The number "5" I give you arbitrarily sums up nothing about your writing, yet instead it speaks volumes more about this community of insipid hacks and puerile charlatans.

Question; don't you hate that literal idiots get to vote in the general election?

The trick with counting doors is you have to remember which ones you've counted from both sides. This gets trickiest when you keep going inside and outside certain rooms while doing your counting but then forgetting whether you've gone in or out from the closets, too. Remember, you have to count from both sides to be sure.

The other trick with counting doors in your home is you have to make sure your roommate isn't around to throw off your count or has any guests staying over.

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

but i dont wanna be a spaceship
Fun Shoe
I truly believe the best is yet to cum.
by that I mean the amount I voted for this thread was the highest anyone can vote.

Stato-Masochist
Aug 22, 2010

the air is fresh, there's plenty of parking, plenty of space to walk around

I'm personally not a fan of this "Eric".

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry
I'm interested to know OP's opinion on biotruths such as why most computer programmers are men.

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

gently caress eric

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT
Oct 14, 2016

A thinking, breathing house? You're mad!
I have had many other strange dreams in the days since I eschewed the outside world. In one, I was naked, riding the crest of a great wave that was also my own receding hairline moving slowly across the precious pale jewel of my cranium. In the foamy brine of my head-sea, dugongs with the faces of my many unrequited loves pelted me with soiled diapers printed with all of my favorite Manga and comic books. In the West, a horn sounded, except that it said "I'm walking here!" but in the voice of Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers fame.

What could these images mean?

Drunk & Ugly
Feb 10, 2003

GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR
HOUSEMEAT, start drinking and then you won't have these horrible "Eric" episodes because you won't dream. you might still have bodily fluid issues however

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

SENTIENT HOUSEMEAT posted:

I have had many other strange dreams in the days since I eschewed the outside world. In one, I was naked, riding the crest of a great wave that was also my own receding hairline moving slowly across the precious pale jewel of my cranium. In the foamy brine of my head-sea, dugongs with the faces of my many unrequited loves pelted me with soiled diapers printed with all of my favorite Manga and comic books. In the West, a horn sounded, except that it said "I'm walking here!" but in the voice of Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers fame.

What could these images mean?

lol

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CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen
Erics dead isn't he :(

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